CHAPTER 9
She arched her back like a lazy cat, stretching her hand out and touching Darius’s face. Everything seemed a little unreal to her. Here she was, lying in bed with this man, opening her heart to him and feeling more satisfied that she’d ever felt. All she could do was pray that this feeling would last.
Being with Darius calmed her, made her happier than she had been in years, and she couldn’t help wondering if she’d cheated herself all this time in an effort not to be hurt.
Mother was right, she thought, looking at Darius’s sleeping frame. I have to take a risk and live my life.
Now Celina was going to have to face another demon—forgiving her father. She sat up in bed, realizing that she hadn’t checked on Thomas. What if someone had called the house looking for her? The red numbers on the digital alarm clock read 7:30. Normally, she would be on her way to Columbia. She rose quietly, trying not to wake Darius, but she did anyway. He sat up and looked over at Celina, who was dressing at the foot of the bed.
“Good morning, sunshine,” he said, then climbed out of bed, walking up behind her, circling her waist with his strong arms. “I know you weren’t going to leave without saying good morning or good-bye?”
“I didn’t want to wake you, but I have to get moving. My father may be released from the hospital today.”
Darius dropped his arms from around her waist. “You’re driving up there this morning?” Celina nodded as she slipped into her dress.
Darius clasped his hands together and looked at her. “You know,” he said. “I don’t like you driving all that way alone. And you come back so late sometimes. Why don’t I go with you?”
She shook her head. “That’s not necessary. I’m a big girl, Darius. And you have your own responsibilities here.”
He cocked his head to the side and looked at her. “I know that. But these trips have to be hard for you. Celina, you don’t have to go through this alone because I’m here for you.”
She didn’t want to grow dependant on Darius and though she would have loved to have someone to talk to about what was going on with her father, she didn’t think he would be able to tear himself away from his business long enough. “Darius, I really don’t need you to go with me,” she said.
“I don’t care, I’m going with you. So you might as well get yourself together and meet me at the car,” he said. “I’m not taking ‘no’ for an answer.”
“Whatever,” she said, flinging her hair back.
“I’ll be ready in fifteen minutes,” he said as he walked Celina to the door.
She turned around and looked at Darius. This man was determined and all she could do was roll with it. The look in his eyes told her that he wouldn’t easily be deterred.
“Fine, I’ll see you in a little bit,” she said as she walked out the door. As Celina strode across to her father’s house, she couldn’t help but smile. Darius had entered her life and made one of the hardest times in her life much easier to handle and, he’d opened her heart to something she never thought she would feel—love. Celina had thought she loved Terrick. That’s why she’d accepted his engagement ring, but he didn’t fill her with the excitement that Darius did. He didn’t make her feel secure, safe, and alive. Terrick couldn’t make her body come alive with sensual sensations the way Darius did. He was a great friend and nice guy, but he didn’t set her soul on fire. Darius McRae did that with just the sound of his voice. Celina wondered if this feeling would last and she silently prayed that it would as she ran into the bathroom and took a quick shower. As she stepped out of the shower and wrapped herself in a towel, there was a knock at the door.
“Darius, is that you?” she called out as she dashed to the front door and pulled the curtain back. Celina turned and looked at the clock on the wall. It had been fifteen minutes since she left him. Celina opened the front door. “Sorry, I’m running a little behind.”
Darius smiled approvingly at the towel she covered herself with. “That’s okay, I’ll wait. Want some coffee or something to eat before we go?”
Celina shook her head. “I can pick up something at the hospital, but if you want some coffee, help yourself,” she said as she led him into the kitchen. Celina pointed to the antiquated coffeemaker on the edge of the breakfast bar. “Dad has some Sanka in the cabinet. I have to get dressed,” she said, then disappeared down the hall. Celina listened as the cabinets slammed, indicating that Darius was about to brew some coffee. She quickly dressed in a pair of black and white yoga pants and a matching tank top. She tied the black jacket around her waist, then slipped on a pair of black thong sandals. When she walked into the kitchen, Darius was fumbling with the coffeemaker.
“How long has your father had this thing?” Darius asked.
“It’s been here since I was a child,” she said with a laugh. Celina walked over to him. “Let me help you with that.” She removed the ceramic coffee carafe from the bottom of the coffeemaker and filled it with water from the faucet, opened the back of the machine, and poured the water in. Then she removed the filter basket and poured coffee grinds in the filter.
“We have a sale on coffeemakers at the store,” Darius said. “I’ll even give you one. It shouldn’t take all of this to make a cup of coffee.”
“It’s not so bad,” she said as the coffee began to percolate. Celina reached into the cabinet above her head and pulled out two ivory mugs. “Sometimes old things are just fine. This coffeemaker reminds me of Sunday mornings, rushing off to church, and my parents being together.”
Darius walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. “But it never hurts to try something new,” he whispered against her ear. “Look at us. You were so adamant about not even giving me the time of day unless it was on your terms. Now we’re making new memories with your old coffeemaker.”
Celina sighed. “Darius,” she said as his lips brushed against her neck, “don’t start something that we can’t finish. We have to go.”
“I know,” he said. “But I want to hear you say it again.”
Celina whirled around and locked eyes with him. “Hear what?” she asked. Darius stroked her hair and smiled. She grabbed his hand. “What is it that you want to hear?”
“You saying that you’re falling in love with me,” he said.
She exhaled loudly. Did he not understand that she needed to get to the hospital? Why was it so important for him to hear her say again that she was falling for him?
“Come on, Darius, we have to go,” she said.
“All right,” he said, “but don’t go changing your mind on me between here and Columbia.”
“I’m falling for you, Darius McRae, faster and harder than I’ve ever fell for anyone,” she said unabashedly. Celina stood on her tiptoes and kissed Darius firmly on the lips. “Can we go now?”
Satisfied, Darius nodded and the couple headed out the door. Darius walked over to the driver’s side and stopped Celina from opening the door. “Why don’t you let me drive?” he suggested as he slid the keys from her hand.
“And I thought chivalry was dead,” she said as she gave up the keys and walked over to the passenger side of the car. Darius smiled as he released the electric locks and watched Celina get into the car and cross her legs at the ankles.
When he eased into the car, it was her turn to stare, taking note of how Darius moved like fluid, smooth and cool. Even the way he switched the car on was slick, like a TV detective—or maybe it was the rose-colored tint through which she saw him. Darius had come into her life and carved a space in her heart—something that she’d never expected to happen.
Celina didn’t know that love could feel good like this; she didn’t realize the splendor of it all. All she’d seen and imagined was the pain that her father had caused her mother all those years ago.
Darius and Celina rode to the hospital in silence because she fell asleep. He glanced at her as she dozed off while he headed down the interstate, knowing that he was right and she needed him to travel with her. He reached out and gently stroked her thigh, careful not to wake her up because she needed her rest. Darius wanted to protect Celina at all costs, not wanting her ever to be hurt by anything. If he could have found a cure for her father’s cancer, he would have. He wondered if Thomas was getting any better and how Celina was really dealing with all of this. From the short time that he’d known her, he knew that she was good at bottling things inside. Darius admired Celina’s strength and the fact that she could do for herself, but allowed him to reach out to help her as well. She was the perfect blend of independence and sass tempered with a little bit of southern belle innocence.
In short, she was perfect. Everything that Darius had ever wanted or hoped to find in a woman. He smiled as thoughts of the wedding march and Celina dressed in a white gown danced in his mind. The last woman who made him think about marriage was Renita. But it was her thirst for other men that killed his dream of making her his wife. Celina wasn’t like that. Darius knew she just needed one man to love her and he was going to be the one to do it.
He thought about Celina’s life in New York. As beautiful as she was, was she really single in the Big Apple? Women like her didn’t come around often and some man was a fool to let her roam the city alone.
But what if she wasn’t alone? What if she had a boyfriend in New York waiting for her to return from Paris?
Celina sat up and looked over at Darius. “Are we there yet?”
Darius smiled as he turned off at the exit marked for the medical center. “I can imagine how you were as a kid in the car,” he said.
Celina rolled her eyes. “You drive like an old man,” she said, running her tongue over her lips. “I would have been there by now.”
“Woman, you wound me. Just because I don’t drive like a bat out of hell doesn’t mean I drive like an old man,” Darius replied as he turned onto the street from the exit ramp.
Celina chuckled. “Yes, it does,” she said as she slid her petite feet into her thong sandals. She wiggled her golden toes, causing Darius to nearly run a stop sign as he fantasized about taking each toe into his mouth, sucking them as if they were imported chocolate. The car jerked forward as Darius slammed on the brakes. Celina placed her hand on the dashboard, bracing herself.
“All right, I apologize,” Celina said. “You don’t drive like an old man.”
“Sorry,” Darius said. “I got a little distracted.”
Celina raised her eyebrow at him. Darius shrugged his shoulders, not wanting to let her know what distracted him. Celina gave Darius directions to the medical center. He muttered under his breath as cars haphazardly entered traffic, cutting him off.
“Road rage?” Celina ribbed.
“Everybody in Columbia can’t be in this much of a hurry,” he said, as he moved into the left lane so that he could turn into the medical center’s entrance.
Celina shrugged her shoulders. “Everyone doesn’t drive like they’re in Elmore,” she said with a smile.
Darius looked at her as he pulled the car into a parking spot. “I bet you drive like a maniac in New York.”
“Actually, I prefer the subway,” she said as she opened the door and stepped out of the car. “It’s safer and cheaper.”
Darius watched Celina as she got out of the car. She stretched her arms above her head, exposing a small sliver of flesh, sending sparks of arousal though Darius’s body. He looked away quickly. He hadn’t come to the hospital to lust after Celina; he was there to support her as she checked in on her father. After all, the man was sick, near death. But he couldn’t help thinking about the time they had spent in his bed and watching her wrap a sheet around her lean body, hiding the breasts that he loved and the thighs that he wanted to be between.
Darius walked over to Celina and linked his arm with hers, wanting everyone to know that she was his woman and his heart was hers.
Celina felt so comfortable with Darius that it frightened her, because she could see herself growing to depend on him more and more. But love wasn’t about dependence and she knew that he was merely offering his support to her because he cared. Still, the prickly voices in the back of her head questioned whether this feeling would last. Don’t get too comfortable, because your home is in New York.
She leaned against him as they rode the elevator up to the fifth floor where her father’s room was, doing her best to ignore the negative thoughts as the doors to the elevator opened and they stepped off, heading down the hall for room 537.
Boisterous laughter poured from the room—a sound that Celina had never heard before. Her father, she surmised, had probably charmed a few nurses. She slowly pushed the door open. “Mom?” she exclaimed when she saw Rena sitting at the foot of Thomas’s bed.
Rena stood up, hugged her daughter, and then smiled approvingly at Darius. Celina knew her mother had recalled their conversation from a few days ago and put two and two together.
“Is this little Darius McRae?” Rena asked. “You certainly aren’t little anymore.”
“No ma’am,” he said as they hugged.
Celina looked from her father to her mother. She hadn’t seen the two of them looking that happy at the same time since she was a child. Celina walked over to her father, who looked a lot healthier than he had when she brought him to the center.
“How are you feeling?” she asked as she kissed him on the forehead.
Thomas nodded. “Better, much better.” His gaze fell on Rena, who was catching up with Darius. Celina followed Thomas’s gaze. Part of her—the child that never grew up—was happy to see her parents together again. But why couldn’t things have been like this before? Maybe they never would’ve divorced. Then again, it took cancer for Thomas to curb his cheating ways.
“Mom, what are you doing here?” Celina asked, wondering how John felt about her rushing to her exhusband’s side.
“I came to check on you and your father. Is that a problem?” Rena raised her eyebrow.
“Not at all,” she said, knowing that it wasn’t the time to question her mother.
“John is at the hotel. I thought you could use a break and John and I decided to come and help you with Thomas,” she said. “But, Mr. Hart looks as if he is going to be just fine.” Rena walked over to Thomas and ran her hand over his forehead. Thomas looked as happy as a little boy in a candy store.
“Mom, can we talk outside?” Celina said, wanting to understand how her mother could be so civil to the man who crushed her heart.
Celina shook her head slightly as she and her mother walked outside and a few feet away from Thomas’s door.
“What’s wrong?” Rena asked.
“I don’t get this, Mom. You and Daddy divorced, but here you are. You don’t owe him anything and I’m sure that John can’t be too happy about you dropping everything to come down here.”
Rena reached out and stroked Celina’s hair. “Child, your father and I will always have one connection and that’s you. I never wanted Thomas to suffer. John and I prayed about our decision to come here and we felt as if this was the right thing to do. It doesn’t change how I feel about John. And speaking of feelings, you and little Darius look pretty cozy together. Was he the man you were talking about on the phone a few days ago?”
“What?” Celina said, though she couldn’t deny it—she was glowing and it was all because of Darius.
“He’s handsome, well-mannered. I remember how you two used to run around the neighborhood together. This is cute,” she said.
Celina smiled as her mother took her down memory lane.
Celina and Darius had been about seven years old and they ran into the house because Rena had been baking cookies and they smelled it from the backyard.
“Ma! Are those chocolate chip cookies?” Celina said, as she burst through the door.
“Is that how you ask for cookies?” Rena had said. “If you and Darius want to have some cookies, go wash your hands and have a seat at the table. You know, one day, you two are going to be baking cookies for your children.”
Celina and Darius looked at each other and stuck their tongues out. “No way,” they said in unison.
Rena knew what the smile on her daughter’s face meant and she couldn’t have been happier about it. “I’m glad Darius has opened your eyes to the wonders of love.”
Celina relaxed her shoulders and leaned against the wall. “Is that why you’re here? Because you still love Daddy?”
“Yes, and because I love you. Celina, you shouldn’t have been going through this alone. I should’ve been here sooner. It’s a good thing that you have Darius.”
Celina nodded. Darius was a special blessing that she hadn’t expected. He’d opened his arms to her and provided her with a shoulder to lean on. “Let’s go back inside before they realize that we’re talking about them,” Celina said.
When Celina and Rena walked into the hospital room, Thomas was sitting up in bed and Darius was pouring him a cup of water. Darius smiled at Celina as she walked in. “Is everything all right?” Celina asked.
Thomas nodded. “What about with you two?” he asked as he focused his gaze on his former wife. Rena walked over to Thomas and placed her hand on his shoulder.
“We’re fine. And I’m going to leave you in the capable hands of our daughter.” Rena bent over Thomas and kissed his cheek tenderly.
Thomas clutched Rena’s hand. “Thank you,” he said, his eyes glossing over with unshed tears of gratitude. “I’m really glad you came here.”
Rena patted the back of Thomas’s bony hand and Celina’s heart swelled because in that moment, she had her family back together. Then she began to wonder why they lost it all to begin with. If her parents still loved each other, why couldn’t they make it work? Was that just the way love went?
Darius walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her, bringing his lips close to her ear. “Are you OK?”
Celina turned around, thinking that she didn’t want love to turn into pain and she didn’t want to be hurt the way her mother had been by her father. How could she be sure that Darius wouldn’t break her heart?
“Can you give me and my dad a minute?” she asked. “I need to talk to him in private.”
Darius nodded and turned toward the door. “Can I get either of you something from the vending machines?”
“Nah, son, we’re fine,” Thomas said.
“When are you coming home, Daddy?” Celina asked when they were alone.
“Tomorrow, I hope,” he said as he made himself comfortable in the bed. “I have a few more tests to go through.”
Celina sat on the edge beside him, noticing that her father wasn’t coughing nearly as much as he had been. She wrapped her arms around herself and focused her stare on her father. “That sounds good,” she said. “You still love her, don’t you?”
Thomas smiled despite himself. “I never stopped loving your mother,” he said. “She is and will always be my first love.”
“Then what happened?” she asked. “If you still love her, why didn’t things work out for you two?”
Thomas shrugged his shoulders. This conversation was long overdue. He had always known that he’d have to answer for what happened between him and Rena. “Celina, I made mistakes. I won’t deny that,” Thomas said.
“But why? Why couldn’t you love us enough to keep our family together? I’ve struggled with this for years. I wanted to believe you loved me, but it’s been hard,” she said, her eyes sparkling with years of tears.
Thomas’s heart hurt as he looked at the pained look in his daughter’s eyes. “Maybe it was my ego, but I never thought your mother would leave. Celina, your mother and I were very young when we got married. I still had a lot of growing up to do. By the time I became a man, your mother was long gone. In Chicago, the first time I came to visit, I knew I was going to bring my family home.”
Celina nodded as she recalled the visit. She and Rena had been living in a modest two-bedroom apartment on the south side of Chicago. Until she and her mother had moved into that apartment, Celina had never seen a roach unless it was on the Discovery Channel. Celina had hated that apartment and she thought her father had come to take them back to Elmore when he showed up on their doorstep. Immediately, she went into her room and started packing. Then Thomas had walked in and beckoned her to sit on the bed. When he told her that she wouldn’t be returning with him, her heart had broken into a thousand pieces.
“Rena was making a good life for you and for herself. She had that job at the art gallery,” Thomas paused and looked at Celina. He searched her face for understanding, but her expression was blank. He cleared his throat and continued talking. “That day, when I saw you and your mother, I knew you didn’t need me. So, I checked out of your lives. Rena asked me to stay in Chicago, thinking that a fresh start away from Elmore would fix everything that had gone wrong between us, but I was too afraid to start over. I had a good thing at home and I wasn’t about to give that up. Everybody knew my name, I had steady work and Chicago was just too big. I knew I couldn’t be what you and your mother needed. I couldn’t step up and be that husband and father that you and Rena needed. I thought I was doing the right thing.”
“The right thing?” she said. “Daddy, I needed you.” Celina blinked rapidly to hold back the tears that threatened to fall.
“And I’m sorry I wasn’t there, but when I saw how well you and Rena were doing without me—” He stopped talking and looked out the window, then said. “Celina, I made your mother cry so many nights. But that day, she looked so beautiful and so happy. I knew I wasn’t going to make her that happy because I was jealous of her. Your mother had the strength to get out of Elmore and I never could. I loved you and your mother so much, I just had to let you go.”
Celina knew what her father said should have made sense, but it didn’t. When he let Rena go it was as if he let her go, too. And if he loved her mother so much, wasn’t he supposed to fight for her and make things work?
“How can you say you loved us? Daddy, you abandoned us. You let your ego keep you from your family. That’s inexcusable and I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive you.”
Thomas turned away from Celina. “I don’t expect you to understand or even forgive me,” he said. “But I want you to know, that boy loves you.”
“What?” Celina said, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.
Thomas smiled and stroked his daughter’s hand. “Darius McRae loves you. I can see it in his eyes and I know he isn’t going to run like I did. He’s a better man than I was.”
Celina looked away from her father and stared out the window, wondering if Darius’s love was fleeting or if he was there to stay. Was she ready to risk her heart and find out?