CHAPTER 11
The sky began to change colors, fading from powder blue to burnt orange, then a faint purple. A lone star dotted the sky as the sun began to descend. A soft breeze blew across the lake, causing the tranquil water to ripple slightly. Celina pushed her hair back off her forehead and looked up at Darius as he leaned on the trunk of a nine-foot oak tree on the bank of Lake Elmore.
“Move your arm a little to the left,” she ordered as she continued to sketch Darius’s image. Celina tried not to focus on his crotch, but his semi erect penis seemed to point directly at her. Celina swallowed hard as she forced herself to focus on his face.
“How much longer?” he asked. “It’s starting to get cool over here.”
“Not from where I’m sitting,” she mumbled. “Just a few more minutes.”
Darius tried to hold his pose and a straight face, but he broke out into a smile.
“Please, please don’t smile,” Celina said.
Darius tried not to smile, but he broke out laughing.
Celina dropped her sketch pad and glared at him. “You’re not a good model.”
Darius walked over to Celina, standing in front of her. “Really?”
She slowly stood up, pressing her hand against his chest. “That’s right, because good models do as they’re told,” she said. “I guess I’ll have to finish this from memory.”
Darius reached around Celina’s neck and unclasped her halter top. “Well, let me give you something else to memorize,” he whispered against her ear, then pressed her body against his as her breasts spilled from the flimsy shirt.
She started to protest, because they were out in public and anyone could walk by and see them, not to mention the animals that she was sure they’d scared away. But when Darius assaulted her neck with the sweetest kisses, all her reservations flew away with a group of ducks that had floated into the air. She melted against him as his tongue brushed across her neck. Then Darius scooped Celina into his arms, gently laying her back on the plaid blanket that they had spread on the ground earlier. He straddled her body, his fingers dancing around the waistband of her denim cutoffs before he peeled her clothes from her body, kissing each piece of skin he revealed.
Celina’s body writhed under the touch of his hands, the lick of his tongue, and his gentle biting. Though Darius’s hot erection pressed against her thighs, he didn’t glide into her body right away, which she desperately wanted him to do. Instead, he continued teasing her body with his hot kisses. As a cool breeze blew over their bodies, Celina shuddered, every nerve in her body standing on end. With her senses stimulated, all Darius needed to do was kiss her on her neck to bring her to a near climax. She gripped the back of his head as he suckled her breasts, tickling her nipple with his tongue. Arching her back, she pressed herself into his mouth, wanting and needing more of his lips, tongue, and teeth.
Darius wrapped his hands around her back, giving her more of what she’d been silently begging for. Celina sat up, breaking off her kiss with Darius, and looked into his eyes, which were clouded with love, lust, and desire. For a second she wanted to stop and run away because the feelings were too intense. Darius wasn’t having that, though. It was as if he sensed her apprehension when he leaned in and said, “I need you.”
Her chest heaved up and down as Darius molded her against him. She wrapped her legs around his waist, inching closer to his erection. He reached into the discarded canvas bag behind them and pulled out a condom package. Darius slid the protection across his erect penis in one quick motion. Celina’s breath caught in her chest as she felt Darius throbbing against her thighs and her body quivered with anticipation and fear. Being next to Darius ignited so many emotions in her. Her body ached for his kisses, his touch, and the feeling of him inside her. Her heart yearned for his love, his warmth, and his tenderness. Celina still wasn’t certain that she could give Darius everything he wanted or the love he deserved. She was still afraid of the hurt that she knew love caused. Seeing the change in her, he slowed his sensual assault on her body.
“What’s wrong?” Darius asked, cupping her face, forcing her to look into his eyes. Celina tried to silence Darius by kissing him, but Darius turned away. “Talk to me,” he said. “If you don’t want to do this or . . .”
“Nothing’s wrong,” she said, attempting to look away. But he held her face between his hands, not giving her a chance to turn away.
“I know you’re holding back,” he said. “I just don’t understand why.” He ran his index finger down the side of her arm. “You don’t have to hold back from me.”
“I’m not doing that,” she replied unconvincingly.
Darius clutched her round bottom and pulled her closer to him. “Celina, I want more than your body. Why don’t you let me in here,” he said, pointing his finger to her chest. “This is what I want more than anything else.”
Celina felt even more exposed and naked than ever with Darius lying on top of her. He’d seen her body before, but in this moment, it felt as if he saw right though her soul. He seemed to see every part that she’d tried so desperately to hide from him.
She uttered the words, “I’m afraid,” as if she were a child stuck in a thunderstorm. “I don’t want to be hurt.”
Darius pressed his lips against hers, pecking her gently. “You don’t have to worry, Celina. I’ll never hurt you.” He moved his mouth across hers, tracing her lips with his tongue. Celina closed her eyes, shutting out the voices of doubt in her head. Darius felt her body relax.
“Make love to me,” she moaned. Darius was more than happy to oblige her request, reaching down and spreading her legs apart. Following a bead of sweat down her flat stomach, Darius’s tongue traveled down her body, causing her heightened senses to stand even further on end. When he slipped his hand between her thighs, her legs shook almost violently as he peeled apart the folds of wet skin hiding her tender bud. Then he pulled his finger out of her and sampled her womanly juice.
“You taste so good,” he whispered as he pulled her against his erection.
Celina was rendered speechless as Darius took control of her body. She clutched his shoulders and moaned his name as he took her to the heights of passion. The way he moved against her, stroking her body in all of the right places, she was sure he was a student of the Kama Sutra. As he dove deeper into her core, Celina pressed her hips into his, offering him more of her body, despite the fact that she was near climax.
He went in for the kill as he leaned in and planted a sensual kiss on her neck. She melted against him, climaxing powerfully. Darius had branded her his and, as much as it excited her, Celina was still frightened by the prospect of falling deeper in love with him. Every day wouldn’t be like this, every day wouldn’t be just pleasure and bliss. When would he tire of her and walk away?
Ignoring her negative thoughts, she rolled her hips into his. “Darius,” she moaned before burying her mouth in his neck.
Now it was Darius’s turn to explode as her tongue danced across his neck. Just as he knew her body, Celina also knew his. Her tongue found every crease and crevice to drive him wild. Their bodies were in sync, but would their hearts ever be? Celina tried to push those thoughts out of her mind as they began to climax. Darius pulled the blanket around their naked bodies, using the edge of it to wipe the sweat from their faces. He drew the shape of a heart in the moisture that had collected above her breast.
Celina laughed at the gesture. “What is that? You giving me your heart?”
“Yes,” he replied seriously. “Can you return the favor?”
Celina rolled out of his embrace and picked up her discarded clothes. That was a question she wasn’t ready to answer. “It’s time for us to go,” she said, kicking out of the blanket.
Darius stood up and pulled on his shorts, then turned his stare toward Celina. “It’s time for us to stop playing this game. This stopped being about sex a long time ago.”
“Darius . . .”
He threw his hand up stopping her from finishing. “Let me be totally honest with you. I never wanted this to happen. I didn’t mean to fall in love with you, but how could I not? You’re everything I’ve ever wanted and all the things I didn’t know I needed.”
“How can you be sure?” she asked. “People fall in and out of love like the weather changes. I may be what you want now, but what happens tomorrow or when I return to New York?”
“I love you, distance isn’t going to matter. I know you have your issues with relationships because of what you saw your father put your mother through, but I’m not him.”
She turned her back to him and Darius grabbed her by the shoulder forcing her to face him. “I don’t play fair and I don’t give up on something that I want,” he said. “Your attitude about love may have pushed a lesser man away, but Celina Hart, mark my words, you will be mine.”
I already am, she thought as she looked at him without saying a word.
As Celina dressed, Darius struggled with his desire for her. Just the way she pulled her shorts up over her hips and reached around to tie her halter top turned him on like a light switch.
Darius stood in front of her and pulled her into his arms. His heart was beating in overdrive. When Celina was that close to him, his body lit up like a firecracker. Every nerve stood on end. He somehow found the voice to say, “Celina, you and I will be together, all the way. I just have to make you believe that you can love me without being hurt or afraid.” Darius stroked her bare back. She fell silent. “Baby,” he whispered. “Talk to me. What’s on your mind?”
“We need to get cleaned up,” she said, pulling away from him.
Darius shook his head, he could feel his temper beginning to flare. She was hot and cold, holding back her true emotions from him and it was grating on his nerves. What more could he do to show Celina that he loved her and wanted to protect her from all harm? Hadn’t he shown her that he was someone she could depend on? Someone who loved her? Celina stared at him, seemingly reading his mind.
“Darius, I need some time,” she said. “This is really new to me and I don’t know how I’m supposed to respond and react.”
Darius sighed. He wanted to know how much time she was going to need and what was going to happen when she returned to New York. The lyrics of Bonnie Rait’s “I Can’t Make You Love Me,” began playing in his mind. Had he turned into Tiffany and many of the other women who had come into his life? They all pressed him to give them something he didn’t want to give. Was he doing the same thing with Celina? Maybe their connection was purely physical and she was only going to give him her body and nothing more.
“Fine,” Darius said, ignoring the questions running through his mind. He gathered their things and stalked to the car with Celina nearly running to keep up with him. Darius stopped short of the car then turned around and glared at her.
“Celina, I can’t do this. I love you so much it hurts, but you keep holding me at arm’s length as if I’m going to do something to break your heart. When you look at me it’s as if you don’t believe that I love you, and it’s breaking my heart.”
She walked over to him and stroked his face gently. “Darius, I don’t want to do that to you. But I’m . . .”
“Afraid, I know. You’ve said it over and over again. But have I given you a reason to feel that way? What more can I do?” he asked as he grabbed her hand and held it over his heart. “You feel that? This is yours, all you have to do is reach out and grab it.”
“But Darius, my life is in New York. My art and my . . .”
He silenced her by placing his finger to her lips. Darius stared into her eyes. “Your life can be anywhere you want it to be. You’ve said it yourself, you can find art anywhere. What’s wrong with here?”
“So, because you say you love me, I’m supposed to pack up and move here? What happens when you decide you don’t love me anymore?”
“Would you rather I packed up and moved to New York? Either way, here or there, I will never stop loving you,” he said.
Tears pooled in her eyes as he stared at her. Darius wanted to kiss her and never let her go. “Celina,” he said. “I need to hear you say it. I don’t want to waste your time or mine if you don’t feel for me what I feel for you.”
“Darius, don’t do this to me,” she said as she clutched her sketch pad to her chest.
“Do what? Love you? Ask you for answers that I deserve?” Darius pulled her into his arms and kissed her forehead. “Celina, if you need time, I’ll give you time. Just don’t expect me to wait forever and allow you to play with my heart because you think that’s what I’m going to do to you. In this time that you need, are you going to consider having a life with me? Or is this a smoke screen for you to push me away?”
Celina shook her head and laughed sarcastically. “You know, I didn’t come down here for you. My father is my priority and he needs me. This relationship is secondary and I can’t look beyond today until I know what’s going to happen with my dad.”
“And I would never take you away from that,” Darius said. “You’re here for your father and I’m here for you.”
“As long as I give you what you want, right?” Celina snapped. “Damn it, this was a mistake, you and I should’ve never hooked up and confused everything.”
“What’s confusing?” he asked, closing the short distance between them.
“The way I feel,” she said. “Yes, I’ve been holding back and trying hard not to love you, but every day you show me something new and I want to . . . We’d better go.”
Darius nodded and they got into the car. They rode in silence back to their houses. He didn’t know what to say or how he could say anything without sounding as if he was being overbearing. I’ve said enough, he thought as he pulled into her driveway. Celina has to decide what the next move will be.
She climbed out of the car without saying a word and Darius followed her lead. He started for his driveway, but stole one last glance at Celina as she walked up the front steps. She didn’t look back. Darius held his breath as he walked back to his house. What was he going to do, he wondered. What else could he do to show Celina that he loved her? Darius walked into his house and plopped down on the sofa. Thoughts of Celina clouded his mind until the telephone rang. What is it now, he wondered as he reached over and picked up the cordless phone from the charger on the oak end table. “What is it?” he asked when he picked up the phone.
“Darius,” Tiffany said. “This is getting ridiculous.”
“What’s ridiculous is you breaking windows at my store and burning my shed with thousands of dollars worth of azalea bushes in it. What’s ridiculous is you acting like a child and trying to prove a point.”
“I’m tired of the police questioning me every time something happens to you,” Tiffany snapped. “Why are you doing this to me?”
Darius slammed the phone down, unable to listen to another word from her. He knew she was going to try something else and the only way to stop her would be to catch her in the act. Walking over to the window, Darius stared helplessly into the night sky, watching the twinkling stars. Tiffany was a problem he didn’t want to deal with, but she needed to be handled. Why couldn’t the police find some sort of evidence that linked her to the vandalism and arson at his store? Nothing like this had ever happened in Elmore before. Darius was so deep in thought that he didn’t see Celina walk up his front steps. Her rapping at the door startled him. Darius opened the door, thinking it was Tiffany. When he saw Celina, he smiled.
“I want to talk to you,” she said. “Actually, I want you to just listen.”
Darius stepped aside and watched Celina walk in. She stood next to the sofa until Darius nodded for her to sit down.
“I do care about you,” she said without looking at him. “You have opened my eyes to what love can truly be, but I still can’t be sure that I’m ready for this. What I feel when I’m with you can’t last forever.”
Darius sat beside her, held her face in his hands, and brought her eyes to his. He could tell it was hard for Celina to open up to him. He stroked her hand as if he was telling her it was all right to tell him what was wrong.
She squeezed his hand and continued. “I have sabotaged every relationship that I have ever had.”
“Why?” Darius asked.
Celina twirled a strand of hair around her finger and looked at Darius. “Love hurts. I want to skip the pain,” she said in a voice barely above a whisper. “I know you say you would never hurt me and you love me, but what happens when that changes?”
Darius shook his head furiously. “Love doesn’t have to hurt. I’m not saying that we won’t have difficulties, but together we’ll get through them. I’ve watched my parents work through a lot during their marriage.”
Celina slipped her hand from underneath his. Then she stood up. “But what if we can’t do that?” she asked. “I didn’t have such great role models.”
He shook his head. How could a woman that beautiful, a woman whose paintings screamed love and showed that she obviously wanted love, say that she didn’t believe love would last? Darius knew Celina yearned to be loved, wanted to be touched tenderly, and it was up to him to show her that love was going to last. As passionate as she’d been every time they made love, he knew she wanted it and craved it just as much as he did. You need to let go of the fear of what your father did, he thought as he lost himself in her teary eyes.
“You’ll never know until you give yourself a chance to be loved,” he said, leaning into her. “And I’m talking about more than something physical.” Darius let her go.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“Celina, when we make love, it’s more than sex. Then when we’re done, you seem to retreat into this ‘I don’t want to be hurt’ mode. We couldn’t make love the way we do if we didn’t have more than lust holding us together. I know that you love me. You just don’t want to admit it.”
Celina walked toward the door. “What do you want from me?” she asked as she reached out for the doorknob. Darius stopped her from leaving, placing his hand on top of hers.
“The question is, what do you want to give me? You know where I stand and how I feel.”
She looked up at him, her black eyes reminding him of a young doe caught in the headlights. “I-I don’t know,” she said.
Darius leaned into her, his lips dangerously close to her ear. “I’ll tell you what I want from you,” he said. “I want you to open your heart and whatever is holding you back from loving me, let it go.” He took a step back from her. Darius reached around her and opened the door. “You can go if you want to.”
Celina raised her right eyebrow, then reached for the door. Instead of walking out, she closed the door and turned to Darius. “I don’t want to go,” she said. “I want to stay here with you.” Celina fell into Darius’s arms and he squeezed her tightly. She’d finally said what he’d needed to hear.