CHAPTER 20
Celina and Darius pulled into the Columbia city limits about 8 AM. Celina slept for most of the ride, but she would wake up abruptly scared by thoughts of Thomas dying. Darius would grab her knee and offer her words of encouragement, but she didn’t hear much of what he said because she was so focused on seeing her father.
Darius turned the car into the hospital’s parking lot and looked over at Celina as he put the car in park. Celina hopped out of the car before it fully stopped and bolted to the entrance of the hospital. Darius had to sprint behind her to catch up. Reaching her, he grabbed her shoulder, “Are you going to call your mother?” he asked.
She shook her head. “Not until I know what’s going on,” she said, then reached out to open the door. Suddenly she dropped her hand and sobbed.
“You’re not going to know until you go inside,” he said softly. “I’m with you.”
Celina squeezed his hand. “Why is this happening? I thought that he was getting better and I was going to be able to tell him how much I love him and how I understand why he and my mother got a divorce and that it didn’t have anything to do with his love for me. I wanted him to share in my life, I wanted to paint for him.” Tears spilled down her cheeks as she spoke. “If I walk in there and he’s gone, it’s going to remind me how much time I wasted being mad at him and now it might be too late to . . .”
“Shh, you can’t think like that when you don’t know what’s going on. Let’s go,” he said as he reached around her and opened the door. As they walked inside, she clung to him as if she hoped to draw strength from him.
They headed to the nurses’ station. “Excuse me,” Darius said, “We’are looking for Thomas Hart.”
“One moment,” the nurse replied as she typed Thomas’s name into the computer. She looked up at Celina and Darius. “Are you family?”
“Yes,” Celina replied. “I’m his daughter. Now where is he?”
The woman turned back to the computer. “He’s in the intensive care unit. Only family can go up there. Take the elevator to the fifth floor and turn right.” Celina was pressing the button on the elevator before the woman could finish giving her directions. Darius thanked the woman for her help, then walked into the elevator car with Celina.
“Breathe,” he whispered putting his arms around her shoulders. She threw her head back and licked her lips. Her throat felt as if it had been packed with cotton, like the top of an aspirin bottle. She swallowed hard, hoping the feeling would go away. Her nerves made her stomach bubble as if a million butterflies had been released in it. Darius stroked her back, sensing her discomfort. When the elevator pinged, signaling that they had reached their destination, Celina stepped off and looked for the intensive care unit. After finding it, she walked until she saw her father’s bed, covered with a plastic tent and tubes all over the place. The machines around his bed beeped, whizzed, and pushed out air. Thomas’s eyes were closed and he was so still that it didn’t seem as if he was alive. Celina’s knees buckled and Darius reached out to hold her up. Looking at her father’s ashen face, she knew that it was only a matter of time before he was gone forever, and there was so much that she wanted to say.
A doctor walked in and tapped Celina on the shoulder. “Ms. Hart?” he asked. Celina turned around and faced the man. “I’m Dr. Samuel Fisher. I’ve been taking care of your father.”
“H-how is he?” she stammered.
“Ms. Hart, we’ve done all that we can do for your father. His cancer has rapidly advanced. He can’t breathe without the respirator and he’s in a lot of pain.”
Celina waved her hands and shook her head. “No, but he was doing so much better,” she said. “The breathing treatments and all of his other treatments were supposed to be working.”
Dr. Fisher nodded. “They were working. However, with cancer cells, you can’t be too sure that anything is going to work forever. Without these machines, your father’s lungs aren’t functioning. His cancer never went into remission, so the threat of this happening was always a possibility.”
Celina looked at him. “We have to do something,” she said, as tears streamed down her face.
The doctor stroked Celina’s arm. “I’m sorry to say that we’ve done all that we can. He wanted us to keep him on the machines until his family could get here,” Dr. Fisher said solemnly. “Your father wants to be removed from the ventilator.”
Celina shook her head furiously. “No, I don’t want my father taken off the machine. Where is Dr. Russell? He can help my father.”
“Ms. Hart, I’m sorry. He has a living will and we have to follow his wishes.”
More tears fell from her eyes as she looked down at her father. “Can I touch him?” she asked. The doctor nodded. Celina stuck her hand through the plastic and felt her father’s skin. He felt so cold and clammy. Thomas opened his eyes and looked at Celina. When he smiled it looked as if his lips cracked.
“Oh, Daddy,” she said. “I can’t lose you, not now. I love you so much.”
Thomas blinked his eyes rapidly. “Daddy, we lost so much time together. But these last few months have been just what we needed. I’m glad we got a chance to know each other again. I know you loved me and I want you to know that I love you, too.” Celina leaned in and kissed Thomas on the forehead.
He closed his eyes and the machines went wild. Alarms began blaring and lights started flashing. Celina backed away, holding back a loud sob. “Wh-what’s going on?”
The doctor rushed to Thomas’s side. “Ms. Hart, I need you to step outside,” he said as three nurses and two doctors stormed into the ICU.
Slowly, she backed to the door, watching the doctors rip away the plastic tent. They started chest compressions. Darius walked up behind Celina as she backed into the hallway. “Celina,” he said. “What’s happening?”
“He’s gone,” she whispered as he pulled her into his arms. “It was like he was waiting for me to come home and now he’s gone.”
Darius stroked her hair as he held her. “I’ll call your mother,” he whispered.
Celina watched through the window as the doctors worked on Thomas, fighting to save his life. The scene reminded her of a bad hospital drama, only this was real. She pressed her hand against the window as one of the doctors looked at his watch. Celina knew that her father had slipped away. Backing away from the door, she irrationally hoped that if the doctor didn’t find her that she wouldn’t have to hear and believe that Thomas was gone.
The door opened quicker than her feet could move and the doctor made his way over to her. “Ms. Hart, I’m sorry.” He placed his hand on her shoulder.
Celina shook her head from side to side as if she were trying to block the words. “Please, no,” she whispered.
“We did all that we could,” he said.
Tears poured from Celina’s eyes like a rushing river and her knees threatened to sink from underneath her. She leaned against the wall, shaking, trembling, and shivering. The doctor waved for a nurse and Darius ran over to Celina.
“Baby,” he said as he put his arms around her. She passed out in his arms.
“Let’s get her into a bed,” the doctor said. “She’s in shock.”
Hours passed as Darius stood by Celina’s hospital bed. You have so much on you right now and I know you need a break, but you can’t leave me right now, he thought as he stroked her hand.
A nurse walked into the room. “Has she come to yet?”
Darius shook his head. “Is there anything you can give her?” he asked, his voice filled with worry and concern. “Is this normal?”
“The doctor wants to wait a few more minutes before we try anything. She just lost her father and that has to be quite a shock. She’s lucky to have some support. Her mother’s waiting outside. Do you want me to send her in?”
“Sure,” Darius said.
A few seconds later, Rena rushed through the door with John in tow. She flung herself into Darius’s arms. “What’s wrong with my baby?” she asked.
“She’s in shock. We thought Thomas was getting better and that’s the only reason she went back to New York for that gallery opening. She thought she had time and just finding out that she didn’t and losing him so suddenly was too much.”
Rena rubbed Darius’s back. “I’m glad that you’re here for her. Celina would never have gotten through this alone.”
John reached out and grabbed Celina’s hand. “She’s opening her eyes,” he said excitedly. “Celina, baby, can you hear me?”
She moaned softly. “Wh-where am I?” Celina said as she attempted to sit up in the bed. Darius rushed to her side. “Celina, you’re in the hospital, remember?” She began to cry as if the reason they were in the hospital came rushing back. Darius hugged and held her close to his chest as she sobbed. Rena sat on the side of the bed and stroked Celina’s back.
“I want to go home,” Celina said. “I have to get out of here.”
Darius helped Celina to her feet. “I’ll take you home,” he said.
Rena nodded. “Take her home and we’ll take care of any paperwork and arrangements that need to be made,” she said.
“Darius, take care of our girl,” John said as they left the room. Once they were in the hallway, Darius took note of her condition. She was an emotional wreck, with red puffy eyes and dried tear stains on her cheeks. Darius didn’t know what to say to her. He didn’t know how to comfort her because he’d never lost anyone close to him before.
“Do you want something to eat?” he asked. Celina shook her head. They walked out of the hospital and got into the rental car. Celina snapped her seat belt in place and stared out of the window listlessly. Darius drove slowly out of the parking lot. He wondered if he should have taken her out of the hospital. Did Celina need to go home to her father’s house today? He glanced at her as he made his way to the interstate junction.
“Celina, are you sure you want to go home?” he asked.
“I have to,” she said. Her voice was weak. “I have to start making plans for him.”
“Your mother can help you with that. You don’t have to do this alone,” he said.
Celina kept her head turned toward the window, pressing her hand against the glass and falling silent.
“I should’ve been here. Been by his side every minute. That’s why he wanted me to come home. I should’ve taken him to the hospital, not Ms. Velma,” she said. “Was this my way of paying him back for what happened twenty years ago? How could I have been so selfish?” Celina slammed her hand against the window. “That show in New York could’ve waited.”
“Celina, you can’t beat yourself up about this. You didn’t do anything wrong. You couldn’t have known that your father was going to die tonight. What would’ve been different if you’d been here?”
She turned and looked at him. “That’s just it, I would’ve been here. He would’ve had my arms around him. He wouldn’t have been surrounded by strangers.”
Darius took her hand in his. “Celina, you and your father made peace with each other and that’s all that matters. He made you understand what happened those many years ago and you got a chance to forgive him.”
“Did I?” she asked as she took her hand from underneath his. “Maybe that’s why I left. I knew my dad didn’t have a cold. No matter how well he seemed to be doing, I knew there was no cure for cancer. I knew he could’ve relapsed, but the first thing I did was hop on an airplane and go to New York for a stupid show.”
“Celina, your father seemed as if he was doing well. You can’t blame yourself for what happened. You were here in the end and you were here when he called you,” he said.
Celina didn’t reply. She just leaned back in the seat and closed her eyes. Darius watched as tears fell from her eyes.
For the rest of the trip, Celina slept and wept, leaving Darius feeling helpless. He wanted to do something to help Celina, but what? When he pulled into Thomas’s driveway, he half expected his old friend to come to the door. Thomas would always wave to Darius as he cut the lawn. The two men didn’t talk much, but since he and Celina had started seeing each other, he saw a glimmer of respect in her father’s eyes anytime they saw one another. Darius wanted Thomas to be around and to watch him fall in love with his daughter. He wanted Thomas to give him his blessing to marry Celina if and when he asked her.
“Celina,” he said, as he tapped her on the shoulder. “We’re home.”
Sitting up, she sighed as she looked at the house. Her hand was poised to open the car door, but she didn’t.
“Are you sure you want to go inside?” he asked as he opened the door for her when he saw that she wasn’t going to.
Slowly, she emerged from the car, obviously not wanting to enter the house. Darius walked a few inches back from her. Celina turned around. “I want to be alone right now,” she said.
“No,” Darius said. “You don’t need to be alone. Celina, let me take care of you, okay?”
She ran her hand across her face and turned away from Darius. “I don’t want to argue with you, but I need to be alone. Please, just go away.”
“Celina, are you . . .”
She turned to him and yelled, “Just go, Darius! just leave.”
He backed down the steps. “Celina, if you need me, I’m right next door.” Darius headed to his house, keeping his eyes on Celina as she walked inside. He wanted to do something to help her through this tough time in her life, but if she didn’t want his help, there was nothing he could do. And that made his heart hurt like hell.