‘Did you bring my little girl?’ Mum asks as soon as I step into her room. Her face crumples when she sees I’m alone. ‘Oh, I do look forward to seeing her.’
‘Not today, Mum. I promise I’ll try to bring her next time.’ I won’t make a promise to her that I cannot keep.
‘What’s wrong with you?’ Mum asks. ‘Why are you so… funny?’
‘Funny?’
‘You know. Not right. I don’t know. You’re just not right, not right at all!’
‘Okay, Mum, please just calm down. I’m fine. Everything’s okay.’
There is some truth in this. It’s been days since Connor forced his way into my flat, yet I’m not afraid. Instead, his actions have spurred me on to take action of my own. And now there is a strange calmness flowing through me.
‘Tell me what you’ve been doing today,’ I say to Mum.
‘I tried to go to the bus stop across the road. But the door was locked. Again! Can you believe that? I won’t be staying in this place again, that’s for sure.’ She looks around at her clean, tidy room. ‘And look at it, it’s a mess. What kind of hotel is this? They don’t even have room service. I think I want my money back!’
‘Okay, Mum, let’s see what we can do. But how about we have a coffee first?’
I spend the next couple of hours focusing all my attention on Mum. I wish I could tell her that everything’s going to be okay, that soon enough she will be able to spend much more time with Kayla.
I feel guilty that I can’t stay longer today, but there’s something I have to do, and it can’t wait any longer.
It’s nearly five p.m. when I get home. Today has been a day of moving forward, making things happen, and I’m exhausted so, as soon as I’m inside, I check each room in my flat and then get ready for bed.
My buzzer goes just as I’m rummaging through the cupboards to find something to eat, and I rush to the door, hoping that it’s Jamie. There can’t be anyone else who would come here, and if it was Connor again then I’m sure he wouldn’t be ringing the buzzer.
Aiden’s is the last voice I’m expecting to hear. ‘Eve? I know it’s late but can we talk?’
Confused, I let him in and quickly change into jeans and a T-shirt before I open the door. ‘What’s happened? Is Kayla okay?’
‘She’s fine. I think we need to talk, though.’
He comes inside and makes his way to the living room. ‘This isn’t the kind of place I’d expect you to live,’ he says, taking in his surroundings.
‘I didn’t have much choice. Besides, it’s fine for just me.’
‘Kayla could never stay here,’ he says, more to himself than to me.
‘Is that what you’ve come here to say? Bit of a waste of your time, isn’t it? You and Nicole wanted me to stay away, which I’ve done, so why are you here now?’
‘Can I sit?’ he asks.
‘Does Nicole know you’re here?’
He shakes his head. ‘No. Not yet. I came straight from work. Anyway, she’s gone to her mum’s for a couple of days. She’s still not feeling well and needed to rest. Kayla’s with Amy, the childminder.’
He walks to the window and stares at the street outside, saying nothing.
‘What are you doing here, Aiden?’
Slowly he turns to face me. ‘I’m not sure. I’ve just spent so much time hating you that I think I’ve… lost sight of things.’
‘What things?’
‘Well, what’s best for Kayla I suppose. All this time I’ve felt that keeping you away from her is for the best but, well, now I’m not so sure.’ He stares at the floor now, clearly finding this all difficult to admit.
My heart begins to race. ‘Are you saying that I can see Kayla?’
‘Yes. No. I don’t know.’ He crosses to the sofa and sinks into it. ‘Nicole keeps telling me not to keep Kayla away from you. Maybe it’s finally sinking in.’ He looks up at me. ‘Can you just sit down or something? You’re making me uncomfortable hovering over me like that.’
I do as he asks, even though I don’t want to sit. I’m too sick with anxiety about how this will all pan out.
‘I know you took Kayla to see your mum,’ he says. ‘Oh, don’t look so surprised – Kayla talks nonstop, there’s no way she wouldn’t mention it.’
So this is the real reason Aiden is here. ‘I… I had to. It was my day to see Mum and I couldn’t miss it, but Nicole needed me to babysit.’
‘It’s okay, Eve. I know all that and I’m not angry. Nicole explained it to me. The way Kayla was talking about Jackie, it just really hit me. It’s not just you she’s missed out on, it’s your mum too.’
Even though I’m hearing these words, I can’t quite believe them. Is it possible that Mum has unwittingly forced Aiden to be reasonable? ‘I’m glad you see things this way now.’
He nods. ‘I wasn’t always there for you, though, was I? When we were together.’
Even though I don’t know where his question has come from, I assure him this isn’t true, that I never felt that way.
‘Look what happened with Jackie. I remember that you often worried about her, and I’d dismiss it, tell you it was nothing, that we all forget things sometimes. I’m… well, I’m sorry I didn’t listen. I was thinking about this earlier and imagining if it was my mum.’
‘It would have made little difference even if she’d seen a doctor sooner.’
Aiden shakes his head. ‘I shouldn’t have just brushed it off, though. Once I even told you that maybe the stress of not being able to have a baby was getting to you.’
He needs to be convinced that this wasn’t his fault. After all, it had been easy to tell myself that Aiden was right. Mum was fine. Of course she was. Because if she wasn’t then what did that say about my world? She was my anchor, and I hoped I was hers. Ultimately, I was the one who didn’t push hard enough for her to see the doctor.
‘I suppose, looking back, it’s clear there was something going on,’ Aiden continues. ‘I would have helped you both. I hope you know that.’ Then he is shaking his head again before burying it in his hands. ‘What did I do wrong, Eve?’
Still shocked at the turn our conversation has taken, I head over to him and kneel before him. ‘Nothing at all. It was all me, none of this had anything to do with you.’
He doesn’t seem to hear me. ‘I thought I was an okay husband. Nobody’s perfect, I know that, but I always tried to do what was right for you, and Kayla once she came along.’
Came along. It’s a terrible and inaccurate term, making the whole process of bringing life into this world seem effortless, when for so many people that’s not the case. In the end, though, I suppose Kayla did just come along.
Once again, I have to fight the pain in my body. What’s done can’t be undone.
‘You did everything you could,’ I say. Even though something has changed with Aiden, and he is offering me hope, I need to get him out of here. ‘Shall we talk on the phone to arrange some visitation?’ I say.
‘Yeah, let’s do that.’ He takes my cue and stands up. A frown appears on his face. ‘I have to say, you don’t look happy. I thought you’d be overjoyed.’
‘Of course I am, this is what I’ve wanted. Thank you, Aiden.’
But sometimes things come far too late.
It’s an hour later when the phone call comes – Aiden shouting down the line, his words so indecipherable that I have to ask him to slow down and tell me again what’s happened.
‘It’s Kayla! Someone’s taken her! She’s gone!’