Aiden’s in the kitchen on his laptop when I get home. It’s funny how I’ve come to think of it as my home over the past three months, even though it isn’t and never will be. He looks up and smiles. ‘Did you get everything you needed?’
‘Yes, I’ve got a bag in the hall.’
‘Great, that means you won’t have to go home for a while, then.’
‘We need to talk,’ I say, sitting down opposite him.
Aiden’s skin pales. ‘What’s happened? Is this about Kayla? Has Marianne said something?’
‘Do you remember when someone smashed my car windows? Months ago.’
He frowns. ‘Yeah, I told you Nicole did it.’
‘Did she? It wasn’t you?’
There’s a pause before he answers. ‘No. Absolutely no. Why would I have done that?’
‘To warn me off. You didn’t want me in Kayla’s life then, did you?’
There’s a long pause before he answers. ‘You’re right – I didn’t. But I’m telling you now, I didn’t do it.’
‘Okay,’ I say. ‘Maybe it was Nicole. That would make sense, wouldn’t it?’
Aiden shrugs. ‘Nothing would surprise me about her. Nothing at all.’
‘Do you want coffee?’ I ask. Aiden is lying to me and I need to find out why. There is no need now, we are in each other’s lives, fighting to find Kayla, so what reason would he have to keep the truth from me?
But he is not the only one lying. There could be a reason he has to, just like I have mine.
And I need to know what it is.
‘What are you doing this evening?’ I ask. I need to know I can trust Aiden, because finding Kayla depends on it.
‘I’ve just been checking in with Nicole’s friends on Facebook,’ Aiden replies. ‘They’re still so shocked by it all.’
‘I’m sure they are,’ I say. ‘This isn’t something the Nicole they knew would do.’
‘I’ll kill her when I get my hands on her,’ he says.
As I boil the kettle I watch Aiden, his head buried back in his laptop. Confusion clouds my mind. One minute he is smashing my car windows, the next he is bringing Kayla to my flat, arranging for us to spend time together.
I shudder at this thought and fight every urge I have to flee this place. Is he the one who’s been sending me emails? Breaking into my flat? I need answers, and the only way to get them is to be right here with Aiden.
‘I’ve had an idea,’ Aiden says. ‘Shall we go and see your mum tomorrow? I’ve taken the day off, and it would be nice to see her again after all this time.’
I hand him his coffee. ‘You know she won’t recognise you, though? That can be quite hard to deal with.’
‘Oh, I know. But maybe you can explain who I am? And she loves Kayla, doesn’t she? Even if she doesn’t remember who she is. Maybe she’ll just like me as a person and not even need to know I’m your husband.’
The word sends me cold. ‘She’ll love you,’ I say. ‘She always did.’
He smiles. ‘Jackie. What a character she was. It’s so sad.’
‘We’ll go and see her,’ I say. I raise my mug. ‘Do you mind if I take this to bed? I don’t know why but I’m absolutely shattered tonight.’
He taps something on his laptop. ‘Go ahead. I’ll just finish up here and won’t be far behind you.’
As I turn and walk away, I wonder how I’m going to spend another minute, let alone nights or weeks here.
‘Which room?’
I spin around. ‘What’s that?’
‘Which room will you be sleeping in?’ The look of hope in his eyes turns my stomach.
‘Do you mind if I sleep in the spare room tonight? I’m just feeling a bit… I think I might have a cold coming.’
He frowns. ‘Of course. Wherever you feel comfortable.’
‘Just tonight,’ I assure him, and as I head upstairs I pray that something will happen tomorrow to help me trust him.
In the morning Aiden brings me coffee and toast.
‘What’s this for?’ I ask, sliding myself up in bed.
‘You said you weren’t feeling well last night, so I wanted to do this for you. It’s not much, just some jam on toast. To be honest, I couldn’t sleep so I just got up. Keeping busy takes my mind off everything. Not that anything does really, but you know what I mean. I’ve already had three coffees.’
I have to remember this. Aiden is suffering too. I am not the only one who has lost Kayla. ‘Thanks,’ I say. ‘It’s kind of you.’
‘How are you feeling today anyway?’
‘Okay. I think the sleep helped. I’m all ready to visit Mum.’ And to find out why Aiden lied. I’m itching to search through his things, although that will have to wait until I’m alone in the house.
‘Who’s this?’ Mum asks when we arrive. I’d called ahead to ask the carers to let her know I’d be bringing someone, even though now it doesn’t seem there was much point.
Aiden steps forward and shakes her hand. ‘Hi Jackie, I’m Aiden.’ He waits for signs of recognition, but Mum only stares at him blankly.
‘That’s a nice name,’ she says. ‘Come in and have tea.’
‘A coffee would be lovely, thanks Jackie.’
Mum looks around the room. ‘I, um, I think I don’t—’
‘We can make it, Mum,’ I say, placing my hand on her shoulder. ‘Aiden, would you mind getting coffee from the residents’ lounge?’
Aiden agrees and when he’s left the room, I feel as though I can breathe again, albeit temporarily.
‘What a lovely man,’ Mum declares. ‘I knew you’d find someone special. You just need to settle down and start a family now. You’re still young enough. You don’t want to leave it too late though.’
‘We’re just friends,’ I say, safe in the knowledge that Aiden can’t hear. It’s better that I get this out of the way now, even though there’s every chance Mum will mention it again once he’s back.
‘Oh, that’s a shame,’ Mum says. ‘I do wish you’d find someone nice.’
I wish I could tell her about Jamie – how I had someone decent and didn’t value him. All I need is Kayla, though. Then Aiden’s lie won’t matter.
As if Mum can sense I’m thinking about my daughter, she asks about Kayla. ‘What a lovely little girl. Why doesn’t she come and see me any more?’
‘I’m afraid we’ve got some sad news.’ Aiden. Standing in the doorway, empty-handed. My heart almost stops; how long has he been standing there?
‘Oh dear. What sad news? Where is she?’
‘She’s gone missing,’ Aiden says. There are tears in his eyes, and I want to scream at him. If you love our daughter then why are you lying to me? This wasn’t the man I married. The man it tore my heart to shreds to walk away from.
Mum clamps her hand to her mouth. ‘That’s terrible! What happened?’
‘Well, my ex-girlfriend has taken her, and the police can’t find either of them. She could be… on the other side of the world by now.’
‘But I only saw her yesterday. We were right here doing a jigsaw.’
Aiden freezes. He’s not used to dealing with Mum’s dementia; he is wondering how it’s possible that Kayla was here yesterday.
‘She disappeared after you saw her,’ I say to Mum.
Aiden visibly relaxes, and I spend the next hour planning my next move while Aiden charms Mum. He should realise that it’s pointless; there’s little likelihood of Mum even remembering Aiden if we ever visit together again, let alone remembering anything he says.
On the drive home, Aiden announces that he has to pop into work for a while.
‘I thought you had the day off,’ I say.
‘I had an email when we were with Jackie, and there’s something I need to sort out. A client wants to change something in the plans I’ve already finalised. Typical! It won’t take long, though, to go through it with him. Will you be okay?’
‘Of course. I’ll just work on updating the missing posters and the website. I’m not giving up hope, Aiden. Ever. We’re going to find our little girl.’
With his eyes still fixed on the road, he reaches over and grabs my hand. ‘This is why I still love you.’
His words are almost a whisper, barely audible above the hum of the engine, but I hear them clearly enough and they shoot spasms of pain through my body. I should say something in reply, but nothing comes out.
‘Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t want to put any pressure on you, but I really do mean it. I thought I was over you, Eve, but I never really was.’
‘Neither was I,’ I say. ‘I just… blocked it all out. Kayla being taken made me realise, though, that it’s just me and you and our little girl. That’s all that’s important to me.’
‘So, this Jamie – it really is over then?’
‘Yes,’ I say, squeezing Aiden’s hand, while outside rain begins to splatter against the windscreen.
‘Are you sure you’ll be okay?’ Aiden asks. ‘I could try to get out of going to work. You just seem a bit… down.’
Maybe I haven’t been doing a good enough job of hiding my suspicion. ‘No, I’m fine, honestly. I just want Kayla back, that’s all.’
When we pull up at the house, I have to hold myself back from rushing inside. If I can just act normally then everything will be okay.
As I wave goodbye to him and step inside, sadness fills my heart. How can the man I once loved have become someone I cannot trust?
Inside, I watch Aiden drive off and I lock the front door. If he comes back for any reason I will say that I heard noises and got worried. Now I can search the house with no fear of him catching me.
There’s no need to check the kitchen; over the last three months I’ve come to know every inch of space in there, and there’s nothing that isn’t meant to be in a kitchen. There isn’t even a drawer for junk or papers, so Aiden must keep everything in the bedroom or the desk in the spare room. Although I’ve been sleeping in the spare room – other than the night before last – I don’t think Aiden would leave anything he didn’t want me to find under my nose. Come to think of it, he’s too smart to have anything in the house at all, especially as he has no problem leaving me here alone, so my search is probably futile.
In the bedroom, I open the wardrobe and find no evidence Nicole even lived here. None of her clothes hang from the rails, and all I can find that might be hers is a pink and grey checked wool scarf. Strange, given that I’d heard Aiden telling the police Nicole had hardly taken anything to her sister’s, therefore he’d expected her to come back and collect everything else.
I wasn’t always here when Kayla first went missing; Aiden preferred to deal with the police alone and it’s only now that it seems significant. Was it deliberate? If so, why?
By the time I’ve checked every room upstairs, including the bathroom, I’m certain that this house doesn’t hold any answers.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I pull it out, expecting it to be Aiden. It’s not though, it’s Maya.
Yesterday at Connor’s flat, when I showed him Aiden’s Facebook profile, I didn’t let on that he was my daughter’s father, the man I married, and neither Connor nor Maya would have realised. Maya only knows me as Eve Martin – my maiden name – so the surname Conway wouldn’t have meant anything to her. When they asked who he was, the lie slipped easily from my tongue – just a disgruntled ex. Nobody I had anything to do with any more. I don’t know if they believed me but they didn’t ask any questions. After determining who had smashed my car, they were too busy discussing Maya’s decision.
I send a reply immediately.
Within seconds, Maya has replied.
Reading this brings a smile to my face. They might both be young but it’s clear that they care deeply for one another. I send back three smiley faces and then it hits me.
There is someone who can help me. If they can only find a way to forgive me.