I’m not prepared for how I’ll feel when I see him standing in front of me, the questioning look on his face which only makes him more attractive. For a few seconds we both stare at each other until he breaks the silence. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘I’m so sorry, Jamie, but I had to come. I know you probably don’t want me inside your flat, so could we go somewhere to talk? It won’t take long, I promise.’
He shakes his head. ‘I said everything I had to say to you months ago, please don’t do this.’
‘No, you’ve got it all wrong. This isn’t about our relationship.’
Now the frown appears once more. ‘But there’s nothing else we’ve got to say to each other.’
Jamie’s leaving me no choice now – I’m going to have to tell him right here on his doorstep. ‘My daughter is missing. And I really think you could help me if you could just spare me five minutes?’
It takes a moment for what I’ve said to sink in. ‘Missing? That’s awful. What happened?’
‘Please, I’ll tell you everything but can we just go somewhere and talk.’
Jamie’s already patting his pockets and closing his door. ‘The pub round the corner shouldn’t be too busy. Come on.’
He won’t let me buy the drinks and insists on getting them himself. I’ve only ordered an orange juice, and it feels wrong to let him spend even that amount on me with the way things were left between us, and the way I was during our relationship.
He sits opposite me and sips his beer while he waits for me to tell him what happened to Kayla three months ago. I hold back nothing, including the part about practically moving in with Aiden, because he needs to know this.
Jamie listens silently until I’ve finished, and when he opens his mouth to speak I half expect him to tell me he wants nothing to do with this.
‘So wait, one minute he’s telling you he wants you to spend time with your daughter and the next he’s smashing your car windows. That doesn’t make sense.’
I nod. ‘I know. And then he denied that he’d done it. I don’t know what to think.’
‘This doesn’t feel right, Eve.’
‘That morning in Leicester Square, you never told me how you found out about me leaving Kayla those years ago. I need to know who told you. I need to know whether or not it was Aiden.’
Jamie’s answer comes without hesitation. ‘It wasn’t him.’
‘Then who?’
‘It was Nicole Richardson.’
Shock momentarily paralyses me. ‘You know Nicole?’
‘Yes… I mean no, not really – she just came to my flat one night and said she knew you and needed to talk to me about you. She said she had some information that I’d want to hear.’
‘You didn’t know her then? And you let her into your flat?’ This doesn’t sound like something Jamie would do. He’s too cautious, too sensible.
‘She had a photo on her phone – of you and a little girl – and said it was really important that she talked to me. Then she started crying and begging so I just… let her in.’ He stops and waits for me to say something.
I can’t be annoyed with him; I know how Nicole comes across. There’s nothing disturbing about her, so it’s understandable that Jamie wouldn’t have been nervous about letting her into his home. ‘Then what happened?’
He puts down his beer, and as he talks his eyes glance to the left. I remember reading somewhere that this is a sign of someone recalling a memory, a signal that they’re telling the truth. After everything that’s happened lately it feels as though I’ll never trust anyone again, but at least I can still believe in Jamie. ‘I got her some water,’ he is saying. ‘She just seemed so distraught. And then when she calmed down, she told me how you were married to her partner. Aiden. I knew she was telling the truth because you’d mentioned him before. She went on to tell me about Kayla, and as you can imagine, it was like a punch to my gut. I mean, I knew you were a bit of a closed book, but I had no idea your past was so…’
I look away. ‘I know, you don’t need to say it.’
‘She said you were trying to get Kayla back, and she convinced me that you wanted Aiden back as well. That you wanted to be a family again. She made out that you’d stop at nothing to make this happen.’
It’s all starting to make sense now. Jamie is a reasonable man; he would have heard me out and listened to my reasons for leaving, unless he believed I wanted to be with someone else, that our relationship really was dead. Sadness overwhelms me – Jamie should never have been hurt like this. ‘That wasn’t true at all,’ I tell him. ‘I promise you.’
He doesn’t respond. ‘I’m so sorry, Eve. If I’d have just told you when you asked me then maybe she wouldn’t have had a chance to take your daughter.’
‘It’s not your fault,’ I say. ‘She would have found a way.’
Jamie’s eyes widen. ‘I’ve just thought of something. If Aiden smashed up your car and then the next minute turned up at your place telling you he wanted to let you see your daughter, doesn’t that suggest he had something planned?’
‘What do you mean?’ But even as I ask this, I think I already know the answer.
‘Your daughter. What if he had no intention of letting you see her? What if he and Nicole arranged this whole thing?’
Hearing this, I am frozen. ‘No… it can’t be that.’
‘How can you be sure?’
‘I can’t. But I need evidence.’
‘Then get it,’ Jamie tells me. ‘I hope I’m wrong, but you need to at least find out for sure.’
‘I’m just going to keep an eye on him,’ I say. ‘If, by any chance, he knows where Kayla is then he’ll slip up. He’s bound to. If I keep pushing him and getting him to do things he’ll find hard when he knows Kayla isn’t really missing, then he’s bound to weaken. Lies can’t be sustained forever.’ This thought turns me cold. Sooner or later I will have to face my own.
‘But you need to be careful. If you have any feelings for him—’
‘I don’t! I never wanted him back. I only ever wanted my daughter back in my life.’
Jamie doesn’t look convinced. ‘You ended up practically living with him – can you understand how that looks?’
‘Yes, I can, but there’s nothing there. I did love him once, but we were over long before I walked out.’ Saying that out loud feels like I’ve been cleansed. I can finally admit what I’ve been unable to: that Aiden and I never stood a chance. ‘What reason would I have to lie to you about that now? Like I said, I’m not here to try and worm my way back into your life. I only want to find my daughter. Please, trust me, Jamie, like I have to trust you. There’s nobody else I can talk to about this.’
‘What about that friend who came to your flat that time?’ he asks. ‘The time you couldn’t wait to get me out the door.’
‘I’m sorry for that. Sophie was my closest friend before I left Kayla and Aiden. We taught at the same school.’
‘Did she know you were leaving?’
‘No. I didn’t tell a single person. I couldn’t. It was like I was sleepwalking through my life.’
‘Hmm. That would explain why she seemed so angry with you.’
I’m surprised that Jamie noticed this in the few minutes he was in Sophie’s presence. I haven’t given him enough credit for the perceptive and intelligent man that he is. Again, I’m filled with sadness that I couldn’t be enough for him.
‘I got back in touch with her to see if she could help me get in contact with Kayla. Understandably she wasn’t happy. I betrayed our friendship by leaving, and she also saw Aiden at his lowest. She and her partner Damien helped to pick up the pieces. I lost more than just my family when I left.’
‘Can you talk to her now?’ Jamie suggests. ‘If you were so close once, surely she’d believe you about what Aiden’s doing. Maybe she can help somehow?’
‘I don’t want to drag Sophie into this, it’s not fair on her. When this is over and Kayla is found, I hope Sophie and I will be able to have some sort of friendship. For now, though, I have to leave her alone.’ I won’t hold out too much hope of this friendship, though – maybe sometimes it’s just too late to go back.
In the midst of thinking about this, something occurs to me. ‘Hold on, I’ve had a thought. The one thing I know for sure about Aiden is that he loves Kayla. There’s no way, if you’re right about everything, that he wouldn’t have seen her these last three months. No way. Even if she’s with Nicole. It would devastate her to be away from him, and he wouldn’t put her though that. I know that for a fact.’
Jamie frowns. ‘Are you sure? It sounds like he can’t be trusted. He wouldn’t want the police finding out, so he probably wouldn’t risk seeing her. What he’s doing is a crime, and he won’t want to end up in prison.’
‘That’s just it – the police aren’t looking at him, or me. In the beginning they had to make sure we weren’t involved, but I know they don’t suspect either of us now. This gives Aiden free rein to do whatever he wants and go wherever he likes.’ I think about all the late meetings he’s had lately, all the urgent times he’s been called into work, even though he was meant to take time off. Could Jamie be right?
‘That’s how I’m going to find her. Aiden will lead me right to her.’
‘I don’t know about this, Eve. You need to be careful. I don’t like the sound of it.’
‘All I need to do is get a photo or video of him meeting up with Kayla or Nicole. He’ll never even know I’m there. That should be enough to convince the police he’s been lying to them. They’ll do the rest.’
‘Okay,’ Jamie says. ‘I can see I’m not going to talk you out of this, am I?’
‘Not when this involves getting my daughter back.’
He stares at me for a long time. ‘It’s so hard to work you out,’ he says eventually. ‘Part of me thinks I should still hate you for lying to me, but then part of me believes you must have had good reason because you just don’t deliberately hurt people. That’s not who you are.’
I should tell Jamie everything, even though we are no longer together, and finally rid myself of what’s been burning inside me all this time, eating away at me and destroying me piece by tiny piece. If anyone would understand, it’s him. As always though, just thinking about talking causes me to shut down.
‘Thanks for saying that,’ I say. ‘It means a lot to me.’ Even though we’re no longer together, I somehow feel comfortable with Jamie, right now in this moment, more than I ever did before. It’s the lies which form the barrier.
‘Will you let me do it?’ Jamie asks as I stand up to leave.
‘Do what?’
‘Keep an eye on Aiden. Maybe I can follow him? He doesn’t know me, does he? It might be safer.’
It takes less than a second for me to consider this. ‘Thanks, but I need to do this by myself. I’m the one who set this in motion when I left those years ago, so I’m the one who needs to put this right. For my daughter.’ And I won’t drag Jamie into my mess.
‘At least keep me updated then. Every day.’
I promise to do this and, just as we say goodbye and I step outside the pub, my phone beeps. It’s a text from Aiden.
His words should fill me with fear, but all they do is fuel my determination.
I’m going to find out the truth.
And get my daughter back.