‘I got back early,’ he says. ‘Where have you been?’
‘I went to Westfield.’ I have no idea why this, of all places, shoots into my head. I’ve never been there, and it’s unlikely Aiden will believe I’ve spent an afternoon shopping.
Aiden nods. ‘Really? Did you get the Tube?’
‘No, I drove, why?’
‘Your car was outside when I got home.’ He says this so calmly, and somehow that just makes it more sinister.
To my relief an excuse pops into my head, as if it’s been there all along, just waiting for the moment to be extracted. ‘My car’s been playing up so I hired one. I need to be able to get around easily. Continue looking for Kayla.’
There’s no way he’ll believe this; all of a sudden it feels as though this game of cat and mouse has tipped heavily in his favour.
‘You didn’t mention it.’
‘I know… I just—’
‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ he says. ‘I didn’t mean to sound like I don’t trust you. I do, you know. Even after everything. It’s not fair of me to do that to you, though. I’ll really try to work on that, I promise.’
Relief. Everything might be okay. He just has trouble believing I won’t leave again.
‘What will you do tonight?’ he asks.
Planning what I will do next, how I can find Kayla now that I’m not sure Aiden is responsible for her disappearance. ‘Not much,’ I say. ‘A coffee. Bath. Try to read a book. Why?’
‘Will you come somewhere with me? There’s something I want to show you.’
‘What is it?’
He smiles. ‘I can’t tell you yet. That would ruin the surprise, wouldn’t it? Please, just trust me.’
Doesn’t Aiden remember that I never liked surprises? I need to know what I’m in for, every step of the way. His face is full of excitement, though, like a child who can’t wait to show you something they’ve made especially for you, that they’re sure you will love. ‘Okay. Do I need to get ready or anything?’
‘No, you’re fine as you are. Come on, we’d better go now before the traffic gets any worse.’
We crawl through London, most of the time at a standstill because, despite our best efforts to leave the house immediately, it took over half an hour to get in the car. Marianne had called Aiden just as we were leaving, and I watched him closely as he spoke, trying to analyse every twitch of his facial muscles, the cadence of his words, trying to find something to latch onto that would help me know.
But it was no longer there – that confidence I felt that I had it all worked out. Now I was just out to sea – adrift and unsure what to make of anything. Aiden had ended the call by telling Marianne he’d see her tomorrow. ‘Another possible sighting,’ he’d explained.
This is another reason to believe I’m wrong about Aiden; Marianne has spent enough time with him, surely she would suspect something if there was anything there at all. She would know if he was lying, wouldn’t she?
‘You’re not going to tell me where we’re going, are you?’ I ask.
‘I could,’ he says. ‘I really want it to be a surprise, though. Is that okay? I know you don’t like surprises but can you just humour me?’
There’s something different about Aiden’s mood tonight; it’s lighter, almost peaceful. All the tension seems to have slipped away. ‘Something’s changed,’ I say, because I’ve never been one for keeping quiet about things that seem important. ‘Did Marianne say something?’
‘Actually, yes. She was really optimistic this time. Told me there’s a good chance this eye witness really did see Nicole. I’m daring to believe it was her. Does that make me a fool?’
‘No,’ I say. ‘But how come she didn’t want to see us now? Surely we need to follow up on this lead as soon as possible?’
‘She did want to see me tonight. But I told her we had to do something important first.’
There is no way Aiden wouldn’t rush there immediately. Unless of course he already knows where Nicole and Kayla are. Have I made a terrible mistake by getting into this car? There’s a chance I was right all along, and if so, now I’ve played right into Aiden’s hands. I was blinded by Marie and Pete, unable to believe that they have any part in all of this, but what if they do? They could have told Aiden I’d been at the house.
I try to keep my voice steady. ‘I didn’t hear you saying that to her.’
‘You went to the bathroom, remember? I must have said it then.’
‘That’s true,’ I agree. I will play along with this, just as I did before, and let Aiden think I’m oblivious, at least until I can work out what to do.
Staring out of the car window, I try to control my shaking limbs. I turn up the radio, hoping the club music they’ve just started playing will somehow ease my nerves. We’re on the North Circular now, moving faster, the road ahead clear because rush hour passed long ago. What am I heading towards? I consider quickly unbuckling my seat belt, throwing open the door and jumping out, but we’re in the middle lane and there’s no way I would come away without broken bones, or worse. Besides, this might be my chance to find out the truth, no matter what the cost to me.
‘Do you remember when we first got married?’ I ask, hoping that by bringing alive our shared story Aiden will think twice about whatever he’s got planned. ‘And we moved into our house in the same week? We sat on the floor with an Indian takeaway and couldn’t believe we had our own place. We had barely any furniture. Paper plates and cups.’ I chuckle. ‘That night was one of the most special moments of my life.’ This is no lie; it’s one of the last times I remember feeling truly at peace with the world, that everything was as perfect as it was possible to be.
Aiden keeps his eyes fixed on the road but nods. ‘Mine too. It feels like it was a calm before the storm, doesn’t it? I mean with all the miscarriages.’
That seems like a lifetime ago, as if it’s a story belonging to someone else, because ultimately Kayla came along far too easily. ‘Yes,’ I say, wondering where this is going. Every word Aiden speaks feels rigidly rehearsed, designed to evoke a specific reaction. Pain?
‘Funny that you couldn’t enjoy Kayla then. After going through all that heartache to finally hold her in your arms. You know, that’s what I’ve never truly understood. It’s not as if she was a mistake, was it? We’d tried for years to have her.’
It’s coming now. Aiden’s finally giving himself away. I haven’t expected him to drop the pretence so quickly, especially when we’re still driving. ‘It’s not as simple as that,’ I say. ‘Postnatal depression can affect any woman, regardless of their journey to motherhood.’
‘You sound like a self-help book,’ he says. ‘Is that what you tell yourself to justify what you did?’
I hold my ground. ‘No. I don’t try to justify it. I try to make amends for it.’
He snorts. ‘And is following people around, spying on them, how you do that?’ He turns to me briefly. ‘Oh, don’t look so surprised. Did you think my parents wouldn’t tell me you paid them a visit? For someone so intelligent, you really have shown some stupidity. Countless times.’
‘Finally, we can stop pretending,’ I say. ‘I’m actually relieved, Aiden, because I’m tired of your twisted mind games.’
He throws his head back. ‘Games? This is no game, Eve. Unfortunately, this is real life, and you’re just going to have to deal with it.’
I keep my eyes fixed on the road, my hands feeling for my seat belt. ‘Tell me where you’re taking me,’ I demand, even though I already know he won’t. This is part of the torture, letting my mind imagine all kinds of terrible scenarios.
‘I’m actually doing you a favour,’ he says, turning off the North Circular onto the M1. ‘I’m going to give you the answer you’ve been looking for.’
Aiden falls silent after this, refusing to elaborate when I ask him what he means. Eventually I give up; all I can do now is wait for the right moment. I’ve tried to keep track of the route Aiden has taken so far, but all I can determine is that we’re now far from London, far from anything familiar.
‘I know you won’t hurt me,’ I say, even though I know nothing of the sort. ‘Physically, I mean. Why would you risk going to prison when you’ve got a daughter to look after? That’s your plan, isn’t it? To scare me off so I leave you and Nicole alone to bring up Kayla.’
He snickers. ‘You think you’ve got it all worked out, don’t you?’
‘I’m pretty sure I have now, yes.’
‘Well, I have to warn you against assuming anything in life. It just doesn’t get you anywhere. Look at me, I’m living proof of that. I assumed I had a loving wife, someone who cared for me and our daughter.’
Now’s my chance; I’ve got to try. I reach into my pocket and feel for my phone, surprised to feel nothing but the fabric of my coat.
‘Looking for this?’ he says, reaching into the side of his door and pulling out my mobile. He winds his window down and tosses it out, as if he’s discarding a piece of chewing gum.
People always talk about how vulnerable and lost they’d feel without their mobiles, but that’s nothing compared to how I feel now, knowing that without my phone I have no way of getting help. Knowing that my life might depend on it. ‘Do what you like to me, Aiden. All that matters is Kayla.’
‘Oh, no, now you’ve ruined my surprise.’
‘What are you talking about?’
‘I’m taking you to Kayla, of course. But first it’s your turn to answer some of my questions.’