Chapter 14

“They’re highly imitative birds,” the pet store guy is saying. We’re in the back where parakeets carry on like a church social. An orange-billed black Mynah sits in a large cage. It walks back and forth, making a strange squawking sound. Then it rises up on it haunches and bobs. “Mynahs have very strong feet,” the guy says. They look like something you’d find on a trapeze artist.

“What’s his name?” Judy asks.

“Bisquick,” the guy says. “No idea why. He’s clever as hell, though. Ask him if he wants a sauna.”

Judy goes close to the cage. “Do you want a sauna, Bisquick?” she asks. Bisquick squawks.

“He can imitate sixteen consonants and four vowels,” the guy says.

“Is that good?” I ask.

“Better than some pet owners.” He opens the cage and Bisquick hops out on his arm. “They’re common as anything in Malaysia and India,” he says. “Not like the Bali Mynah. This is a Hill Mynah.” He strokes the bird’s chest. “Tell them you want a sauna,” he says.

“Mango,” Bisquick replies.

“You want a sauna first. Sau-u-una. Sauna.”

“Sauna,” Bisquick says.

Judy laughs and Bisquick jumps over on her shoulder. “You might want to be careful,” the guy says.

“Why?” Judy says.

“He’s got a bad habit. That’s why I’m not charging a lot. These birds can run up to twelve thousand dollars.”

“What are you charging?” I ask.

“One thousand.”

“Why the discount?”

Bisquick plunges his head down and goes for Judy’s right breast. “Nipple grabber,” the guys says.

“Ouch,” Judy says.

“Can’t get him to stop.”

“Auntie Margot isn’t going to like that.”

“I might come down to eight hundred,” the guy says.

“Fuck, suck, fuck,” Bisquick says.

“Five hundred’s the best I can do.”

“Are you sure Margot wants a Mynah that swears, Daddy?”

“She’ll be fine, sweetie.”

Margot swears worse than that on a good day, anyway.