Chapter 28
Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth He any man.
—James 1:13
Once again, I began my routine of searching for either leftovers or something that didn’t take long to cook. My life had changed dramatically since our children had grown up. I didn’t cook as much as I had in the beginning. When the girls were growing up, I was one of those mothers who believed children should eat real food and not fast food every day of the week. In fact, fast food in our house was a treat. I soaked pinto beans and butter beans in hot water, waited on them to swell, then cooked them for two hours, careful not to overcook them. When I worked at Social Security, the slow cooker was my best friend, assisting me in our healthy eating endeavor.
After the two older daughters were gone, I stopped cooking as much. Maybe the right word isn’t “as much” but more accurately “as often.” After there were fewer bodies in the house, there was more food left over to put up. The problem with leftovers was: both Zeke and Zynique hated eating the same thing for more than two days straight—Zynique more so than Zeke, who would eat whatever he found if it meant he didn’t have to fix anything.
When Zynique turned sixteen, she unofficially started working a few hours with Madame Perry, officially at seventeen. Two things that did for her: she was making her own money so she could buy more fast food; and she had an excuse not to be home and eat what I’d cooked.
So that meant I was cooking more for me and Zeke.
After I opened the flower shop, I found I had less time to fix meals, plus it was discouraging to cook when no one seemed enthused about what I’d fixed. So I cut back on cooking. Besides, Zeke was most times gone by the time I got in from the shop. I would fix something to eat, and he pretty much ate that for his dinner the next day so he could hit the streets that much faster.
My phone rang. I quickly glanced at the clock on the wall (the one that still had hands). It was a little after seven. I performed my normal routine of checking the caller ID first to see who was calling.
“Hello,” I said, knowing that this was not going to be a pleasant conversation and surprised that I was getting this call here and at this hour.
“So you stood me up,” Ethan said.
“No. That’s not exactly what happened.”
“Oh, it’s exactly what happened. You didn’t want to meet me, so you left me there wondering and waiting. I understand.”
“You really shouldn’t jump to conclusions before you hear all of the facts.”
“Is it okay that I’m calling you at home right now?” Ethan asked.
“Yeah. Sure.”
“So where’s your husband?”
“Where he normally is at this time of night,” I said with a little edge to my voice. “Your guess is as good as mine.”
“Now that doesn’t sound good,” Ethan said. “So where is he normally at this time of night?”
“As I said: your guess . . . is as good as mine.”
“You don’t ever ask him?”
“No. Not really.”
“I don’t get that or see that with you,” Ethan said.
“See what?”
“First off: I don’t get him leaving you every night. However, I really don’t see you just seeming to sit back and take it. It doesn’t line up with my view of you.”
“So how was your walk?” I said, quickly changing the subject. “Or did you wimp out when you figured out how cold it really was?”
He chuckled. “Cold does not bother me in the least. In fact, I laugh in the face of cold. And my walk was fine, after I finally decided to quit waiting on you and do it. I did wait for you a while before I figured out maybe, just maybe, you weren’t coming. I had to cut my walk short though. It’s not good being out there alone like that at night. They need to add some more lighting around that place.”
“I don’t think that particular park was created for night visits. If you want to walk during the night hours, you probably should go to the park near the college.”
“So back to why I called,” Ethan said.
“I thought you called to dump on me for leaving you without a walking partner.”
“I did. But there’s no reason to dwell on what’s already in the past. Nothing I say now will get me back that time. So I’m looking forward. You say your husband is not at home?”
“That’s what I said.”
“What about your daughter? Zynique. Do you and she have plans for tonight?”
“She’s the reason I left you to walk alone. I just saw her. And to answer your question: she has plans of her own and they don’t include me.”
“Poor baby,” Ethan said in a jovial voice.
“Yeah, poor me.”
“So I suppose that means you have no excuse not to meet me. I still would like to take you out to eat. And since you just stood me up—”
“I did not stand you up,” I said. “My daughter called and needed me to meet her somewhere right after I hung up with you. And since I have no way of reaching you without possibly getting you in trouble with your wife, I couldn’t call to let you know I wasn’t going to be able to make it. Now if you had a cell phone, I could have called you on it. But I definitely wasn’t going to call you at your house.”
“Why not?” he asked.
“You’re crazy. I’m not calling your house and take a chance on your wife answering the phone.”
He laughed. “I get calls from women all of the time. I have to, in what I do. Had my wife answered, she would have just thought you were someone from church or something.”
“Do you have caller ID on your phone?”
“Not yet. But I’m sure we’re going to be getting it soon.”
“Oh. Well, I guess if you don’t have caller ID then she wouldn’t be able to see a name.”
“Precisely.”
“Does she know about me?” I asked.
“You mean that you were the love of my life?” Ethan said with a smile in his voice.
I felt myself blush a tad. “I’m sure you didn’t tell her that,” I said.
“She knows a little about you. She knows your name and that I was crazy about you. Seriously. And she does bring your name up from time to time.”
“Oh, I see what you’ve been doing now. You’ve been using me to mess with her.”
“No, not really. But she does know that I possibly loved you at one time.”
I wanted to hear more, but I felt this was really not a good topic to stay on. “Well, had I called and a name shown up on your caller ID, it would have been my husband’s name. I just wouldn’t want to call and get you in trouble if your wife hears a woman’s voice. And I refuse to do like some folks who call my house and just hang up. The least a person can do is to say they dialed the wrong number.”
“No one dials anymore,” he said.
“Oh, so I see you’re just full of jokey jokes tonight.”
He laughed. “No, I’m just trying to keep the conversation honest and on point.”
“Okay, so if the right word is not dialed anymore, then what is it?”
“Go to dinner with me and I’ll tell you,” he said. “Right now. Come on.”
“You don’t know the answer, do you? You don’t know what we should be saying instead of dialed.” I was trying my best to keep the conversation away from the topic of us meeting. But I so wanted to say yes to dinner with Ethan.
“It’s touch tone. But the correct thing would just be to say called. I called the wrong number. Now, I was thinking we could meet for din—”
“So the correct phrase would be touch toned or called the wrong number?” I said with a chuckle. “That doesn’t sound right at all.”
“Okay, then I punched in,” Ethan said. “What about say in thirty minutes? We could meet at your shop or wherever you’d like. Then we could get in my car and—”
“I’m sorry, but I punched in the wrong number?” I said. “Nope, that doesn’t sound right either.”
“All right, then pressed,” Ethan said. “Now, what do you say? About dinner? With me . . . tonight. Let’s go and—”
“Let’s see now. I’m sorry, I pressed the wrong number . . . numbers. Now that might work. Although I still like dialed. Maybe called is the best word to replace the word dialed. I called—”
“Okay. If you don’t want to go, then just say you don’t. You don’t have to keep trying to ignore me or change the subject while I earnestly ask you something.” I heard the exasperation in his voice.
“I just don’t think it’s wise to even play with this. Ethan, you and I both know, no matter how many times we might say differently, that there’s more going on between us than just friendship. We’re playing with fire over a large, open bucket of gasoline.”
“I need to talk. I promise: that’s all I’m trying to do here. I need someone to talk to and you’re normally the one person who makes me feel the most comfortable to be free and speak what’s on my mind. But if you don’t want to talk, then that’s fine. I understand.”
“I don’t mind talking to you. I know that you need someone you can feel free to be yourself with—no mask, no pretentions, just an unadulterated you. And I’m glad you feel you can be that way with me. But you and I, out in public, is not a good idea, particularly not for you.” I released a sigh. “You know how folks like to talk. Do you really want something like me and you together possibly getting out there? Really?”
“I eat with women who are not my wife, in public I might add, a lot,” Ethan said.
“Yeah, but how many are you sleeping with or trying to sleep with?”
“What? Where did that come from?”
“I’m sorry.” I really regretted how that must have sounded. “Who you sleep with or not is really none of my business. What you do, and with whom, is between you and God. I certainly had no right to say anything like that. I apologize.”
“Then why did you say it?”
“Because . . . I don’t know,” I lied. The truth is I knew he wanted more than just to eat and talk when it came to me. So what made me think I was any more special than the other women he apparently met on the pretense of having dinner?
“Let me say this right here, right now. I have not cheated on my wife in over fifteen years.”
“Then you’re admitting that you have cheated on her?”
“Listen, this is not a conversation I’d prefer to have over the phone. Now, I’m going to go to your shop’s parking lot. I’m leaving right now. I’ll give you enough time to meet me there. If you don’t show up, then I won’t bother you anymore.”
“Wait,” I said, trying to stall for time as I thought a little more about this.
“I’m hanging up now. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.” He hung up.
Staring at the phone as the dial tone buzzed, I had to make a decision quickly. We weren’t doing anything wrong. All he wanted to do was talk. And I could see him not wanting to have the type of conversation I was trying to have just now over the phone. Not with his wife and children around, possibly listening in. That would be bad; to get him in trouble because of what he might end up saying inadvertently on the phone.
I glanced at my watch. Eighteen minutes remaining. There was no real reason for me to always be left alone to sit in a big old empty house all by myself. I hurried and changed into a red pantsuit, then headed for the shop.