WILLOW SAT ON her sofa at home, the soft patter of rain tapping out a comforting beat on her roof. She’d packed Maisie off to Mrs. Jean’s for a few hours so that she could have some peace and quiet. Or at least some quiet. Peace had been hard to come by for the past several days.
It was one thing to know, in her head, that she and Theo were over. But her heart didn’t seem to have caught up. Even though she’d only been with Theo for a short time, signs of him were everywhere. She had photos of him on their phone from hikes they’d taken together. There was a recipe for his great-aunt Myrtle’s chile taped to the front of her refrigerator. A small vase he’d bought for her still rested on her kitchen countertop, a single lily protruding from its mouth. She hadn’t been able to bring herself to put it away. It was amazing, she thought, how quickly the individual moments of a relationship turned into memories. Even after just a few weeks, there were so many objects strewn across the landscape of her life, each one bringing up a different memory, a different feeling.
It was hard, too, when Maisie asked to see him. Theo had made an impression on her child quickly. Certainly Theo was very good with children, but Willow wondered if it wasn’t so much about Theo’s skill as something Maisie needed. Hard as it was to admit, Maisie was growing up. The swimming lessons that had once been a source of anxiety were now simply part of everyday life. Willow loved to see Maisie growing more confident in the water, but there was an ache, too, when she thought about how her child was growing a little taller and a little more independent every day. She needed more than just Willow in her life.
Willow knew that someday soon she would need to find a way to explain to Maisie who Theo was to her. She wished that Gran could be around for that conversation. It wasn’t that she had any trepidation about raising the topic with Maisie. She knew that, ultimately, her child would simply understand that she was loved. But Gran always had such a precise way of putting things. She could always find the right words for any situation.
She often found herself missing Gran the most on rainy days. Gran had loved the rain. She’d found it soothing. But then, Gran had never given the appearance of needing much soothing. She’d been a tough, independent woman who never seemed ruffled, even when times were hard.
Willow wondered how Gran had done it all. She’d held down a job as a librarian, raised a daughter and lost her own husband, Willow’s grandfather, many years ago. And then, just as she was planning to retire, Willow’s parents had passed away, and Gran was left to raise Willow on her own. She must have known moments of loneliness and frustration, but Willow could not recall a moment when her grandmother hadn’t been cheerful and loving. Gran had done it all on her own, without ever needing help from anyone else.
And if Gran could do it, then so could she.
She’d been so right to swear off relationships. She’d given romance a chance, and look what had happened. Days spent wallowing in heartbreak, time taken off work to recover and now the extra unwanted emotional turmoil she had to deal with every time she saw Theo at the clinic. Giving in to her attraction to Theo had completely disrupted her life. And she didn’t have time for disruption. She was a single mother. She had responsibilities. She recalled that Gran had never once dated for as long as Willow had known her. Gran had understood that being a mother meant that one couldn’t afford certain kinds of complications in life.
Willow was certain that Gran wouldn’t have faulted her for her decision to date Theo...but she probably wouldn’t have made the same decision herself. Gran was far too responsible for boyfriends. That’s where I went wrong, Willow thought. The whole time she’d been raising Maisie, she’d been trying to follow Gran’s example. She should never have strayed. She should have given Theo a firm, decisive “No” the first time he’d asked her out, and thought nothing more of it.
Willow pulled out an old photo album and flipped through the pages. Here were memories of birthday parties and holidays. There were a few with Gran and Maisie, right after Maisie was born. But most were pictures of Willow’s childhood.
It surprised her how many were of her and Gran alone. That was only natural, of course. It wasn’t as though there had been other relatives to be part of things.
She traced one of her favorite photos with her finger. It was one of the few pictures of herself and her parents, with Gran in the background, from when she was very small. Underneath, in Gran’s spidery handwriting, was the caption “The whole family together.”
The words gave Willow a pang. The whole family indeed. She’d always thought that she and Maisie were doing just fine on their own. But that didn’t mean that she didn’t want more for both of them.
And now her family was small again. Just her and Maisie. But Maisie would have more, through Theo, and that was the important thing.
As she put the photo album back on the shelf, a stray picture fell out. She bent down to retrieve it and realized it was one she hadn’t seen before. It must have been stuck behind one of the other photos.
It took her a moment to understand what she was seeing. And as she did, she could understand why she’d never seen the photo before.
It was a picture of Gran. Based on how she looked, Willow estimated that it would have been taken around the time Willow was in middle school or high school. But in the picture, Gran was at a party.
Which was odd. Willow didn’t remember Gran ever going to parties. But then, Willow supposed she’d never wondered much about what Gran got up to when Willow was watched by a babysitter, or sleeping over at a friend’s house, or at a party of her own. She’d always assumed that Gran was visiting antique markets with her friends, or baking another one of her prize-winning pies, or sitting demurely at home, perhaps...knitting?
In this photo, she was not baking, or knitting, or doing any of the things Willow typically thought of as Gran-like activities.
In this photo, a man was kissing Gran. And she was kissing him right back.
And the man’s hands weren’t chastely at his sides. One was around Gran’s waist. The other...well, Willow could see why Gran might have tucked the photo quietly behind one of the more family-friendly pictures in the album.
She turned the photo over in confusion. To her surprise, Gran had dated the photo in the corner. It must have been important to her; Gran only dated the important ones. And a tiny, neat inscription was at the bottom.
Weekly supper party with Naveen. A tender lover and a better friend. It is love that makes the impossible possible.
A tender lover?
Had Gran had a boyfriend?
She turned the photo over and over, as though doing so would somehow give her more information. But the photo remained as much of a mystery as ever.
Or at least, it remained a mystery as long as she ignored the obvious, which was that Gran had had a boyfriend. In fact, judging by the dress Gran was wearing and the people at the party in that photograph, Gran had had an entire life that Willow had known nothing about. A life that didn’t seem to focus much on knitting and baking.
It had simply never occurred to Willow to think about Gran’s love life. Her grandfather had passed away long before Willow was born, and Gran had kept his picture on the mantel and spoken fondly of him from time to time. As a teenager, Willow had gone through a romantic phase where she’d invented a tragic love story between her grandparents. She believed that Gran, having suffered such a loss, was unwilling to take a chance on love again. She’d told the story to Gran, who had laughed and assured her that her time with Willow’s grandfather was a treasured memory, but not a source of constant grief. Still, Willow’s adolescent mind had been entranced with the idea of Gran as an epic heroine who’d lost her greatest love too early in life.
As an adult, especially after single motherhood, Willow’s assumptions had taken a more practical turn. Gran, she thought, had probably been far too busy with childrearing and work responsibilities to have any time for romance. And Gran’s interests had always seemed so innocent. She’d loved trying new recipes and new sewing patterns. True, she occasionally brought friends over to their small London flat, and some of those friends had been men...but it had never occurred to Willow that Gran might have been dating some of those men.
She squinted again at the picture of Naveen and realized that he looked a little familiar. She couldn’t recall much, but she was absolutely certain that he was one of the “friends” that had come over to Gran’s small flat for occasional drinks and conversation.
She shook her head in amazement. Gran’s boyfriend. She was surprised to find that it made her happy to think of Gran dating. She’d always thought Gran had given up things like dating and parties in order to take care of Willow. But judging by the photograph, Gran hadn’t given up those things entirely. It seemed she’d found a way to fit them into her life, after all.
She thought about the quote Gran had included.
It is love that makes the impossible possible.
Had Gran been in love with this Naveen, then? He was certainly handsome-looking in the photograph. She wished so much that Gran were here so they could talk about it now. There was an entire side of Gran’s life that she’d known nothing about.
What would Gran think about what had happened with Theo? Just a moment ago, she’d been worrying that Gran might have disapproved of her choice to date Theo in the first place. But now that she’d seen that photograph, she wondered if Gran might have an entirely different perspective.
As shocked as she was about the idea of Gran having a boyfriend, the more Willow thought about it, the more it made sense. Gran was the kind of woman who’d always invited love into her life. It was stranger to think of her never having a boyfriend.
Gran would probably not have approved of Theo’s tendency to avoid pain for himself and others by cutting himself off from everyone. But she might also have suggested that Willow was doing the same thing. By swearing off relationships, she’d been trying to protect herself from all of the pain and turmoil she believed they caused. She’d been trying to avoid all the hurt she’d felt with Jamie.
In other words, she’d been scared. But what if there was no sure way to protect herself from being hurt? What if, rather than protecting herself, she was simply cutting herself off from love?
She’d always believed that Gran had lived her life without love and had gotten by just fine. But now it seemed she’d been wrong about that. Gran hadn’t sworn off relationships, she’d just been discreet about them. Willow would give anything for a chance to ask Gran about what had happened with Naveen. But whether Gran had found love or not, she’d clearly been willing to give it a chance. Quite an enthusiastic chance, given how things appeared in the photograph.
Could she say the same for herself? For the first time since meeting Theo—in fact, for the first time in the past few years—Willow realized that she couldn’t. Fear, plain and simple, had been holding her back. And that wasn’t Theo’s fault. In a way, it wasn’t even Jamie’s fault. Jamie had hurt her, yes. He’d left her feeling deeply betrayed. But she was the one who’d let fear get in the way of opening her heart to the possibility of the one thing she desired most in the world. She was so afraid of losing love. But if she couldn’t be open to it in the first place, then she’d never be able to have the family she’d spent her life dreaming of.
It had been right there in front of her. Theo was Maisie’s father. And she loved him. She knew that now. The idea of depending on someone, needing someone, scared her so much. But the idea of being closed off scared her even more. She’d accused Theo of being unable to access his emotions, but wasn’t she just as guilty? She’d convinced herself that she was too busy for love, that relationships could only lead to heartbreak, that she’d get hurt again, the same way she’d been before. But the whole time, she’d just been letting her fear get the best of her. And she’d almost lost what was most important to her.
These past few days without Theo had been nearly unbearable. But not as unbearable as the thought that she might have lost him entirely. She grabbed her car keys from the counter. She had to talk to Theo, had to tell him exactly how she felt, no matter how he reacted. She desperately wanted to give him her heart, but she couldn’t imagine what he might do with it.
She might be afraid to give him her heart, but she could give him something else: a chance. Because she loved him. And love deserved another chance.
She’d barely left her front door when she stopped short. Theo was standing in front of her, rain pouring down his face.
“I hope you don’t mind that I came over,” he said. “I’ve been trying to give you your space. But I had something I wanted to show you.”
“Theo, I need to tell you something.”
“Just wait. Please. I’d like to bring you over to my place and show you something. Don’t say anything until then. It’s just a short drive. Please.”
She wanted to explain, to tell him all she felt and hope that they could both give things another chance. But Theo was so insistent.
They made the short drive to his house, and both stepped out of the car.
“Here it is,” Theo said.
Willow was confused. “I’ve seen your house before, Theo.”
“Keep looking. Notice anything different about the porch?”
There it was. The dog bed and toys were gone. “What’s happened to Bixby?”
Theo stepped forward and opened the door. “He lives inside now.”
Willow’s face was starting to become very wet. The rain, of course. It was pattering down steadily. Surely it was the rain that collected in the corners of her eyes.
“You’ve finally let him in.”
“It was time. It should have been done long ago. I should have started letting a lot of people in, long ago.”
She couldn’t help smiling at him then, though her tears were flowing freely. “Sometimes it just takes practice.”
“There’s something else I want to show you, as well. Come onto the porch, so you don’t get wet.”
She stepped onto the porch, and he took out his phone. “Look at your phone, too,” he said. “Open your calendar.”
She pulled out her phone and looked at the calendar. There were dozens and dozens of appointment invitations awaiting her response. Medical appointments.
“This shows every one of the follow-up appointments I have scheduled so far,” he said. “I’m afraid there’s quite a lot of them. You know how particular oncologists can be. My medical team insists that I attend numerous checkups to track how my remission is going. And I want you to attend every single one of them with me. I want the person who matters to me most to be there. I want someone who loves and supports me to be at my side, and it would mean everything to me for you to be that person.”
She tried to respond, but she couldn’t quite speak, whether it was because of her laughter or her tears.
“I want you with me,” Theo continued. “I want you to be there because no matter what the future holds, I don’t want to go through it alone. I want all three of us to go through it together, as a family. And I want to be a proper father for Maisie. For three years, I was so focused on trying to protect her that I couldn’t even be there for her in the first place. But I’m ready to be here for her now. And I’m not afraid of what might happen, because no matter what’s in store for us, we can choose to go through it together. And if you’ll have me, Willow, then I want to go through it with you. I’ll give you my whole self. The good, the bad and everything in between. That is, if it’s something you still want. If I’m someone you still want. Because I love you. I love you more than I ever thought it was possible to love. I want us to be a family together. But there’s one thing I want even more than that.”
“What?” she said, breathless, still trying to take it all in.
“I want you to love me back.”
A moment later, she was in his arms, his kiss crushing her lips and sending shivers down her spine. She tried to put everything she was feeling into the kiss. It was a kiss that held more than three long years of waiting, her hopes and wishes for the future and all her love for him.
It was the kind of kiss, she thought, that might have made a woman like Gran raise an appreciative eyebrow.
After a long moment, they broke apart, and Theo said, “I don’t want to get my hopes up too much. But this seems like a fairly enthusiastic response to my invitation to attend all of my medical appointments.”
She reached up to put her arms around his neck and leaned against him. “Some girls get flowers along with declarations of love. I get to be included in your medical appointments. And that’s exactly what I want. Because I love you, too, Theo.”
“Do you?” he said, his forehead pressed against hers. “Because I was worried that I had ruined everything.”
“You weren’t the only one who made mistakes. Or the only one who has a hard time being emotionally vulnerable. I accused you of holding back when I was doing exactly the same thing—looking for ways to convince myself that I didn’t have room for love in my life, looking for proof that I was right not to trust. I was trying so hard to protect what I had that I didn’t even realize what I was missing.”
“And what was that exactly?”
She kept her arms around his neck, pulling herself close to him. “A chance to have the family I’ve always wanted. And a chance to have it with you.”
He kissed her again, lightly, and before he pulled away, she let her lips brush the corner of his mouth, just where it seemed to curve up into a smile. There was a long silence then, as they held each other and exchanged soft, slow kisses, while the rain continued to pour down just beyond the porch.
After quite some time had passed, Willow spared a quick glance at the calendar on her phone. “This is a lot of appointments.”
“Don’t I know it. The first year is the worst as far as follow-up goes. They want to do examinations often to keep an eye on things. But then after the first year they start to lighten up a bit, and once you get a few years out it’s just once in a while. The five-year appointment is the big one. If you’re still in complete remission by then, you’re declared cured.”
“Five years is a long time.” She looked into his eyes, the question left unspoken between them. “It’s certainly a long time to be in each other’s lives.”
He pulled her close. “In a way, we’ve already been in each other’s lives for a long time, because of Maisie. I stupidly thought the best thing I could do for both of you was to stay away, so as not to add any pain to your lives. But now I realize that I shouldn’t have just stopped at touching your life. I should have reached out and grabbed on with both hands.”
“I’m so glad you finally are.”
“This time, I’m not letting go. Because I think the more we reach for one another, the better things will get. I might be wrong, but that’s what I believe. Do you want to stay together and see if I’m right?”
“I do.”