HARRY WALKED INTO the station bright and early, eager to get the day going now he was finally getting settled back into work. Over the last few weeks he’d been spending time with Aidan and his dad, reconnecting with his father slowly and getting to know the amazing little boy who still didn’t know he was his father.
Annabel had kept him at arm’s length since the day at the house, and although she didn’t flinch as much when he was around her any more, she wasn’t letting her guard down either. There were no more barbed comments, but the atmosphere between them was still charged. They’d not spoken about their fight, neither seeming to want to rock the boat.
He caught her watching him sometimes, at work, when he was playing with Aidan or talking shop with his dad. They were together a lot, and she never stopped watching him. Sometimes, he wanted to ask her what she was thinking, what the frowns and worried expressions meant, but he was still scared of spooking her again. When he did finally ask her the question that burned deep in his heart, he wanted to be sure of the answer. Anything less would kill him.
He’d waited a long time to be back in her life, and now that he was back, and had a real chance, he didn’t want to risk blowing it again. Too much was at stake for all of them. They’d both kept secrets from each other, but now they were out there he saw a real chance for them, the three of them, if they could get over their past.
The school career day was coming up at the end of the month, and Aidan was still so excited about them both coming to present to his class; he’d spoken of nothing else. She hadn’t stopped that, so he found himself wondering what his next move should be as he wandered into the staffroom to get a much-needed cup of coffee. The stuff Abe bought tasted like the bottom of a birdcage.
The moment he walked in he immediately regretted his caffeine addiction. It was full of people, and he was still tiptoeing around some of them. He decided to get what he needed and get out of there. Saying ‘Hello’ as he walked in, the room growing quieter in his presence, he filled his cup from the coffeemaker, taking a deep gulp of the hot black liquid before turning back to the door.
He bumped into Annabel, who was just coming into the room. ‘Turn back around,’ he said, taking her under the elbow and steering her away.
‘What?’ Annabel craned her neck over his shoulder. ‘But I need coffee!’
He handed her his cup, walking them both to the room where they carried out the handovers.
‘There you go. It’s a full house in there.’
‘Ugh.’ She pulled a face and Harry sniggered. ‘I wanted breakfast though!’
‘I’ll buy you a bacon roll when we hit the road. Why didn’t you eat before you left?’
She rolled her eyes at him. ‘That would be something. I’m all about getting Aidan up and out on a morning. I swear he’s hitting his teens early.’ She took the cup in both hands and took a drink as though she’d just emerged from the desert. ‘Ahh, hello, my delicious dark lord.’
Harry laughed, and she elbowed him playfully.
‘Knock it off, I’m having a moment here.’
‘Oh, I know not to bother you before coffee.’ They nodded to a couple of passing nurses as they neared their destination.
‘You remember that, eh?’ she teased, taking another sip.
‘I remember everything. Every little detail,’ he said, waggling his eyebrows. She blushed, and his heart skipped a beat. ‘Come on and bring the dark lord. Let’s get this show on the road. I can already smell the bacon.’
* * *
In the last few weeks they’d fallen into a sort of uneasy groove with each other. The tension at work had lessened, although she’d never quite managed to quell the butterflies that still fluttered in the pit of her stomach when Harry leaned in close in the ambulance, or when they witnessed a tender moment with one of their patients. She’d even cried on him when one of the calls had been a bad one, and he’d held her and let her sob her heart out on him without even a second’s hesitation. Feeling his arms around her had made her feel so supported, and she knew he a hundred per cent had her back. Just as he had before. He was every bit the paramedic she was, and they had soon dropped back into their old shorthand way of communicating and working on the job. As she went to reach for something, he was already in the process of passing it to her, and vice versa. It made them the ultimate team, and the station had started to hum with the buzz of them being back together.
With the career day coming up, she no longer dreaded it as she had. In fact, she was rather looking forward to it. Not that she’d tell him that. She’d found herself watching him with their son, and when they were on the job together. She was imagining what he’d gone through with his cancer, worrying about how he had come through it. How he felt now. He and Abe were even different together. They laughed now, the recriminations of the past seemingly starting to resolve. She was so glad; she knew that Abe had been so upset about his son’s disappearance. Having Aidan around him had helped, but it would never replace his son. She understood that because no one would ever take the place of Aidan in her own heart.
By watching Harry—her Harry—she knew without a shadow of a doubt that he was in there too, right next to Aidan in the beating organ in her chest, and she knew that really he had never left. Now all she needed to do was decide whether she followed the beat of her heart or her head. Her mind was flip-flopping on a daily basis, and she didn’t quite know which one to trust. So she stayed in limbo. Looking for a sign, a concrete reason? She just didn’t know. So she focused on what she did know. The daily grind, her job, her son. Everything else was just too confusing to see clearly.
With the handover done, the two of them were soon on their way, a princely breakfast fuelling their busy day. And a busy day it turned out to be. Two calls for chest pains, four elderly falls, one woman going into labour at home alone, and more than a dozen slips, scrapes and work-related injuries.
‘Wow, London is just full of poorly people today.’ Harry arched his back, shifting in the passenger seat of ambulance seventeen.
Annabel drove through the city streets, focused on the traffic but flashing him a tired smile. ‘I know, and not one camel in sight.’
‘Ha-ha.’ Harry stuck his tongue out at her. ‘Funny. It’s not all desert dust and camels, you know.’
The next call came in, and Harry took care of the details while Annabel put the lights and sirens on, following the quickest route to the casualty while Harry fed back their ETA to the control room.
‘Eight-year-old child, male, difficulty breathing. Mother is very anxious. High temp overnight first controlled with paracetamol and ibuprofen, but now the fever is spiking and he is unable to speak more than a few words without difficulty. Query for a possible asthma attack.’
Annabel’s lips pursed, and once the road opened up she put her foot down on the accelerator. They pulled up outside the house in no time and were greeted by a man standing at the garden gate. He had a cigarette in one hand and a can of strong lager in the other. Harry nodded at the man, and his eyes focused on Annabel’s.
‘You get the equipment; I’ll go in first.’ Annabel rolled her eyes at him, but something about the man made her follow his lead for once. Their priority was the little boy inside. Harry got out and approached the gate.
‘Hello, sir—you called for assistance?’
Annabel worked quickly, Harry talking to the man, who was swaying and bumping into the gate.
‘I didn’t. Her indoors did. I told her, Ben’s just trying it on. Coughing and wheezing all night. Kept us all up. He just doesn’t want to go to school. You’re wasting your time, mate, and your little woman here. Last thing I want is another panic-stricken female in the place.’
‘Well, we’re here now. Is Ben your son?’ He didn’t like the way the man was sneering at Annabel. He obviously had little respect for women.
‘Stepson,’ the man countered, not even looking at Annabel as she came to stand at the side of Harry. Neither of them missed the sneer on his face as he spoke. The man pointed a thumb behind him towards the house, showering ash from his cigarette over himself. ‘She panders to him too much; it’s only a cold.’
‘Can we come past, please?’ Harry said, his hand already on the gate. The man slowly and sluggishly moved aside, and Harry caught hold of Annabel’s shirt sleeve, taking one of the kit bags from her and leading her into the property.
‘Hello?’ Annabel called into the hallway.
‘Up here,’ a panicked female voice said. ‘Quickly, please! Second bedroom on the left.’
The house was neat and tidy, aside from a full ashtray and a few empty cans littering the coffee table. A sports channel was on in the background, and they could hear the weak murmurs of the boy as they ran up the stairs.
‘I told you, you’re wasting your time. Isn’t there anyone else you could be helping? I’ve warned her not to push my buttons.’ The man was shouting up the stairs now, but the paramedics were already focused on the boy laid on the top of a single bed, his mother looking hollow-eyed and utterly panicked.
‘Hi, Ben,’ Annabel said, walking into the room as slowly as she could without losing time or panicking the boy. ‘We’re here to help, okay?’
The little boy was red-faced and because he was bare-chested, wearing only character pyjama bottoms, she could tell from his torso that he was really struggling to breathe. The little mite nodded, and the pair of them got to work. They listened to his chest, put a monitor on his finger and took his blood pressure.
‘Mum, is it?’ Harry said softly, turning to the woman while Annabel hooked Ben up to the portable oxygen tank they had carried in.
‘Julie, yeah. Is he going to be okay?’
‘We’re here to get him sorted; this oxygen will help him breathe better, get his stats back up,’ he said smoothly. ‘Has he had any difficulties like this before? Any asthma, or any history in the family?’
The worried mother shook her head, never taking her eyes off the boy. ‘No, nothing like that. I don’t think the smoke’s been helping him though.’ She looked at the doorway now, wide-eyed, as if her partner was standing there, but when Annabel looked, it was empty. The television channel had been changed downstairs, the noise blaring out. ‘He started with a cold a couple of days ago. Nothing major, but after last night I just couldn’t keep his temperature down for long, and now...’
She crumpled, dropping a kiss on her son’s head and keeping him close.
‘Oxygen’s low, decreased breath sounds on both sides,’ Annabel said quietly, and Harry nodded once.
‘Julie, we need to pop Ben up to the hospital, get him checked over properly. Can you grab him what he needs, and we’ll set off? It sounds like he’s got a nasty chest infection. I’ll go get a chair. Be ready to transport.’
He didn’t want to be carrying Ben down the stairs, and he had a feeling that the man downstairs wouldn’t be very pleased with the idea that the emergency services were ‘entertaining’ his stepson and his illness. He walked out of the room, running to the ambulance as soon as the boy was out of sight, heading upstairs with the chair as quickly and nimbly as he could.
‘Hey!’ The man got up from the couch as Harry got halfway up the stairs. ‘What the hell are you doing? Woman, I warned you!’
Harry ignored him, entering the boy’s room and closing the door behind him. He didn’t hear anything further, but the television volume went up again. Harry clenched his jaw and focused on the job in hand. He wanted to get the boy out of this place, and the fact that Annabel was here was making him nervous. The urge to protect her was raging through his body. He couldn’t bear the thought of her being hurt. Someone with a temper and a drink in them was not a good combination.
Not on my watch, he thought, and they got the boy out of there as fast as they could.
* * *
Much later, after Ben was settled in the care of the staff at A&E, Annabel followed Harry out to the ambulance.
‘Well, I thought that might go south at one point. I thought we might need to call for police assistance. He was a piece of work, wasn’t he? I felt sorry for them both.’
Harry didn’t reply, and when they’d got back into the ambulance she looked at him with concern.
‘You need a minute? We have a little time, if you need it.’
‘I’ll never understand people like that. The poor boy was ill; she’d have called before if it wasn’t for him, I’m sure. He could have got so much worse.’
‘He didn’t though; he’s going to be fine. We got to him, got him help.’
Harry responded through gritted teeth. ‘That’s not the point, and you know it. The kid deserved a father to be there for him.’
‘You don’t know that he hasn’t. Families split up; it doesn’t always mean that the father isn’t on the scene, or that he doesn’t care.’
‘I hate that Aidan never had that.’ He looked away from her, gazing out at the hospital’s comings and goings. ‘I hate that he thinks his father isn’t in his life.’
‘It’s not like that, and at the time I—’
‘I’m not having a go; it’s just hard, that’s all. I don’t blame you. I get your reasons. I hate them, but I get it. The thought of you getting hurt today... It tore me apart. I would have taken that guy’s head off if he’d come near you.’
‘You don’t have to worry. I can look after myself.’
‘That’s not what I’m saying. I know you can, but I want to be the one who looks after you too.’
He grabbed for her hand, taking it into his and placing it in his lap.
‘I don’t blame you; I blame myself. For everything.’
Not knowing what to say, how to make it right, Annabel squeezed his hand and then pulled away, clicking on the console that they were available for another call.
‘We’ve got another hour; let’s shake that last call off.’
He didn’t reply, pulling on his seatbelt and jamming it violently into the holder.
She looked at him thoughtfully. ‘Listen, it’s Friday, and it’s been a week. You got plans for tonight?’
That turned his head in her direction. She gave him a little smile.
‘I think Dad has his poker buddies coming round. I was just planning to stay out of the way. Sleep off the day.’
‘Well, as good as that sounds, I was thinking I might have a night off from cooking and order Chinese food with Aidan, maybe watch a film.’ He looked bemused, and she patted his hand. ‘I was thinking you could come over, share some noodles?’
He still looked drawn, but the lines on his brow lessened as he gave her a grateful smile. ‘Noodles and a movie sound great. What time?’
* * *
Annabel, fresh from the shower, listened to Aidan giggle downstairs as he watched one of his favourite TV shows, camped on the couch under his comfy throw. The canned laughter from the comedy show filtered upstairs, and she smiled to herself as she thought of her son, sitting in his pyjamas, waiting for Harry to arrive. He’d be here soon, and the minute they’d left each other in the hospital car park, the butterflies had started. She was looking forward to it so much, and Aidan’s face when she’d told him had made her heart sing.
They did rattle around a bit in the new house. When he was in bed fast asleep, she ended up going to bed early half the time, bored of sitting alone and looking at the newly decorated walls or the list of stuff she still wanted to get done. Tonight would be a welcome change, and she couldn’t help but think of it as a trial run either. Which meant she found herself wanting to make the effort, just a little.
She turned to her wardrobe and the half dozen outfits she had picked out as possibilities for the evening. They verged from ballroom attire to full-on sex kitten, and she groaned at her choices.
‘Get a grip on yourself,’ she chided her reflection in the mirror. She put them all back into the wardrobe and, heading to her dresser drawer, she pulled out her comfy black jeans and a white T-shirt. There. Not too much, but she did look good. She made to head downstairs, but at the last minute she blow-dried her hair so it fell in waves around her face, and slicked on a little bit of pink lip gloss. ‘There, nothing too much.’
She nodded at herself in the bedroom mirror and headed downstairs just in time to hear the knock at the door. She took a second to quell the frisson of nerves that fizzed through her body and, taking a deep breath, she stepped into the hall.
‘Hi.’ She opened the door to Harry, who looked stunning in a blue checked shirt, open at the neck, paired with dark blue jeans. She wanted to laugh as she took him in but held it back. They had both tried a little too hard to look casual, it seemed. ‘Come in.’
‘Hi.’ Harry smiled, stepping into the hallway and looking around him. ‘Wow, the builders really cracked on with the place. It’s looking great.’
‘Thanks. I’m still picking dust bunnies up but yeah, it’s getting there now.’
Annabel motioned him to come into the kitchen, and she noticed for the first time that he was bearing gifts. One was a football, and the other a beautiful bunch of flowers. She’d been so focused on him, she’d never even registered what was in his arms. The lounge in the TV was still playing, and Aidan’s laughter filtered through to them. He hadn’t heard the door.
‘Selective hearing,’ she explained. ‘His show finishes soon. Come through?’
Harry eyed the doorway to the lounge but followed her through with a nod. ‘I brought you some housewarming gifts. Thanks for inviting me tonight; it’s already getting rowdy at home.’
Annabel’s heart warmed when she heard that he considered Abe’s to be home. The pair of them were so similar, they’d always butted heads. Abe had seemingly let go of the GP father-son dream, and when Annabel saw the two of them these days they seemed to be rubbing along quite nicely together, rowdy card nights aside. It made her so happy, after all those years of them being at loggerheads. It was nice to see, and Abe was far happier and less grumpy to boot. Win-win. He hadn’t even been angry at her for keeping the truth about Aidan a secret, which had surprised her too. Given their struggles over the years, it could have been a heck of a lot worse. Of course, Abe had kept his own counsel for years. He’d never let Annabel know that he’d worked it out. Like she’d said, they were so similar in many ways.
‘No problem. Aidan’s been looking forward to it. If he wasn’t glued to his programme, he’d already be in here chewing your ear off.’ She took the flowers from him, leaning in to smell the blooms. ‘Calla lilies too, my favourite.’ Her hair fell over her eye and Harry leaned in, brushing the strand away with his free hand.
‘I know. I remember.’ She shivered when his fingertips brushed down her cheek and, closing her eyes, she turned her face into his hand. His eyes went dark and he leaned in, just a fraction. The paper wrapping the flowers being squashed between them rustled as she followed his lead.
‘Is that for me?’
Aidan bounded into the room, and the pair of them sprang apart. Harry threw her a look that made her pulse race and addressed his enthusiastic son.
‘Of course it is! I thought, with your new garden being sorted, you could get some practice in.’
Harry whirled around on the balls of his feet, leaning down to show Aidan the football. Annabel knew it was a decent one; Harry had been eyeing it in the shop the other week when they’d been shopping for new boots.
‘It’s so cool! Thanks, Harry! Look, Mum!’ Aidan took the ball from Harry’s hands, showing her his gift.
‘Oh, that’s great! We’ll have to get a football net for out back; you can show us some skills.’
Aidan’s expression was so happy and, looking at Harry’s flushed face, she could tell he was equally elated. His red cheeks also gave him away as feeling just as caught out by their son as she did. The two of them started to chat away, and she busied herself by finding a vase for the flowers. They really were beautiful. She couldn’t remember the last time a man had bought her any. Harry had always been a romantic in the past.
This is a housewarming gift, though, not a declaration.
Even her own thoughts sounded unsure. If they hadn’t been interrupted, she’d have kissed him again. Glancing back at Harry, who was looking at her over Aidan’s shoulder, she felt certain that he knew it too.
* * *
‘Another prawn toast?’
Aidan shook his head, groaning as he patted his little flat tummy. ‘No, thanks, Mum, I’m stuffed!’
Harry sat back next to him on the couch, patting his own belly. ‘Nor me, I can’t do it.’
The feast was sitting out on the coffee table, the credits of the family film they had just finished watching rolling on screen.
‘Well, more for me then. Waste not, want not!’
Annabel swooped in for the last piece, eating it in two bites.
Harry chuckled, a low rumble. ‘You always were like a dustbin,’ he teased.
‘Hey!’ She flicked out a foot from her sideways position on the armchair, trying to kick him. He didn’t flinch, just grabbed her bare foot. His touch made her skin tingle, and he stroked the top of her foot and slowly let it go.
Aidan was giggling at the side of him ‘He’s right Mum; you always order too much and then eat your way through it.’ He made a snorting pig sound, and Harry joined in. She pretended to glare at them both, and caught Aidan stifling a yawn.
‘Well, piglet, I think that means it’s time for you to go to bed.’
‘Aww, no!’ he tried to protest, but another yawn cut him off. ‘Okay,’ he said glumly. ‘’Night, Harry.’ He flung himself into Harry’s chest, hugging him tight.
Harry looked shocked for a half second, before wrapping his arms around him and kissing the top of his head. ‘’Night, kiddo, sleep tight. And hey, if you want a goalie, I’m in.’
‘Cool. Can we, Mum?’ He lifted his head to look at his mother, and she found herself a little too choked to speak, seeing the two of them cuddled up on the couch, so natural with each other. She nodded and smiled robotically, pointing a finger towards the hallway.
‘I know, I know—brush my teeth. ’Night, Harry!’ He held out a hand and Harry high-fived him back.
‘’Night, Aidan. Sleep tight.’
‘I won’t be long. Make yourself at home,’ she said over her shoulder as she headed up the stairs after her son.
Once teeth were brushed and hands and face were washed, Aidan snuggled down under the covers. Annabel tucked him in, turning his dinosaur night light down to low so the room glowed with a dull hue. The light from the landing trickled in, showing Aidan’s tired face over the covers.
‘Harry’s so cool, Mum. He played football when he worked away, you know. I want to do that when I grow up.’
‘Did he?’
‘Yeah, he played with the other doctors. You should start a team, Mum, at the ambulance station. Harry could be the striker.’
Annabel laughed, sitting down on the bed and smoothing a tuft of hair off his face. ‘Well, I think the nurses might like that, but there’s no way I’d be getting my lily-white legs out in front of my colleagues and showing them how rubbish at the game I am.’
Another giggle filled the room. ‘Yeah, you’re rubbish.’
‘Hey! I was great at netball at school, I’ll have you know.’
That just produced an eye roll of epic proportions.
‘That’s lame, Mum. Messi is way cooler than any netball player.’
‘I’ll give you that,’ she said, dropping a kiss on the top of her beautiful son’s head. Seeing Harry and Aidan together had made her realise just how alike they were in their mannerisms. The eye rolls, the mickey taking. Harry always had been cheeky, and Aidan was just the same. She wondered what else she had blocked out about the past. ‘Straight to sleep now.’
He turned onto his side, facing Annabel and resting his head on the plump pillows beneath him.
Sleepily, his eyelids already hooded, his brow furrowed. ‘I like Harry. Do you, Mum?’
‘Yes, I like him. He’s good to work with.’
‘I think he likes you too.’
‘What makes you say that?’
‘He looks at you a lot. Like how Uncle Tom and Uncle Lloyd look at each other.’
‘Well, your uncles are in love, so it’s a bit different.’
‘I think it’s the same. I think he likes you, Mum. Do you like him?’
‘Of course I like him. He’s a good friend, and we work together a lot so that’s a good thing.’
‘That’s not what I meant, Mum.’
Annabel smiled down at him, fighting to stay awake as his busy day started to take its toll.
‘I know, love. It’s grown-up stuff; sometimes it’s a bit complicated.’
‘I know,’ he said, showing wisdom far beyond his years. ‘I just think that people who love each other should always say it. That’s what Granddad says, and he’s really smart.’
Annabel said nothing, her throat not co-operating now. She played with his fringe, just like she’d done when he was little, dropping another kiss onto his little forehead and watching in silence as his long dark lashes fluttered as he fell asleep. She was halfway out of his bedroom door when his soft voice, thick with sleep, stilled her departure.
‘Do you think he’ll stay forever? I really hope he does. We need him now, don’t we?’
She turned to ask him what he meant, but he was already fast asleep.
‘Yes, kiddo,’ she whispered into the half light of the room. ‘I think we do.’
* * *
Heading downstairs, she walked into the lounge and saw it was empty. The coffee table had been cleared, the cushions plumped and the television turned off. Just as her heart was sinking at the thought that Harry had left, she heard humming coming from the kitchen.
‘You didn’t have to do that,’ she said from the doorway, watching him wash up at the sink. He looked so at home in her kitchen, as though he had always been there. Here in this house, with her.
‘I don’t mind, the least I could do really. I had a great night.’ He turned to look at her as he placed another clean plate onto the dish rack. ‘Aidan asleep already?’
‘Yeah,’ she said, crossing the room and taking a bottle of white wine from the fridge. ‘He was exhausted.’ The leftovers from their meal had been wrapped up and put into the fridge. ‘You even saved me some snacks!’
He laughed, another low rumble. ‘I couldn’t find a trough, so I improvised.’ He dried his hands on one of the towels from the rack and leaned back against the sink, his forearms flexing under his rolled-up shirtsleeves.
‘Carry on with the sow jokes, I dare you.’ She waggled the wine bottle at him. ‘Drink?’
‘Sure. Dad send a text a few minutes ago, complaining that Leonard is cheating. He mentioned something about 1976, so I’m guessing it’s not the first time they’ve butted heads. I’m in no hurry. Glasses?’
‘Behind you, top cabinet.’
They took them through to the lounge, sitting next to each other on the couch. Annabel flicked on the television, some comedy sitcom on low.
‘You feeling better, after the Ben call?’ She’d wanted to ask him since the minute he’d walked in but hadn’t wanted to spoil the mood.
‘Not really, but I checked with A&E. He’s in for the night for observation. Mum’s staying with him.’
Annabel filled both their glasses, offering one to Harry. Their hands crossed on the stem, and he stroked his finger along hers before taking it.
‘That’s good. I checked with the social care team. They are in the system, so I flagged up today’s call with them. They’ll check in with mum before they leave the hospital.’
Harry’s shoulders relaxed a little, and he took a deep gulp of the cold drink. ‘Thanks. I had been thinking the same thing, to be honest.’
‘No problem. I would have done it anyway; the family needs some help. The mother’s always worked well with them, by all accounts.’
Harry nodded. ‘I got that feel from her. She obviously loves him.’
They fell silent, watching the television for a while in comfortable silence.
‘I’d rather die than see Aidan suffer like that,’ he said eventually, turning towards her on the couch. She tucked her feet up behind her, their knees touching now.
‘I know that. He thinks you’re amazing.’
‘As a friend of his mum’s, sure,’ he retorted, his jaw flexing. ‘As some long-lost son of his granddad.’
This isn’t going how I thought it would. He’s...angry.
‘I don’t want to argue, please. We’re doing okay, aren’t we?’
Harry sighed, and the anger seemed to leave his features. ‘Sure. I’ve loved getting to know him. Dad’s been great too. It’s weird—the old issues, they just don’t seem to be an issue any more.’
‘He missed you, a lot. He did try to contact you; they all did.’
‘I know,’ he acknowledged. ‘I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind to hear from them.’ He looked her right in the eye. ‘I would have answered when you called again. I was on shift. I wish I’d called.’
She was mid sip, the rim of the glass resting on her lips. She finished the action, allowing the wine to cool her throat and give her strength. She’d almost bitten down on the glass when he’d spoken, but she had nowhere to hide with him staring straight at her.
‘I know,’ was all she could summon to say. ‘I wish you had too.’
‘Did you miss me?’
Stupid question, Harry.
‘That’s not a fair question.’
‘I know, but I’m asking it anyway. Answer it, please.’
Answer it, he says. Hell, I could write a book about it. What the heck do I say? Do I tell him the truth, that I missed him every day? That I sobbed at every sonogram appointment? That I once punched an advert on the wall of the Tube station because it had an advertisement for Dubai on it? No, no, no. Protect that underbelly, Sanders. Don’t give everything away.
‘Well, yes. Short answer, I did miss you, for a long time.’
For ever, in fact. You ruined me for all other men. No, not that either. You sound like an old maid.
She took another sip of her wine and started to talk. ‘I vomited. In the airport. Did you know that? All over the airport lounge. Pregnancy joys, I guess, but I didn’t know at the time.’
He shook his head, his expression giving nothing away. She waved him off with her hand.
‘Of course you didn’t. Sorry. It was after you’d gone. I threw up right there in the check-in hall, in front of everyone. The woman behind the counter got a shock, I can tell you.’
‘I’m sorry for that.’
‘I threw up because I was already pregnant with Aidan. I didn’t know at the time, not till a few weeks after. I ignored the signs, I suppose, or more I didn’t see them. The possibility didn’t enter my head. Even with all my training, I didn’t have a clue.’
Harry hung his head, a look she’d never seen before on his face. ‘Sometimes, even the best training in the world can’t make you see the signs that are right there in front of you. Not till the body takes over and makes you see it. None of this is your fault. Did you ever hate me?’
‘Who says I don’t now?’ she quipped, but he didn’t laugh. ‘No, I never hated you. We had a child coming. I had no room in my heart for hate.’
‘Did you miss me all the time?’
He was looking at her intently, his eyes focused on her. Her eyes, then her lips. She licked them without thinking, feeling suddenly parched. She took another sip of Dutch courage, and she could feel Harry tense at the side of her when she took too long to answer. As though doubt had crept into the silence and filled it for him.
‘Sorry. Forget I asked. I didn’t mean to push.’
‘Yes,’ she admitted finally. ‘I missed you every day. I missed telling you about work, about the funny things that happened in the station. When Aidan took his first steps, I cried myself to sleep. When I was in labour, Tom at my side, I shouted for you to come. He told me after. I was delirious on gas and air, half out of my mind with pain and fear. I missed you Harry; we all did.’ She turned back to the television and heard the clink of his wine glass on the coffee table. Felt him take her glass from her hand. She kept her eyes on the television, feeling as if every nerve-ending was on fire.
‘Look at me, Annie. Please.’ For once, hearing his name for her didn’t make her feel anything but cherished. She was still his Annie.
She took a breath and turned to him. He was closer now, his face inches from hers.
‘I’m glad I told you why I left. I wanted you to know. To understand why I made the mistake of not taking you with me. I missed you too. I loved you so much, Annie. Every single day. Your face kept me going on my worst days. I threw up a lot too, when I was sick. I regret a lot in my life, but nothing quite so much as how much I hurt you. How I wrecked our little family before it had even begun. The thing is, I—’
‘Do you still?’
* * *
Her question threw him off track, and he tried to stay on subject. Being so close to her after all this time was intoxicating. It made his head spin. Her lips were so close, her body turned to him as her face searched his for the answer she sought. He was trying to get his lips to work, to form the sounds he was desperate to get out there, but all the treacherous things wanted to do was meet with hers. He wanted to kiss her stupid, and they tingled with the sheer need. Damn his body; it had let him down at some of the most pivotal moments. You never learned that in any textbook.
‘Do I still what?’ He finally managed to get them back under control.
Looking at him now, she looked like the young girl he had fallen in love with. Strong, driven, but less sure of herself.
‘Love me.’
That was the easiest question to answer. It had never been in doubt, all these years. It had never dulled. Not over time or the thousands of miles, or even when he’d been fighting against the bad cells that were within him, trying to take him away from her for good. Throughout all that, she had been the voice in his head, his reason for getting up and facing each day. Every day—from the day in the airport to this one. Till the day he finally left this earth.
‘Yes, Annie. God, yes.’ He took her hands in his, rubbing his thumbs along the soft skin he’d once thought he’d never get to touch again. ‘I never stopped. Never.’
She closed the gap between them and he met her there. Their lips melded together as they poured every ounce of their love into their kiss. He lifted her into his arms and she straddled him on the sofa, her hair falling over them both as they explored each other’s mouths. Harry could feel her heart pumping fast, every bit as fast as his.
She broke off the kiss to draw breath. ‘I love you too, Harry. Damn you, but I love you too.’