HOW TO BE A HUMAN LIE DETECTOR
It’s a long process to get hired as a CIA Officer. It can take over a year to complete the psychological exam, physical exam, background checks, paperwork, and various interviews. One of the most nerve-racking parts of the experience for me was the polygraph test. I was actually offered jobs by both the Secret Service and the CIA, so I’ve been polygraphed multiple times. When you’re taking a polygraph test, sensors are attached to different parts of your body to measure your respiratory rate, blood pressure, heart rate, and electrodermal activity (in other words, how much you sweat). While I was obviously aware of what all the wires were for, I couldn’t see anything that was happening with the polygraph machine. During my polygraph for the Secret Service, I remember being in a tiny white room with no windows. The white walls almost had a hypnotizing effect. The chair was uncomfortable, and I was seated just a couple of feet away from the guy who was conducting the test. I was hooked up to several wires. I remember thinking about a story from my family’s past, and was nervous about how it would impact my polygraph test.
One summer, when I was about nine years old, I found an interesting poster when we were cleaning out my grandmother’s basement. I thought it was really neat; it was colorful and had a Russian hammer and sickle on it.
I wanted to keep it, but my mom said that there was no way my dad would let me put it in my bedroom. Turns out, my grandmother was a full-blown communist (not a phrase many people toss around these days), and this poster was communist propaganda. It seems my grandmother’s brother, who had gone to Russia several times, had convinced her to join the Communist Party. My dad was even dragged to her communist book club meetings when he was a kid. To make the story more interesting, my dad’s piano teacher at that time was an undercover FBI agent. My grandfather, who was a farmer, often had FBI agents come out to question him, even though he did not share my grandmother’s communist views. Luckily for her, they didn’t deem my grandmother a threat to national security. Obviously, my family’s former communist ties were a bit of a concern for me when I was applying to work for the Secret Service. When I was asked, “Have you had any foreign affiliation with foreign governments, or worked with the Russian government?” I ended up just laughing, and telling the truth.
Luckily, that’s not the first question they asked me. The first thing that happens when you take a polygraph test is that a baseline is established. As you know from learning about situational awareness, a baseline is a measure of what’s normal for you. To take a baseline measurement during a polygraph test, you’ll be asked a series of simple questions that you obviously know the answer to: “What’s your name?” “Where do you live?” Once they can see your reaction to simple questions, they’ll start to ask more challenging ones.
When I took my polygraph for the CIA, the polygraphers actually did a kind of good cop–bad cop routine when they got to the tougher questions. I have never done drugs in my life, so when one officer was asked if I’ve ever taken drugs, I answered no. Yet the other officer was saying to me “The polygraph is showing that you’ve done drugs. You’re lying. We realize everyone has done drugs in high school or college.” It was a ploy to get a person to admit they had done drugs after pushing them to the limit. Luckily, I had the sense to stick with the truth. In the scheme of things, my polygraph turned out to be easy. I know other officers who were told to come back the next day for a follow-up. I was in and out in just a couple of hours. I was relieved when the experience was over.
One of the best benefits of working in the intelligence business is that you basically become a human lie detector. I probably don’t need to tell you why this is an incredibly useful skill. We all want to be able to trust our business associates, employees, neighbors, friends, and the people who interact with our children. We may be working with a contractor or in the middle of an important business negotiation when something in our gut is telling us not to believe what this person is saying. How do we know if we should trust our gut if we think someone is being truthful? Luckily, there are some simple tricks you can train yourself to look out for that will help you determine whether a person is lying.
Human beings are terrible liars. This is the way we are wired. Our brains move a million miles a second, and before we can think straight enough to tell a lie we’ve already given off many subtle clues that we’re not telling the truth.
And while a person telling a lie will not necessarily exhibit all of the traits I’m going to talk about in this chapter, it’s important to learn to notice them when they come up. A person who exhibits a cluster of these behaviors is likely telling a lie.
A situation I found myself in my sophomore year of high school provides a good example of some of the classic traits exhibited by a liar. I was dating a girl who had just broken up with a defensive linebacker from the high school football team. This guy was intense, and wasn’t going to appreciate me dating his ex-girlfriend. It’s important to note that at the time, I was scrawny (not that I’m a giant by any means now). This guy could have easily taken me in a fight. One afternoon I was at her house when the ex-boyfriend pulled up in his car. The girlfriend didn’t know what to do. She panicked and told me to go hide in one of the closets. She let the linebacker in, and he immediately wanted to know what was going on. She told him no one was there, but that didn’t stop him from opening and closing all the doors in the house. I was cowering in the back of her closet when he opened the door. I was sure that was going to be the end of me. He saw me and said, “Oh, hi Jason. What are you doing here?” When trying to detect a lie, the first three to five seconds of a confrontation are crucial—that’s the time when our brains are working frantically to try to keep up with the lie we’re trying to tell. When the guy first asked me what I was doing, I was stuttering. A few seconds later I said, “There’s a girl I like in school. I came over to get advice. I’m hiding, because I’m embarrassed and I don’t want anyone to know . . . so don’t tell anyone.” I was rambling like crazy, because I was lying and my mind was working to create the lie. (In case you’re wondering, the linebacker believed me.)
The story of my sophomore year girlfriend outlines a couple of typical lying behaviors that indicate that someone is not telling the truth. I stumbled in the first few seconds of the confrontation because I had to come up with the lie. If I were telling the truth and had nothing to hide, I wouldn’t have stuttered or been delayed with my response—I would have immediately given an answer. While I’m lucky the linebacker was willing to believe my ridiculous story, if he had known just a few of the basic signs about lying, I would have been in big trouble.
While it would be great to jump right in and give you a list of behaviors to look out for to determine if someone is lying, the thing is, that won’t work if you don’t take the time to establish a baseline. The CIA or any other intelligence agency doesn’t sit you down in a chair, strap some wires to you, and jump in with big questions like “Have you ever used drugs?” or “Have you ever worked for a foreign government?” Instead, as I noted earlier, they need to establish a baseline by asking you basic questions about yourself and maybe even something as simple as, “Is the carpet in this room green?” Once the CIA could see my breathing rate, pulse, blood pressure, and perspiration rate when I answered those simple questions in an obviously truthful way, they knew what my baseline was. They’d now be able to determine more easily if I was lying when answering other, more difficult questions.
To really establish whether someone is lying to you or not, you need to get yourself familiar with their everyday, regular behavior. If you don’t know what constitutes normal behavior for this person, you won’t have a clue if they are exhibiting some of the signs that indicate a lie is being told. If you decide a person is lying about accidentally scratching your car in a parking lot because she is “acting fidgety,” you could be completely wrong. That person may be fidgety all the time, and you couldn’t have possibly have established a baseline in the ten seconds since you first met her. However, baseline behavior can be established fairly quickly and easily using the following tactics.
While movies and TV shows are full of scenes where a cop or a criminal is practically torturing someone to get an answer out of him, in real life, it’s best to make sure the person you’re trying to get a baseline from is comfortable. I would make sure we were sitting on a couch and would ask him if he wants a drink of water. You’re more liable to get an accurate read of his baseline behavior this way. On the flip side, if it’s a hundred degrees outside and both of us are sweating bullets, I wouldn’t try to figure out if a person was lying under those uncomfortable conditions. If I knew the person well enough to know if he had certain phobias, I’d avoid those too. I wouldn’t try to figure out if he is lying while at the top of the Empire State Building if I knew he was afraid of heights—and I wouldn’t have my dog nearby if I knew the person was afraid of dogs.
When trying to establish a person’s baseline behavior I’ll ask him questions he already knows the answer to. Think of simple questions that the person has no reason to lie about. For example, you might know that your coworker used to work at Macy’s. Simply ask him, “So you worked at Macy’s? How was that job?” Because he has no reason to lie when answering a simple question like this, you’ll get some good clues about how the person behaves when telling the truth.
While he’s answering these innocuous questions, you need to watch your subject closely in order to note any unusual mannerisms or behaviors. Make a mental note of anything he does while answering, which establishes a baseline. You need to observe and note every mannerism the person exhibits during tactics one and two. Here are just a few examples of basic mannerisms:
If you are able to note which mannerisms a person exhibits while not lying, it will be much easier to note any changes in behavior that suggest a lie.
Now that you’ve spent some time observing your subject and have a grasp of his baseline behaviors, you’re ready to start asking questions that relate directly to the lie you suspect you’ve been told. It is important to note that a person who is lying is not likely to exhibit every behavior I’m going to discuss in this chapter. If a person shows one trait on this list, it does not mean he is lying. What you need to look for are groups of behavior. Is the person exhibiting a few of these signs? If a grouping of these behaviors is present, and you’ve noted that these behaviors are not part of the person’s baseline, it’s likely he is telling a lie.
As I mentioned, if a person is lying to you, he will likely exhibit some telltale behaviors within three to five seconds of being asked a question that pertains to the lie. The person may start stuttering or won’t be able to get his story out precisely. He may stumble over details as he is trying to answer your question. This happens as our brains take the time to create the lie we actually end up telling. If you ask an employee, “Do you know who took the money from the cash register?” it’s crucial you pay close attention to how the person reacts in that three-to-five-second window.
A guilty person will not answer your questions directly.
A guilty person will start listing all the reasons why you should trust him. He’ll start to tell you about all the wonderful things he’s done. You may hear about how he was an Eagle Scout . . . or how he volunteers with the homeless. While being an Eagle Scout or a volunteer is wonderful, it’s no replacement for the truth. An honest person will simply answer your question, rather than try to convince you of his honesty by telling you about all of his good deeds.
Much like being an Eagle Scout doesn’t mean you’re honest, being religious doesn’t automatically make you trustworthy either. It’s not unusual for a person who is lying to try to convince you he can be trusted based on religious beliefs. After getting a deal with Daymond John on the ABC television show Shark Tank, I was approached by many people about various deals. In one case, I asked an individual to show me some numbers about a potential deal we were discussing. Instead of showing me what I asked for, he kept saying “Jason, I’m a Christian. You can trust me.” This was a red flag. If he were honest, he simply would have sent me what I asked for.
As previously mentioned, I’m Mormon. When I got the deal on Shark Tank, John wanted to see my tax returns and my books to make sure the numbers I gave him about my business were accurate. If I had told him, “Daymond, I’m Mormon, you don’t need to see my books. You can trust me,” that would have been crazy. I don’t care what your religion is. If a potential partner asks to see your books and you’re an honest person, the only answer should be, “Absolutely.”
Many people think that we’ll be able to catch a person in a lie by watching her face—that a sudden facial expression, a movement of the mouth or eyes is going to provide a sure giveaway that she’s lying. The truth is, our feet give away more information than our faces do. If you are sitting at a table or on a sofa with someone, and her feet start jiggling when you ask her a potentially damaging question, it’s possible she’s lying. In other words, if her feet are still, but then you ask her a question about missing money, and her feet start shifting or jiggling, there’s a good chance she’s lying. Feet can give you clues in other situations too. Our feet naturally point us in the direction they want to go. For example, if you’re talking to someone at a party, and his feet are pointed toward a door, there’s a good chance that on some level, he is thinking about getting away. Customs agents are trained to watch people’s feet. An honest person who is going through customs at the airport is going to face the customs agent with his feet pointing directly at the person. Honest people don’t feel guilty or look like they have something to hide. If a person is talking to a customs agent, but his feet are not squared up with the agent, the agent knows there’s a possibility that the person is lying. A drug smuggler, or a person who has something else to hide is going to have his feet pointed toward the nearest exit when going through customs.
Think of the freeze as a movement that’s like a tortoise retreating into its shell. It’s common for a person who is guilty to move around less and freeze. This is one of the biggest indicators you’re going to get that someone is telling a lie. I fly a lot, and one time I started to notice a very nasty smell. Someone on the plane had obviously passed some gas. I start looking around . . . like where in the world did that come from? I notice everyone else is looking around wondering the exact same thing, except for a guy in the row ahead of me on the left. He’s sitting there, frozen, while everyone else is looking around (which is what normal people do). This guy was not moving at all, and it was obvious that he was the culprit.
Eyes can certainly provide clues that a person is lying, but not necessarily for the reasons you might think. Many people believe that a person who is lying will look down—but there are many other reasons why a person may be looking down. If you just started a new job, and the CEO of the company asked you into the office to question you about missing files from his desk, chances are you’d look down automatically due to the gap in authority. It’s an intimidating situation and it’s natural to look down. However, if the person is lying she would be more likely to stare too hard at the person questioning her. The over-stare is used when a liar is trying to convince you she’s being honest by looking at you directly and intensely—trying too hard to convince you of the truth and simply not exhibiting normal human behavior.
One time, when I was still in the CIA, I was traveling overseas on a personal vacation. When you travel for pleasure or personal reasons as a CIA officer, you definitely don’t say you work for the CIA when going through customs in a foreign country. When I got to the customs counter, the agent started grilling me hard. He was asking me a ton of questions. I had my story planned. When she asked me about my job, I told her that I “work at museums in the Washington, DC, area. I do security work, giving people directions and helping them find their way around.” While I was telling my story to the customs officer, I was forcing myself not to stare too hard and to break my gaze at her. I made sure to look down occasionally, so the customs agent wouldn’t get suspicious about what I was telling her. (It worked.)
People who are lying tend to have extreme overreactions when confronted. Their intention is to beat you down—and make you feel ridiculous for even questioning their behavior. By overreacting, they’re setting up a scenario in which you’ll never want to question them again. For example, it’s not uncommon for me to be asked about cheating husbands. I was once asked by a woman who found some incriminating evidence on her husband’s phone how she could find out if he was having an affair. She insisted he couldn’t be having an affair, since their marriage was in great shape. I suggested she confront her husband, tell him about the evidence she found, and see how he reacts. She called me the next day, thrilled that her husband wasn’t having an affair. She explained that he was outraged by her suggestion and was extremely upset by the idea that she didn’t trust him. Unfortunately, this was actually a big red flag. If you’re married and aren’t cheating on your wife, and she accuses you of having an affair, chances are that you’re not going to fly off the handle. If the truth is you’re not cheating, then you ultimately have no reason to be so angry that you’re cussing and shouting and completely losing your cool. This woman eventually received definitive proof that her husband was having an affair, and to this day she’s amazed that I knew. So the next time someone reacts in a crazy manner when you ask him a question, remember that this is an indicator that he could be lying.
It’s no surprise that someone who is guilty is going to be more inclined to suggest a lighter punishment. That’s why it can be effective to ask the guilty party what she thinks the punishment should be. The innocent people involved may suggest appropriate or particularly harsh punishments for the wrongdoer. They might feel a person who steals at work should be fired or arrested and sent to jail. I recently was told about a situation in which someone had broken into a restaurant and had taken $4,000. While trying to figure out what happened, the police gave questionnaires to all of the employees that included questions about what should happen to the person who stole the $4,000. A long-term employee wrote something along the lines of “People make mistakes. They should be told to never do it again.” Aware that this was a sign of guilt, the police confronted the person, who eventually confessed.
Liars will often not answer your question directly. Wanting to deflect their guilt, they’ll do anything to avoid answering the question. My two-year-old daughter loves her Cabbage Patch doll, but my wife doesn’t like her to have it at bedtime. My daughter plays with it, and it keeps her from falling asleep. One night, my daughter was happily playing with her doll, but I knew I had to take it away from her before bed. The second I took it she started yelling and screaming. So what did I do? I gave it back because I was exhausted after a long day and I wanted to go to sleep. My wife, immediately suspicious, asked me if I gave her the doll back. Instead of answering yes, I immediately asked, “What?” My indirect answer was a strong indication that I was lying and had given the doll back to my screaming daughter (but I happened to be joking when answering my wife’s question, and she knew it). If someone you suspect of lying answers with another question or simply refuses to answer at all, this is another indication that she might be guilty of lying.
While this may be more difficult to detect, watching how a person shakes his head can be an indicator of lying. In short, if you ask a person a question, and he answers honestly, his head moves before the words come out of his mouth.
If his head shakes yes or no after he has already started speaking, chances are he’s telling a lie. In her popular TED talk “How to Spot a Liar,” Pamela Meyer illustrates this point by showing an interview with former presidential candidate John Edwards. The interview was about fathering a child with a woman he was having an affair with. While Edwards was emphatically telling the interviewer that he’d be happy to take a paternity test, Meyers shows us that Edwards was very subtly shaking his head in the negative during the entire interview. The words coming out of his mouth were in direct conflict with his head movement. While difficult to see, this is a sign that Edwards was not being honest.