DRU FINISHED PATTING the soil around the base of the hibiscus, then leaned back on her heels to smile at the bright purple blossoms.
Gorgeous.
Nothing said security like roots, right? Even if they were plant roots.
“Drucilla, what on earth do you think you’re doing in my yard?”
Dru lost her balance and fell on her ass.
“Mom,” she greeted with a grimace as she pushed herself to her knees then brushed the dirt off her butt. “The nursery called again about the special hibiscus order, so I picked it up. I figured I’d surprise you.”
From the look of anger scrunching up her mom’s face, it was one hell of a surprise. The rip-the-tree-out-of-the-ground-and-spank-Dru-with-the-branches kind of surprise.
“You know how I feel, Drucilla. Is this your way of mocking my concerns?”
Guilt, so easily tapped, bounced right to the surface of Dru’s psyche. She had the trowel in hand and was about to dig the plant up before she even realized she’d moved.
“No,” she exclaimed. Her words were as much for her own wimpy self as they were for her mother.
It might have been the astonishment of Dru back talking or the fact that she’d back talked at such a high pitch. Either way, her mother’s face was a study in shock.
“Please, will you please just believe me, Mom,” Dru said, slowly straightening to give herself time to try to figure out what she was going to say. “Nothing is going to happen to the house. You need to stop worrying about it. I’ve got a steady job, I’m in a solid position with the lab and there’s nothing to stress about.”
Her mother clamped her arms across her chest and stared.
“Look, I’m heading up a huge project. We’re in line to receive backing from one of the biggest institutes in the country. My reputation will be made,” Dru claimed, her tone just this side of bragging.
Her mother’s glare said just this side was way too far over the line.
“Do you have a guarantee of success on this little project of yours?” Olympia asked bitterly. “Are you so positive that you’ll prove your hypothesis?”
Panic tried to worm its way into Dru’s gut. But she stood firm and refused. No. Whatever happened, she was going to have faith. In the project’s success. In her career potential. And most of all, in herself.
So Dru mirrored her mom’s arm-crossed attitude, shifting her weight to the left and setting her chin.
“There are never guarantees in science,” Dru said through gritted teeth. “You know that, Mother. Just as you know a failed hypothesis isn’t the end of a career.”
Her mother looked at her in that way she had that made Dru feel about eight years old. Stomach churning, she lifted her chin higher and tried to stop her lip from trembling.
“Just because Daddy didn’t make it doesn’t mean I’m a failure, Mother.”
“You’re your father’s daughter. You have the same eyes, the same interests, the same personality. You’re practically walking in his footsteps.”
Dru’s mouth dropped. “That’s so unfair.”
Olympia lifted her chin, then snatched up a broom and started cleaning the dirty evidence of Dru’s recent horticultural venture.
“Life isn’t fair, now, is it?”
Dru gave her mother the evil stare of rebellion, perfected in her teen years. It worked just as well now as it had then. As usual, Dru gave up after a few seconds. She puffed out a huge breath of air, then grabbed the dustpan off the potting bench.
“Why can’t you support me, Mom?” she asked quietly. “Why can’t you believe in me for once?”
The sweeping quickened, her mother’s moves getting jerky.
“I believe in this project, Mom. I’m good at what I do and I do have a solid reputation,” Dru continued, bending down to hold the dustpan in place. She blinked a few times to clear her vision, then looked up beseechingly. “I’ve been at the same lab for five years. My papers are well received. I’m heading up a major study before I’m thirty. Why can’t you see these things as the positives they are?”
The broom stilled. Dru held her breath.
“You should never count on anything,” her mother warned, sounding defeated.
Dru sucked in a shaky, tear-filled breath, then scooped up the dirt, walking slowly to the trash can as if the gloomiest rain cloud was hovering over her head.
“Come have lunch,” her mother said, holding open the screen door. “I just made a fresh batch of your favorite cinnamon-butter cookies this morning.”
Dru wanted to refuse. She wanted to go home, curl up under her bed and snivel. But as gratifying as that might be, it was also pointless. She put the dustpan away, wiped her hands on her jeans and climbed the concrete steps.
As she reached her mom, she frowned. “Fresh this morning? You didn’t know I was coming over, though.”
“I make some fresh each week,” her mother said, heading for the kitchen. “So you always have something to come home to.”
And that, Dru realized, was what it was all about. Her mom wasn’t really knocking the possibility of Dru’s successes. In her own way, her mom was just making sure Dru knew she always had somewhere, something, to depend on.
Just in case she needed it.
Overwhelmed by emotion, Dru walked over and hugged her mother. Arms wound tight, she rocked from side to side. After a brief hesitation, Olympia returned the hug, then stepped back to give her daughter a questioning look.
“That’s just a thanks,” Dru said. “You know, for the cookies.”
DRU WAS PRACTICALLY skipping as she made her way down the hall to her office. She rounded the corner, her head full of happy thoughts, and almost mowed down her best friend.
“Well, well,” Nikki said, laughing as she sidestepped. “Did someone get lucky last night?”
Dru’s eyes widened and she looked quickly up and down the hall before hissing at Nikki to quiet down. “I didn’t get lucky,” she whispered. “I just had a, well, a really great evening with my mom.”
Nikki’s brows shot sky-high.
“Your mom? Olympia Robichoux? She who is never satisfied?”
Dru’s lips quirked. With a roll of her eyes, she opened her office door and gestured for Nikki to precede her.
“I went over to do some gardening, then we talked. She was just as discouraging as usual.”
Nikki dropped into a chair and stared, giving Dru the when-did-you-go-crazy look.
“I finally realized none of that matters,” Dru explained as she sat opposite her friend. It’d taken her half the night to label this giddy feeling, but it was still hard to explain to someone who actually knew how negative her mother was. “My mom has her hang-ups, but they aren’t mine anymore. I believe in myself. I’ve got a solid career I love. I make a good living and have excellent prospects.”
Nikki’s grin was so big, her dimples almost disappeared. “Hmm, this sounds familiar.”
“I know. You’ve been telling me this for years. But I finally believe it,” Dru told her. “I finally believe in myself. And I also believe that the cosmic string project is actually going to make me a star.”
“A star?” Nikki looked like a proud momma whose daughter had just scored the lead role in the school play.
“Nik, I’m going to push for the Pownter Institute deal. It’s huge,” she said as butterflies danced wildly in her stomach. She leaned forward, her hands clasped as she continued. “The bar will be set to the highest rung. The accolades when we actually document the strings’ effect on hydrogen gases will be… Oh, man, enormous.”
Nikki bit her lip and gave Dru a cautious look. “I love how excited you are. I do. But have you thought this through? You know the percentage of hypotheses that fail. I’m not saying yours will, I’m just saying that maybe you should prepare yourself for all the possibilities. You know the first rule of science. Don’t become emotionally invested.”
A week ago, that kind of comment would have destroyed her confidence. But now? Everything felt solid. She was solid, dammit. Her career star was rising. Her love life was kicking ass. Even her dialogue with her mother was improving.
Which meant even if doubts were biting her in the butt, she could easily ignore them.
“I know the rule,” she acknowledged. “But you know what? This is actually one of those win-win deals, isn’t it? Having a Pownter backing listed on my résumé is impressive, regardless of the project’s outcome. Isn’t that worth taking a shot?”
Kind of like what she had going on with Alex. Somehow her career and her relationship with him had become symbolically intertwined. The better she felt about one, the more confident she was with the other. And right now, she was over the moon with both.
“It is worth taking a shot,” Nikki confirmed slowly, as if she was seeing the subtext and wasn’t sure if she should offer a double warning or just stick with business. “It definitely is. And—” Nikki’s face showed her conflicted emotions “—I don’t want to discourage your confidence in any way, shape or form.”
“But?”
“But what if the project fails?”
Subtext? What if her relationship with Alex failed? Dru’s happy mood took on a gray tinge and her stomach turned.
“I’d be fine.” She didn’t need to see Nikki’s face to know she sounded anything but certain. So she squared her shoulders, lifted her chin and stated, “My reputation is solid, my career would stand up. I might not get the accolades or the huge boost, but I’d still have a job. I’d still be secure.”
And she’d survive emotionally without Alex, as well. Sure, it’d be hard to top the incredible sex. And she might not ever connect with another guy on so many levels. But she’d be okay. She wasn’t going to start doubting herself again.
“You’re sure?” Nikki asked, as if she could read Dru’s thoughts. “You’d be okay with that?”
Dru puffed out a breath and forced herself to nod. “I am sure. I have to start believing in myself, Nik. Believing enough to give myself permission to take risks. To have faith that those risks will pay off.” She met her friend’s dark eyes and nodded. “And yes, to believe that I’m strong enough to handle whatever happens if they fail.”
Even as she said the words, she promised herself they’d be true.
ALEX CURLED HIS ARMS around Drucilla’s naked waist and sighed deeply. Oh, yeah, this was good. He breathed in the scent of her hair, letting the warmth of it relax him even more than the mind-boggling climax that’d just ripped through his body.
“We need to get moving,” Drucilla said, her words a sleepy murmur. “I’ve got a staff meeting at nine.”
“I’ve got the same meeting.” Alex pulled her closer, not ready to let go yet. “We’ve got time.”
“Not if I’m going to shower before I leave.” Her words reflected the same reluctance Alex was feeling to get up and start the day.
Probably not for the same reason, though.
He grimaced against her hair and breathed in, needing to hold on to as much of this moment as he could. Not that he didn’t think they’d have more sexy times. They would. He was sure they would. After all, their sex life wasn’t tied to work. And he’d done what was best.
At least, in his mind, it was best for Drucilla.
He hoped. The sick ball of dread in his stomach warned him that he was hoping in vain.
So just in case…
“If you need a shower, why don’t we see what kind of water games we can play to kick off the morning.”
A few extra orgasms before she found out his plans couldn’t hurt him any, right?
ALEX WATCHED DRUCILLA lead the project discussion, pulling everyone’s input into play, encouraging them to share their findings so far, as well as ideas for expanding their experimentation.
He’d been pretty well bullshitting his way through the pitch to Charlene last week when he’d raved about Drucilla’s qualifications. Oh, he’d known he was telling the truth. He just hadn’t realized how good she was at doing her job. Not just the calculations and tests, although watching her run those had led to one very memorable, rule-breaking roll on the lab floor. But now, watching her lead the group, he realized she was simply fabulous.
She encouraged her team, but still kept things on track. She had the group not only working to their fullest potential, but also excited about how far they could push the limits of testing the hypothesis.
Her smile glowed, filling the room with a bright energy that made him feel a little gooey inside. Stupid, maybe. But he just loved how she was totally into what she did.
God, he was getting sappy.
A half hour later, he was still just as sappy, and now way too turned on for a workday meeting.
“So we’re set,” Drucilla was saying as she wrapped up the meeting. As people shuffled out to start their day, Glenn held the door open, signaling that Alex and Drucilla wait to speak with him.
“A.A., good morning,” the director said when he reached the conference table. “Dr. Robichoux, how are you today?”
He took Drucilla’s vacated seat at the head of the table without a word and set down a folder, clasping his hands over it with a congenial smile.
“I’ve got wonderful news to share,” he said as Dru subtly moved her papers to the left and took that empty chair.
She shot Alex a look, sharing her amusement at Glenn’s usual obliviousness. Her expression quickly turned from humor to heat. Alex crossed one leg over the other and grimaced, the horny heading toward that unmanageable-in-company state.
“I thought we’d wind up the project meeting with a little financial powwow,” Glenn told them as he handed them each a matching blue folder. “We’ve solidified our financial decision.”
Alex met Drucilla’s startled gaze with an infinitesimal wince. He was pretty sure what the director was about to share would eliminate Alex’s horny feelings.
Knowing what was coming, he offered Dru his most charming smile, glad to see her blink in surprise, then turn a pretty shade of pink.
Yeah, they’d be fine, he assured himself. He had everything under control. Except the sick feeling in his stomach, but that’d go away just as soon as he knew Drucilla wasn’t going to throw that folder at his head.
“The board of directors has met and considered the backing offers,” Glenn said, pushing his glasses higher on the bridge of his nose and opening his own folder. “We had a great deal to choose from, which was quite a boon for Trifecta and for which we give complete credit to A.A., his reputation and his wealthy contacts.”
Drucilla waggled her brows at him in amused recognition.
“The Pownter Institute offered an impressive package,” the director said, folding his hands on the table and smiling. “They not only are willing to buy a brand-new telescope and fund the project for two full years, but they’d welcome new project suggestions by either of you, as well.”
Drucilla’s eyes went huge and she leaned forward with her mouth open, lips glistening as if she could barely hold back her screams of joy.
“Mr. Blackstone also offered a proposal, in which he’d purchase the abandoned telescope in Mount Shasta to utilize for this project. He’d require, of course, a variety of promotional tie-ins to the telescope in return for donating it to Trifecta.”
Drucilla’s face went blank except for a hint of disdain clear in the faint wrinkle of her nose.
Well, that wasn’t a good sign.
“We’ve considered both offers carefully,” the director continued, his pedantic tone making Alex want to yell at him to hurry up and get this over with. “And taken into account both the good of the lab as well as the strong backing of our guest, Dr. Maddow.”
Dru tilted her head and gave him a long, intense stare. Alex almost squirmed, wondering if women came out of the womb knowing that soul-deep, guilt-inspiring look.
“Really?” she asked slowly. “Dr. Maddow had input in the choice? As, what, the visiting short-term guest physicist?”
“Yes. Trifecta is ready to accept the Blackstone offer based on A.A.’s recommendation,” Glenn said. “We just need your approval as leader of record.”
It was like watching a sci-fi movie where the woman turned to ice. It started in Drucilla’s eyes. They went shiver cold. Her demeanor froze, even her skin turned pale.
Alex leaned forward to say something. He had no idea what, but he had to get rid of the chill. But she gave a tiny shake of her head, clearly not ready for his charming defrost plan.
“You know, Glenn, before I sign off with my approval, I actually have a great deal of input I’d like to offer.” Drucilla shifted her gaze to glance at the director. “But first, I need to talk to Dr. Maddow. There are a couple of details we need to clarify.”
“Of course, of course,” Glenn said as he gathered his folder and pen. He started to reach for hers, but then patted it and shot them both a look. “You’ll let me know the conclusion, won’t you, Dr. Robichoux?”
She gave a regal nod of her head, then watched fixedly as the director left the boardroom. Alex waited until the door shut then said, “Drucilla—”
“Why?” she interrupted. Her quiet tone, so dignified and at odds with her obvious fury, made him feel like a first-class asshole.
Her eyes met his again and the fury he saw there made him wish briefly for her previous icy demeanor.
“Look, I know the Pownter deal would be great. The money, the prestige, the scientific possibilities,” he said, his words tumbling over each other, he was talking so fast. “But it also came with intolerable strings.”
“Intolerable in what way?” She didn’t sound curious, though. Just…pissed.
“When I spoke with Charlene Pownter yesterday, she informed me that yes, they’d fund the project. But in doing so, they’d require not just you, but both of us, to serve on it for the duration.”
Sure, sticking around would have given him time to make certain Charlene Pownter’s influence didn’t ruin Drucilla. But that was out of the question. And luckily, that had been enough for him to refuse the deal.
“And the problem is?” she said, tilting her head to the side.
“The problem is that she’s too controlling. Her offer is way over and above what we’d asked for. That’s a bad sign,” he claimed.
She looked as if she wanted to throw something at his head. But all she did was silently raise a brow. A trickle of sweat slid down his spine. Her control was a little scary.
Finally, he confessed, “The problem is that the duration is two years. The problem is that I don’t commit to long-term projects.”
Drucilla nodded, as if he’d just confirmed a hypothesis she’d been working on. Then she leaned forward and asked, “So really, the problem is…you.”
Alex frowned, his need to pacify her starting to grow ragged around the edges.
“Look, this is a win-win deal,” he said, not quite willing to give up yet. He put on his most persuasive smile. “Buck’s money, my name, the project will be termed a success right there.”
“Money and a name won’t guarantee results,” she pointed out.
“You know how this works, Drucilla. The results could take years. I’m giving you a shot at having all the years you need to get them. Like a success safety net, if you will.”
She stared at him. The look in her blue eyes wasn’t the chill he’d learned to recognize as a mask for her insecurity. It was razor-sharp ice that sent a shiver through him. Stupid, Alex told himself. He was giving her exactly what she wanted. The safest route to long-term security. She should be thanking him, not giving him the evil eye.
“A safety net? With the choices between taking the bus, aka the grant, buying an unimpressive but probably reliable used car, aka Blackstone, or being offered a luxury sports coupe along with free gas and insurance for two years, you consider the used car the choice?” she asked icily. “And all because, what? It’s the most convenient for you? Correct me if I’m wrong, but you seem to be operating under the assumption that this entire project hinges on you and you alone.”
He’d actually started to nod before he heard the words play out in his head.
“I didn’t make any such assumption,” he snapped, offended.
“You didn’t voice it,” she corrected, crossing her arms over her chest. “But you’ve been thinking it from the beginning.”
“If you’re so good at reading minds, why didn’t you figure out who I was back on the beach?” he challenged, trying to make it sound teasing. If the hard look in her eye was any indication, though, his attempt flopped.
“Tell me, Alex, what do you see as the overall goal of the cosmic string project?”
Mind racing, he shifted in his seat. He’d served on boards, made presentations to huge crowds and once actually landed a spot on Jeopardy. But he’d never felt quite so nervous searching for just the right answer to a particular question.
“The overall goal is to definitively describe a cosmic string’s influence on hydrogen gas in space.”
She tilted her head to one side. “Did you memorize the entire funding proposal or are you only going to give me a few of the choicer direct quotes?”
That did it. Alex shoved away from the table, his chair skidding back to slam into the wall behind him.
“That’s enough,” he stated.
“Enough?” she retorted, rising slowly. He was glad to see the ice cracking around the edges. “You don’t get to say what is or isn’t enough here, Mr. Rock Star.”
“Oh, please, let’s try to keep this above juvenile insults,” he said derisively.
“You had no right—”
“I’m the team leader—”
“Coleader, which means you get a vote. That doesn’t mean you get to—”
“This isn’t a class project with all the students getting a vote, Drucilla. It’s a serious undertaking that’s been years in the making and—”
“Since I’m the one who’s devoted all those years to both the hypothesis and the proposed mathematical theory, I’m very well acquainted with the time involved here. What I’m not clear on is what gives you the right—”
“Right?” he yelled. “It’s my name on this study that pulled in the funding. Which means it’s my decision which funding we’ll use, and how it’ll be handled.”
Alex gave her a “ha” smile. The I-won-the-interruption-game smile. The snotty, obnoxious, in-her-face triumphant smile.
Yeah, he was a dick. But it was damn hard to win an argument with Drucilla, so finally getting the last word meant he’d just scored major points.
And the fact that he was pathetically keeping score probably lost him a few of those points.
He winced, wondering how to apologize without giving up any ground.
“Look, Drucilla, you’re a smart woman. A scientist who clearly understands the importance of making decisions based on well-documented, emotion-free, fact-based choices.”
Tension pulled at his shoulder muscles as he watched her face for a reaction. When she didn’t scrunch it up in anger, he relaxed a little. She unknotted her arms from in front of her and folded her hands at her waist.
Folded hands and unscrunched face. Good signs. He let his shoulders relax the rest of the way.
“Emotion free?” she asked. Then she stepped around the table, walked up close to him and laid her palm on his chest to stare up into his eyes. Alex’s heart gave a huge sigh of happiness. “Emotion free is an interesting goal for the project, and for us, wouldn’t you say?”
He smiled gratefully. She got it. She actually understood. Doing a manly happy dance was probably bad form at the moment, but he was definitely boogying mentally.
“Which is how you made this chickenshit, run-away-before-someone-realizes-you’re-an-adult decision, right?” She gave his chest a stinging smack then stomped toward the door. “Because you’re incapable of being mature enough to discuss the situation, let alone step up and consider what’s good for anyone but yourself. To ask for one second what might be best for the project, for the team and, for God’s sake, for the lab.”
“Don’t you mean for you?” he snarled, feeling blindsided. Chickenshit? He’d done this for her. And look what he got for hoping, for wishing. For risking his heart and thinking that maybe there could be something between them.
How many times did he have to be hit in the head to accept that while the sex might be awesome, it was only going to last as long as the next orgasm.
Or if her expression was anything to go by, the last.