Akad glanced across the table at his father. Though they were accustomed to dining together, Anshar barely spoke. Akad took a drink of his wine, gazing out the window at the mountains. Just over a week had passed since he first met Marduk in the gardens. His heartbeat quickened, and a smile came to his lips. Marduk was like a drug that had pulled him in, possessed him fully, and took him under; his touch thrilled Akad like nothing ever had.
His mind drifted back several days to when Marduk had fallen apart in his arms in the forest. Marduk’s pain had surfaced before, but this time Akad was sure Marduk’s tears had nothing to do with him. He wished he could be with Marduk every day and never leave his side. He hated having to hide their love. They had been together just hours earlier, and their kiss upon parting had been long and passionate. Their daily rendezvous in the forest were getting longer and longer, and each day it became harder to part than the last.
“Are you ill, son?” Anshar asked, startling Akad out of his daydream.
“No, father, I was just thinking,” Akad replied, averting his eyes. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been staring out the window.
“Well, tell me what’s on your mind.”
Akad shot him a glance, shifting in his chair.
“I was thinking about the college here at the temple. I’m the same age as the other students, so I was wondering why I’m not—”
“That school is bad news, Anu. Forget about it.”
“How could it be bad if the great god Shamash is the director?”
“Yes, Shamash is the director, but the Egyptian god Seth is an instructor at that college, and Seth likes nothing more than to take a young god and destroy him.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve already explained this to you, Anu. Do you want me to explain it again? I warned you about getting too close to powerful gods. You are young, and if a god like Seth wanted to crush you and make you his bitch, he would do so without hesitation.”
Akad lowered his eyes and sat in silence. The way his father tried to protect him made him feel weak. That Anshar felt the need to hide him away from the world was insulting.
“You know the extent of my powers, father. Even without my powers, I’m strong, and I can fight. How could you possibly imagine I’d be taken down so easily?”
Anshar laughed aloud, raking his fingers through his thick beard and his eyes darkened.
“Anu, I’ve seen how you look at powerful gods. If a god like Ra or Shamash seduced you into his bed, would you really be throwing punches? No, I’m afraid by the time the thought crossed your mind, it would be too late! He’d have his dick lodged in your ass, fucking you until you were nothing but his little fucking whore!” Anshar shot up from his seat, disgust etched in his face as he glared down at him.
Akad averted his eyes, his face burning. When Anshar stormed out of the room, Akad felt like he could breathe once again. He had taken Marduk many times; did that make Marduk a whore? Marduk was so strong, so confident, and so alive. Marduk was his lover. Akad wished he could argue this point with his father. He wanted to rail against everything Anshar had said, but nothing would come of it. If Anshar ever knew he had a male lover, he would likely bring the whole world crashing down on him.
Akad mulled over Anshar’s paranoia about the school. He wanted to dismiss what Anshar said about the instructors, but Marduk attended this school. Marduk was also young and beautiful. Was it possible that any of the powerful gods were harassing him in this way? Akad recalled the way Marduk had sobbed when he broke down in his arms. He was sure he’d done nothing to provoke it. He had felt so helpless in that moment, holding Marduk and trying to console him. Though he’d asked him what was wrong, Marduk would say nothing, and the elusive cause of his breakdown had unsettled him ever since.
Akad suddenly felt uneasy about his father’s warnings. He had been so focused on concealing his love for Marduk that he’d never attempted to seek out Marduk’s company in the evenings. He had no idea what Marduk did or whom he hung out with. Akad wanted to be sure Marduk was in no danger. If this meant exposing their affair, he would have to take that chance.
Akad left his father’s quarters and began to navigate the torch-lit corridors. When he arrived at the door to Marduk’s bedchamber, he stared down at a crescent bronze knocker in the middle of the wooden door. He thought of knocking and his stomach tightened. Would Marduk be in his room alone, or would he have company? If he had company, how would Akad explain his visit? Pushing his hair back from his face, Akad leaned against the wall with his hands on his forehead. He wanted to make sure Marduk was okay, but his visit was unplanned and awkward. Akad finally decided to leave. He resolved to broach the subject when they met in the forest the next day.