Akad strode down the corridor, blind and deaf, consumed with a desire to bring the temple crashing down around him. With his powers intact, he could make the earth break apart, swallow the temple whole. So this is love. He followed the stairs up to his quarters. If love meant baring his heart so it could be smashed into nothing, then he didn’t want it. When Akad arrived at his quarters, he burst through the door and threw himself onto his bed.
The events that had transpired that day whirled around in his mind, but he wanted only to block them out. How could he have been so wrong about Marduk? How could he have misjudged his character so badly? Sharp pain stabbed through his chest. Nothing made sense. He loved Marduk, and he was sure that Marduk loved him too; yet Marduk had betrayed him. Marduk’s words played over in his mind. Why would Marduk ever tell Shamash he fucked him? Had he just been some kind of conquest? Akad felt ill. He curled up on his white fur blanket and fought back tears. He hated himself for giving away his heart so freely. He would never talk to Marduk again.
After a long while, Akad’s tears dried, and his eyes fixed on the open shutters of his window. Cool air drafted in as the setting sun cast a shadow across his room. He was content to lie there all night, but a knock at his door broke the silence. A moment later, a mortal servant approached, but Akad made no attempt to sit up.
“The esteemed god Anshar requests your presence in his quarters,” the servant said. Akad’s stomach dropped. He sat up and stared at the servant, the blood draining from his face.
“When does he expect me?” Akad asked.
“The great god Anshar has requested you report to him immediately.”
Akad’s head swam. Why had Anshar sent for him? Had rumors of Akad’s conduct already reached his ears? He went to classes that day against his father’s will. He had fucked a god in front of his classmates. Marduk announced to a group of gods that he had fucked him. A weight pressed down on his chest. It was unlikely that Anshar had heard none of it. Akad rose to his feet and walked to a table by the head of his bed. He cupped his hand in the washing basin, and splashed his face. He wanted to ward off fear, but even if Anshar had heard nothing, he would surely see right through him.
He would take one look at Akad and know what he had done—that he had submitted his body to another god. Akad paced his room, putting off his visit to Anshar as long as he could. When he finally arrived at Anshar’s door, a mortal servant bowed to Akad and showed him in.
Akad followed the servant through the foyer and the dark red curtain leading to Anshar’s living room. Anshar sat waiting at the dining table before the long red curtains covering the shuttered window. He raised his gaze, watching Akad closely as the servant pulled out a chair, seating Akad across from him. Akad felt his father’s regard but kept his eyes lowered.
Anshar leaned back in his chair but continued to stare at Akad for some time. Eyes cast down; Akad sat waiting, his stomach twisting into knots. He had the distinct feeling he had walked into a nightmare. He wiped the sweat from his hands on his tunic beneath the table. With the threat of discovery looming over him, he had to do his best to control his breathing and mask the terror building inside him. When he finally raised his gaze to meet his father’s, Anshar’s expression was stern but devoid of anger.
“My son, Anu,” Anshar said. “You are of an age that you must start thinking of building your empire. As a god of this world, it is necessary that you have heirs. Therefore, the time has come for you to marry.”
Akad lowered his eyes, inhaling sharply. A fire erupted in his chest and spread to his face. Marriage was the furthest thing from his mind. What were the chances that Anshar would mention marriage unless he knew about Marduk?
“Yes, father.”
Anshar inspected him for a moment before continuing.
“There are many goddesses that would give anything to be your wife. Name the goddess you desire, and I will arrange it.”
“I desire the goddess Siren,” Akad said without pause.
“Siren?” Anshar’s eyes narrowed. “Do you speak of the goddess Siren, head of the Council of Gods?”
“Yes,” Akad breathed. “She is the only goddess I desire.”
Anshar scrutinized him for some time, then lowered his gaze.
“Anu,” Anshar said, “you ask for something that is impossible. You are but a prince among gods. What have you accomplished in this world? You have yet to even take rule. Do you expect that a goddess who occupies the highest station in this world would even look in your direction?”
Akad lowered his eyes and gritted his teeth. The odds of winning Siren’s hand in marriage were against him, but he wanted no other goddess but her.
“I realize what you say is true, father, but I want at least to have a chance. How can I know for sure that she would reject me if I never make an attempt to propose to her?”
“Have you even met her, son?” Anshar asked, leaning forward in his chair.
“No, but I saw her once.”
“Then you have no idea what you are asking for! You are asking for the hand of a goddess who would rather kill you than look at you!”
“She looked directly at me, and she did not kill me,” Akad said, his chest heaving.
“Well, I guarantee she wanted to, so she must have been having a good day!” Anshar stood up from his chair. He shook his head, glaring down at Akad.
“I cannot believe I am having this discussion with you, Akad. I will not ask for Siren’s hand. We will be the laughing stock of the entire world.”
“Father, please ...” Akad rose to his feet. “You said I must marry, and you asked me to name who I wanted. I want the goddess Siren. I want no other goddess but her. Ask her in confidence if you must, but please ask her.”
Anshar furrowed his brow.
“I don’t know where I went wrong with you. There are plenty of young goddesses dying for your love, yet you ask for the one goddess who would rip you to shreds. I will save you the humiliation and choose a bride for you!”
Akad looked away from his father, wishing he had never opened his mouth. Anshar was unbending. There was no use arguing the point any further.
“Yes, father.”
The next day, Anshar arranged a marriage with a goddess Akad had never met. When Anshar arrived at his quarters to inform him of the news, Akad was despondent and barely even there. It was true that marriage was necessary for the bearing of heirs, but he felt as if he’d just started living. His brief love affair with Marduk was his only experience, yet it had ended in bitter betrayal. Maybe I wasn’t meant for love.
“You will wed her in three days,” Anshar said, but his words had no effect on Akad. Whether the wedding took place in three days or three weeks made no difference.
“Yes father,” Akad replied, his eyes cast down.
Anshar regarded Akad in silence.
“Listen, Anu,” he said, placing a hand on Akad’s shoulder. “I know you are unhappy about this marriage, but I am proud of you for doing your duty.” He paused. “Anu, I hope you realize I would have given you everything; I would have spoiled you like I spoiled your siblings, but you are my heir, and you will someday rule as supreme god of this world. A god with your powers and position must have a heart and mind made of the hardest stone. Gods who are spoiled become soft and are easily crushed; so I push you to become harder and stronger. Everything I’ve ever done has been to protect you and prepare you for your destiny. When you have your own heir, you’ll understand. You’ll want him to succeed and you’ll raise him to be strong just as I’ve done with you.”
“Yes, father,” Akad replied, his stomach compressing tightly. Anshar had never before made an attempt to explain his actions. He wanted to feel something, but his father’s words seemed too far away to grasp. He imagined Anshar stomping on his chest until the hurt bled out and all feeling was extinguished forever. Then he would be his father’s perfect son. He would be just like Anshar: a fierce and formidable god who could kill, torture, and destroy without shedding one tear.
Akad had no recollection of Anshar leaving his quarters. He resolved to stay locked in his room until the day of his wedding. Weddings were supposed to be joyous occasions, but for him, it was like a final stake through his heart. After what had happened with Marduk, Akad welcomed the numbing end to his dreams.