Chapter Ten

‘So he just grabbed you and kissed you? Just like that? Before he even said hello?’ Lara put down her cup.

‘Yes,’ said Beth. ‘Isn’t it romantic?’

‘Presumptuous, more like. What if you had a boyfriend?’

‘But I don’t.’

Lara rolled her eyes. ‘But if you had. He could have caused a major problem for you, just kissing you like that.’

Beth considered. Lara might have a point, but it was pretty irrelevant. If she’d had a boyfriend, she would have been with him and Gordon would have had the sense to leave her alone. ‘Yes, but it’s no big deal. Because I don’t have a boyfriend.’

‘He didn’t know that though. He just marched in and grabbed you, regardless. I call that thoughtless at best.’

Beth was disappointed. She had expected Lara to be supportive or, at least, marginally happy for her. All the time that Beth had been depressed about breaking up with Gordon, Lara had listened and made soothing comments, gently urging her to move on and meet other people. Now that Beth finally had what she was longing for, she had expected Lara to be as happy as she was.

Beth regarded her friend over the rim of her coffee. Lara looked tired. Maybe that was why she was being so unlike her usual supportive self. Perhaps it was time to change the subject. ‘So, what are you and Chris up to this weekend? Anything fun?’

Lara didn’t answer and stared at her coffee.

‘Lara? Is there something wrong?’ Beth thought about Lara’s hesitation when Hibs had asked about Chris the other day. ‘Is something going on with Chris?’

Lara faltered in the act of picking up a flapjack. ‘What?’ She avoided looking at Beth.

‘You’re acting really strange. Are you sure you’re okay?’ Beth waited, watching Lara. Lara wasn’t given to outpourings of emotion, so it was hard to be sure, but she knew something wasn’t right. The trouble with extremely rational people was that they were often the last people to admit they needed help.

Lara carefully put her cappuccino down and sucked in her top lip to get the foam off it. ‘No,’ she said, finally. ‘I’m not sure I am.’ When she looked up, there were tears gathering in her eyes. ‘I think Chris is having an affair.’

‘Oh, Lara, no. Are you sure it’s not a misunderstanding? What makes you think that?’ Beth pictured Chris. He seemed quite nice, but then, didn’t they all. She remembered the leap of faith it had taken for Lara to admit that she’d fallen in love with him. He had been so desperate to be with her. It was impossible to imagine that he could cheat on her.

Lara shook her head. ‘I’ve suspected for some time,’ she said. ‘He’s been working funny hours. Coming home really late most nights …’

‘But he’s always done that,’ said Beth. ‘He works in London. It is a long commute.’

‘Yes, but he used to tell me about his day. Now he just says, “Oh, the usual,” and changes the subject. And he jumps in the shower as soon as he gets home. I mean, literally. He’s in the door and straight upstairs for a shower. I asked him about it and he said he couldn’t bear the grime in London.’

‘It is pretty grimy …’

A tear rolled down Lara’s cheek. ‘He’s started locking his phone. He said it was because he didn’t want to it unlocked at work in case someone played a silly joke on him. I found it on the bed last night. He’d forgotten to lock it and I looked at his text messages …’ She scraped the tear away with the side of her hand. ‘He’s definitely having an affair.’

Beth put her hand over Lara’s. ‘Oh, Lara.’

Lara turned her hand over and gripped Beth’s. They sat there in silence for a moment as Beth tried frantically to think of a reason for Chris to have compromising text messages on his phone. There had to be some other explanation.

‘It wasn’t a joke or something?’

‘No. The texts were pretty explicit,’ said Lara. There was a peculiar flatness to her tone as she stirred her drink with fierce concentration.

‘Maybe—’

‘Beth.’ Lara dropped her hand. ‘I know what I read, okay? I know you don’t like to believe bad stuff happens, but it does. It happens to everyone. Now it’s happening to me.’ Lara pushed her hair back with both her hands.

Beth was silent for a minute, taken aback by Lara’s outburst. She had only been trying to help. But this wasn’t about her. It was about Lara. Lara had given up a lot to be with Chris because she loved him. She didn’t deserve for this to happen to her.

‘What are you going to do?’

Lara shook her head. ‘I don’t know.’ She picked up her napkin and dabbed away another tear.

Beth squeezed Lara’s other hand. ‘What did he say when he realised you’d seen the texts?’

‘He doesn’t know. I locked the phone and left it where I found it.’

‘And this morning?’

‘He flew past me on his way out to catch the train, just like every morning.’ Lara looked at her hands. ‘I guess we haven’t really been communicating for some time now.’

‘Lots of couples are like that.’

Lara shrugged. ‘It used to be okay. We used to do stuff together at the weekend. Now he works Saturdays and Sundays and he never seems to want to do anything with me.’ She sighed and blew her nose. ‘I can’t carry on like this. I’m going to have to say something.’

‘What sort of something?’

‘I’m going to have to ask him to choose. Her or me.’ Lara stared ahead. ‘I bet he chooses her.’

‘He won’t. He’d have to be an idiot to lose you.’

Lara shook her head. ‘He’s already lost me. I’ll never trust him again. If he chooses her, I know what to do then. It’s almost worse if he chooses me. We’d have to figure out a way to salvage this relationship and I don’t know how to do that. I almost want him to choose her.’

‘But he might not. He might realise that what you have is worth fighting for.’

Lara shook her head. ‘I don’t know that it is. What we have isn’t a relationship. It’s a habit.’

‘But you can change that if you work on it. Some things are important and worth fighting for.’

‘Beth, I know you’re trying to help, but please shut up. The only good reason for staying with someone is if your life is happier with them than without them. Chris and I … I’m not sure he makes me happy any more.’

Beth didn’t know what to say. Lara and Chris had been a constant in her adult life. They were supposed to always be there, like her parents were. She tried to imagine Lara single and on the pull like Anna, and failed completely. No. Lara and Chris were Lara and Chris. She looked at her friend, who had regained some of her composure and was lining the sugar sachets up in an immaculate row. Lara was in pain and she wished there was something she could do to help.

‘I can ask Hibs to beat him up for you,’ she suggested, only half joking. Hibs would probably say no, but then he liked Lara, so maybe …

Lara gave her a long look before managing a weak smile. ‘Thanks. That’s sweet. I think.’

Hibs knocked over a conical flask and spilled growth media all over his bench. He swore, pulled a handful of blue paper towel from the dispenser and started to mop it up before the stuff went everywhere. He was stuffing the soggy paper into the bin, still swearing, when Beth came back. He ignored her and carried on cleaning up.

‘What happened?’ Beth shrugged on her lab coat as she entered the bay.

‘Spillage. It’s fine. I’ve got it under control.’

‘You’re sure you don’t need a hand?’

He still couldn’t look at her. He wasn’t sure what made him angry. The fact that he’d been sure he was getting somewhere with her and then she’d gone off with someone else, or the fact that she’d let that wanker Gordon take her for a ride again. Unfortunate choice of words. He closed his eyes. It had to be the latter reason. He’d spent ages slowly trying to get her out of the destructive rut that Gordon had put her into and now, in one night, Gordon had waltzed in and put her right back again. Yes. That was why he was feeling so angry. Definitely.

They worked in frosty silence for a while. Hibs tried to focus on the cultures he was setting up, but his thoughts kept drifting back to the sight of Beth and Gordon kissing. The very thought made him queasy. He remembered Anna and felt marginally guilty. It was a revenge shag, but Anna was aware of the fact and didn’t seem that bothered by it. His kind of girl. He liked Anna. He could be happily not-committed to her for a while.

He lit his Bunsen burner and held a wire loop in the flame to sterilise it. As he watched it, it grew hotter and hotter, glowing first red hot, then white.

‘Hibs.’ Beth’s voice made him jump. ‘Is something wrong?’

He turned to find her standing behind him, arms crossed, brow furrowed. Everything about her said she was annoyed. At what? He hadn’t done anything.

‘Actually,’ he said, ‘something is. Gordon. That’s what’s wrong.’

‘What about Gordon?’ Her chin rose: she was ready to defend her precious Gordon.

Hibs smacked down the inoculating loop he’d been heating. It hit the desk with a sizzle. ‘I can’t believe you let him waltz back into your life like that. After all the crap he put you through.’

‘He didn’t put me through any crap. He was away.’ Her voice was taut.

‘Yes and while he was away he didn’t give you a second thought. Now that he’s back, he fancies a quick shag so he comes to see you. You just roll over and let him in.’

Beth’s jaw dropped. ‘I can’t believe you just said that.’

‘Well it’s true.’ He should stop, but he couldn’t help himself. ‘And you know I’m right. He didn’t even text you on your birthday. Those aren’t the actions of a man who’s thinking about you.’

She took a small step back, away from him. ‘He sent a card. It just got lost in the post. He …’ She stopped talking and scowled. ‘I don’t have to explain to you.’

‘You don’t seriously believe that crap about the post?’ He was shouting now. ‘Oh come on, Beth!’

‘Why would he lie?’ Beth glared at him. ‘You’re just being a git because you never liked him.’

‘And you’re being a blinkered idiot.’ Hibs raised his hand to push his hair back but, spotting his gloves, lowered it again with a frustrated ugh. ‘Face facts, Beth. He’s using you. He used you before and he’s using you again. He treats you like crap and if you can’t see that, you’re even stupider than Roger thinks you are!’

Beth’s eyes widened. To his horror, they filled with tears. She made a choking noise and ran out of the room, tearing her lab coat off as she fled.

Hibs groaned and sank back onto his stool. He shouldn’t have said that. That made him almost as bad as Gordon. Shit. He’d spent months being the supportive friend all his reading said he needed to be; trying to help her rebuild the self-esteem that Gordon had taken away. Now he’d undone it all. He kicked the bench, making the jars rattle and hurting his foot. ‘Bollocks.’

Beth dried her face using the scratchy paper hand towel. Her face was all blotchy now and her eyes were puffy – she’d never managed to recover from tears gracefully. Her skin felt taut and dry but all she had at work was hand cream. That would have to do.

She went into the tea room, which was mercifully empty, to make herself a drink. As she waited for the kettle to boil, she reflected on why she felt so awful. She’d been called stupid before. Her father did it; Roger did it. Even Gordon sometimes liked to make out she was silly in a cute way. But Hibs had always, always told her she was better than she thought she was. Whenever she was at her lowest, Hibs was the one who believed in her. Now even he thought she was stupid.

The really annoying thing was that Hibs’s reasoning was … well … stupid. He didn’t know the first thing about love. This was a man who had managed to sleep with lots of women, but not be in a committed relationship for ten years. He wouldn’t recognise true love if it came and bit him on the backside. He couldn’t be expected to understand the feeling of completion she had when she was with Gordon. That she and Gordon were meant for each other. The few months of separation had turned out to be a good test for the strength of their relationship. Gordon had tried to be away from her and he’d come back. At some level, she’d always known he would. She thought about her brief temptation towards Hibs and felt guilty. Now that would have been really stupid.

She sighed and picked up her mug. If Hibs was going to be an idiot about her and Gordon, that was a shame. She’d just have to find a way to deal with it.

When she got back to the lab, Hibs was at the other end, carefully pipetting samples into a gel. On her bench she found a rectangle of blue paper towel stuck to the desk with autoclave tape. It read, ‘I’m sorry. I’m a total fuckwit. H’

Beth stared at it, for a moment unsure what to think. It was an apology. It didn’t change the facts, but it was an apology.

‘Am I forgiven?’

She turned to find him standing behind her, a sheepish expression on his face.

‘I shouldn’t have said that,’ he said.

‘No, you shouldn’t. Me and Gordon, that’s my business.’

‘You’re right. I felt, as your friend … Well, never mind. As you say. It’s none of my business.’ He didn’t meet her eyes. ‘I’m sorry, okay?’ Finally, he made eye contact. ‘Still friends?’

Beth smiled, surprised to find that she felt relieved. ‘Yes. Just don’t do it again.’

‘Scouts honour.’

She rolled her eyes. ‘You were never a boy scout.’

‘I was too. Not a very good one, mind. Couldn’t get my head round knots. And camping. Ugh.’

She grinned. ‘Wally.’

R U doing anything tonite? Dinner at mine? Anna

Hibs frowned. He had to be careful: he didn’t want Anna to think he was after anything more than a one-night stand.

I can’t. Am working + I don’t do commitment. Very sorry if I gave you the wrong idea.

Dur. I get that. So, do you fancy a shag or not? Dinner optional.

Hibs chuckled. He liked this girl. She was like a female version of him.

When you put it like that … Sure. Why not.

‘Texting your older woman again, are you?’ said Beth.

‘No.’ Hibs wondered if she knew that he’d spent the night with her housemate. He decided she didn’t. She was bound to be annoyed with him when she found out. Perhaps it was better to tell her now. ‘Beth—’

Beth’s mobile rang. To Hibs’s irritation, she held up a finger to tell him to hold that thought and answered it. Her features immediately changed to that insipid expression she always seemed to wear when Gordon was about.

‘Hello you.’ She turned her back to Hibs. ‘Sure. No, I’m not working tonight. Hibs is doing the night shift.’ She listened for a moment and said, ‘No, we’re running our experiments in tandem, so we’re covering for each other. I told you.’

Hibs tried to concentrate on what he was doing, but it was impossible not to earwig. He was sure Gordon wouldn’t like the idea of Beth working that closely with someone. Sure enough, Beth said, ‘It’s the only way we’ll get things done.’ At the end of the sentence, the change in volume told him she’d looked over her shoulder. ‘Can we talk about this some other time? I’m in the lab.’

She made arrangements to meet him and hung up.

‘Hot date?’ Hibs tried, and failed, to keep the sarcasm out of his voice. ‘Taking you somewhere nice?’

‘Well not Le Manoir,’ Beth snapped back.

‘Oh, right. I’m sorry I spoke.’

Beth sighed. ‘Sorry. I’m a little oversensitive since … you know. Anyway. Yes, he’s taking me to that new French place.’

‘That’s nice. Big reunion meal, is it?’

‘I guess so.’

She sounded happy. He should be glad about that, but the image of Gordon kissing Beth flashed into mind again and he felt a wave of bile.

‘How about you?’ said Beth. ‘Was that a date for tomorrow?’

‘No. Just arrangements for a quick drink tonight.’

‘Karate people?’

‘No. A girl I got to know last night.’

Vik, who was fiddling about with a water bath nearby, looked up. ‘You mean—’

Hibs cut him off. ‘Yeah. Her.’

Vik gave him a puzzled frown. When Hibs shook his head the tiniest bit, Vik looked away.

He wondered if Beth would pursue it further, but she said, ‘That’s nice,’ and wandered off, humming to herself.

Once Beth was out of earshot, Vik came round. ‘Why don’t you want Beth to know you got off with Anna?’

‘Because things aren’t exactly amicable between me and Beth today. Can you imagine how much worse it would be if she found out I shagged her housemate, after she specifically asked me not to?’

‘From where I was sitting, it looked like Anna came on to you.’

‘She did.’

Vik was watching him carefully. ‘Before that, I’d have said you and Beth were getting more pally than usual. What’s going on there?’

‘Nothing.’ If only. If only. His heart squeezed with sadness. ‘We’re just friends. We’ve been friends for a long time. I was a bit drunk. You know how it is.’

Vik nodded, slowly. ‘Okay.’ He looked down at his hands. ‘You seemed pretty pissed off when the boyfriend turned up.’

‘Ex-boyfriend at the time,’ said Hibs. ‘He’s not good to her. You weren’t here the last time. You’ll see what I mean soon enough.’