Chapter Twenty-Two

Hibs watched Beth leave. Something was definitely wrong. Why did she think she was crazy? What kind of crap was Gordon telling her now? Whatever it was, it must have one hell of a hold on Beth for her to let Roger take her slides out of his presentation. This meeting was a big deal: the whole department would be there and it showcased the lab. Except now it would showcase the lab without Beth’s work. He was surprised and disappointed that she’d let him do that without an argument. Something about the way she was, the thousand-yard stare, the vagueness, frightened him. He couldn’t just sit there and watch her slide further under Gordon’s spell. There had to be something he could do to help.

He hurried down the corridor and out of the security doors to find somewhere quiet and phoned Lara. It went to answerphone so he left a message asking her to call him. Then, unable to leave the problem alone, he called Anna.

‘Hello. Didn’t expect to hear from you,’ Anna said brightly. ‘Have you changed your mind then?’

‘Actually, I’m phoning about Beth.’

‘What about her?’ The friendly tone left Anna’s voice.

‘Have you noticed anything odd about her lately?’

‘Let’s see? She has massive self-esteem issues and she’s going out with a guy who treats her like crap … Apart from that, no, not really.’

‘She’s been behaving really oddly today. Can you talk to her?’

There was a pause. ‘You’re really worried that something’s wrong?’

‘Yes.’ Bloody hell. What did it take to convince her? Why was he the only person who could see the size of the problem?

‘Like what?’

‘I’m not sure. She’s been staring into space and chewing her lip to bits. Then she asked me if I thought she was crazy. Do you know if she had a row with Gordon?’

‘They seemed happy enough last night.’ Anna paused. ‘Although, come to think of it, she didn’t say much this morning. Gordon made her this meal last night; he seemed quite pleased with it.’

‘Really? Gordon cooked?’ Well, that was a turn up. Maybe he had wanted something. His mind whirred. What if he’d asked Beth to do something and she’d refused. Could he have hurt her in some way? Or threatened her? Hibs clenched a fist in anger. If Gordon had actually hurt Beth …

‘Could be the lack of sleep thing. You guys have been working crazy hours lately.’

‘I suppose.’ He wasn’t convinced. Tired was one thing; Beth’s behaviour was something else. ‘Look, can you keep an eye on her?’

Anna sighed. ‘Okay. Fine. I’ll try.’ Another pause. ‘Wanna come and help me?’

The comment derailed Hibs’s train of thought. He tried to think of a glib answer and failed. ‘I’ve got to go.’

When Beth got home that night, thankfully Anna had already gone to bed. Beth found a bottle of wine on the side – it must have been Anna’s, she thought, but poured herself a glass anyway.

She sat at the kitchen table, her hands curved around the glass. If she was going crazy, she needed to think about it. Get her facts straight. Then go to see her GP. There might be pills you could take for paranoia. She needed a plan. She grabbed a pen and looked around for a piece of paper. Seeing none to hand, she went over to the almost-full recycling bin, thinking there must be an envelope or something she could use. She started to remove the magazines and newspapers, without looking at what she was pulling out.

Suddenly, something caught her attention. It was part of the packing from an M&S pre-prepared salad and she could see the words ‘mango, avocado’. Frowning, Beth delved back into the box and found the rest: ‘and prawn with lemon dressing’. The salad that Gordon had made for her. He’d claimed to have prepared it himself. She laid the two halves on the floor. It could be a coincidence. Maybe Anna had bought the same salad. She returned to the box, hoping not to find anything more. But it took only a few seconds to locate the wrapper showing lamb, minty potatoes and green beans. All prepared. Just pop in the oven.

Beth sat back on the floor and stared at evidence of the meal that Gordon had ‘cooked’ for her. For a moment, she felt nothing. Then a clamour of emotion. She wouldn’t have minded that he’d bought ready-made food. She would have been thrilled just to get the attention. But he’d lied to her. And, worse, he’d thought her so stupid that he hadn’t even bothered to hide the packaging where she wouldn’t see it. He’d assumed she wouldn’t find it. She nearly hadn’t. Oh god. She really was as gullible as he thought she was.

Her wonderful romantic meal had been a lie. It was like someone tearing wax strips off her heart. Gordon didn’t love her. He was just playing with her. Treating her like an idiot. She thought about the terror of the night before and knew that she hadn’t imagined it. He had been trying to suffocate her. Not to kill her, just enough to frighten her. But why? Did he get off on that sort of thing? Why? The answer came to her almost before she’d finished the question. Punishment. He was punishing her for not saying he could go in the calendar.

Beth reached up for the glass of wine and found her hands were shaking. It took her a few attempts to take a sip.

So what now?

She stared down at the packaging. She could confront him with it. But what did that prove? Gordon would say it was just some packaging. It didn’t mean it was his. She could ask Anna if she’d had the same meal. But then Anna would think she was being weird.

Beth chewed her lip, ignoring the pain. Who could she tell? No one. She needed more information. More proof so that Gordon couldn’t claim the benefit of the doubt. But where could she get that?

She carefully gathered up her ‘evidence’. She would have to keep it somewhere safe, where Gordon wouldn’t find it. As an afterthought, she carefully labelled the backs with the date and where she’d found them.

In her room she crawled under her bed and stuck the bag in the bed slats. Gordon wouldn’t find it there. When she climbed into bed, it smelled of Gordon, so she climbed back out and stripped the bedclothes off. She found a new set, slamming the cupboard doors shut as she went. As she was battling to put the duvet cover back on, Anna knocked on her bedroom door.

‘What are you doing?’ Anna was wearing her little shorty pyjamas and top and looked like she’d just rolled out of bed. ‘It’s past midnight.’

Beth paused, duvet still in hand. She had forgotten it was so late and hadn’t bothered being quiet. ‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘I was just … changing the bed.’ Should she tell Anna her fears?

Anna was watching her carefully. ‘Beth, are you okay?’

No. Not Anna. Not yet.

‘Yes.’

‘Because if there’s anything bothering you, you know I’ll help you in whatever way I can.’

‘I’m fine,’ Beth said. ‘Just tired. Want to go to bed.’

Anna nodded and shuffled back to her room.

Alone again, Beth finished sorting out the bedclothes and got back into bed. She couldn’t talk to Anna. Lara had problems of her own. That just left Hibs. And she didn’t want him to think she was an idiot.

Beth didn’t sleep much in between trips to the lab to take her readings. She needed more information. If she confronted Gordon with these scraps of ideas, he would just laugh at her until she ended up believing she was wrong.

By the time her experiments were finished, she knew what she had to do. She made a list of all the things that Gordon said which could have been lies. Then, having tucked the list safely under the bed, next to the packaging, she finally fell asleep.