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It was too late to call on a non-game night. She knew his phone would already be put away. She rarely sent a text but she needed to begin the conversation. Thanksgiving was only a week away. Never in a million years had she thought this type of conversation would happen. She was torn. Alex took in a deep breath and began to type.
“So, for Thanksgiving, Cane asked if I would spend it with his family.” Her left pinky tapped the send button too soon. Arg. Alex contemplated what next to type. She glanced back on the field. The Texans were up by ten points and with only forty-five seconds left in the game. Cane was at the line. His whole body was intense and focused. He signaled a play and the center snapped the ball.
The world was in slow motion. Chavaz came up from the right but that damn slacky Austin was nowhere. Why was he even on the field? She could have done a better job. It made no sense. Chavez charged hard. Cane passed the ball down the field to Calandrino who caught it at the twenty-yard line as another player from the defense pulled him down. He held tight to the ball. It was complete. Alex cut her eyes to Cane as Chavez hit him hard from his blindside. Cane went down with a thud that rattled in Alex’s brain. It was a precise hit to his left shoulder. The shoulder that had been injured. The part of his body that required extensive surgery and recovery. No. No. Not his shoulder. Alex gasped and raised her hand to her mouth. She stepped forward and Alistair grabbed her arm.
“You can’t,” he warned.
“He’s hurt.”
“Don’t go out there. You aren’t allowed on the field yet.” He cocked his head and stared down at her. “You know this.” The look in his eyes commanded her not to take another step. Alex didn’t want to take a step. She wanted to run. She needed to hear Cane’s voice. If she heard his voice, she knew she would be able to tell how badly he was hurt. But from the sidelines she was like everyone else... a spectator to this game and him.
Alex bit her lip and stood in place. Desperation pushed down on the pedal of adrenaline in her mind. It had amplified through her veins as she waited on the sidelines with everyone else. The pound of blood that throbbed inside of her roared over the crowd. Even if she had forgone all sense of reality and rules of life and rushed onto the field it wouldn’t have been possible. Any attempt to cross the green and she would have been stopped by a ref. Air evacuated from her lungs and pain pulsated through her chest. Breathe. Breathe. She forced herself to exhale. It stung. Dammit. Of course, it was his blindside. Why was she the only one that called this? Well other sports commentators had as well, but why hadn’t his coach done something about it? Why hadn’t Cane made him do it? Now he was lying on the field. In pain. Cane was hurt. Pain ran through her own veins. It wasn’t physical it was emotional. The idea of the man she cared so much for was in pain. Cared. No. It was more than that. God, it was so much more than that. She hadn’t said it but he knew. He let her dance around the edges of the word. Allowing her to come close but not commit to the four letters. Just stick her toe in and test the idea of it. He protected her heart for her, now. He hadn’t before. But he did now. She swallowed hard. Cane’s massive muscular body had been flat on his back too long.
The stretcher came out onto the field. Cane waved them off and struggled to get to his feet. He motioned to everyone and the team to set up again. Are you crazy? What was he doing? He was injured. Cane needed to be off the field and under the care of a physician, not with his team on the field ready for the next play. Alex scanned the time clock. There were twenty seconds left and zero timeouts. The Texans had technically already won the game. There was no need to continue. “Please take a knee,” she whispered. “Do not run the play.” From the distance, Alex could only view Cane’s face from the big screen. His eyes were like icicles. Almost clear. Like ice from the first freeze of winter. Why was he doing this? It was obvious he had channeled all of his physical strength just to stand up and finish the play. Alex swallowed.
Her phone buzzed. It was her dad. He was up? “Sounds good, have fun. Tell Cane they need to fire Austin. He is the worst left tackle in the league.” Alex jerked her head back. The game. He saw it. She bit her lip.
“I can’t believe he is back up.” She shook her head. Alex wished she could shake some sense into him. He did not belong on the field right now.
As she placed her phone back in her pocket it vibrated. “He’s a good quarterback. One of the best in the nation. But he is going to be out for the next game. He was down too long. He’s in pain.”
Shit. He was right. This was so bad. Cane threw the ball down the field and Calandrino made it to the end zone. They scored. Game. Good. Cane made his way to the sideline.
Now she was supposed to interview him and not show her emotions. Okay. Do it. Be a professional. Call it like it is.
The crowd was on their feet and players were rushing the field but Alex could only see Cane. Damn it. He was hurt. A lump formed in her throat but she swallowed it. “Alex Martin reporting on the sideline with Cane Clayburn. Cane, great game. The last touchdown wasn’t necessary and a bit of a risk. Why didn’t you take a knee?”
Cane’s eyes were so clear. Good grief he was in pain. His face was free from any lines. Smooth and without expression. He was obviously focused on doing the interview. He forced a laugh. “There is only one time in my life where I will take a knee.”
Whether or not this was true, Cane had lived up to this stat to date, he always played out the game. Always. It was a message for her. Alex was sure of it. It didn’t matter. This was not anything she was concerned with in this moment. Anger filled her mind. She couldn’t get past his shoulder and his damn blindside not being covered. Alex bit her lip. Don’t say it. Don’t cross the line.
“Is Coach Grisham intentionally trying to have you injured by keeping Austin on the field when everyone with an IQ over eighty can see that he does not have your blindside covered?”
Cane blinked and shook his head. Yes, she stepped over the boundaries of comfortable questions but it needed to be asked and someone needed to answer. No more soft balls. This was real. Cane had been seriously injured and probably still was, but was not going to show it. At least not on the field.
“So, is that a, yes?” She pushed the mic toward his mouth. The lips that had been all over her body and then some. Alex loved being on the sidelines with a camera behind her but in this instance, it would be so much better if they were in bed. It had been a week since they had been together. After his cheesecake sex refusal, Alex was so sexually frustrated she couldn’t even bring herself to orgasm completely. The surge would trickle down her legs like a faucet that needed to be fixed and then nothing. It was awful. This never happened to her. She was a woman that got it done. Every time.
“Come on Alex, are you seriously throwing me that low ball question? You’re better than that.” His brows furrowed.
Alex took in a deep breath. “It’s not low ball. I’d say it was the perfect pass and if you were the running back, I think the refs would say it was an incomplete.”
Cane laughed. “I always finish. You know that.”
Her eyes bulged. Alex swallowed. She couldn’t believe he had outed them. And on live TV. Alex tossed her hair over her shoulders as if she could flip off the switch of her emotions for Cane.
She smiled. Time to up the ante. Two could play at this game. This wasn’t football with twenty-two players on the field. It was Cane and Alex and a million television viewers.
“Do I?” There, I answered the question. Let’s see how you respond. How does it feel to be called out live?
Cane nodded. “Yes, sweetheart, you do. Thanks for the chat.” He pushed past her.
Alex’s cheeks were on fire. She cut her eyes to Alistair. He nodded at her to answer the question. Yes, it was live. Yes, it had been recorded. Yes, everyone that had their television on would have seen it. And if they hadn’t it would be reshared over and over. There was no need to check the Socials there was no doubt they would be on the only hashtags. Alex swallowed and followed through with the last of her sideline interviews and exited the stadium.
***
They hadn’t made plans. It was more of an assumption they would get together after the game. But Alex was not in the mood to have a visit from Cane. She turned her phone off. Took a shower and jumped in bed. He could enjoy the sound of her voicemail. There would be no return calls tonight. No texts. No sex. Nothing. Alex was mortified. Humiliated. This was so not cool. Her career was important to her and he had jeopardized it. She was not going to be a sideline joke. Alex wanted to be an anchor. It was in sight and the interview with Cane would be a setback not a step forward. So many yards had been gained and his comment would no doubt be at least a five-yard penalty. Her head hit the pillow with a thud and her mind went to Cane and his shoulder. Drop it. They could tackle that issue in the morning. Not tonight. Tonight, she would sleep and shut out everything and everyone.
***
At six a.m. Alex turned her phone back on and it vibrated for a good twenty minutes. Between being tagged on all the socials and the texts from Vanessa, Kasia, Hailee, Mason, the list was too long. And yet not long enough. There was one name that was not in her messages. One name that had not called. Seriously? He didn’t call? Really? No, he was not ghosting her. Absolutely not. She was being the ghoster. She had intentionally ghosted him. All of her pride and satisfaction twisted into a tight ball and secured itself in the back of her throat. Why hadn’t he reached out? He was the one that had messed up not her. He outed them. On television. While she was at work. That wasn’t okay, at all. But seriously nothing? She had imagined him at her door with flowers and chocolate. Or eighty thousand texts and missed calls.
And yet there was zero. Nothing. Not even a “GM”. Fear began to run through her mind.
Why? Why hadn’t he tried? The lump in the back of her throat dropped like a rollercoaster that had inched its way to the top of the mountain and slammed down with gravity and sheer force of being pushed to a place no one wanted to go. The place that wreaks of pain and despair, of missed hopes and possibilities. It was worse given that she had been shown such a shiny gorgeous location. Alex had been turnkey about Cane from the get go but now, after everything, she was ready to sit down and discuss the contract. And as if pure poetry she let go of everything in the past and was ready to sit at the table with her heart, and now there was nothing to discuss. He had ghosted her.
No, technically he hadn’t ghosted her. Neither of them had reached out. Neither had avoided a call but neither of them had made one either. Alex took in a deep breath and her stomach sunk further. He had been so concerned about her weight. It was sweet. It didn’t matter she would continue to lose weight but his words had played against her heart, regardless. Alex pulled up her text message.
“I should bench you.” She hit send without a consideration as to whether or not it was a worthy enough text and self-worth was not exactly a focus in her brain at the moment. Alex missed Cane. Even though she wanted to be the one that was mad and have him grovel back to her good graces. The fact that he hadn’t reached out caved in the walls of emotions deep inside of her. It was like freshman college year all over again. She had been filled with self-doubt and for one tiny moment he had made her think and believe in a fantasy that did not exist. And here she was again the one on the chase.
She glanced at her phone. Nothing. She wasn’t going to let this go. Not yet. She texted him again.
“The fine increases with each minute that you don’t respond.”
Time to shower off some of this distraction. The water was hot and it almost seemed as if she could wash off the doubt and disbelief from her skin. Except this relationship had passed the first level. Alex had fought it at every step but they were in a relationship and she didn’t want it to end. Even if it were for naught, she would throw a Hail Mary into the end zone for Cane. She wanted to.
It was Columbus Day. Time to carpe diem and drop the anchor. She was ready to do it. They both had the day off. Cane would be at home. Alex was sure of it. He was injured. This might even be the reason he hadn’t responded. His phone might be dead and he could be in pain. Several months ago, she had joked to Vanessa and Kasia about costumes for Vanessa’s annual Halloween party. One night after several bottles of wine, Alex had ordered a sexy doctor outfit. It was a bit of a buzzed decision. But it would be perfect for today. She sorted through her clothes and found the package. It was a light blue dress that zipped up the front and red lace over the top of her breasts. Even if Cane had decided against them, he wouldn’t be able to resist her in this outfit...at least they would have one final moment of pleasure. Her heart sank. Alex didn’t want a final moment of pleasure. She could do this. Yes. The dress slid over her body. Yeah. No way was she going to leave her apartment like this. She threw on his jersey over the top of the costume. It didn’t matter who saw at this point. He had already claimed her on the field when he tackled Marquez and then pointed out that he always finished in last night’s interview. If anything, and given her texts from the studio, they loved the interview. This would be more fodder for them. So be it. She didn’t care. All Alex cared about was Cane and his arms. His shoulder. She needed to make sure he was okay. She doubted that he was. Alex swallowed. Fear brewed along her skin with the notion of his silence being more about him than her or them combined. It rose to the very core of how much he could be in pain. The risk of his career being over. Physically, emotionally, Cane had to be in a bad place and Alex was going to go to him and make it better. This is what people in relationships do. She knew this. He had always mentioned what he had read about how things work as a couple, but Alex didn’t need a guideline for Cane. She just needed him.
With a deep breath she pushed the button down on her window. This moment was one she had never foreseen for herself. But this was his comfort food. Obviously. It’s what Cane ate when he needed to retreat in the pleasures of the mouth. Not the sexual part, the food part. Alex did, too. Or at least, she had prior to the on-air position. But now, she would take out her frustration and seek out all her pleasures from him.
“Hi, can I get a bucket of chicken, the mashed potatoes and biscuits, please?”
“Sure thing, pull up to the window.”
Thank everything and anyone it was a window and she didn’t have to get out of her car to face the staff and or anyone else as she bought the breaded and fried, calorie laden, cholesterol heart attack feast. She blinked her eyes and blew out a deep breath. Still no texts. What was that about? Maybe this was a game or one of his relationship shoves. He continued to hike them down the line. Make her take another step. Maybe that was the radio silence.
Alex parked in the extended driveway of Cane’s house. With the food in one hand and his jersey as a camouflage for her sexy doctor costume she made her way to the door. Her knuckles paused for a second. Should she even be here?
Yes.
Her hand made a solid touchdown against the steel. Nothing. How long had she been here? Zero response? What the hell? Alex stamped her foot. This was not real. No way. She rummaged through her purse and found her phone. The dial tone rang for three seconds.
“Corn Fed, are you wanting to be benched?” She blew off the hair that had settled on her brow.
“I can’t talk right now.”
Alex blinked her eyes. “What? I’m outside your door. Let me in.”
“It’s not a good time.”
“Corn Fed, you better open this door or we will not be having words. There will be zero words. Like ever. Didn’t your mama raise you better? You do not ignore a woman on your doorstep with food.”
Eventually the door opened. Cane’s face appeared slightly deflated. He had an ice pack attached to his shoulder with gauze. Shit. He was in pain. Alex winced.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything about your mama. That was not nice.” Alex stepped into his entryway.
“Yea, wait till she hears about it. She’s not exactly your biggest fan as it is.”
Alex’s heart sank. “Why not? I’m not barefoot pregnant material?”
A smile crossed Cane’s face. It was slight, barely enough to pull the sides of his mouth up. God, he was really in pain. That’s why he hadn’t responded. He didn’t want her to know. Alex was sure of it.
“You’re definitely barefoot pregnant material but my mama is not keen...it doesn’t matter. I’m not going to be much fun today. I have to run through some videos. How about we reschedule?”
Alex’s chest tightened. Breathe. No way. Not happening. “Did you forget who I was? I like videos. I watch videos on the daily. Hello?”
Cane pressed his lips together and shook his head. “My method is really boring. I won’t be good company today, okay?” He kissed her head as if he could send her off and she would go. No. She wasn’t some fangirl. He was the one that wanted this relationship. He pushed for it. He made her break her only rule about him and now he wanted to shut it down? No. This was not how this was going to go. No. It couldn’t.
“Cane, I’m in your jersey. I’ve brought over a bucket of chicken and other heart attack inducing food and you are showing me the door? Sorry, but not sorry. I’m not leaving. I’m staying. Consider yourself pushed into the end zone. I’m not going to fumble on this play in our relationship.” She swallowed. “You’re hurt and you want to be alone. I get it. But I’m not going to do that. I’m going to imprint myself against your skin and you will like it. No. You will enjoy it. Even better, this day will be one you look back on when you are on an away game and I’m not reporting from the sidelines because you will be alone in your hotel and you will be wanting me.” She tapped his chest with her pointer finger.
“You can stay. You are welcome in my house always. But I’m not talking.” He made his way to the couch and sat down in front of the wide screen television. It was paused on the sack that had injured him.
Alex pulled the jersey off over her head. “That’s fine. This doctor is happier with the silent patient that doesn’t add in their own research input. I know what I’m doing. So, sit back and enjoy my expertise.”
“Doctor? That looks like a naughty nurse.” He let out a sharp breath. “To me.”
“Of course, that’s what it looks like to you. Because you are a sexist macho man. But if you notice this outfit is green. I’m not a nurse. I’m a doctor. Please study up on cos-play outfits, this won’t be your last rodeo.”
Cane shook his head. “Never mention rodeo again pre-sex.”
“What? Why?”
“Again, sweetheart do your research. Cord, my youngest brother is a rodeo cowboy. So, no rodeo references pre or during sex.” He slapped her behind.
She jumped. “Oh, but you like to smack it. That works for me. Oh, no. I dropped the needle.” Alex bent over in front of Cane and pretended to search for the imaginary object. His hands ran over her ass like he was a health inspector at a grocery store and needed to decide which produce was safe. Alex was more than safe and ready.
His hands cupped her ass. “Alex, stop losing weight. I miss your ass. This is a smaller representation of what we had. The big and beautiful.”
“You sound like a soap opera.”
“I wish I was and I would kill your evil twin that is making you do things to your body that shouldn’t be happening.” He massaged her behind and kissed her cheeks.
Alex turned around. “I brought you some chicken in a bucket.”
“Good, because this isn’t happening unless you eat some with me.” He swatted her behind.
“I already ate.”
“Right.” He laced his fingers together and pressed his lips together.
“Again? Seriously?” She let out a deep sigh.
“Fine.” Alex made her way to the kitchen and popped the lid off the chicken. Fried and greasy. This was going to take serious mind over matter. Even if she hadn’t been on a strict celery diet this would never be something she would eat. Fried chicken from a bucket? Gross. It was the epitome of trashy food. Like why have a guy with black specs as the logo instead of a racoon, that would make more sense?
Arg. Alex picked up the smallest drumstick and took a bite.
“Happy?” Alex waved the bone in front of Cane’s face. He leaned down and took a bite from the piece of chicken she held.
“Very. There is nothing sexier than you in that nurse’s costume eating KFC.” He took another bite.
“Doctor.”
“Yes, Nurse Alex?”
She rolled her eyes and gave him a shove. He captured her fingers. “I’ve missed you.”
Alex’s lungs squeezed tight. She had missed him, too. More than she had ever missed anyone. She was all in. It was official. No other definition would work. Those four letters that spelled the one emotion Alex didn’t want to have with Cane. Not him. Not again. She couldn’t do it. But yet, she was. She was there in that place. The destination everyone wants to achieve. The special spot which encompasses everything that makes sense. Everything that makes a bad day turn from blue to green. There was no way to turn back. The dam had been broken and she was not able to hold back anymore. Even if it meant the four letters would not follow the three-letter acronym Alex really wanted. She hoped. God, she hoped it was possible. But there was doubt. How could there not be? Alex sucked in air like she was able to take in more than her fair share of oxygen and overcompensate for the emotions that zinged all over her body. Her love. Yes, love. It radiated for him.
“Well, nothing says true love like going against your personal standards and being seen buying chicken in a bucket.” Thank goodness no one had seen her or at least she wasn’t hashtagged on the socials, yet.
“Is that your way of saying it?” Cane tipped up her chin so Alex had to face him and his question.
She bit her lip. A final pause before she let her guard down. “Saying what?”
“Saying you love me. Alex, you don’t have to be afraid. It’s three one syllable words. No need to consult the thesaurus I gave you.” He pulled her in close and his lips grazed against her ear. “I love you, Alex.”
A waterfall of icicles spread over the back of her neck and down through her body. He said it. First. How long had she waited and anticipated or dreamed about this moment? Too many to count. It was ridiculous. And here it was vivid and true. He did love her. It was so real it crashed from his mouth onto her skin and deeper as it reached the shores of self-doubt and self-worth and cascaded into this beautiful enclosure where only two people can meet together. It’s a special effect on the soul no one can capture on film the way it rings with authenticity in your heart. It is so much more than a visualization. It is an experience that can’t be bought or faked. Only when both people are all in and forego their guards do the colors of this emotion shine through. And what a fucking glorious sight. It’s filled with every single color of the rainbow and it hurts. It’s so good it hurts. Like doing squats or after a finished marathon. Your body is sore and has to side step down the stairs but being in that place is so much more than the pain. It is bigger than everything. And once you have visited this destination, you don’t ever want to leave.
Alex raised her eyes to meet Cane’s. “I do love you Cane, which is why I bought you chicken in a bucket. Now, no more telling and more showing. I ate the chicken. Give me my reward.”
A smile crossed Cane’s face. “You what now?”
“Yes, I love you. Even if your career was over, I would love you. There is so much more to you than football.” She poked his chest.
His eyes dropped. Shit. She shouldn’t have said that. He was too hurt to deal with the idea of no football. Even though that day would arrive with or without injury. At some point he would retire.
“Corn Fed, don’t go soft on me now. I’ve given more than ever. Reward me.”
Cane shook his head. “Nurse Alex, we’ve had some complaints about you lately.”
“From who?”
“A patient. He doesn’t like the lack of extra care he used to get.” He pulled on the zipper of her dress. Alex inhaled as he tugged it all the way down. The sleeves of the costume slipped over her shoulder. She had gone without any type of undergarment. Cane raised an eyebrow and flexed a vein in his throat as he gazed at her bare breasts.
“Maybe it’s a point of view difference and the patient was the one not willing to go with the prescribed treatment.” Her dress and knees dropped to the ground simultaneously. She grasped his cock and stroked it with a downward and twist repetition. Down and twist. Down and twist.
Alex’s mouth lowered to his erection as she took him in past her lips and further down her throat. Deeper. It didn’t matter how deep he went. Alex would take all of him. He could reach the depths of her body. Go for it. She was ready. Go deep. Deep throat her to the point of no return. All barricades had been dropped and the only thing Alex was concerned with was mutual pleasure. Down and twist with her mouth. Down and twist. Alex’s fingers grasped Cane’s balls and rubbed them nice and slow applying pressure. Each round. Each circle. Each stroke. Faster. Harder. Deeper. All of him. Alex deep throated Cane until a creamy, salty taste drizzled down her throat. Satisfaction flowed over her body. There. She gave it to him. God, she wanted to give it to him every single day. He encompassed everything that Alex wanted and needed. She was in deep...Love.