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Fuck. Where was she? He shouldn’t have let her run, it was dark. She shouldn’t be alone. This was not how this day was supposed to go. Cane wished he really did have a time machine. Not just for today but for back then. Shit. He had really effed up. He knew his drinking had gotten out of hand but he didn’t care back then. He just wanted to drink until the pain was numb. He took the rest of it out on the field. Cane ran his hand through his hair and pressed up against a tree. At the bottom of the hill, he spotted her. She was hunched into a ball with her arms crossed tight across her chest. So small and vulnerable in the dark woods. And the biggest threat to her was him. The pain of this tore him up inside. He made his way toward her. He could fix this. He had to. When Alex saw him, she tried to walk away but he caught her and held her tight against him.
“Don’t. Don’t run, Alex. We can fix this.”
Alex went rigid against him. “Cane, if you ever really cared about me, you will let me go right now. I can’t. I can’t do this right now. I just need...” Her voice cracked.
Shit, please don’t cry. He had never seen Alex cry. She didn’t cry. She was Alex, his strong capable Alex. Oh fuck! He had made her cry. The realization was a blow to the chest. He had to fix this. “Alex, please—”
“My friend is coming to pick me up. I’ll call you tomorrow.” She pulled away from him but he wasn’t going to let go. Not now. Never.
“I’m not going to leave you here alone.”
“Please.” Alex’s voice was barely a whisper. He had to strain to hear her. “Please, Cane. I need to be alone tonight. I’ll speak to you tomorrow.”
“You’re shaking.” Cane took off his coat and wrapped it around her shoulders. “Let me take you home.”
Alex shook her head. “Vanessa is coming for me. She is picking me up at Mozart’s. I’m fine. Please, Cane. Please leave me alone. I can’t talk about this now.” A tear slid down her cheek.
“Alex,” he pleaded. “Please. Please let me in.” He kissed her cheek.
Alex wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “Do you love me?” Her voice was strong again.
Cane nodded. “Of course. More than I have ever loved anyone else. I love you. I want to marry you and have babies and—”
“If you love me, you’ll leave right now. I’m going to sit in Mozart’s and wait for Vanessa. I’m fine. Or will be once I am alone. I can’t be around you right now.”
He didn’t want to let her go. Every cell in his body commanded him to hold on to her and not let go. But he couldn’t. She asked him for space. And he would give it to her, tonight, only tonight. Then they would fix this. They could fix it. They had to. Cane could not imagine a future without Alex in it. He would fix this. “Promise me you will call as soon as you get home.”
Alex nodded.
“No, promise. Say the words, Alex.”
“I promise.”
Cane followed her to Mozart’s but he didn’t go in. Alex asked for space and he would give it to her. Cane sat in the parking lot and watched her through the picture window as she drank cup after cup of coffee. Two hours later, Alex left, her best friend by her side. Cane had never met Vanessa but he recognized the short brunette from the picture on Alex’s desk. Cane didn’t start his car. Even after she had left, he sat, thinking. Had he met Alex before? No. It wasn’t possible. He would remember her. They had a connection. He felt it immediately. In the locker room they sparked. It was intense and instant. And then in her office, as soon as he kissed her...no, he would remember her. He pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. He played back every conversation they had had since they’d met. Fuck. She had given him clues. All the times he thought there was something off...shit, even his mama could see it. Why? Why couldn’t he remember her? Cane shook his head. He knew the answer but he didn’t want to admit it. Fuck. Cane grasped the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white. There had been a lot of women that year, more than he could count. If he wasn’t on the field, he was getting drunk or sleeping around. That is what he did, how he coped. He had hardly been a saint before his dad died, but after, he’d crumbled. He wasn’t proud of the way he behaved. He had been an ass, a complete fucking moron.
But how? How could he not remember Alex? And why? Why not tell him? She had so many opportunities. At Thanksgiving he asked her point blank if they had met before and she didn’t say anything. Would she have ever told him if he hadn’t taken her to Mt Bonnell? She thought he took lots of women there. Never. He had never been to the top. Four years of college and he had never done it. He had thought about it plenty of times but never got round to doing it, not until tonight. He wanted to propose to Alex there because...God, he didn’t even know why he wanted to do it there. Something in the back of his mind told him that should be the spot because they had both gone to UT and yet their paths had never crossed. Shit. He had really fucked up. He needed to go home. He had practice in the morning. But he didn’t want to go home to an empty house. He was supposed to be taking Alex home to their house, where they would live and bring home their babies and raise a family. This is not how tonight was supposed to go.
Cane’s phone vibrated: A message from Alex. “I’m home.”
Shit how long had he been sitting in his car? It was past midnight. Cane dialed Alex’s number but it went to voicemail.
“Call me back, Alex. I love you. I don’t care what time you get this, just call.”
***
Cane paused before he dialed Alex’s number. This was the last time, the last call. He loved her but it was clear it was over. She’d lied when she said she would call him the next day. She never called, texted, emailed or sent a smoke signal or any of the other fucking ways she could have contacted him.
It was over. Alex made that clear. He never pegged her for a god-dammed coward. Yeah, she didn’t like confrontation, but this was ridiculous. He had fucked up six years ago, but their relationship was now. They had fallen in love now. And if she was willing to give that up because of a stupid mistake...then he was done, too.
Cane held his breath when he pushed call. Almost immediately the call went to voicemail. He let out a bitter laugh. Well, there it was. Over, as quickly as it had started. Really, on Christmas Eve, you send me to voicemail.
Cane put his phone back in his pocket. He was already late. He should have left for Cut and Shoot an hour ago. He was dragging his feet because he was stupid enough to think that he would get ahold of Alex and everything would somehow be okay. He hadn’t told his family they had broken up, because he didn’t want to believe that they had. That was going to be a fun conversation with his mother, telling her that she was right, and he was indeed an asshole and had ruined things with the only woman he had ever loved. Cane shook his head. There was no point in putting it off or making excuses, it was what it was. They had fun for a while but now it was over. Cane loaded the trunk with the presents he was taking home to his family. He smiled when he saw the tiny football for Garron. The boy had good hands; he could already see it. He had quarterback written all over him. Cheyenne would fight it, but that was happening. This was Texas. The boy would play football. Cane tossed the ball on top of the other gifts then stopped cold when he saw the unwrapped gift he had bought for Alex. He had forgotten about it. He saw it in a shop at the airport and gotten it for her. Cane held up the burnt orange UT baby onesie. On the front there was a longhorn with the word Texas curved above it. He bought it for their baby. The one they were going to have someday, the one he had been joking about since he met Alex. But it wasn’t a joke for him. Cane wanted that life with Alex.
Shit, he still wanted it. He still wanted her. He always would. Damn it. Cane sighed. He had called and texted Alex a hundred times since they broke up. She wasn’t talking to him. He had no way of finding her, short of going to the ESPN studio in Connecticut and making a complete ass of himself. Not that he was above that, he just had no idea if she would be there, either. She could be reporting from anywhere. All he knew is that she wasn’t at Texans games or practices. He had looked. Every time he was at the stadium, he hoped he would see her, but he never did.
It was nearly six o’ clock on Christmas Eve, Cane knew where Alex was today. This was the one day of the year he could be sure. She was in Oklahoma with her dad. Cane was supposed to be there, too. That is how it was supposed to be. Fuck it. He wasn’t done calling her or chasing her or loving her. He wasn’t going to be done with that until...ever. He would never be over her.
He needed to get to the airport. He would call his mama from there and tell her he wasn’t coming home this year. He needed to bring Alex back. His hands were slick. Shit, he was nervous. Cane looked at the board. There was one flight to Oklahoma but not until 9 o’clock, by the time he rented a car, he wouldn’t be there until almost midnight.