Nolie walked through the chrome-and-glass doors of the fire-department administrative offices the next morning, trying to concentrate on the mission that had brought her here. Unfortunately her wayward imagination kept transporting her back to those moments on the swing with Gabe.
She’d given away too much of herself to him. She didn’t do that with anyone except Claire, and that was only because she and Claire had found each other in a support group for abuse survivors.
The support group hadn’t wiped away the dark shadows of her past, but it had given her an amazing friend. She was constantly grateful for that.
Claire was safe. She could tell Claire anything and know that it would never be used against her. But Gabe—
Gabe was so intent on his passion to return to fire fighting that she didn’t think he’d stop at much to get there. Including using her, if he thought it would be to his advantage.
Had he seen, when she’d talked about the stray animals she trained, that she equated herself with those abandoned creatures? She had to find a way to keep her guard up with him, or he’d trample over her on his way back to the life he wanted.
And that wasn’t the most serious problem. If Gabe continued to deny his need, that might keep him from bonding with his service dog. All her work on the grant proposal could come to nothing.
She crossed the glossy tile floor to the elevators, searching the posted directory for the fire chief’s name. She had to get an unbiased opinion about Gabe, and she certainly couldn’t get that from his family.
The Flanagan family’s overflowing love would probably make them support him if he declared that the sky was pink with orange polka dots. She couldn’t imagine what that must be like—to have people love and support you that much.
She stepped into the elevator, confronting her image in its mirrored wall. She wore the navy blazer again. Claire kept threatening to burn it, but she never did. Maybe she understood that Nolie needed the anonymity the blazer represented.
Worthless, her aunt’s voice whispered in her memory.
Taking a breath, she concentrated on the blinking light that showed the floors. Whatever her aunt had believed, she wasn’t worthless. She was doing good work, and she’d do even more once she had the grant. So she wasn’t about to give up on Gabe Flanagan, no matter how much he’d like her to.
The elevator doors swished open, and she stepped into a long hallway, empty except for one person. Her stomach clenched. Brendan Flanagan. The Reverend Brendan Flanagan.
“Nolie, hi.” His smile held a tinge of surprise. “What brings you here?”
She rejected the impulse to lie to him. “I wanted to speak with Chief Donovan. Is his office on this floor?”
Brendan nodded toward a door. “It is, but he isn’t in right now. Can I help you?”
“I don’t think so.” Her grand plan seemed to be dissolving. “Maybe I can make an appointment to see him later.”
He hesitated, his eyebrows lifting in a question. “Is this about Gabe?”
He wouldn’t believe her if she said no. She nodded.
“Maybe I can help, unless it’s something official.” His smile was deprecating. “Even though I’m the department chaplain, they don’t really trust me with official business.”
He didn’t look much like a chaplain in his rumpled khakis and navy pullover. He might be another of the young firefighters she’d seen downstairs.
“I really need to talk with someone about Gabe.” She pushed her discomfort out of the way. This was too important to let her own hang-ups stop her. “Someone impartial.”
He considered for a moment, weighing her words gravely. “Well, I’m not completely impartial. Gabe is my cousin, as well as my friend. But I think I can be objective about him.” He smiled. “Unlike the rest of the Flanagans, I might add.”
She managed a small smile in return. “They are certainly…supportive, I guess you could say.”
“I’m not sure that’s what Gabe would say, but it’ll do.” He gestured toward the end of the hall. “There’s a break room here. I’ll get you a cup of coffee, and you can tell me what you need to know about my cousin.”
She didn’t want to spend any more time than she had to in his company, but Brendan seemed genuine enough. And the prize she had to win was worth facing a few dragons, wasn’t it?
“Thanks. I appreciate that.”
The few minutes it took to settle themselves at a small table in the empty lounge let her organize her thoughts. She wrapped her fingers around the cup Brendan handed her and tried to look at him without thinking of him as a minister.
It was easier than she’d have expected, probably because he didn’t look like any minister she’d ever met, not that she’d met that many. Brother Joshua had been enough for a lifetime.
“What can I tell you about Gabe?” Brendan pushed back the lock of dark hair that tumbled toward the rims of his glasses.
She reconsidered her view of him. With his serious, studious expression and his glasses, he looked more like a young professor than either a firefighter or a minister.
“I’m trying to find the best way to work with Gabe,” she said carefully. She had to keep in mind that this was Gabe’s cousin. “So far I’m finding that he’s—”
She stopped. Too attractive for his own good? Too appealing to be alone with? She didn’t want to go there.
“In complete denial,” Brendan said.
She gave him a look of surprised gratitude. “Yes, he is. I thought I was the only one who saw that.”
Brendan frowned down at the dark coffee in his cup. “Siobhan does, I think, but probably no one else in the family. As for the chief—well, I know he has a desk job lined up for Gabe, in the event he can’t go back on active duty.”
She turned that over in her mind, wondering. “Do you think Gabe would accept that?”
“Not for a minute.”
This time his answer didn’t surprise her.
“He’s certainly determined to get back to work. So much so that I’m afraid it’s influencing his attitude toward working with me.”
Brendan grinned. “You mean he’s so bullheaded that he can’t see anything but his own objective.”
“Something like that.”
“You have to understand.” He leaned across the table toward her, eyes intent. “Gabe’s a warrior. Always has been. An old-fashioned knight in shining armor rushing to rescue the helpless. That’s what being a firefighter means to him.”
The image warmed her. “You care a lot about him.”
“Like a brother. All Flanagans have fire fighting in the blood, but Gabe most of all.” His brows drew together. “The thing is, if Gabe can’t be a firefighter—” He stopped and shook his head, his eyes dark and serious. “If Gabe can’t be a firefighter, I don’t think he’ll know who he is.”
* * *
Brendan’s words were still ringing in Nolie’s ears as she set up an obstacle course on the lawn behind the house later in the afternoon. That conversation had gone a lot better than she’d expected, on several counts.
She’d gotten over her instinctive need to escape from him. She hadn’t even winced when he’d taken her hand and told her he’d be praying for her.
And he’d given her a glimmer of an idea. His description of Gabe as a knight rescuing the helpless had clicked into place. Of course that’s what he was—a modern-day knight. She just had to find a way of working his need to help and rescue into his training.
She tested the white picket gate she’d set up, making sure it was stable. Max nosed against it, as if remembering his lessons, then trotted off to join Lady in investigating an interesting smell under the willow tree. A bee buzzed lazily past her toward the old-fashioned lilac bush next to the back porch, and the lilac’s aroma perfumed the air.
A perfect spring day—meant for lazing in a hammock, not indulging in a case of the nerves over what she had to do. She heard one car pull into the lane, and then another, and took a deep, settling breath.
Please, let this work. It would be so good for Gabe and for Danny. Please.
Her thoughts flitted to the grant. It could mean the difference between expanding her work and going under. Deep down she probably didn’t really trust anyone, but like it or not, she needed Gabe.
Repeating the prayer in her heart, she headed toward the lane to greet her clients. She waved at Danny, then nodded to Gabe as he got out of the car. In jeans, a polo shirt and sneakers, he looked ready to work. She hoped.
“Hi. Would you mind helping Danny’s mother get him out of the car?”
“Of course not.” He swung toward them automatically, then glanced at her, frowning. “Did I have the time wrong today?”
“No. I just thought you and Danny might benefit from working together a few times.”
His frown lingered as he seemed to assess her words. Her heart gave a little thump. If he knew what she was up to—
That was silly. She bent to greet Gabe’s mother.
“Hi, Mrs. Flanagan. Did you want to wait for Gabe?”
“Call me Siobhan, please.” Her warm smile crinkled the faint lines around her eyes. “Actually, I was hoping you might bring him home and stay for supper with us. I promise not to inflict all the Flanagans on you this time.”
Ordinarily she’d accept any invitation that would allow her insight into a client, but Gabe was different.
He’s a client, the voice of her conscience pointed out. You should treat him as you would any client.
That was certainly easier said than done.
“Gabe might have had enough of me by that time.”
“Gabe doesn’t always know what’s good for him.” Siobhan had a note of determination in her voice. “Please, Nolie.” She put her hand on Nolie’s where it rested on the edge of the window. “I really want you to come.”
For Gabe’s sake. Siobhan didn’t say that, but that was what she meant. Well, if she were honest with herself about putting the client first, she could hardly refuse.
“Thanks. I’d like that.” And if she succeeded in tapping into Gabe’s need to help others, she might have something to celebrate by then.
“What are you two plotting?”
The low bass rumble of Gabe’s voice resonated through her, and she felt instantly guilty.
“Nothing. Your mother was just kind enough to invite me to supper.”
“She was?” He bent to give his mother a look that should have singed, but Siobhan just smiled at him serenely. He lifted his hand in what might have been a gesture of either goodbye or surrender. “I’ll see you later, Mom.”
Siobhan waved, then put the car in gear and moved off. Gabe turned that smoldering look on Nolie, jolting her down to her bones.
“Mind telling me what’s going on?”
“What makes you think something is going on?”
“You’ve obviously scheduled me for the same time as Danny. I want to know why.”
She tried to pull her professional expertise around her like a cloak. She was the expert. She didn’t have to explain herself to him.
“Because I think it would be good for both of you to work together today.”
Danny’s approach kept Gabe from giving the stinging response that was undoubtedly on his tongue, but his burning glance told her clearly what he thought of this idea.
Brendan, you’d better be right about him. With a whispered prayer, she led the man and boy toward the lawn.
By the time they’d put in a half hour’s work, she had finally begun to relax. It looked as if Brendan had been right. No matter how reluctant Gabe was, his protective instincts kicked in once he was actually working with the boy. She could read it in his body language as he leaned toward Danny while boy and dog worked on operating the gate.
“You can do it, Danny.” Gabe’s fingers twitched with the longing to open the gate for the boy, but he clearly realized the need for Danny to do it himself.
“Sure you can.” She added her words of encouragement. “Just let Lady do most of the work for you.”
Danny’s small face tightened in concentration as he tried to force recalcitrant nerves to carry the message to his hands. Lady, eager to help, nosed at the latch.
Nolie held her breath as the gate swung a millimeter open. If it snapped back again—
This time Danny pulled out of the way and let Lady have her head. The dog, concentrating almost as fiercely as the boy, shouldered the gate open and held it. Danny wheeled through.
“We did it!” The triumph in Danny’s voice grabbed her heart and squeezed.
“You sure did, buddy.” Gabe gave him a thumbs-up sign.
He glanced at Nolie. For a moment they were completely in sync, sharing a potent mix of joy and triumph. Gabe’s eyes darkened, as if in recognition. As if he and Nolie were seeing each other for the first time and knew this was no casual meeting.
Breathe, she admonished herself. She couldn’t let the man touch her emotions that way.
“Now you,” Danny said, his eyes shining as he looked up at his hero. “You and Max should work the gate, too.”
Gabe hesitated, and she knew he was thinking that he didn’t need to accomplish that task in the same way that wheelchair-bound Danny did.
“That’s right,” she said quickly. “Max has been taught how to work the gate. It’s a good exercise. See if you can do it together.”
He nodded, tapping his leg to call Max to heel. Together they approached the gate.
“Don’t try to do all the work.” Danny’s words mimicked what she’d said so often to him. “Let Max help you do it.”
Gabe reached for the gate, then slowed, moving as he’d seen Danny move. He hesitated.
“You can do it, Gabe,” Danny said. “You can.”
Gabe’s lips twitched at the boy’s coaching, but he nodded. “Open the gate, Max.”
It was the first time he’d given the dog a verbal command without her prompting, and she smiled. Gabe might not realize it, but he was making progress.
Max glanced up at Gabe, apparently looking for confirmation. Then he nosed the latch, helping Gabe release it. He caught the gate with his shoulder, just as she’d taught him. Man and dog passed through smoothly.
“Good job, Max!” Again, Danny’s words were an echo of hers. He struggled to make his hand give the same thumbs-up signal Gabe had.
She glanced from Danny to Gabe, and her gaze was caught by Gabe’s face as he bent over, ruffling Max’s fur and murmuring to the dog.
Her heart clenched. They were bonding. Gabe could say a dozen times a day that he didn’t need the dog, but they’d just taken the first step toward becoming a partnership.
And when they did, they’d also taken the first step away from her.
She tried to smooth over the pricking thought. Letting go was the nature of her work. She’d accepted that a long time ago. She trained them, encouraged them, even loved them, and then they went away. Gabe would do that, too.
That shouldn’t matter to her any more than it would with any other client, but she feared it would.
* * *
Gabe smoothed the dog’s silky ears, then ran his hand down Max’s shoulder, feeling strong muscle and bone. One might almost think the dog enjoyed working and felt a sense of accomplishment in what he did. As Gabe did.
He glanced at Nolie. Danny had wheeled over to her, and she bent toward the boy, congratulating him. The face he’d once thought plain was lit with pride in the child’s accomplishment, maybe even love.
His stomach seemed to turn over. Why on earth had he thought her plain? She was beautiful.
Okay, back up. He couldn’t go around thinking things like that. He had no intention of getting close to either Nolie or Danny. Period. So he would not notice Nolie’s quick graceful movements, or the way her skin turned golden where the sun touched it. And he wouldn’t let his heart twist with longing to make things better for the kid.
It was probably a good thing that the boy’s mother arrived just then to pick him up. He watched as Nolie took Danny to the car, exchanging a few words with the mother as they loaded him in.
He raised his hand in farewell to the boy, and then frowned as Nolie strolled back to him.
“Doesn’t his father ever bring Danny?”
Quick sorrow filled her expressive face. “Danny’s parents are separated. Lately it seems they quarrel about everything, including Danny’s therapy. So no, his dad doesn’t ever bring him.” She raised her hand to wave away a bee that buzzed near her face. “It’s hard on parents, having a child with as many disabilities as Danny does.”
“It’s pretty hard on the kid, too.” He couldn’t help the edge of anger in his voice. “I don’t have much use for people who can’t put their child first.”
The flash of pain in her eyes at his words startled him. Was some personal experience at work there?
He wouldn’t ask about her family. He wasn’t going to get involved, remember?
The moment passed. Nolie started taking down the portable gate and he moved to help her, taking the supports as she dismantled them.
“Thanks.”
She carried the gate toward the barn, and he followed, lugging the supports. They crossed the grass and moved from sunlight into the cool, dim interior of the barn.
It was quiet. Peaceful. There wasn’t much quiet in his life at the moment, and this felt good.
Nolie stacked the gate pieces she carried against an empty stall. He shoved his into place.
“Danny’s doing well, in spite of his parents.” Nolie glanced at him, as if measuring her words. “He’s a hard worker normally, but he worked even harder today, thanks to you.”
“I didn’t do anything.”
“You made him feel—” She paused, searching for the words. “Well, maybe not quite so exceptional. Not so alone. Having someone else here made it almost a game for him.”
“He’s a brave little kid.” He couldn’t imagine facing the future the boy faced every day.
She smiled. “He looks up to you.”
Hero-worship, that was what she was talking about. The phrase turned the screws on him. A real hero wouldn’t still be walking around when two of his comrades were dead.
They stepped out into the sunlight again, and he raised his hand to shield his eyes. Lady and Max, chasing each other on the lawn, broke off the game to come racing over to them, jostling each other for Nolie’s attention.
She laughed and patted her shoulder, obviously an invitation to Max. The dog reared up and planted two big paws on her shoulders, and she hugged him. Her hair, touched by the sun, was almost the same gold as the dog’s fur.
“That dog’s a lover, not a fighter,” he said.
She shoved Max down gently, still smiling, and ruffled Lady’s ears. Max, apparently deciding on second-best, came to lean against Gabe’s leg and have his ears rubbed.
“Max is special. Well, they all are, I guess.”
For the first time he wondered at her attachment. “You obviously love them.”
“Well, of course.” She looked surprised.
“How do you handle parting with them?”
Her lashes swept down, hiding her eyes from him. Hiding her emotions, probably.
“It’s hard.” She patted Lady. “But that’s what success means in my business. Partnering the right animal with the right client, and saying goodbye when they’re ready to be on their own.”
“It sounds kind of lonely, when you put it like that.”
She shrugged. “I’ve gotten used to it.”
She almost sounded as if she believed that. Almost, but not quite.
They’d reached the front of the farmhouse, and he looked up at the sign that hung there. It was wooden, brightly painted, showing an ark with fanciful animals poking their noses out of doors and windows. Nolie’s Ark, it read in script around the edge.
“Very appropriate,” he commented.
She smiled, and a faint flush touched her cheeks. “I’d have put up something much more serious and formal, but my friend Claire beat me to it. She said if I had to turn this place into an ark, I might as well have a sign to match.”
“She’s a good friend.”
“Yes, she is.” The smile lingered on her lips at the thought of her friend.
Did she smile when she mentioned him in conversation? Probably not. He’d managed to turn himself into a pretty big thorn in her side in a few short days.
“Well.” She put her hand on the porch railing. “I’d like to change before I take you home, if I’m staying for supper.” She gestured toward the faded jeans she wore. “Do you mind waiting?”
The reminder of his dependence pricked. “I don’t have much choice, do I?”
She stopped on the step, turning toward him, and their faces were level. She was so close he could see the fine sheen of sunlight on her cheek, the tiny veins at her temples, the flecks of gold in her eyes. How had he ever thought her plain? He must have been out of his mind.
“I’m sorry. I know you must hate being driven.” Her smile flickered. “It’s tough to give up control, isn’t it?”
He shrugged, annoyed that she saw through him so clearly. “It won’t be for long. When I’ve gone six months without a seizure, the doc says I’ll get my license back.”
“Good.” She said it as if she meant it, but he knew better.
His hand tightened on the railing. “Is it, Nolie? If I don’t have a seizure in six months, that won’t do your grant proposal much good, will it?”
He saw by the flicker in her eyes that the shot had gone home. But she lifted her chin, looking at him steadily.
“I know you don’t believe this, but we really want the same thing. We both want you to be able to live your life as fully and richly as possible, whether that means you’re going to be doing that with a seizure-alert animal or not.”
Not. I choose not. The thought burned into his brain. The trouble was that he might not have the ability to choose.
Nolie lingered a moment longer, as if waiting for him to respond to her words. Then, with what might have been a sigh, she went into the house.
They didn’t want the same thing, no matter how much Nolie might like to believe that. He wouldn’t live his life depending on an animal to take care of him. He’d go back to the work he was destined to do. Nolie could help him, or she could be an obstacle, but he was going to do it.