Her Cinderella moment was over. Nolie drove down the narrow blacktop leading to the farm, trying her best to hold her pain at bay. She would not let herself dwell on the contrast between how she’d felt leaving for the foundation affair and how she felt now. Her joy in the pretty dress had vanished as thoroughly as the admiration in Gabe’s eyes.
She could do nothing about that. Perhaps she could still do something about Gabe’s attitude.
The stark reality was that if he backed out of the program now, she could lose the grant. But if he did what Henley asked, he felt he’d lose his future. They couldn’t both get what they wanted.
The difference between them lay in Gabe’s inability to admit the truth about his situation. Probably she couldn’t change that, but she had to try one last time.
She drew up by the house and glanced at Gabe as she turned off the ignition. His face was brooding and withdrawn.
“Can we talk for a few minutes before you go to the cottage?”
He reached for the door handle. “It won’t do any good.”
He was closed to her, perhaps completely, perhaps forever. But she couldn’t give up.
“Please.” She put her hand on his arm. “Just for a few minutes.”
Max whined softly, either because he didn’t understand why they hadn’t gotten out of the car or because he sensed the tension between them.
Gabe jerked a short nod, then got out quickly, letting the dog out.
She came around the car slowly, trying to arrange her thoughts in some coherent manner. The night air was cool on her arms. She nodded toward the porch swing, sheltered from the breeze.
“Let’s sit down.”
Max, released from confinement in the car, began to nose around the bushes. Gabe looked as if he longed for similar release, but he followed her to the porch. She sat on the cushioned swing, feeling it rock as Gabe took his place next to her.
The cool air brought the faint scent of roses to her. Sitting here with Gabe could have been a lovely, romantic moment. It was anything but that.
“I know what you’re going to say, Nolie. I want you to get the grant. But I can’t do what Henley wants.”
She tried to think what arguments might persuade him, but her mind seemed blank. “Maybe the results wouldn’t be as bad as you think. Surely the chief understands the position he’s put you in.”
Gabe put his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands. In the dim light he was a solid, dark bulk, immovable as a rock.
“They’re talking about publicity, you must know that. Publicity for the foundation.”
“They survive on contributions. Publicity brings in the money that keeps good programs afloat.”
His face turned toward hers. “They do good work. They deserve good press. But not at the cost of my life.”
“It wouldn’t necessarily—”
“If I let them use me as some kind of poster boy, I’ll never get back on active duty.” His voice was heavy. Final.
She had to say the truth, even though she knew it would hurt him. “You may not have a choice. You can’t be a firefighter if you’re suffering from seizures.”
He jerked as if she’d shot him. “I won’t. I’ll take the medicine if I have to, but I’m going back on the job. It’s my life.”
He really believed that. She thought she understood why, but—
“I understand the chief is willing to give you a desk job in the department.”
“No.” His anger came toward her in a black wave. “I’m a firefighter, not a desk jockey.”
Her throat ached with the need to reach him. “I know helping people is your life. Maybe God has a way for you to do that that you haven’t considered.”
“You sound like Brendan. I should listen to what God wants for me. But you know what? Ever since the accident, I’ve been trying to reach Him. And He’s been silent.”
She heard the pain that threaded his voice—heard it and didn’t know how to respond. She had to force herself to reach back, far back into the painful past she didn’t want to remember.
She took a breath, steadied herself. She’d told Gabe so much. She could tell him this much more.
“I felt that way once—that God had abandoned me. That He didn’t hear my pain.” She had to force the words out one at a time, they hurt so much. “It wasn’t until I was desperate enough to express my anger at God that I found I’d taken that first step toward healing. God was big enough to take my anger and love me anyway.”
His head came up in a swift, instinctive response. “Don’t tell me what to do, Nolie. You’re not all that healed when you can’t even get rid of your aunt’s belongings.”
His words hit her like a blow. He knew. Gabe knew about the contents of the shed. Knew, and thought her a coward or a weakling for not doing something about it.
She was still grappling with the pain when he surged off the swing, setting it rocking violently. He stood in front of her, hands shoved into his pockets, head lowered.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
She dismissed the apology with a flicker of her fingers. “It doesn’t matter.” She took a breath, trying to get a handle on her pain. “What matters is the work. That’s all that matters.”
No, that wasn’t all that mattered. It also mattered that she loved him. But loving him wasn’t going to change anything between them.
“You’re doing good work. I know that. But I won’t sacrifice my future for it. I can’t.”
He turned. Stepped off the porch. He was going, and she couldn’t stop him.
She took a breath, pushed herself upright. Max, with a last look at her, trotted after Gabe.
She could call the dog back, but she wouldn’t. He was the one frail thread that still connected Gabe to her work.
Unfortunately, she couldn’t make herself believe that was going to make a difference. There was nothing left for her and Gabe.
* * *
Gabe stood at the cottage window Monday morning, looking out at the farm. A last look? He’d thought that yesterday. After church with the family he’d seriously considered packing his things and moving back home.
But he’d committed himself to sticking with the program for another week. If he dropped out before then the chief would be furious. Any chance that he’d look favorably on Gabe’s return to active duty would disappear.
He rubbed the back of his neck, where tension had taken up permanent residence since he’d learned what the foundation expected of him. There had to be a solution that would let him and Nolie get what they wanted.
The only possibility he saw was a slim one. He could finish the training, then appear at the little dog-and-pony show for the foundation and tell them that while he was well now and didn’t need a service dog, he had nothing but praise for Nolie’s program.
Unfortunately Nolie could blow that out of the water by telling them about his last seizure. Would she?
Analyzing Nolie’s reactions was a risky thing. If she agreed to cooperate with him—well, at least then she’d stand a chance of getting her funding. Otherwise—
He found he didn’t want to think of that. They’d both been put in an unfair position. He didn’t want to be the one to blow her chances at the grant. She did good work.
He put his hand against the glass, frowning. He’d seen Nolie and Danny go into the barn a few minutes ago. The kid was crazy about the animals, and that was often his reward for a good session.
A car was coming up the lane, fast. It should be Danny’s mother coming back for him, but that wasn’t her van.
The car shrieked to a stop, spraying gravel. A man surged out, slamming the car door. Danny’s father.
Tension shot along his nerves. From what he’d gathered, the father was opposed to Danny’s work with the dog. He’d never come to pick him up before. What was he doing here now?
The man charged toward the training center, but then stopped, his body swinging toward the barn. He must have heard their voices. He veered that way, his head down like a charging bull.
Trouble.
The word was like the alarm, calling him to action. He yanked the door open, hearing the rush of Max’s feet as he scrabbled across the floor to join him. Not bothering to shut the door, he leaped over the stepping stones of the path and raced across the lawn toward the barn.
The man was out of sight already. He should have moved faster, should have recognized that the father’s arrival wasn’t normal. Nolie and Danny were alone in the barn, facing a man whose anger had been evident in every line of his body.
Max reached the doorway before he did and stopped, letting out a volley of barking fiercer than any Gabe had heard before. The dog lunged forward.
“Max, stay!” He thundered the command. Whatever was happening, he could handle it with more reason than Max could.
Then he reached the doorway. The father was reaching for Danny, but Nolie stood in his way, her slim frame dwarfed by his bulk. Before Gabe could get another word out, the man had thrust her aside with a single sweep of his arm. Nolie stumbled, lost her footing, and hit the barn floor hard.
The sight was like the fierce blast of air from a fire, propelling him toward them so fast he didn’t think his feet touched the ground. He grabbed the man, adrenaline pumping, muscles bunching, fury eclipsing every other emotion. His fist clenched.
“Gabe, no.”
Nolie’s voice was probably the only thing in the world that could have stopped him. He spun the man around, grasping him by both arms, and looked toward Nolie.
She scrambled to her feet, her face white. “I’m all right.” She was probably trying to sound normal for Danny’s sake, but it wasn’t working.
“Are you sure?” His voice was rough with emotion. If she’d been hurt—
“I’m fine.” Her gaze telegraphed a warning. Not in front of Danny. “I just stumbled, that’s all.”
Judging by the kid’s expression, he knew perfectly well that wasn’t all.
“You okay, Danny?”
The boy managed a nod.
“That’s good.”
He glanced toward Nolie for direction. His grand heroic gesture seemed to be dwindling to farce. Now he had the guy, but what was he going to do with him? The fury still pumped along his veins, but man-handling the man in front of his kid wasn’t a possibility.
“Maybe you ought to take Danny’s father to his car. Danny won’t be going with him today.” Nolie had reached the wheelchair, and she put one arm protectively around the boy’s shoulders.
He nodded, turning the man toward the door. Max, hackles raised and a low growl rumbling in his throat, followed them as he propelled Danny’s father out of the barn.
I know what you feel, boy. I do, too. But Nolie wouldn’t thank us for making any more of a scene, so I guess we just have to play it her way.
* * *
Nolie took a deep breath, searching for strength. She had to be calm for Danny’s sake, no matter what she’d felt.
But those terrifying moments when Danny’s father had stormed into the barn weren’t easy to erase. It hadn’t taken a moment to know that the man had been drinking and was totally irrational. He’d been determined to take Danny. All she’d known was that she couldn’t let him, no matter what.
She’d have failed. If Gabe hadn’t come through that doorway like an avenging angel, she wouldn’t have been able to prevent it.
She’d never seen anything to match the fury in Gabe’s eyes. For a moment she’d been afraid of what he might do.
But that had been foolish. No matter how he was provoked, Gabe would never lose control of himself enough to hurt anyone.
Thank you, Father.
She hugged Danny, feeling the tension in his thin shoulders. “Are you okay, Danny? I know that was upsetting, but everything’s all right now.”
“Gabe won’t hurt my daddy, will he?”
“No, of course not. He’ll just give your dad time to cool off, that’s all.” She hesitated, not sure how much more to say. “Your mom should be here in a few minutes, and she’ll take you home. I’ll bet your dad will be feeling a lot better by the next time you see him.”
Danny nodded, but she read the pain in his eyes.
Poor child. His love for his father was battling the feeling that he’d somehow let him down.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled.
Please, Father. Give me the words.
“You know, Danny, sometimes we feel responsible when someone we love does something hurtful.” She stroked his hair. “But it’s not your fault when that happens.”
What had happened to her hadn’t been her fault, but she’d still carried the burden of it for a long time.
She cupped his chin in her hand, looking into his eyes. “It’s never your fault when grown-ups don’t act the way they should. You remember that, okay?”
He nodded solemnly.
She hugged him, hoping she’d done enough to ease his pain. Wishing she could take it away entirely. Danny bore his burdens with courage. If only his father could do the same.
Her throat tightened. How was Gabe handling the stress of the incident? It couldn’t be good for him. If it triggered a seizure—
She heard voices, two of them, and her tension eased. It was Gabe, and it sounded as if Danny’s mother was with him.
“Hey, Danny.” Gabe came straight to the boy. “You okay, buddy?”
He nodded. “Is my daddy okay?”
“He’s fine. He’s just embarrassed about the way he acted, you know? He’s kind of upset, so I called a taxi to take him home.”
Myra touched her son’s shoulder, and her expression mingled hurt and apology. “It’ll be all right, Danny. I promise.”
“Nolie says it’s not my fault if grown-ups don’t act the way they should.” He watched his mother, as if waiting for her reaction to that.
She managed a smile that trembled on the verge of tears. “Nolie’s exactly right. Come on, now. Let’s go home.” She glanced at Nolie. “I’m sorry,” she said softly. “If I’d been on time, it wouldn’t have happened. Traffic was held up out by Forest Road. It looked like there’s a fire.”
Nolie felt the sharp surge of Gabe’s attention as surely as if they were touching.
“Did you see where it was?” He rapped out the question.
Myra shook her head, pushing Danny toward the door. “We’ll just go around by Fifteenth Street on our way home.”
Nolie waited until they were out of earshot. “Would your brothers have gone on the call?”
“Not unless it went to several alarms. That’s not their district. Times like this, I miss the radio. Even if it’s not my fire, I always want to hear about it.” He shrugged. “Still, I guess there was enough excitement here for one day.”
“Definitely.” He wouldn’t want to be thanked, but she had to say it. “Thank you. I don’t know how I’d have handled Danny’s father if you hadn’t been here.” She hesitated, but she might as well say the rest of it. “I thought you might have left.”
“You thought I’d have bailed out.” He shook his head. “I haven’t changed my mind about performing for the foundation. But I said I’d see the training through, and I will.”
Probably only because of the pressure from his chief, but she had to be grateful for anything that kept him here a bit longer.
“What happened with Danny’s father when you took him outside?”
Gabe leaned back against the stall door, propping one heel against the rail. “Not much.”
She raised her eyebrows. “I heard what you told Danny. Now tell me the things you didn’t want to say to him.”
His face eased. “Well, I certainly didn’t want to tell the kid that I felt like punching his old man.”
“You didn’t—”
“No, I didn’t. But when I saw him shove you to the floor, I certainly wanted to. Are you sure you’re all right?”
She nodded, rubbing her shoulder. “I landed a little hard, but I’m okay.”
“Let me.” He reached out to massage her shoulder, his hand warm and gentle. “You shouldn’t take on guys who are twice your size.”
“I’ll remember that the next time.” And she’d remember forever the way she felt at Gabe’s touch.
“Don’t let there be a next time.” He was frowning again. “It’s not your job to deal with the parents’ problems.”
“Unfortunately Danny’s father thinks I’m part of the problem. He doesn’t want Danny involved in the program.”
“I know. He told me that.”
“He talked to you about it?” She’d never heard Danny’s father willingly discuss his son’s condition.
Gabe stroked her shoulder. “He started to. Then all of a sudden he broke down in tears.” Gabe’s voice thickened, as if his own tears weren’t far away. “Poor jerk. He’s trying to protect his kid, but he doesn’t know how to do it.”
“What did you say to him?”
“I thought about my dad. Funny. I mean, we’ve never been in a situation like that, but I still thought about what he’d do, if one of his kids had been disabled.”
Joe and Siobhan Flanagan were devoted to their kids. She hadn’t had to be around them long to see that. “What did you come up with?”
“I told him the best way he could help his son was to set an example of strength, not one of weakness. And that he wasn’t going to find strength in a bottle.”
She could only nod. Gabe had given the man good advice, if he could find a way to follow it.
“You set a pretty good example of strength yourself, you know.”
He dismissed it with a slight smile. “Didn’t take all that much muscle to hustle a drunk out of here.”
“That’s not the kind of strength I was talking about.” If only Gabe could see that his strength could be used for so many things other than fire fighting. “It was stressful, but you handled it.”
He shrugged. “I didn’t have a seizure. And I wouldn’t if I were back on the job, because I thrive on that kind of stress. You have to, if you’re a firefighter.”
She still thought he was kidding himself, but there was no point in saying it again. “I’m glad you’re going to stay out the week. Thank you for that.”
“I don’t want you to lose the grant, Nolie.” His hand on her shoulder tightened. “I’ll do anything I can to convince Mr. Henley that you deserve it.”
“Anything but tell him you need the dog.” They’d come full circle, and nothing had changed.
“I can’t do that.” He drew her a little closer, and the intensity of his gaze seemed to heat her skin. “You have to understand why I can’t.”
“I know.”
Tears stung her eyes, and her heart overflowed with the love she couldn’t speak. She’d do anything if she could only wrap up his heart’s desire and give it to him as a present, but she couldn’t, any more than she could give Danny limbs that worked.
Either Gabe moved, or she moved, but they were very close. She felt his breath against her cheek.
“I wish—” His voice was a murmur that seemed to fade on the words.
What did he wish? His nearness was robbing her of coherent thought.
His fingers brushed her cheek. In a moment they’d be kissing again.
A sudden shrilling made her eyes fly to his. “What—”
He was already pulling the cell phone from his pocket, brows furrowed.
She managed a strangled breath. It was probably a very good thing his phone had rung just then. Otherwise they’d have found themselves kissing again, and that wasn’t going to lead anywhere.
“Where are they?”
The sudden sharpening of Gabe’s voice alerted her. Something was wrong.
“I’ll be there in ten minutes.” He clicked the phone off, already turning toward the door.
“What is it? What’s happened?”
The face he turned to her was a rigid mask. “The fire. A three-alarm down at the old shirt factory. Engine 10 was called. The roof collapsed.”
Fear grabbed her heart. “Your family?”
“My dad and Ryan. They’ve both been taken to Providence Hospital. I don’t know how badly they’re hurt.” He shook his head, his expression breaking into anguish. “I’ve got to get to them, and I can’t even drive.”
She was already jerking the ring of keys from her pocket. “I’ll take you.”
Their feet thudded on the barn floor as they ran, Max leaping along beside them as if it was a game.
No game. Joe. Ryan. Their faces formed in her mind as she ran.
Please, Lord. Please. Hold them in Your hands.
There wasn’t anything else to say.