I sighed. “I hate to ask this, but are we about to be witness to another evening of resurrecting the dead and lifting curses and blessing the tormented souls of the Duskova lineage? Because, honestly, if that’s the case, I’d just as soon opt out and, oh heck, scrub the floor in the north wing.”
“Oh, darlin’. No! Of course not. No more dead people tonight. Ah can’t do more than one big séance every couple of days. Just wears ma bones out.”
Aura Lee breezed in and headed straight to the sitting room. Shay and I followed like sleep-deprived sheep. Once inside this makeshift bedroom, our soul-saving psychic dropped the long black trench coat she’d favored this night over last night’s cape. I blinked. Shay blinked. Then my breathing began to come in spurts and sweat began pouring down my spine in an effort not to imitate signature lines of internet postings and ‘roll on the floor laughing’.
Tonight’s ensemble was a fairy costume. Pink tutu over a white leotard with a pink bolero vest attempting—and failing—to hide Aura Lee’s ample bosom. Her wig was a multi-colored ‘fro topped by a silver tiara so huge it blocked any vision behind it. Her feet were encased in dark brown combat boots with pink bows at the tops. Her cosmetics looked like a cross between Nineteen Sixties Carnaby street models and Seattle Goth bands. The silver tiara resting between the bangs and the top of her head was so huge it blocked any vision behind it. I’d’ve had a migraine within seconds of attaching that thing. The fact that the tiara was bejeweled with rhinestones that encased twinkling lights was a plus. Great way to see at night without having to hold a flashlight. She kept waving a wand that had to be two feet in length, with an added six inch star at its peak, in every direction.
Aura Lee resembled one—no—make that all three fairies in Sleeping Beauty after the gals had spent a day at the mall and a dancewear store going out of business.
The happy medium was oblivious to the effect she was having on a stunned and hysterical Abby Fouchet. Which is to say she ignored any trace of snickers emanating from my mouth and nose.
She pulled a cigarette holder longer than one of the fireplace pokers (okay, that’s slightly exaggerated) out of an enormous tote bag, found a crumpled pack of cigarettes, pushed the only one that appeared intact into the holder, lit the cigarette, coughed and choked for three seconds, then threw the entire holder and cigarette into the fireplace. She giggled. “Ah just shouldn’t try ta smoke these nasty things. Ah keep hopin’ it’ll help me slim down some, but it just doesn’t seem to work. Perhaps I should try ta inhale?”
There was no reasonable answer to this. Aura Lee didn’t expect one. She went right on. “So, did y’all have a good time at last night’s séance? Wasn’t it fun?”
Fun would not have been my first choice of words. Hell and emotional exhaustion would have come closer to describing that little party. And now she was back to torment me.
Aura Lee sat down on one of the embroidered chairs and gracefully tugged her skirt over her knees. “Well, let’s get on with it.”
I ground my teeth and said, less than politely, “Auraliah? Miz Lee. Beg pardon, but get on with what? You said we’re not going to have to endure, I mean enjoy, a repeat of last night’s dip into the world of the undead. So, no offense, but why in hell are you here?”
Her overly arched and dyed black eyebrows shot into her forehead. “Oh my. Don’t tell me ah haven’t said?”
Shay finally found her voice. “We hate to tell you, but it’s a mystery to us.”
“Well, dahlin’, that’s exactly why ah’ve come. Mystery.” Her smile dimmed. “No, that’s puttin’ it pohly. Sadly, there’s not just mystery, but danger. Terrible danger. Ah couldn’t make it yesterday in time to help that poor Trina, but then, sometimes ah’m not supposed to save the innocent. But tonight ah’m here to give a warning.”
“Who exactly is in danger?” I asked, stilling my breathing and willing my voice to talk without cracking. I knew damn well who was in danger but somehow needed this bizarre godmother to state it before I’d truly believe it.
“Oh, Hon, I thought that was cleeah. You are. Bad danger. You’all be all right if you can work out the details about the flute, but if not, well, ah guess ah’ll just be chattin’ with you in this room again sometime in the future, but you won’t be with me, or anyone else, except in spirit.”
I let my breath out in a huge whoosh. Yep. Abby Fouchet’s name was next on the hit list. Even though I hadn’t figured out where the flute was or where Ignatz was buried. It didn’t matter. Even if I had somehow divined the whereabouts of the flute, if the killer assumed I was as greedy as he or she and that I’d keep this treasure for myself, I was looking at a quick dip in an icy moat without a paddle. I was most definitely in danger no matter what I knew—or didn’t know—at this point.
All the fear I’d managed to squooch way inside me this past day came barrelling back. Shay had gone white. Our psychic wanderer was a great eccentric and fun for a charcter actress to play in a movie, but she’d also proven last night that she could work magic. I didn’t know if that was good or bad news.
Cards on the table time. “Okay. Aura Lee? Where Ignatz is buried? And where is his flute?”
She made no effort to deny that she knew exactly what I was talking about. “Ah cain’t tell you, Hon. Y’all have to work those l’il details out for yourself.”
Shay’s face became grim. She yelled, “You come waltzing in here at midnight in your incredible pink fairy costume to scare Abby and make pronouncements, but you can’t give her one stinkin’, fantastic clue so she’ll be safe? What kind of nutcase tease are you?”
Aura Lee wasn’t offended. She patted Shay’s hand, then turned and patted mine. “Now, girls, ah know this is difficult at this moment, but please try and look on me as Cinderella’s godmother. With Abby as Cinderella.” She giggled again. “As you noticed, ah’m kind of dressed like her, aren’t ah? Well, parts of me are. Sorry you’re scared, darlin’ but I’m in hidin’. Oh shoot, that reminds me, this tiara is borrowed. Ah’d best remember to return it before the police come runnin’ after me. And after ah replace the batteries. Some of these l’il lights just keep blinkin’ out.” She struggled to get her giggles under control. “Where was I? Oh, yes. Cinderella. Shohnuff, it’s true, her sweet godmother waved that pretty wand around and did marvelously lovely things with mice and pumpkins and fashion design, but Cinderella had to do her part, too. She was not some pampered l’il ol’Southern Belle wannabe lyin’ around before the Wo-ah of Northern Aggression who let everyone else do the work. No no. Cinderella, like a true Southern lady, cleaned and she got that house spiffied up. Then she used every ounce of bravery she possessed to go to the ball when what she really wanted to do was shout to the rooftops, ‘Ah found ma prince!’ Why, she had to keep her mouth closed and silent around her nasty family. But in the end, she won. Y’all understand?”
“Not really. But since you and your wand do bear a striking resemblance tonight to at last fifteen fictional fairy godmothers, I’m going to just flow with this and not bitch too much about the fact that you’re withholding vital information about musical instruments and murdered flautists and probably who the killer is now roaming around this castle with me in his or her sights.”
Shay jumped in, teeth bared. “Well, I’m sure as shootin’ going to bitch! You’re telling my best friend she’s in danger and then—what? Planning to step out into your pumpkin carriage and take off for a nice dinner in Oz?”
“Ooh, I love Australia!” she exclaimed. “Y’all just have to go there sometime. The beaches are marvelous. Almost as pretty as South Carolina.”
Shay shouted. “Not that Oz!”
Aura Lee sighed. “Oh, ah see, you’re avoiding the subject and trying to be cute. Jivin’ me. Well, that’s fahn.”
I held up my hand for peace and tried not to look at the bouncing tutu. “Shay, you calm down. Aura Lee, you, you… oh,blast it. Can you help at all? At least give me some teensy small hint?”
“Oh, Hon, you have all the information you need. You jes’ need to put it together. And no, Ignatz Jezek is not gonna play that flute and lead you to the location like he’s some sort of dead Pied Piper. He’s got his pride, Shugah.”
“Well, what about at least telling me who I’m in danger from? Is that breaking some sort of cosmic rule?”
Aura Lee glanced at the clock over the mantel. It was like a complete repeat of last night after she’d let the Baron chew the scenery in his pivotal scene. “Look at the time! Ah have to get goin’. Oh! Ah almost forgot. Shay? Robby said to thank ya for the enchilada recipe. That l’il pinch of basil in the sauce jes’ made all the difference.”
“Robby? As in my cousin, Rob? You’re friends with Rob? Is he still playing bagpipes? Where is he?”
Aura Lee ignored the question. “Ah’m goin’ now. Ah’m glad there’s no snow tonight. Ah’d hate to get ma pretty boots all soaked in bad weather.”
In a daze, Shay and I walked her to the back door. Déjà vu indeed. Once again, Aura Lee opened it, stepped outside, waved as she walked toward the cemetery, then called out “Requiescat in pacem.” Shay and I made the mistake of glancing at each other and shaking our heads in wonder. Mistake, because in the time it took to shake our heads just once, when we looked outside again, Aura Lee had disappeared.