December 1967 Watakälé
Shiro flew down the path and threw herself into his arms. Anthony held her. Bitterness and fear clouded the glory of her in his arms.
‘Anthony,’ Shiro twisted her arms around his neck and slid them into his hair.
He moved his lips over her face, her neck. She was so radiant, so happy. He brought his lips back to hers. His kiss was a desperate communication of despair.
Shiro kissed him back. He held her close, his lips on her forehead. The tears he couldn’t control slid down his cheeks.
He felt her body tense and grow still in his arms.
‘Anthony, what’s wrong? You’re different. What has happened?’
She was the one precious thing in his life and he was about to break her heart. He was helpless to do anything about it. ‘I love you so much, Shiro. Please my darling, my love. Always remember that you are the most special and important thing that has ever happened to me. Nothing will change how I feel about you. You will always be a part of me – always. You will be in my heart. No, you are my heart.’
Shiro drew away from him. Her eyes clouded dark with fear and foreboding. ‘But –’
He pulled her back into his arms. What he was about to say would destroy her happiness. He could not look into her eyes when he told her. ‘We can’t marry. Princess, it would never work between us.’ Every word felt like a bullet to his heart. How must it feel to her?
She stiffened and pulled away. ‘You said you loved me!’
His soul turned to ice. How could he explain it to her?
‘Shiro, I love you so much. But we can’t be together, sweetheart. You remember how you asked me what it was like to be a superintendent.’ She stood staring at him, still as a statue. ‘Well, I’ve got to maintain – certain expectations.’
Shiro nodded. ‘Like not marrying a native.’ She closed her eyes and stepped back.
‘It’s not just about me!’ Anthony reached out and turned her face up, his eyes pleading. ‘No one would respect you, either. We’d both be laughed at. And our children. They’ll be half caste mongrels.’
‘You think I care about any of this? All this time and this is all you know of me?’ Tears clung to her lashes. ‘It’s your father, isn’t it? Appu told my dad this morning that your father was here.’
‘Shiro, my love.’ He reached out to touch her but she drew further away. His hand fell to his side. ‘You don’t understand, sweetheart. If it were just about here – the plantation – I wouldn’t care either. But there’s my family, too. I’m only here as long as my father’s happy with me. Sweetheart, you grew up here. You know that. If I married a native, he’d sack me and disinherit me. He warned me. We’d be penniless!’
‘Your father! The rich and famous owner of tea plantations in Sri Lanka and Africa. You’re frightened of him, aren’t you? That’s all our love means to you.’ She bowed her head. He could tell she was biting her lips to keep from crying.
‘But what about your life? Your career?’ He stopped, shocked by the look of despair on her face. ‘You’re about to go to medical school and be a doctor. You said you wanted to go to Africa or Australia. You can help hundreds of needy people – thousands of them. I cannot – I will not – take that away from you.’
‘Anthony, of course I want to go to medical school. But I want to be with you. You know that Anthony. Please. You can’t do this.’
She stood before him shivering. Her eyes were pools of misery. ‘Please, let me be with you.’
He had to tell her the truth. She deserved to hear it from him. He took her hands. Her fingers curled and clung to his. ‘My father has heard about us. He has removed me from my position as superintendent of Watakälé. I have to leave for London in three days.’
Shiro’s eyes grew wide with horror. ‘He sacked you? Because of us being friends? What kind of a man is he?’
He raised her fingers to his lips. ‘No, Shiro. It’s an excuse. He doesn’t approve of what I’m doing in the plantation.’
‘But my father said that you were the first superintendent to care about the staff and the coolies. How can that be wrong?’
The rage in his heart spilled over. He squeezed her hands. ‘It’s wrong in the British overlord’s books, Shiro. I know I should be angry about it all. But all I care about now is you.’
Her body grew stiff and her hands were cold in his. She was drifting away from him and he could do nothing.
‘It’s finished, isn’t it?’ She pulled her hands out of his grasp and turned away. Her voice was barely a whisper. Anthony strained to hear her words. ‘You, your father, your brother – you’re all the same, aren’t you? You use us natives and coolies then spit us out when you’re done.’
He stepped close, held her shaking shoulders. ‘No, Shiro. You know I’d never intentionally do anything to hurt you. I love you.’ He felt the shuddering sobs rend her body.
She quietened. ‘Where is your father?’
‘He’s at Udatänná. He’ll be back in three days, in time to drive to Colombo.’
She turned to face him. Her eyes were coal black orbs of pain and determination. ‘Anthony, this morning my parents asked me for a decision on the Chelliah marriage proposal. I asked for time, till tomorrow.’ She laughed. It was a mirthless, hollow sound. ‘I believed I would have news. We would have something to tell them. Stupid, stupid me.’
‘Shiro. What have I done to you?’
‘I’ll tell you what you have done to me, Anthony. You’ve made me grow up. Change from a naïve, trusting child into a woman. I guess I should thank you for that.’ She stared at him. ‘Now I have one last favour to ask. Give me this and I promise I will never ever ask anything of you again.’
‘What do you want of me?’
‘I will accept the marriage proposal, go to medical school, do all these things, but I want you to make love to me.’
Anthony reeled back, stunned. ‘You want me to make love to you?’
Shiro nodded. ‘Yes.’ She moved close to him. He could smell her. Reaching out, she placed her hand on his chest, over his heart. She opened two buttons of his shirt. ‘You say you love me. And you are going away.’ Her eyes bored into his. ‘I want you to be the first. Let’s not talk of marriage or forever. I want to be with you. Once, just once. After that, I’ll accept the marriage proposal. Get on with my life.’
He pulled her close, dropped his face into her hair.
‘Anthony,’ she whispered into his chest, ‘Make love to me.’
What would it matter? He would hold her, make her his. They would both have a memory to last a lifetime.
He took a deep, ragged breath. She stiffened in his arms. This would be the hardest thing he would ever do in his life.
‘Go home, sweetheart,’ he said. ‘Go back to your life. This time of our friendship – our love – it’s a dream, Shiro. A fantasy.’ A shudder went through her body. He pulled her closer. ‘I can’t do it, princess. You will regret it later. And you will hate me for doing it. Please, please forgive me, forget me and move on with your life.’
She clung to him. Her fingers bit into his shoulders. ‘Forgive you? Forget?’ she rasped. ‘I asked you for one thing, one small act of love from you to make life worth living. You won’t give me even that. I can’t go on like this. I won’t.’
He enfolded her in his arms and held her. There was nothing left to say.
She pulled away and walked to the edge of the path, then turned to stare at him. Anthony recoiled at the expression in her eyes.
‘You will be sorry, Anthony.’ She turned and scrambled up the hill.
Anthony looked up. The eagle rose from his nest and circled above him.