Cowgirls are taught at an early age to be responsible for themselves. They are expected to have both good judgment and self-control. It is critical that you take full responsibility for yourself. Don’t blame someone else, that is not the cowgirl way.
Here are a few helpful ideas.
Let yourself go and write down your dreams. Who do you want to be? What do you want to accomplish? Who do you want to inspire? Where will you be happy? Where will you be satisfied with your life?
Then write down the reality of who and where you are today. Be completely honest. If it is good, face it head-on. If it is bad, face it head-on. The ability to see yourself from afar is profound and invaluable on the road to success.
Now begin to connect the dots that will take you from today’s reality to tomorrow’s dream. Don’t get too granular yet, look for directions and pathways. If a path is closed, find a way around. Work on it. Pathways will begin to emerge. They will require lots of work and effort, but they are there. Not all of them will take you to a good place. But each path you follow will help you grow.
After you identify pathways, focus on goals. Pathways are not prescriptive. They are directional, like compass settings. They are not a road map. Setting goals begins to build your road map. Goals are about what you are going to do to follow a pathway. Write them down. Make them tangible. Save them so you can measure your progress.
Supercharge your goals by sharing them. Talk about them. Be accountable for reaching them. Do not just write them down on a yellow pad and put them in a desk drawer. There is nothing more awesome than achieving a goal and checking it off your list.
Who has shared their goals with you? Why? Why not?
Believe in your heart that each person you meet in life has a piece of your own life puzzle. Believe that you have a piece of that person’s puzzle to share with them. Approach them with that mind-set—with a sincere desire to put all the pieces together. It will profoundly change the way you relate to people and how they will relate to you.
When you meet people, invest a little time and energy so that both of you can understand which puzzle pieces may fit together.
Don’t try to wear someone else’s hat. You will never be happy doing that. An attorney once told me, “I don’t feel confident when I go into a room in flats because I’m short. I always bring a pair of high heels to change into.” Put on those heels and stand tall. Do what works for you.
We all have different needs, uncertainties, and fears. Understand them, own them, and be in control of yourself. That is where you find your power.
Stand for something. Be interesting. Give people a reason to reach out to you, to connect to you. Find a style, a look that is uniquely yours. Find an interesting, engaging way to meet people. Be quirky and original.
I had a guy who worked for me who had a very dapper sense of style and usually wore a bow tie. He always told me, “You should dress like you give a shit.”
Take responsibility to be sure you are getting feedback. Find a few teammates or friends who agree to give you candid feedback. Do the same for them. Feedback is invaluable because it is how we learn to perfect our skills. We all get too little of it.
Find people who will tell you the truth—who will tell you if you are “up talking” or using a singsong voice. Those who will tell you that you are on the wrong path.
Do the same for them. Be candid about both the good and bad. You will both grow more powerful together.
Open your mind to opportunity. Say yes to the good things that come your way. How do you know which opportunities are the good ones? If they are a little scary or will make you stretch beyond what you are comfortable with today, then they are the good ones. Achieving success is never a straight line, it twists and turns and presents itself unclearly and unexpectedly.
Go say yes to the right things. Make your own luck. If you say yes to the wrong thing, fail fast and shut it down. That is a very powerful thing to do.
The dreams and reality exercise asks you to be honest with yourself about your current reality. When you do that you quickly come to the question “Who am I?” When you answer that question, focus on what you do well because that is where your authenticity lives.
Focus on building on those truths about you that make you proud. Work on making those truths more accessible to you and your friends and family. This is not about building perception.
Deliver the truth about who you are every day.
If you have ambition and want to succeed, spend your time with people who can and will pull you forward with them. Evaluate everyone you come into contact with against this measure. It works both ways, look for people who you can pull forward. If you have friends or family that do not measure up, be nice to them but don’t overinvest.
Think of all the people you know as a portfolio of access to success and personal power. Invest wisely.
When you see someone who has excelled, made an extra effort, or who is an unsung hero, stand up and recognize them. Find the right moment to do it, but make a point of publicly saying thank you. You’ll make someone’s day. You’ll put some goodwill into those buckets of yours. And it will power you up because no one else thought to do it.