You have to do the work to build your competence. You have to build your skills and knowledge. Competence is not bestowed on you. You don’t wake up one day and decide you are competent. You earn it. If you want to be a respected team member, you have to earn that respect. Be curious, a self-learner, a self-starter.
The truth is that many people live in a fog at work. It is startling, but a fact. Too many people are simply not engaged with their work because they do not care. That is the saddest thing in the world.
People who love what they do are highly engaged. I call it “being all in.” These are the people who make magic. It is inspiring, highly contagious, and empowers us all.
Be all in and watch who follows you.
Think about it. Maybe you are not better than anyone else today. But where are you closest? Where are you competitive? Figure this out and put most of your energy there.
Women tend to have too much self-doubt. I know a young woman in high school who was struggling with physics and asked for help from a friend. She later learned that she got an A in the course and he got a B. She had actually mastered the coursework better than him. Her confidence had not caught up with her ability.
If you were to ask me what I do better than anyone else today, I would say that I am a Master Connector of People. Am I really the best? I’m not sure, but I believe I’m damn competitive at the game.
You are better than you think you are.
This is the flip side of the “what do you do better” question. Where do you suck? Understanding the answer to both of these questions is part of the reality exercise. And it is one of the most liberating things you can do for yourself.
I am not a detail person. I try to write down the details. I make all kinds of lists, but then I misplace them and feel guilty and ashamed. The good news is that I always remember the big issues. But I suck at even finding those lists, much less executing them. As my dad once said, “You can’t find your butt with both hands.” Whew!
When I finally realized that, I let it go. It was one of the happiest days of my life. I stopped pretending to even deal with the details. I felt powerful enough to start each meeting with a pronouncement about my weakness and ask who in the group would keep track of the details. And, who would promise to be able to find that list tomorrow?
I’m now working on my next biggest weakness. It has something to do with shoes.
Understand the basics of personality types. Learn to see introversion and extraversion. Learn the difference between thinking and judging. Just knowing that people can see the exact same thing in radically different ways is powerful. You do not need to be an expert, just be aware of its importance.
If it interests you, take one of the personality tests. It is more helpful and fun if you do it with your teammates, friends, or family so you can compare and talk about it. If you are still interested, read some books or take a class or two. If you are going to be dealing with people in your career, this is the secret sauce to your personal power.
Some people see trees. Some people see forests. Helping them see each other is powerful stuff.
Cowgirls don’t cotton too much to others lording authority over them. When the circus comes to town, they might just join the show and be gone the next day. A little town in Nebraska today, Madison Square Garden tomorrow. Cowgirls are bold. They can be impulsive. They have confidence in their gut and are not afraid to take a risk to be a star.
Ask for forgiveness later.
Do good things—for yourself and others. Working with nonprofits is good work that helps others. But as you build your competence, nonprofits give you a great place to exercise your growing cowgirl power in a safe, supportive environment. The people around you in these organizations share your values and goals. They will support you and not let you fail. Be bold here. Take risks. Then apply what you have learned to both your personal life and career.
Do good for others, and yourself.
Life is like a pinball machine. The more you play, the higher your score will be. You never know where things will go and how they will work out. But you should know with certainty that the harder you play at making connections, learning, and leading with your heart the luckier you will be.
Be curious. Ask questions. Look around the corners. It is OK to even be a little pesky. Go for it, all they can do is run you off.
Most women I know shy away from debates and confrontations. Debate class was one of the best life lessons I ever learned. You have to debate issues because if you don’t, you will never have a strong point of view. If you do not advocate for a position and allow yourself to be challenged, you will not have thought through all the implications. And you won’t be very interesting.
Get a nice bottle of wine and a good friend and respectfully go argue with each other.