Al had a long, successful career in sales and business development. Shortly after his sixtieth birthday, he was let go from a job he loved. He didn’t worry. After a short hiatus, he was hired by another company that needed his expertise. The first year, things went okay. He was getting established while helping the company figure out its value proposition and positioning in the marketplace. The second year was a disaster. It started with a long, cold, dreary winter. At first he thought it was Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). The sun didn’t shine for days on end and the subzero temperatures kept him locked up in the prison of his home office. Cabin fever. Yes, it must be SAD because that’s surely how he felt.
He kept working hard. It was a long, arduous sales cycle. He would get a prospect up to the point of a sale, and then the sale wouldn’t close. Time after time, over and over again, no matter what he did, no matter how hard he worked, the sales didn’t come. By the time the snow melted, he had never felt so miserable.
But with spring came home projects. He poured himself into one project after another. One particularly mammoth project took several weeks, requiring him to work every single night to complete it. He was focused and driven. Anything to achieve something, to see some reward for his efforts. When he finally finished, he thought he would feel great joy and satisfaction. Instead, he tumbled into a deep, dark pit of despair. His head pounded. He lay on the couch and could barely function. A sales guy who always enjoyed people didn’t want anything to do with them. He was tired and irritable. He barely talked to his family. He felt trapped. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t pull himself back into the light.
The final blow came during his semiannual performance review at work. He didn’t achieve his goals. The sales weren’t there. The words jumped off the page his boss put in front of him. Does not meet expectations. He snapped. He could not logically discuss the barriers he encountered, the problems inherent in the business model, or the unrealistic sales goals that didn’t match the market potential. Instead, he simply offered to quit. But the boss didn’t want his resignation. Instead, he put him on a performance improvement plan, the first he had ever been on in his entire career.
He tumbled further and further into the dark, hopeless pit. There must be something terribly wrong. This is not me. I don’t even recognize myself. The pounding headache finally drove him to the doctor—that, and the darkness that held him captive. The doctor ordered an MRI and a battery of tests. He was convinced she would find something, but his test results were normal. She was gentle and thorough. She diagnosed situational depression and anxiety disorder and recommended an antidepressant and close follow-up. He struggled with the stigma of taking drugs. But he was desperate to find himself again.
As the weeks passed, he began to cope again. To pray. To hear God again. He continued the medication along with some inner healing ministry. With his pastor facilitating, God revealed that his identity had been tied to his own achievement and success instead of Christ. When he couldn’t achieve, he felt worthless. He didn’t like himself. How could God possibly like him? The Lord probed deep to uncover his childhood roots—where he first started believing the lie that he wasn’t valuable or loved unless he achieved. The Holy Spirit replaced those lies with the truth of how the Father sees him as His beloved son.
Several more weeks passed, and gradually the darkness lifted. The Lord reached out His nail-scarred hand, and Al grabbed it. He pulled him out of the pit and set his feet on solid ground. There were still problems at work, but he could cope. There was still much uncertainty ahead, but he could be certain of a faithful God who would never fail him. Al marked his healing and newfound freedom in a special way. While in Israel on Yom Kippur (Jewish New Year), he hiked through the same Judean wilderness where Jesus spent forty days being tempted by Satan. Then he celebrated the victory he shared with his Lord by being rebaptized in the Jordan River. He rose out of the water with both arms raised, praising the God of new beginnings: Jehovah-Rapha, the God who heals.