When Rachel returns from shopping the following afternoon, she hears the sound of her daughter laughing as she lets herself into the house, and her heart lifts. Josh is at football – his friend’s mum is bringing him home later – so Lara must have brought a friend home from school. At last.
‘Hello,’ she calls, eager to get into the kitchen and check her out. She’s assuming it’s a girl, but there’s no reason it couldn’t be a boy. She’s not sure how she feels about that. Lara is only twelve, after all. But when she enters the room, she stops dead.
‘Oh, hello, Heidi.’ She drops her shopping bag onto the counter. ‘I’m confused. We haven’t arranged a maths lesson today, have we?’ The way their heads were bent together, almost touching as they looked at something on Lara’s laptop screen, makes her feels as if she’s interrupting. How dare Heidi turn up without her permission.
‘No, Lara called me and I was in the neighbourhood so thought I’d drop by.’
‘Oh, I didn’t know she had your number.’
‘I gave it to her in case she had any problems with her homework after I left. Can I help you with your shopping?’
‘No. Thanks. It’s only a few bits.’ Rachel frowns, irritated by Heidi’s offhand attitude. ‘Did you need extra help with your maths, Lara?’ There are no books on the table.
‘No. I don’t have to see Heidi just for maths.’ Lara sounds defensive. ‘Actually, I asked her to help me with my project.’
‘What project?’
‘My investigation into what happened to Dad.’
‘Oh.’ Rachel hides her irritation that Lara is going against her request not to discuss this in front of Heidi. Added to this, Freddie’s suspicions from last night are fresh in Rachel’s mind. She’s perfectly capable of making up her own mind about Heidi, but Lara is a child still, and young for her age. Thanks goodness she came home when she did.
‘Have you been here long?’ she asks Heidi.
‘About half an hour.’
‘Would you like a drink, Heidi?’ Lara asks. ‘Coffee? Tea?’
‘Peppermint tea would be great.’
‘That sounds nice. I’ll have one of those too.’
‘Really? I didn’t think you liked it.’ Lara is filling the kettle and Rachel can’t think of a way of stopping this without being rude. Heidi shouldn’t be here without an invite from her, and that rankles.
‘You don’t know everything about me.’
Rachel pretends not to notice that Lara is playing up in front of Heidi. The hint of bolshiness she’s displaying today is new. It could just be the start of the teenage years, which she hasn’t been looking forward to. Her own teenage years were a time of great insecurity, trying to work out how she fitted into the world and the sort of person she wanted to be.
Lara carries two mugs of tea to the kitchen table.
‘So what have you been talking about?’ Rachel asks.
Lara closes her laptop. ‘The documentary mostly. How it made me feel. Heidi’s really good to talk to.’ She smiles at Heidi, who smiles back. Again Rachel feels excluded.
‘Any time. There’s more to me than maths. As long as your mum doesn’t mind – you don’t, do you?’
Rachel dismisses her question with a shake of her head, arranges her face to conceal the discomfort she feels about this. There’s something a little worshipful in the way Lara is watching Heidi, nodding vigorously at her every comment. She doesn’t want to alienate her daughter – far from it – but she needs to find out exactly what is going on here.
‘Can I have a moment alone with Heidi, please, love?’
Lara pulls a face. ‘I haven’t even started my tea.’
‘It’s very hot, and it won’t take a second. Why don’t you pop up to your room, and I’ll call you down when we’re done. Your tea will have cooled down by then.’
Lara pushes her chair back so that the legs make a screeching noise on the floor.
‘Careful. You’ll scratch the wood,’ Rachel says.
Lara throws Heidi a look, but Heidi’s face remains impassive.
‘Why don’t you fetch those photos you were telling me about? From when you were little,’ she says.
‘Good idea.’ The suggestion perks Lara up, and she makes for the door.
‘Lara…’
‘What?’
Rachel hesitates, sensing Heidi watching her. ‘Never mind.’
‘I hope you don’t think I’m imposing,’ Heidi says once Lara has left the room. ‘Only Lara invited me, and like I said, I was just passing. She mentioned that she doesn’t have many friends. She seems a little lonely. I had no plans, so…’
‘Look, Heidi,’ Rachel says. ‘I can see she enjoys your company, but you can’t just turn up here without an invitation from me.’
‘But Lara—’
‘Lara’s a child. If she asks you again, tell her you need to run it by me first. Surely you must understand?’
‘Of course,’ Heidi says, her mouth pinched.
Having got that off her chest, Rachel’s unsure how to phrase what she wants to ask. She lowers her voice. ‘Has Lara been asking you about Tom? It’s just that I’m a little concerned about her since the documentary. She’s been showing more interest in him than she ever has before.’
‘She’s curious about him, that’s for sure. She’s been asking about the times she stayed at my flat. She doesn’t remember me at all, and that puzzles her. I think she hopes that talking to me might trigger a memory of her dad, because she has very few. Who remembers being five? I certainly don’t.’
‘It must be strange for you.’
‘What?’
‘Being here, seeing Lara so grown up now. And I must admit, you being here in this house, that’s weird in itself.’ Rachel takes a deep breath. ‘Walking in just now and seeing you here, it gave me a shock.’
‘I get that, and I’m sorry. Lara was quite insistent I should come in.’ Heidi pauses. ‘It’s amazing that we can talk civilly now. I thought you hated me.’
‘I did, for years. But that’s in the past now, and I want to forget it. It’s time to move on.’
‘I appreciate the way you’ve responded to me. I’m grateful, you know, that you’re letting me help Lara. It makes me feel as if I’m making amends for what I did back then. I’m ashamed when I recall it now; ripping a family apart is a wicked thing to do.’
Rachel hasn’t considered it in that way. Does Heidi owe her?
‘I wouldn’t worry about Lara, though,’ Heidi goes on. ‘It’s natural for her to think about her father; she’s at the age where she wants to get to know herself and how she fits into the world.’
Lara comes back into the room. ‘I can’t find the box I keep my stuff in. I’ll show them to you another time. See you for maths tomorrow?’
‘Tomorrow? I don’t remember agreeing to another date,’ Rachel says.
‘I asked Heidi, Mum.’
‘We need to check with your mum first, Lara. Only if it’s all right with you, Rachel. I didn’t realise she hadn’t asked you first.’
‘It’s fine,’ Rachel says.
‘I must go now,’ Heidi says, although she’s scarcely touched her tea. ‘I need to get home for a delivery. Thanks for the tea.’
Rachel sees her out, Lara behind her.
‘She’s really cool, Mum. I like her so much. She’s easy to talk to, even though she’s so much older than me.’
‘She’s not a friend, Lara; you shouldn’t be contacting her. I prefer to deal with her myself, given the situation. I don’t want you getting too attached to her. Remember Ms Cotton?’
Ms Cotton was Lara’s teaching assistant in Year 7, when Lara had difficulty transitioning to secondary school. Initially resistant to help from anyone but her mother, she became incredibly attached to the young woman, refusing to let go of her hand or let her out of her sight, to the point where Rachel was called in and they all agreed it would be better if she were moved to a different class. Helping her untie the connection took a lot of time and effort, and she needed help from school professionals to forget the attachment.
‘Shut up, Mum.’
‘Lara!’
‘Why do you always have to spoil everything? You should be pleased I’ve found someone I can relate to.’
‘I just wish you’d spend more time with people your own age. You haven’t mentioned Holly much lately; why don’t you give her a ring?’
‘Why won’t you ever take me seriously? It drives me mad. And stop going on about Holly.’
Lara runs up the stairs and slams her bedroom door. Rachel closes the front door and wonders whether inviting Heidi into her home was a terrible mistake.