Preschoolers are very eager to take control. They want to be more independent than their skills and safety allow, and they don’t appreciate their limits. They want to make decisions, but they don’t know how to compromise, and they don’t deal well with disappointment or restraint.
American Academy of Pediatrics, Caring for Your Baby and Young Child
Most of the preceding chapters focus on a specific toddler behavior or characteristic that Donald Trump frequently exhibits. Each of these traits—temper tantrums, short attention span, impulse control, oppositional behavior, knowledge deficits—are those that all toddlers demonstrate to some degree. While they last, these traits have pronounced effects on a toddler’s theory of mind and executive functioning capabilities.
There are other behavioral traits, however, that are not uniformly present in all toddlers but still seem rather toddler-like. For example, when President Trump inspected a firetruck on the White House South Lawn, he went into the driver’s seat, pulled the horn, and said, “Where’s the fire? I’ll put it out fast.”1 Not every toddler would pretend to be a firefighter when presented with the opportunity, but an awful lot of them would. They have that in common with the Toddler in Chief.
This chapter examines behavioral traits that some but not all toddlers possess. There is the aversion to new foods, for example. Although some small children are delighted to experiment with new food tastes, we tend to associate an insistence on specific favorite foods with toddlerdom. As it turns out, this is a quality they share with the Toddler in Chief. Even before Trump was President, he demonstrated a deep aversion to new foods. In the mid-1990s, when his businesses teetered near bankruptcy, he reluctantly agreed to visit Hong Kong to close a deal on New York real estate. Once there, Trump awkwardly avoided eating most of the sumptuous feast that his business partners had prepared for him. His Trump Organization subordinate explained to the New York Times, “He didn’t like the food, and couldn’t use chopsticks.”2 Trump’s appetite for fast food, on the other hand, matches that of any three-year-old. Campaign staffers David Bossie and Corey Lewandowski wrote that Trump’s four major food groups are “McDonald’s, Kentucky Fried Chicken, pizza, and Diet Coke.” They stressed that “the orchestration and timing of Mr. Trump’s meals was as important as any other aspect of his march to the presidency.”3
When Trump travels overseas as President, he has repeatedly insisted on eating his own preferred cuisine instead of dining on local delicacies. During his first trip as President to Saudi Arabia, his hosts were well aware of the Toddler in Chief’s aversion to travel and new foods. To avoid tantrums, the caterers ensured that the President received his favorite meal—well-done steak and ketchup—alongside the lamb and rice dishes traditionally served to foreign dignitaries.4 Similarly, on Trump’s November 2017 trip to Japan, he opted for a well-done hamburger rather than the local food after playing a round of golf with Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe.5 White House advance teams have taken care to ensure that host governments avoid serving Trump food that might seem challenging, such as fish heads.6 Even within Washington, the Trump White House has abandoned the Obama White House’s practice of inviting DC chefs in to prepare new food.7 Trump’s appetite for fast food is so strong that he once sent a longtime staffer out to fetch McDonald’s because he did not like the White House kitchen staff’s approximation of their burgers, and he has repeatedly served fast food to White House guests.8 The Toddler in Chief, like many small children, prefers what he knows.
Toddlers are often at their most difficult during long trips. In addition to experiencing the stress of being in a strange place, children are particularly susceptible to the disruption that time zone changes cause to sleep cycles and daily routines. It would appear that the Toddler in Chief is equally sensitive. The White House has taken pains to limit the length of overseas trips to reduce the likelihood that Trump will have a temper tantrum. Staffers have also complained about Trump’s behavior on Air Force One during these long sojourns. Trump refuses to sleep much and instead watches television, forcing his staffers to watch with him. The experience is so unpleasant that some of his subordinates actively avoid accompanying him overseas. One staffer complained, “It’s like being held captive.” Another lamented, “He will not go to sleep.”9
Most small children do not want to tour museums or historical sites. They find these trips boring, often fail to pay attention, and might make rude or inappropriate remarks. It would appear that the Toddler in Chief shares their disinterest. In a January 2017 visit to the National Museum of African American History and Culture, Trump’s aides warned the museum’s founding director that Trump “was in a foul mood and that he did not want to see anything ‘difficult.’” When he saw an exhibit that portrayed the Dutch role in the slave trade, he responded by telling his guide, “You know, they love me in the Netherlands.”10 An April 2018 visit to Mount Vernon produced similar results. Trump was unimpressed by George Washington’s house, uninterested in the guided tour, and was most animated about whether Washington was, in his words, “really rich.”11
Trump also appears to share some toddlers’ relationship with imaginary play. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, “From time to time, expect your preschooler to introduce you to one of her imaginary friends. Some children have a single make-believe companion for as long as six months.”12 As a candidate and as President, Trump has similarly invoked apparently imaginary playmates. When he talked about Paris in campaign rallies before and after his inauguration, for example, he recounted that his friend “Jim” had explained to him how parts of the City of Lights have been infiltrated by Islamic extremists. According to the Associated Press, “Whether Jim exists is unclear. Trump has never given his last name.”13 In other speeches, Trump has referenced another friend who is a CEO; the White House has refused to corroborate the existence of this friend either.14
Finally, some small children who are not quite toilet-trained like to rebel against parental strictures by pretending that their parents do not exist. The Toddler in Chief is also a fan of the silent treatment; according to the New York Times, “[Trump’s] most cutting insult is to pretend someone does not exist or that he barely knows them.”15 According to the Mueller report, Trump grew so upset with National Security Advisor Michael Flynn that he stopped looking at him during his intelligence briefings.16 Similarly, Trump was so enraged with Gary Cohn’s Financial Times op-ed criticizing his Charlottesville response that the President spent weeks refusing to speak with Cohn and ignoring him at meetings.17
This chapter briefly examines four additional examples of the Toddler in Chief’s behavior that not every toddler demonstrates, but many do: his tendency to make fun of people he does not like, his tendency to misbehave with certain playdates, the ways he is easily impressed by flattery, and his special interests as President.
Nicknames and Impressions
Ironically, despite your child’s being most interested in himself, much of his playtime will be spent imitating other people’s mannerisms and activities. Imitation and “pretend” are favorite games at this age.
American Academy of Pediatrics, Caring for Your Baby and Young Child
In trying to make sense of the world and navigate it, young children will rely on the limited tools at their disposal. If they cannot pronounce a long word, they might use a nickname instead. If they see a behavioral tic that they find amusing, they are likely to mimic it to make other people laugh. As the American Academy of Pediatrics explains, “These play activities . . . serve as valuable rehearsals for future social encounters.”18 Most of the time, these activities are innocuous. Even young children, however, can tease each other. And some children will use imitation not as a form of flattery but as a form of bullying. For the Toddler in Chief, impressions and nicknames are a form of bullying. As one friend of Trump explained, “Trump believes that if you can encapsulate someone in a phrase or a nickname, you can own them.”19
Unsupervised Play
Children under five should play on equipment separate from older children.
American Academy of Pediatrics, Caring for Your Baby and Young Child
Once toddlers reach 24 months, they are likely to be interested in playing with other children their own age. This can be a great relief for parents and caregivers, as children learn to entertain themselves. The problem is that young children can still get into trouble. As one parenting manual observes, “While grown-ups generally have a clear set of rules about how children are supposed to play with other children . . . toddlers operate under an entirely different set of rules.”20 Left unsupervised, some toddlers can goad each other into more and more reckless behavior. For the Toddler in Chief, there are groups of friends who appear to bring out the worst in him, a fact that vexes his staffers to no end.
Fancy Parades and Fancy Letters
It’s . . . important to recognize that at this age his friends are not just playmates. They also influence his thinking and behavior. He’ll desperately want to be just like them, even when their actions violate rules and standards.
American Academy of Pediatrics, Caring for Your Baby and Young Child
It can be very easy to impress babies. A simple game of “peekaboo” will elicit squeals of delight. For toddlers, somewhat bigger displays are required to make an impression. Nonetheless, they will be attracted to superficial displays such as fireworks or fancy presents. In some instances, the impression will be so lasting that they will want to recreate the moment, or to obsess about their new toy.
Long before he became President of the United States, Donald Trump liked to show off his fancy toys. Being the President means being exposed to even fancier toys. Some of them have left a lasting impression on the Toddler in Chief.
Special Interests
It’s important for him to “show off” his home, family, and possessions to other children. This will help him establish a sense of self-pride.
American Academy of Pediatrics, Caring for Your Baby and Young Child
Small children will often become obsessed about a topic for days, weeks, or months on end. The topic could be predictable (Disney princess stories) or more arcane (train schedules). What matters are two things. First, the toddler’s interest is genuine and must be sated. Second, handled appropriately, a special interest can be a godsend for caregivers. When small children are occupied with their special interest, they are not getting into trouble. In focusing on something that they can master, they block out all the spheres of their life that seem confusing or complex. Unsurprisingly, when parents take toddlers out to unfamiliar settings, they will let their child bring a token of their special interest to occupy their attention.
One could hypothesize that Trump’s staff has figured out the value of this tactic. By the end of 2017, it had become clear that the more Trump inserted himself into negotiations with Congress, the less successful his administration. One reason the health care legislation failed but the tax cut passed was that Trump played more of a hands-off role in the latter process.21 In his first few years in office, Trump’s efforts to cajole Congress mostly backfired.
What is the best way to get a hyperactive President not to commit political self-harm? Divert his attention to his special interests. Ordinarily, encouraging a President to micromanage picayune tasks is a recipe for political disaster; Jimmy Carter’s supervision of the White House tennis court schedule comes to mind. Donald Trump is a special kind of President, however. As historian Matthew Dallek notes, “Where his predecessors sometimes knew so much that they got obsessed with the details, Trump knows so little that microscopic concerns seem almost to be ends in and of themselves.”22 Encouraging the Toddler in Chief to focus on his special interests means that Trump is causing less havoc in more important areas of policymaking. Fortunately for Trump’s staff, he has a healthy number of special interests.