77 — Escapist Pleaser
I mainly cave to external pressure. I like the idea of someone loving me for me, but it seems like a lot of bother to go to all that effort of disarming oneself, of recognizing the defense mechanisms, of filling in moats, coming up from dungeons, dismantling stockades, moving obstructive piles of rubble, and paving the way to my happy furry greeting card heart with something other than land mines.
I mean, no one’s vulnerable anymore and having to give a shit about someone else in real ways seems so, dunno, trite, maybe? Like maybe humanity is done with love. Don’t you think so? I do. It’s time fear and rage have another good turn in the spotlight. You know? Power. Domination. Control. That stuff’s awesome. Why disarm at all? You’ve got to pounce on another person and take away their sense of security and personal pride. Humiliate them into total submission. Really show that lover who’s boss.
And why not? I’d eat docile popcorn for that. But then I get super confused about how I’m supposed to have someone love me for me unconditionally or whatever. So. I guess my question is, even if I pull someone’s hair and scratch up a few backs, what kind of intoxicants are most socially acceptable so I’ll be able to coast through life without awareness since it’s unlikely I’ll have any real satisfaction, fulfillment, or happiness?
Dear Escapist Pleaser,
It depends. From your letter I can’t tell if you’re a man or a woman. And it matters. I know lots of women use the historically male escapes of drinking, gambling, drugs, and promiscuity. Whoopee~! They’re all liberated now, you know. But there are not very many men who find relief from themselves by making their grandmother’s chocolate pudding for the lady down the street when she’s in hospice care for cancer of the jaw.