11.

Andrew turned off the TV in his office as the replay of Ted’s fight with Joe Bones ended. He clapped his hands together and said, ‘Okay, so tell me what you think.’

‘I need more power,’ replied Ted.

Andrew nodded. ‘You need more power.’

‘I should have floored him half a dozen times. If Joe can cop those punches and stay on his feet, Reggie will eat them up.’

‘We have another three months, Ted.’ Andrew started playing the pretend drums. ‘We got this.’

Ted looked away and sighed. Since the episode with Mel, coupled with his meeting with Tony, he felt flat. He got in these moods from time to time. Periods of a couple of days or sometimes weeks where he felt like he was likely to snap the bones in his wrist if he hit the punching bag too hard, and lacked the energy to train at intensity.

Andrew frowned. ‘What’s got you all bummed out?’

‘Nothing.’

‘You really saw red when Reggie made that comment about your dad. We’ll get him, Ted. He won’t be talking when you’re done with him.’

Ted hated that expression. Seeing red. He especially hated it being associated with him. ‘Let’s get to it.’

Andrew drummed the desk half a dozen times with his hands. ‘Same as last time. We’ll taper in for the first fortnight. I’m going to teach you some new things.’ The madman smile crept onto his face. ‘In two weeks, the fun will really begin.’

After the workout Ted went for a swim at the beach across from his house. The afternoon was sunny yet cool. His blood cooled as he floated among the rough breakers. He bodysurfed a wave into the shore and climbed to his feet. Sun warmed his skin as he walked slowly across the sand, wondering how to spend the evening.

After crossing the road to his house, he turned on the outdoor shower to wash the sand from his body. A silver four-wheel drive with a car hire logo on the side pulled into the driveway, his sister Jodie in the driver’s seat.

‘Well, well, well,’ he called out. It was good to see his sister, but it was the next sound that burst the bubble that had formed around him.

‘Uncle Teddy!’ cried his nieces through the windows.

‘Bianca! Charlie!’ He opened the door and helped Bianca out of her child seat, stroked her blonde hair from her face and carried her to the other side of the car, where he opened her twin sister Charlie’s door.

‘Uncle Teddy, you’re wet!’

‘Yucky!’

Ted laughed as he struggled to undo Charlie’s seatbelt and hold Bianca. ‘I can’t believe how big you two are!’ He pulled Charlie from the car and held them both in one arm each. ‘My arms are getting sore!’

The toddlers giggled.

He kissed each of them on their cheeks. ‘I’ve missed you so much. I’m going to put you down on the grass and dry off.’

Ted put the girls down, ran to the garage for a towel and dried himself while walking back to the car where Jodie waited. ‘Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?’

‘I wanted to surprise you. I got a special permit to travel interstate, saying I had to look after Pop.’ Jodie removed her sunglasses and placed them on top of her head.

She had always been Ted’s baby sister in his eyes, but after not seeing her in nearly a year, he noticed the young woman she was. Ted was taken aback for a moment at how she looked like their mother. He gave her a hug, then noticed Pop in the passenger seat.

Pop carefully lowered himself from the seat to the driveway. ‘Hey, Teddy.’

Ted took note of Pop’s careful movements. He was finally getting old. ‘Hi, Pop.’

‘Can we see your new house, Uncle Teddy?’ asked Bianca.

‘Where’s Mel?’ asked Charlie.

‘Umm, yes, you can, and …’ He hesitated. ‘She’s not home.’

‘On another break, I hear,’ said Jodie.

Ted gave her a grim nod and led them into the house. The girls scattered off to explore.

‘Can I get you guys a drink?’ he asked Jodie and Pop.

‘Just a water for me.’ Jodie flicked her hair from across her shoulder.

Ted caught another glimpse of his mother. The sandy hair and light freckles, like in the photo of them on the beach.

‘I gotta take the girls to the bathroom.’ Jodie riffled through her bag, which was bursting with spare clothes, toys, nappies and wet wipes. ‘They have a habit of shitting themselves in the car. I’ll be back for the tour in a minute.’ Jodie walked off in search of the girls, leaving the two men in the living room.

Pop shuffled towards the bench. ‘You fought well. That Joe Bones was unorthodox, but he could move. You looked good.’

Was that a concession? Ted nodded. ‘I felt good.’

‘I’m sorry, Ted.’

‘Don’t be.’

Pop exhaled. ‘Will you let me do some work with you?’

Ted gestured Pop towards the kitchen. ‘I have to focus on my power. If I couldn’t knock him out, how am I going to hurt Harrison?’

‘I know. I won’t get in your way there, but there’s a few things you need to change up.’ Pop leaned on the bench. ‘I taught you middleweight habits that could get you in trouble now. Don’t get too caught up listening to what that damned Jacob Caro has to say.’

Ted took three glasses from the cupboard and a container of water from the fridge. ‘Aren’t you busy with Ron?’ It was more a statement than a question.

Pop started cracking his knuckles. ‘Yeah, I’ve been training him for his fight against Rushkin. But it’s you I want to see succeed.’

‘You don’t want me doing this at all!’ Ted placed the water container on the bench with a thud. The wave of anger took him by surprise.

‘I can’t stop you. So I might as well help you. Please, Teddy. Hear me out a second. Even lacking a bit of power, you had Bones on toast if you hadn’t gone for that silly uppercut to the head.’

Ted remembered exactly what he was talking about. ‘I know, I should have gone for the body.’

‘You should have gone for the body the whole fight!’ Pop threw two low right hooks at the air. ‘It’s the only way you can chop these guys down.’

‘Yeah, okay. Lesson learned.’

‘You don’t learn lessons in boxing like that!’ said Pop in his gym voice. ‘You need to practise, practise and practise. It needs to come as second nature. I’ve never taught you to work the body the way I did your father, and …’

Pop stopped. Silence settled in.

‘Pop, I get it. You’re right, but I don’t want your help with this. If I succeed, I want it to be because I did it, because I was good enough. Not because I’m the son of a champion or the student of a master.’

Pop sighed. ‘Boxing is as individual of a sport as it gets, Teddy. If you succeed, it will be you who succeeds. If you fail, it’ll be you, and only you.’

Ted nodded. ‘I can live with that.’

Footsteps thundered down the corridor. ‘Uncle Teddy!’

The smell of deep-fried fish and chips ignited an unsatisfied hunger in Ted as he chewed on his grilled chicken and brown rice. Bianca and Charlie sat on either side of him at the dining table, so close that he struggled to use his knife and fork.

‘Hot chip sandwiches, what dreams are made of,’ he said with a full mouth of dry chicken.

The girls smiled with tomato sauce across their lips and chin.

‘Girls, two more bites of fish, please.’ Jodie didn’t sound confident they would obey and was simply going through the motions.

‘You can stay the night if it’s easier,’ said Ted.

‘Mummy, I’m full.’

‘Me too!’

‘Okay,’ said Jodie, giving up on the two more bites. ‘Do you need to go to the toilet? We’re going soon.’

They nodded.

Pop stood up. ‘I’ll take them.’

Jodie finished her last mouthful. ‘Thanks, Ted, but I don’t have all their stuff. Besides, I’m going to see the Anderson girls out Pop’s way tomorrow.’ She started scraping food scraps into a plastic bag and stacking the plates. ‘I better get these kids home to bed.’

Ted rushed to finish his chicken and help tidy up.

Jodie stopped and turned to him. ‘Why are you being so mean to Pop?’

‘Mean?’

‘You hardly acknowledged that he’s here. Look, I don’t want to get involved with all this boxing crap – that’s why I got the hell out of this town – but you can’t just shut him out.’

‘You know he’s training Dad, don’t you?’

Jodie sighed. ‘Yes. Jeez, Teddy, what else is he going to do if you won’t let him train you? Maybe if you gave Dad a chance, then –’

‘Gave Dad a chance?’

‘He’s trying.’ She shrugged. ‘What else can he do?’

‘What do you mean trying? Do the kids even know who he is?’

Jodie looked away. ‘They met him for the first time this morning.’

Ted caught his jaw before it dropped. ‘Glad you kept me waiting.’

‘Oh, Ted, come on. He was at Pop’s when we pulled up. He FaceTimes the girls more than you do.’

‘I wouldn’t let my kids within a mile of him.’

Jodie picked up the stack of plates and started towards the kitchen. ‘I’m not going to fight. I can’t change the past or forget what’s been said and done.’ Tears welled in her eyes. She looked like a young girl for a moment. It was easy to forget she was only twenty-three. ‘Maybe I’m too much like Mum for my own damned good. But I can see that he’s changed. Especially since he finished his last stint in jail and got off the booze. He’s too proud to admit it, but I know that you cutting him out is hurting him.’

Ted bowed his head and didn’t risk replying. He loved Jodie fiercely. He had done his best to protect her. Fathers were supposed to kiss their little girl goodnight – that wasn’t a big brother’s job. He wanted to ask her if she’d forgotten that.

Later that night Talia stood from her seat on the outdoor couch next to Ted and carried her tea to the edge of the balcony.

She chose her words carefully. ‘I can understand how you feel. But I can see where Jodie’s coming from. What’s done is done. If she’s willing to forgive your dad, or at least give him the chance to be better, I take my hat off to her.’

Ted shuffled forward to sit on the edge of the couch. ‘So, you think I’m a child for not wanting anything to do with him?’

Talia faced the ocean, which blended into the starry night sky. ‘I didn’t say that.’

‘Well, I wouldn’t blame you.’ His voice turned cold. ‘I just can’t believe he can even look Jodie in the eye after what he’s done.’

‘Asking for forgiveness takes courage. It shows you know what you’ve done.’

How could he know what he did to us? How he made us feel? ‘Mum got into the car one night and drove it into a tree, just to make it stop.’ That hollow feeling had taken hold again. It was easy to be abrupt and seem emotionless when the reality was the emotions had got the better of him.

Talia placed her mug on the balcony railing and didn’t say anything for a while. Eventually she asked, ‘Were things ever good between them?’

Ted exhaled a long breath. ‘Yeah, until they had me. Mum’s parents, the grandparents I’ve never met, told her that if she didn’t get an abortion and stop seeing Ron, they never wanted to see her again. Dad convinced her to keep me, God knows why.’ Ted had never spoken about this to anyone, not even Mel, even though he knew Mel would have known. He couldn’t believe he was saying this aloud but couldn’t stop the words from coming out. ‘I think she resented him for that. The sad thing is, I think I realised it, even before she died. It’s not easy to look the only person you really love and need in the world in the eye knowing that they regret ever giving birth to you.’

Talia wrapped her arms under his and hugged him. ‘I hate that you had to grow up like that. I find it hard to believe she regretted having you.’

‘Mum loved me. But I was a reminder of the family that abandoned her, and she took it out on Ron. It was usually her picking the fight. Dad was a firestorm but she was the kindling.’ He chewed his lip as Talia squeezed him tight. ‘I don’t understand how they could wake up the next morning, swollen knuckles and cheeks, and act like nothing happened. After Mum died, Ron, Pop and a rolling cast of nannies who never lasted long raised us. Mel’s mum was a godsend. Ron and Pop could get us to school and back with five bucks to spend on lunch, but they didn’t know what textbooks to buy us, when to buy us new uniforms or shoes, or when to take us to the doctor.’

‘You turned out okay.’ She released her arms from around him and placed a hand on each of his cheeks. ‘You got through it. You have your scars, but if you hold on to the past and never let it go, you’ll always feel abandoned, when it’s you who’s pushing them away.’

Ted pressed his forehead against hers. ‘They’re not close enough to push away. Mum abandoned me. Jodie moved away. I love Pop – I know he tried to protect me.’ He closed his eyes. ‘I don’t need protection anymore.’

‘What do you mean, Teddy? Do you actually want to fight your dad?’

‘Yes.’ He was relieved to get it off his chest.

‘You wouldn’t feel any better, even if you beat him.’

‘I know.’

‘Why do you need to prove anything?’

‘I just want to.’ He didn’t have the words for the truthful answer. ‘I don’t know how to explain.’

‘Well, try.’

‘I can’t!’

‘Just try.’

Ted shook his head. ‘I just … I get this … this heaviness that comes over me.’ He squeezed his eyes shut again. ‘And it’s because of him.’ He wiped his face with his hands and opened his eyes. ‘I don’t want to carry that weight anymore.’

‘Fighting him won’t make it go away.’

Ted scratched at the stubble of his beard. ‘Yeah, well, not fighting him isn’t working either.’