CHAPTER 20

“What happened to your car?” David asked when he came in with the paper.

“Why? What’s wrong with it?”

“There’s a dent in the bumper.”

“There is?!” Birdie got up, frowning, and limped outside. She looked down at her car and then touched the yellow indentation in the bumper.

“It looks like you hit one of those yellow poles on the bike trail,” David said, following her outside.

Birdie swallowed, trying to remember the drive home from Sailor’s the night before. She had gotten a little mixed up in her neighborhood when she left, but the bike trail was nowhere near there. After that, she vaguely remembered pulling into the driveway when she got home because David had left the outside lights on, and she remembered Bailey struggling to her feet to say hello. She also remembered drinking a large glass of water, but the actual drive from Wellfleet was a bit of a blur and she certainly didn’t remember hitting anything.

“I don’t know,” she said, sounding perplexed. She looked at David, but he just pressed his lips together.

“I did not have too much to drink,” she said defensively.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You didn’t have to,” she said angrily. “I know what you’re thinking.”

“You don’t know what I’m thinking.”

“Yes, I do—you think I drink too much. I can see it in your eyes—it’s like living with a judge. But I don’t drink too much. You drink as much as I do, and every time you play golf, you have a drink at the clubhouse . . . and that’s in the middle of the day. At least I wait till five o’clock.”

David stood silently, listening.

“You should’ve seen how much my father drank. When he was home, he sat in the dark living room with his damn Scotch and no one was allowed to bother him or turn on the TV. We had to tiptoe around him after dinner. You have no idea how hard it was. Thank goodness he was flying most of the time, and thank goodness my mom eventually arranged for us to go to prep school, because at least there, we were free from seeing the torment in his eyes.” She paused. “No one in my family was the same after Easton died.”

David slowly shook his head. “For the millionth time, Birdie, Easton’s death was not your fault,” he said softly. “It wasn’t anyone’s fault.”

“Yes, it was,” Birdie said, tears springing to her eyes. “You weren’t there. You wouldn’t know.”

“It was an accident. Accidents happen. They’re a part of life.”

Birdie clenched her fists in anguish. “Don’t you understand? Because of me, our family was shattered. Because of me, there was no joy in our house. Any happiness we felt was always shadowed by loss and unimaginable grief. Easton was the only boy. He was my father’s only son.”

David took a step toward her, but she put up her hands. “I don’t want your comfort. I just want to be left alone.” He pressed his lips together and turned to walk back to the house. Birdie stared blindly at his back and then sank to the bottom step, covering her face with her hands. A moment later, she felt a warm body leaning against her. “Oh, Bay,” she said sadly. “How did you end up with such an awful mother?” Bailey wagged the tip of her tail and licked Birdie’s salty cheeks, and Birdie wrapped her arms around her neck. “What would I do without you?” she whispered.

Oh, what a gift God made when He created dogs. She had loved—and laid to rest—so many sweet dogs in her lifetime—each with its own personality; each with its own way of bringing comfort; each with solemn, loving eyes that were filled with all the wisdom in the world; and each leaving a gaping hole in her heart when they died and making her vow to never get another, never set herself up for so much sadness again. But she always did.

Bailey stuffed her wet nose in Birdie’s ear and Birdie laughed and thought of Willow, the big yellow Lab her family had had when she was growing up. Willow had loved to stuff her nose into their ears, too. She was supposed to be the whole family’s dog, but they’d all known she loved Easton best, and when he didn’t come home that night, she looked all over for him. She cried and cried and wouldn’t settle down, but in the days that followed, it was Willow who nuzzled their ears and gave them solace.