CALDER

 

 

When I get home from work, the apartment is dark.

“Lily?” I call as I flick on the light. “You here?”

There’s no response. I drop my keys on the hook beside the door and drape my coat over the nearest chair. My briefcase goes on the table. Even though I spent three extra hours at my office today, I still have a massive amount of work to do tonight. But I don’t even want to think about it until I have some food in my stomach and I’ve given Lily a proper hello.

I step into the kitchen.

“Lily?” I call again as I open the wine cabinet. I don’t hear the shower running. Maybe she’s outside on the balcony.

I grab a bottle of merlot from the rack and two glasses from the shelf and head out to look for her.

She’s not on the balcony.

She’s not in the bathroom either. Or the guest room. Or anywhere in the apartment.

Where is she?

I go back to the living and set the wine on the table. I pull my phone out of my pocket, and my thumb punches Lily’s number.

She doesn’t answer.

“Lily,” I say when her voice mailbox picks up. “It’s me. Just checking in.”

The apartment feels so empty without her here. Lily’s more than capable of taking care of herself—and certainly she has the right to stay out however late she wants—but I can’t ignore the worry that niggles at me as I sit down at the table.

I call her again as I pour myself a glass of wine. There’s still no response. I drop my cell on the table with a sigh.

Pull yourself together. It’s only eight o’clock. Lily’s been leaving the Frazer Center early on Wednesdays—to make up for the late Friday and Saturday nights she’s been having this month—but maybe she’s out running errands. Or maybe she’s out with friends, and I’ve just forgotten.

I slide my thumb down the stem of my glass. My company has been dealing with two new, extremely lucrative accounts this month, and I’ve been putting in a lot of overtime. Too much overtime. There’s no reason Lily should spend her evenings at home waiting for me.

But I can’t shake that feeling that something is wrong.

I sip at my merlot and swish it around on my tongue. The taste sticks to the roof of my mouth.

She never told me she was going out tonight. My memory isn’t perfect, but I’d remember something like that. And if she’s only out at the store, then why isn’t she answering her phone?

I try her cell phone one more time. And then the number for the Frazer Center. Neither gets a response.

The next sip of wine feels even thicker. It’s a struggle to choke down.

You’re worrying over nothing, I tell myself. But three difficult sips later, I’m not so sure. She’s had issues with a psychotic ex-lover. She’s had reporters follow her—one even pushed her down the stairs and broke her arm. I have every reason to be concerned for her.

I slide my fingers through my hair. Lily means everything to me. If something happened to her…

I stand. This is ridiculous. It’s not that late. There’s no particular reason to believe she’s in any sort of danger.

But it doesn’t matter if there’s a reason. If there’s even the tiniest possibility that she could be hurt, or in trouble…

My hard darts for my cell phone, and I hit the wine. The glass flies across the table, and blood-red merlot spills everywhere. It doesn’t matter. I’m at the door in three strides, the phone pressed against my ear again.

Still no answer.

Normally at this point, I’d try her father’s number. But David Frazer is on a much-deserved vacation this week. He’ll have no idea where she is.

When I get to my car, my mind races through all the places she could be: Red’s Grocery down the street, her friend Morgan’s house, that little bistro near the Center…

Or in the hands of that violent Garrett. Or being chased down by a crowd of reporters who’ve managed to dig up some new ridiculous story about our family. Or in a ditch somewhere.

My tires squeal as I race out of the parking lot. I don’t know where I’m heading, but my hands seem to guide the wheel on their own. Past the grocery store. Past the park. Past the shopping mall. There’s no sign of her car anywhere.

But it’s not until I reach the Frazer Center—and once again see no sign of that beat up old sedan she refuses to get rid of—that the fear truly hits me. I pull into the parking lot and blow out a long breath, trying to calm my racing mind. Logically, I know there are a hundred perfectly safe places she could be, and I have no particular reason to believe she might be in harm’s way.

But logic and reason rarely govern my thoughts or actions when it comes to Lily. We’ve been through too much, and the thought of someone hurting her again makes something boil up inside of me. My hands are stiff from gripping the steering wheel, but I pry my fingers off the leather and reach for my phone.

There’s still no response to my call.

I press my fingers against my forehead. I need to think calmly and clearly. Lily can be rash—but she’s never arbitrarily so. She wouldn’t just take off without telling me. More likely she forgot to mention her plans to me… but that doesn’t seem like her either.

I’m resigning myself to another drive around the neighborhood when something catches my eye.

There’s a light on in the Center. Maybe a couple of lights—it’s hard to tell past the reflections of the street lamps in the Center’s windows. I turn off my car and stride across the parking lot to the door.

The building is unlocked, which is unusual considering there are no cars in the parking lot. My heart hammers against my ribs as I step into the dark lobby. Lily and David always keep the Center locked at night.

“Is someone here?” I call into the darkness.

There’s no answer, but there’s a soft glow of fluorescent light coming from a room down the hall. I march toward it, my hand curling into a fist at my side. When I’m halfway there, I realize it’s Lily’s office, and my steps quicken.

“Lily?” I say.

The office is empty. There are papers scattered across her desk, and her laptop—which she usually brings home with her—is still here. Still on—though it’s in standby. Her purse is tucked beneath her chair.

I should be relieved, but I’m not. And I won’t be until I see her. Why is her purse here if her car is gone?

“Lily?” I call again as I leave her office. I march down the hall toward the bathroom. There’s no light coming from beneath the door, but I push it open anyway. There’s no one there.

My fist is clenched so tightly that my fingers are starting to ache. I’m going to find her if I have to tear this entire place to the ground.

And then I see it as I come around a corner—another light. Coming from the gallery.

I run toward the door. I don’t know what I expect or what I plan to do, but there isn’t time to stop and consider. Lily might be hurt, or—

I freeze in the doorway.

Lily is lying on the floor, her body splayed awkwardly, her hair fanning out around her head. My world shrinks to nothing but her.

I don’t know how my feet move. I don’t remember deciding to walk, but suddenly I’m next to her, crouching down. My hand is still a fist, and it throbs with the force of the horror I’m facing. My breathing has stopped, and my mind can’t seem to make sense of this, even though another part of me is quite aware that the very thing I feared, the very thing I tried to tell myself couldn’t happen, is right in front of me.

I thought I was being ridiculous. I thought all those hours of overtime were getting to my head. I thought—

She stirs slightly. Moves. Her mouth parts slightly and a small sound escapes her lips.

I sit back, stunned. I know that sound. She makes it almost every night when she’s curled up asleep in my arms.

My eyes roam over her body. Now that she’s shifted, she looks a little more natural. Some of her hair has fallen across her face, and it stirs with the steady rhythm of her breath. Something flutters behind her eyelids.

I don’t believe it. Is it possible…?

She’s sleeping. My God, she’s just sleeping.

Relief rushes through me, but after the scare I just had, I’m almost afraid to trust it. I lean over her again and push the hair gently away from her face.

She’s so beautiful when she sleeps. And she looks so peaceful right now—so blissfully unaware of these last few moments when I thought my world was ending. Even now, my heart can’t seem to find the right rhythm.

I feel like a complete fool. But I’d rather be a fool than face the alternative. I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost Lily. She saved me—from the world and from myself—and neither the world nor I would have much meaning if she weren’t here. There’d be nothing left for me.

She might look safe and unharmed, but I have to make absolutely certain. I cup the side of her face and gently turn her head toward me. There are no visible bruises or blood—at least at first glance. My fingers move through her hair, pressing against her scalp as I feel for bumps or injuries.

She stirs again, and I freeze—but it’s too late. Her eyes flutter open. Her gaze lands on me.

There’s confusion on her face as she pushes herself up on her elbow. Her eyes dart around the room, then to me, then back to the room again.

“What’s going on?” she asks, her voice still thick with sleepiness.

Hearing her sweet voice is almost too much to take. I grab her and pull her against me, and my lips collide with hers. She makes a little sound of surprise, but she doesn’t pull away from me. Her warm, willing mouth opens beneath mine.

I kiss her like I’ll never have the chance to kiss her again. Because try as I might, I can’t forget the fear of that horrible moment where I thought I’d lost her. Even now, there’s a rawness, an emptiness inside of me that won’t let me go. My hands roam over her body, as if the solid warmth of her skin will confirm what my eyes are afraid to believe: that she’s here, and she’s safe, and she’s mine.

After a moment, she pulls back and laughs.

“What’s gotten into you?” she asks. “Why are you even here?” She glances down at her watch. “Shit. I didn’t realize what time it was.”

I slide my hand gently up the side of her neck, unwilling to let her go, even for a minute.

“I didn’t know where you were,” I tell her softly, my finger drifting along the line of her jaw. “And you weren’t answering your phone. I was worried.” I lean forward and brush my lips against hers again. My voice is calm, controlled, even though my body is still on edge. I want to tear off all of her clothes and make sure she’s unharmed, to inspect every inch of her bare skin with my fingers.

“I fell asleep,” Lily says, sounding almost surprised at that fact herself. She rubs her cheek and looks around the room again. “I was hoping to get some of the decorations done for this weekend’s party. They’ve upped the number of guests again.” She smiles and waves her hand at the pile of décor next to her. “I only sat down for a minute. I was going to sort through some of this and see if anything was usable. I guess I was more tired than I thought.”

“You’ve been working too hard,” I tell her, pulling her into my lap.

“I could say the same of you.” Her eyes are steady when they meet mine, and I know that this isn’t just some witty comeback. She means it.

And she’s right. Is this what I wanted? A life of sixteen-hour workdays? Lily is my entire world. I want her. The rest doesn’t matter.

I cup her face and lock her gaze in mine.

“When I saw you on the floor,” I say, “I thought…” I can’t even voice it, as if speaking my fears aloud will make them real. They feel so ridiculous, now that I have the softness of her skin beneath my fingers, now that her bright eyes stare back at me.

Her fingers touch my chest.

“I’m okay,” she whispers.

“I know.” My hands tighten on her face. She’s fine. She’s unharmed. So why is my chest still tight? Why am I still afraid to look away?

I pull her against me again, and this time she grips me just as fiercely. Our lips wrangle while our hands roam everywhere. I yank the hem of her shirt out of her skirt and push it up her back.

Lily pulls back, and her full, perfect lips curve into a smile.

“You know,” she says, gripping my tie in her fist, “it’s sexy that you’re so worried about me.”

Sexy isn’t exactly the word I’d use, even though my entire body burns for her right now. This isn’t desire. This is the desperate need of a man who, in a moment of madness, believed he’d lost the very thing that gives him life.

A growl rises in my throat. I lunge forward, pushing her down against the floor. I bury my face in her neck.

“I should punish you for putting me through this,” I murmur against her skin.

“For taking an accidental nap on the floor?”

This might be a silly misunderstanding to her, but it isn’t to me. I nip at the skin below her ear.

“You didn’t answer your phone,” I say against her neck.

She gives a little laugh—which turns into a gasp when I bite at her skin again.

“I… left my cell… in my office,” she says breathlessly.

I nuzzle her hair. “Your car’s not in the parking lot.”

“Fuck, I forgot,” she says. “I dropped it off for an oil change at lunch. They’re probably closed now. But you’ll give me a ride home, won’t you?” She turns her head and catches my ear between her lips.

I can tell by her tone that she still doesn’t understand. But how could she? She was simply asleep. I created my fear out of nothing, and that fear still burns as fast and bright as desire.

My lips come down hard on hers, cutting off her next words. I drive my tongue between her lips, desperate to taste her, to have that living, breathing essence of her in my mouth.

She laughs again as she breaks away.

“What’s gotten into you?” she asks. Her cheeks are flushed.

Her eyes still shine with humor, but as she looks at me, really looks at me, I watch the realization spread across her face. She sees it now. She sees it.

Her hands come up to either side of my face. Her skin is so soft, and her fingers know every inch of my body so well at this point that they might as well be another part of me.

“Maybe,” she says softly, her lips curving deliciously with each word, “maybe you should punish me for putting you through that.”

I need no other encouragement. My mouth attacks hers again, and my body presses hers to the ground, trapping her beneath me.

Her hands are still on my face, holding me firmly, but I grab her wrists and pull them away. Trap them with my grip. Hold them to the floor.

Look at what you’ve done to me, I want to say. Look at how much you affect me. But I have no words—only my mouth and my body.

I let my teeth sink into her bottom lip as I drag my mouth away from hers. I want to devour her. To claim her again and again until no one—not even death itself—would dare to take her away from me.

She moans as my teeth graze her throat. She arches her body against mine, and her arms strain against my grip.

She asked me to punish her. She should have known better.

I lift my head. Her eyes are closed, her head thrown back, but when she realizes I’ve paused, she lowers her chin and her lids fly open.

Her gaze burns. For a moment, she just looks at me, and then she slowly raises her hips, grinding herself against my cock. Urging me onward. Asking me to do the things she knows I want to do. This is our game—the give and take, the control and submission.

Lily’s hands flex, her fingers spreading wide. Her hips shift again, and she slides herself against me through the fabric of my pants. There’s a sexy little gleam in her eye. She knows she’s playing with fire.

And the little minx better be ready to take the heat.

I release her wrists and grab for my tie. In a handful of seconds, I’ve loosened it and slipped it over my head, and in another few seconds, her wrists are in my control once again. I loop the tie around them and tighten it until the silk is tight against her skin.

“You asked for punishment,” I murmur, grabbing the end of the tie. “I’m not sure you’ve thought this through.”

If we were back at the apartment, I’d tie her to the bed. I want her completely at my mercy. But there aren’t any large pieces of furniture here in the gallery. I’m considering carrying her back to her office and binding her to her desk when I see she’s no longer looking at me.

I follow her gaze. She’s looking at the nearest window—more specifically, the heater beneath the window.

The Center is an older building, and it still relies on old-fashioned radiator heaters for warmth in the winters. Lily and her father have been saving money to overhaul the heating system, but lucky for me, they haven’t gathered the funds yet.

Oh, Lily is a naughty little thing.

She smiles as I sit up and lift her into my arms. She knows she’s made her point.

“I wouldn’t look so pleased if I were you,” I say into her hair. “You don’t know what you’re getting into, little minx.”

She doesn’t have a chance to respond. I put her on the floor next to the radiator, grab the tie, and knot the end around the nearest pipe. Now I know she can’t move.

She twists her body toward mine again, but her motions are restricted.

And I can’t restrain myself a moment longer.

I shove my hands beneath her skirt, forcing the fabric up her thighs. She gives a little whimper as my fingers dig into her skin. Every bit of her is flushed and warm and ready for me, and that makes my need even greater.

I don’t have the patience to undress her. One hand moves to my belt, undoing it deftly, while my other shoves the crotch of her panties aside. Normally I’d tease her. Torture her. Punish her completely. But now I want nothing more than to take her.

I grab her thigh and yank her toward me, sinking into her in one fluid, familiar motion.

She gasps, and I bury myself as deep as I can go, taking her completely. The radiator creaks as she strains against her binding.

I draw back and push into her again, then again. I have no patience for love-making right now. No desire for anything but the purest and rawest possession. I grip her by the hips and thrust into her sweet flesh again and again until her breath comes in ragged gasps. The lacy edge of her panties chafes me, but I push through the discomfort. Nothing can stop me from taking her.

My gaze never leaves her face. Her eyes fall open and shut in time with her lips. In between her cries of pleasure she says my name. That full, beautiful mouth has never uttered anything so intoxicating.

I press her thighs further apart and move faster, wanting to drive my name out of her again and again. It’s not long until she can hardly speak at all, until her words are little more than sobs. That’s all I need to push me over the edge. I’m almost painfully swollen, and I growl as I sink all the way into her and fill her with my seed.

Normally, after a vigorous session like this, it’s all I can do to stay upright. I don’t know what has come over me tonight—the fear, the adrenaline, the need to prove to myself and to her that I won’t let anything take her away from me—but I’m still hard. Still pulsing with need.

And Lily hasn’t come yet. I promised her punishment, and punish her I will.

She’s panting, and her eyes are closed. Strands of hair are plastered to her forehead and neck with perspiration. If I were a generous man, I’d let her rest for a minute.

Instead, I grab her by the waist and flip her over onto her stomach. The radiator creaks and I hear a couple stitches in the tie pop as I twist her. But she gives no indication of pain, so I don’t stop. I push up her skirt again, exposing her pretty round ass and her lacy little panties. I consider just tearing the panties off this time around, but I don’t have the patience to bother with the effort. I hook a finger around them and pull them aside once more, smiling a little as I feel how wet they are. Soaked from both of us.

Lily’s propped awkwardly on her elbows, and I slide my hands beneath her hips and pull her ass toward me. My cock slides easily into her again, settling back where it belongs.

This time I don’t thrust into her. Instead, I grip her hips and take control of her body, yanking her back onto me and then pushing her away again, using her as a tool for my pleasure. She’s enjoying it, too. Her cries of pleasure are interspersed with breathless words of encouragement, and I can feel her body starting to tighten around mine.

I could come inside her again in a matter of seconds if I continued to use her in this way, continued to direct her body for my own need. Instead, I pause, digging my fingers into her skin as I lean forward.

“You’re close, aren’t you?” I murmur in her ear.

“Yes,” she gasps.

“If I wanted to be cruel, I’d leave you like this,” I say, my own voice rough. “But I’d rather feel you come. Though this wouldn’t be a punishment if I made that easy for you.”

I straighten up again, and though I keep my hands on her hips, I loosen my hold.

“If you want to come,” I say, “you’re going to have to do it yourself.”

She twists slightly on her elbows and looks over her shoulder as best she can. One of her eyebrows quirks up.

“It’s hard to get myself off when I can’t use my hands,” she says.

“Maybe I’m not being clear.” I slide myself back into her again. “You can use me.” I push against her again for emphasis.

This time she understands, and she shifts her weight on her elbows. The radiator creaks. Slowly, she moves her hips forward, then slides them back once more down my length. Then again.

She builds speed quickly. She was close before, and it’s not long before she’s panting with the effort. Her skin is blazing hot beneath my hands, and there’s nothing sweeter than watching her use me so desperately, watching her fuck herself so passionately with my cock. She tightens herself around me, and it’s all I can do not to empty myself into her right there.

“Fuck, Lily,” I rasp. I want to drive into her again, to take us both to completion, but that’s not the game.

My eyes drop down to where our bodies meet, to where my cock disappears into her again and again. There’s nothing like the thrill of joining with her, nothing like the thrill of taking her—or watching her take me.

“I love watching you fuck me,” I said raggedly. I let my hands drift up over the curve of her ass. My fingers press into her skin. “Come for me, Lily.”

She makes a strangled sound, and when her core tightens around me again, I can’t hold back anymore. I spill into her, and I hold myself deep inside her body so I can feel every spasm of her muscles. My eyes soak up the way her body curves to the pleasure, and my fingers can almost feel the release ripple through her skin. She’s so beautiful like this, coming unwound while I’m inside of her.

She has already unwound me.

I could keep her tied up for a while. That raw need still runs beneath my skin. But I need something else more.

My fingers move to the knots of the tie, and a moment later she’s unbound and in my arms. Her muscles still tremble slightly, and she sinks against me with a sigh. I hold her against my chest on the floor. My hands seek out her wrists and massage them gently. Her breath heats the skin just above my collar.

Nothing will take her from me. Ever. What we have between us goes beyond all of that.

I release her wrists and slide my hands beneath her shirt. I want to feel her heart. She makes a contented sound as my fingers move across her ribs to where I can feel the life beating beneath her breast.

She might give her body and her trust and her love to me, but my life is hers. And as long as her heart beats, as long as the breath moves in and out of her lips, I’m alive as well.

And I’m hers completely.