Financial Conflict
1. Arguments over Amounts Spent (1)*
A. The couple described multiple arguments over the issue of how much one partner is spending.
B. The partners hold different viewpoints about the amount of money spent by one partner and the necessity for these expenditures.
C. The partners have begun to talk constructively about spending and saving guidelines.
D. An agreement has been reached between the spouses regarding the amount of money to be spent by each partner.
E. There have been no recent disagreements over the amount of money spent.
2. Arguments over How to Spend (2)
A. The partners reported that they often conflict about how they should use their financial resources.
B. One partner is more conservative about the use of finances and the other partner is more liberal, causing frequent arguments.
C. The partners have begun to develop healthy communication about spending and saving habits.
D. The partners have developed a healthy compromise about how to allocate their financial resources.
3. Critical Comments about Earnings (3)
A. One partner reports that the other partner often makes critical comments about his/her earnings capabilities.
B. One partner complained that the other partner does not make enough money.
C. The partners have agreed not to make critical comments about each other's earning potential.
D. The partners have formed a specific plan to develop greater earning potential.
4. Arguments about Saving (4)
A. The partners described a pattern of conflict over savings goals and practices.
B. The partners have begun to talk constructively about savings guidelines.
C. Agreement has been reached between the partners regarding a savings goal and practices.
5. Feeling Left Out of Financial Decisions (5)
A. One partner identified feelings of being left out of decision making regarding money.
B. The partners described that one partner does most of the decision making, spending, and bill paying.
C. The partners have developed a more involved role for both partners regarding making financial decisions.
D. The partners both report a sense of involvement regarding making financial decisions.
6. Suspicions of Secretive Spending (6)
A. One partner identified suspicions that the other partner is secretly spending money.
B. One partner made vague, indirect comments about how the other partner may be secretly spending money.
C. As finances have been reviewed, one partner acknowledged secretly spending money, and more guidelines regarding spending were developed.
D. As finances were reviewed, suspicions that one partner is secretly spending money were found to be incorrect.
E. Both partners reported an increased level of trust of each other regarding spending.
7. Arguments over Retirement Needs (7)
A. The partners described arguments over the need to save money for retirement.
B. The partners have developed helpful guidelines about how much money to save for retirement.
C. The partners have agreed on the best ways to save money for retirement.
D. The partners reported no longer arguing over the need to save money for retirement.
8. Arguments about Income Tax Reporting (8)
A. The couple described frequent arguments over “legitimate” methods of reporting income for tax purposes.
B. One partner believes the other to be acting in an immoral or illegal manner regarding reporting income for tax purposes.
C. The couple has begun to develop constructive communication regarding income tax issues.
D. Agreement has been reached between the couple regarding accurate reporting of income for tax purposes.
9. Arguments over Price Shopping (9)
A. The couple reported frequent arguments over the need to shop for the best possible price on an item.
B. One partner described that the other partner tends to spend a great deal of time shopping for additional savings.
C. One partner described that the other partner does not sufficiently comparison shop, often paying a higher price than is needed.
D. The partners have developed a healthy compromise regarding how to price shop, and they no longer argue about this.
1. Facilitate Expression of Anger (1)
A. Each partner was asked to describe their angry feelings about how money is spent.
B. When each partner expressed angry feelings about how money is spent, these feelings were processed in the session.
C. The partners hesitated to express their angry feelings about how money is spent and were encouraged to do this within the confines of the safe, clinical setting.
2. Express Disappointment Regarding Money (2)
A. Each partner was asked to describe disappointments regarding the family finances.
B. When each partner expressed feelings of disappointment about the financial problems the couple faces, these feelings were processed in the session.
C. The partners hesitated to express their feelings of disappointment about their finances, and were encouraged to do this within the confines of the safe, clinical setting.
3. Prioritize Spending (3)
A. Each partner was asked to prioritize how money should be spent.
B. As each partner described how money should be spent, support and encouragement were provided.
C. Emphasis was placed on the commonalities between the partners' priorities about how money should be spent.
D. Differences between the partners regarding how money should be spent were identified and processed.
4. Exploration of Different Priorities (4)
A. A discussion was held regarding whether there are basic differences between partners over priorities in the use of money.
B. It was noted that the partners had significant differences in their priorities regarding the use of money.
C. The partners indicated that there was very little difference between their priorities regarding the use of money, and this was accepted.
5. Describe Family-of-Origin Influences (5)
A. The partners were directed to describe the use of money in their families-of-origin.
B. The partners were assisted in identifying how their families-of-origin have influenced their current attitudes about finances.
C. The partners displayed insight into the effect that the use of money in their family-of-origin has on their current attitudes about finances and were provided with positive feedback in this area.
D. The partners failed to identify significant connections between the use of money in their families-of-origin and their current patterns and were provided with additional feedback in this area.
6. Inquire about Early Financial Expectations (6)
A. The partners were asked to describe the income, savings, and spending expectations that existed when the relationship began.
B. The partners were asked to describe the expectations that they had in the beginning of their relationship regarding the amount of money that they would have.
C. As the partners described their financial expectations at the beginning of their relationship, these were processed.
7. Identify Parental Influence (7)
A. Each partner was asked to explain whether there is any parental influence on current financial decisions.
B. As the partners identified parental influence on current financial decisions, the effects of this influence were processed.
C. The partners described many situations in which a partner's parents have influenced one or both partners, insisted on certain financial decisions, or disparaged and ridiculed the couple for certain financial decisions.
D. Money has been lent to the partners by one of the partner's parents, and since that time the parent has believed that this is an entitlement to unduly influence the couple's financial decisions.
E. The partners were assisted in resolving disagreements over parental influence.
F. The partners denied any parental influence of current financial decisions, and this was accepted.
8. Discourage Family Influence (8)
A. The couple was encouraged to engage in cooperative, partnership-based financial planning.
B. The partners were discouraged from permitting undue extended family influence over their financial plans.
C. The partners were reinforced for advising the over-involved family members that their involvement is no longer needed.
D. As the partners have developed a cooperative partnership in their financial planning (free from undue family influence), their conflicts over financial concerns have decreased, and the benefits of this were reviewed.
E. The partners continue to allow significant family influence on financial issues and were provided with additional feedback in this area.
9. Practice Listening without Interrupting (9)
A. Each client was asked to practice listening without interruption to the other partner's views about financial and budgetary goals.
B. As the partners practiced listening without interruption, they were given immediate feedback for listening in an open, patient manner.
C. As the partners practiced listening without interruption, they were given immediate feedback when interruptions occurred.
D. Each client took turns practicing the skill of listening without interruption, and the benefits of this were reviewed.
10. Practice Paraphrasing (10)
A. After one partner had listened without interrupting, the partner was asked to paraphrase what the other partner said.
B. After one partner had paraphrased, the other partner was asked to validate whether the paraphrasing was accurate.
C. The partners were given immediate feedback as they practiced paraphrasing and validating.
D. The partners often failed to paraphrase correctly, and the skill of withholding one's own opinion was emphasized.
11. Teach Problem-Solving Conflict Resolution Skills (11)
A. The partners were taught problem-solving and conflict resolution skills.
B. Education, modeling, role-playing, corrective feedback and positive reinforcement were used to teach the partner problem-solving and conflict resolution skills.
C. The partners were taught to define the financial problem constructively and specifically brainstorm options, evaluate options, use compromise, mutually choose and implement a plan, then evaluate the results.
D. The partners have used problem-solving and conflict resolution skills, and they were reinforced for this.
E. The partners have not used the problem-solving and conflict resolution skills and were redirected to do so.
12. Review Use of Problem-Solving and Conflict Resolution Skills (12)
A. The partners were assigned to use and record newly learned problem-solving and conflict resolution skills.
B. The partners were assigned “Applying Problem-Solving to Interpersonal Conflict” in the Adult Psychotherapy Homework Planner, 2nd ed. (Jongsma).
C. The homework has been completed, and key concepts were reviewed.
D. The uncompleted homework assignment was reassigned and the reasons for noncompletion were problem-solved.
13. Identify Employment History (13)
A. The partners were asked to describe their employment situations at the time that they first met.
B. The partners described their employment situation at the time they first met, and this was processed.
14. Explore Employment Expectations at Start of Relationship (14)
A. The partners' expectations regarding their own employment once they had become a couple were explored.
B. The partners' expectations regarding each other's employment were explored.
C. The partners' expectations for employment were identified as being roughly similar to each other.
D. A variety of differences regarding employment expectations were identified and processed.
15. Facilitate Agreement Regarding Each Partner Working (15)
A. The partners were asked to identify their values regarding the need for each partner to work outside the home versus one staying home to manage household and family responsibilities.
B. An agreement was facilitated regarding the amount of time for each partner to work outside of the home.
C. An agreement was facilitated regarding one partner staying home to manage household and family responsibilities.
D. The partners were unable to agree regarding one partner working versus staying home, and additional feedback was provided in this area.
16. Explore Employment Expectations Subsequent to Having Children (16)
A. The partners' expectations regarding their own employment subsequent to having children were explored.
B. Each partner's expectations regarding the other partner's employment subsequent to having children were explored.
C. The partners' expectations for employment subsequent to having children were identified as being roughly similar to each other.
D. A variety of differences regarding employment expectations subsequent to having children were identified and processed.
17. Facilitate Agreement Regarding Income and Child-Care Needs (17)
A. The partners were asked to identify their values regarding child-care needs and income needs.
B. An agreement was facilitated regarding the couple's expectations regarding child-care needs and income needs.
C. An agreement was facilitated regarding one partner staying home to manage household and family responsibilities.
D. An agreement was facilitated regarding both partners working and pursuing child-care elsewhere.
E. The partners were assigned to read Work-Life Balance for Dummies (Mumford and Lockette).
F. The partners were assigned to read The One Minute Manager Balances Work and Life (Blanchard, Edington, and Blanchard).
G. The partners were unable to agree regarding one partner working versus staying home, and additional feedback was provided in this area.
18. Review Bankruptcy, Welfare, and Credit Counseling (18)
A. The partners' needs were reviewed regarding filing for bankruptcy, applying for welfare, and/or obtaining credit counseling.
B. The partners were assisted in deciding whether to file bankruptcy.
C. The partners were assisted in deciding whether to apply for welfare.
D. The partners were assisted in deciding to obtain credit counseling.
19. Refer to Financial Planner/Create Budget (19)
A. The couple was referred to a professional financial planner.
B. The couple has met with the financial planner, and the benefits of this were reviewed.
C. The couple has not met with the financial planner and was redirected to do so.
D. The partners were asked to write a current budget and a long-range savings and investment plan.
E. The partners were assigned “Plan a Budget” in the Adult Psychotherapy Homework Planner, 2nd ed. (Jongsma).
F. The couple has developed a budget, and the benefits of this were reviewed.
G. The couple has not developed a budget and was redirected to do so.
20. Review Budgeting Information (20)
A. The partners were provided with information regarding household expense allocations.
B. The partners were referred to Family Economics Review (U.S. Department of Agriculture) for information regarding household expense allocations.
C. The partners were reinforced for their increased understanding of appropriate budget allocations as a result of reviewing information on household expense allocations.
D. The partners have not read the information on household expense allocations and were redirected to do so.
21. Review Control Issues (21)
A. Each partner was asked to describe the ways in which the other partner seems to exert control in the relationship.
B. As each partner described the ways that the other partner seems to take control, attentive listening and support were provided.
C. It was reflected that one partner seems to exercise virtually exclusive control over the couple's finances and financial decisions.
D. The partners were provided with positive feedback regarding a more equal allocation of their control in the relationship.
22. Facilitate Mutual Agreement Regarding Financial Decisions (22)
A. The partners were assisted in developing a mutual agreement on how they can cooperatively make financial decisions.
B. An emphasis was placed on each partner's need to have his or her ideas regarding financial decisions respected.
C. The partners were supported for developing an agreement on how they can cooperatively make financial decisions that respect each partner's ideas.
D. The partners have not developed an agreement on how to cooperatively make financial decisions and were provided with additional feedback in this area.
23. Reinforce Planning, Compromise, and Cooperation (23)
A. The partners were reinforced as they made changes that reflected responsible planning for their financial needs.
B. Whenever the partners described a pattern of compromise regarding financial issues, they were provided with positive feedback in this area.
C. The partners exhibited respectful cooperation with each other and were reinforced for this.
D. The partners did not display changes that reflected responsible planning, compromise, or respectful cooperation and were redirected in these areas.
24. Assess Greater Control Issues (24)
A. An assessment was provided regarding how one partner attempts to restrict the other partner regarding contact with family, friends, and/or enhancement of educational/vocational skills.
B. One partner was noted to be very restrictive in areas outside of finances, and this was reflected to the couple.
C. It was noted to the partners that they did not have a tendency to be overly restrictive of each other.
25. Treat Abuse (25)
A. Psychological abuse was noted to be occurring, and the partners were provided with direct treatment in this area.
B. Physical abuse was noted to be occurring, and the partner that was being abused was provided with options to create safety.
C. The treatment focus was switched to the abuse taking place within the relationship.
26. Explore Control of Finances and Emotions (26)
A. Specific areas of control that one partner has over the finances of the partnership were explored.
B. The partner who does not have control over the finances was asked to express emotions related to the financial control issues.
C. Support and feedback were provided as one partner described the degree of feelings about the other partner's control over finances.
D. The partner who does not have control over the finances was reluctant to express emotions over this lack of control and was encouraged to do this at a later time.
27. Assess Personality/Behavioral Disorder (27)
A. An individual session was held with each partner to assess whether a personality or behavioral disorder interferes with financial issues in the family.
B. A personality or behavioral disorder was identified as interfering with the financial issues of the family, and appropriate treatment was recommended.
C. The partners were assessed for personality or behavioral disorders, but none were noted.
28. Treat Individual Disorders (28)
A. Substance abuse was identified as interfering with financial solidarity, so the partner with the substance abuse problem was referred for treatment in that area.
B. Occupational problems were identified as interfering with financial solidarity, and the partner was referred for treatment in that area.
C. Another, separate disorder was identified as interfering with financial solidarity, so a referral for appropriate treatment was made.
* The numbers in parentheses on Client Presentation pages correlate to the number of the Behavioral Definition statement in the companion chapter with the same title in The Couples Psychotherapy Treatment Planner, 2nd Edition (O'Leary, Heyman, and Jongsma) by John Wiley & Sons, 2011. The numbers in parentheses on the Interventions Implemented page correspond to the number of the Therapeutic Intervention statement in the companion chapter in the same book.