Parenting Conflicts—Children
1. Frequent Arguments (1)*
A. The partners described a pattern of frequent arguments with one another regarding parenting.
B. The arguments between the partners interfere with effective parenting of the child.
C. The partners have become more of a team for parenting the child.
D. As treatment has progressed, arguments between the partners have decreased, and communication for effective parenting has been increased.
2. Disagreements Regarding Parenting Strategies (2)
A. The partners described a lack of agreement regarding strategies for dealing with various types of negative child behaviors.
B. One partner seems to advocate for stricter control, while the other partner endorses a more permissive approach.
C. The child's behavior seems to be unaffected by the parents' variable pattern of disciplinary response.
D. As communication has increased, the partners have reached an agreement regarding strategies for dealing with various types of negative child behaviors.
3. Ineffective Parental Responses (3)
A. The partners described that their responses to the child's negative behaviors have been ineffective (e.g., efforts do not result in the desired outcomes).
B. As treatment has progressed, more effective responses to negative child behavior were developed and implemented.
C. The partners described increased efficacy of their responses to negative child behavior.
4. Lack of Mutual Support (4)
A. The partners describe that they rarely discuss each other's parenting efforts.
B. Each partner identified that the other partner often does not support the parenting efforts.
C. The child has displayed an ability to “split” the parents to the child's own advantage.
D. The partners have increased their discussion and support of each other's parenting efforts, which has achieved a commensurate increase in positive child behavior.
1. Describe Problem Behavior (1)
A. The parents were asked to describe their main concerns about the child's problem behavior and its history.
B. The partners' disagreements regarding their child's behavior became evident as they attempted to describe their concerns.
C. The partners described the behaviors about which they are concerned and the history of these behaviors; this was summarized and reflected back to them to check for accuracy.
D. The partners were uncertain about the context of the child's problem behavior and were provided with more specific inquiries and tentative examples to elicit this history.
2. Identify Extent of Problem Behavior (2)
A. The parents were asked to specifically detail the extent of the child's problem behavior.
B. The partners were asked about how frequently and intensely the problem occurs, how long it lasts, and in which situations it occurs.
C. The partners' details about the child's problem behavior were summarized and reflected to them for accuracy.
3. Assign Questionnaire Assessments (3)
A. The partners were asked to complete a questionnaire assessment to help identify specific areas of conflict and problem behaviors.
B. The partners were directed to complete the Child Behavior Checklist (Achenbach).
C. The partners were asked to complete the Parenting Scale (Arnold, O'Leary, Wolff, and Acker).
D. The results of the questionnaires/checklists were reviewed with the partners.
E. The partners have not completed the questionnaires/checklists and were redirected to do so.
4. Identify Philosophies/Expectations (4)
A. Each partner's parenting philosophy and strategies were probed and identified.
B. Each partner's expectations for the child's behavior were questioned and identified.
C. Questionnaires were used to help identify each partner's parenting philosophy, strategy, and expectations for the child.
D. The identified parenting philosophies and strategies, as well as each partner's expectations for the child's behavior, were summarized and reflected to the partners.
5. Identify Problem Maintainers (5)
A. The parent-child behavioral patterns were reviewed to assist in identifying the behavioral patterns that may be maintaining the problem.
B. Specific behavioral patterns that may be maintaining the problem were identified and reflected to the partners (e.g., unintentionally reinforcing problem behavior through nagging or emotional parenting).
C. The parents endorsed an understanding of ways in which the parent-child behavioral patterns may be maintaining the problem and were supported for this insight.
D. No obvious parent-child behavioral patterns were identified to explain the problems, but the partners were advised to monitor this pattern.
6. Identify Social Context (6)
A. The couple was asked to identify the social context that may be maintaining the problem (e.g., family transitions, inconsistent rules, school, or social difficulties).
B. Feedback was provided to the partners as they identified a variety of social context factors that may be maintaining the problem.
C. The partners were provided with tentative examples of social context factors that may be maintaining the problem.
D. No social context factors were identified as maintaining the problem; the couple was provided with examples of these types of factors (e.g., family transitions, inconsistent rules, school, or social difficulties) and asked to monitor for them.
7. Identify Parents' Stressors (7)
A. The parents were asked to identify stressors that may be maintaining the child's negative behavior.
B. The parents were provided with examples of possible stressors that may be maintaining the child's negative behavior (e.g., unemployment, substance use, and depression).
C. The parents identified several stressors that may be maintaining the child's negative behavior and were provided with support and feedback.
D. The parents denied any stressors that they may be experiencing that are contributing to the maintenance of the child's negative behavior and were urged to monitor for these.
8. Identify Parental Relationship Impact (8)
A. Parents were directed to identify ways in which their relationship conflict has had a negative impact on their child's behavior.
B. The couple was provided with positive feedback for their ability to openly identify ways in which their relationship conflict has had a negative impact on their child's behavior.
C. The parents tended to deny any effect of their relationship conflict on their child's behavior and were confronted for this denial.
9. Describe Child's Behavior Impact (9)
A. The couple was asked to describe how their child's behavior problems impact their relationship conflict.
B. The partners were supported as they identified ways in which the child's behavior has tended to create arguments between the partners.
C. The parents interpreted the child as purposefully attempting to divide them and were provided with feedback about this pattern.
D. The parents indicated no impact of their child's behavior problems on their relationship conflict and were provided with feedback about this pattern of denial.
10. Observe Problem-Solving Attempt (10)
A. The partners were directed to discuss a problem with their child's behavior in an attempt to find a mutually agreeable solution.
B. The partners were allowed to continue their attempt at solving a major parenting problem without significant interruption, although skills and deficiencies were quietly observed and noted.
11. Increase Recreational Activity (11)
A. The parents were assigned to increase their amount of focused, child-centered activity.
B. The couple was provided with feedback regarding their changes in recreational activity with the child experiencing difficulty.
C. The parents were refocused onto using recreational activities that are more child-centered.
12. Educate about Motives for Misbehavior (12)
A. The parents were educated about the three main motives for a child's misbehavior: attention-seeking, escape from demands, and fun-seeking.
B. The parents were reinforced for their understanding of the main motives for a child's behavior.
C. The parents did not understand the main motives for a child's misbehavior and were provided with specific examples in this area.
13. Identify Attention-Seeking Misbehavior (13)
A. The parents were assisted in identifying examples of a child's attention-seeking misbehavior.
B. The parents were given specific examples of a child's attention-seeking misbehavior (e.g., misbehavior that only occurs when someone is around, and for which the child secures attention prior to performing it).
C. The parents identified their child's examples of attention-seeking misbehavior; feedback and review were provided.
14. Identify Demand- and Escape-Motivated Misbehavior (14)
A. The parents were assisted in identifying examples of a child's demand-motivated misbehavior.
B. The parents were provided with examples of a child's demand-motivated misbehavior (i.e., misbehavior that promotes the child getting something that the child wants).
C. The parents were assisted in identifying examples of a child's escape-motivated misbehavior.
D. The parents were provided with specific examples of a child's escape-motivated misbehavior (i.e., misbehavior that promotes the child getting out of or delaying something the child does not want to do).
E. The parents were provided with positive feedback for displaying understanding of demand- and escape-motivated misbehavior.
15. Identify Fun-Seeking Misbehavior (15)
A. The parents were assisted in identifying examples of fun-seeking misbehavior.
B. The parents were given specific examples of fun-seeking misbehavior (e.g., misbehavior that does not require someone to see it and that the child attempts to hide).
C. The parents identified their child's examples of fun-seeking misbehavior; feedback and review were provided.
16. Investigate Positive Behavior Pattern to Reinforce (16)
A. The parents were asked to identify one of their child's behavior patterns that they would like to reinforce.
B. The parents were assigned to record the occurrence of the child's positive behavior pattern every day for a week.
C. The couple was asked to note the situations that precede the identified positive behavior (i.e., antecedents) and follow the behavior (i.e., consequences).
D. The parents have regularly identified the occurrence of the child's positive behavior, antecedents, and consequences and were encouraged to continue this.
E. The parents have not regularly recorded the occurrence, antecedents, and consequences of the identified positive behavior pattern and were redirected to do so.
17. Investigate Negative Behavior Pattern to Decrease (17)
A. The parents were asked to identify one of their child's negative behavior patterns that they would like to decrease.
B. The parents were assigned to record the occurrence of the child's negative behavior pattern every day for a week.
C. The couple was asked to note the situations that precede the identified negative behavior (i.e., antecedents) and follow the behavior (i.e., consequences).
D. The parents have regularly identified the occurrence of the child's negative behavior, antecedents, and consequences and were encouraged to continue this.
E. The parents have not regularly recorded the occurrence, antecedents, and consequences of the identified negative behavior pattern and were redirected to do so.
18. Review Motives for Observed Misbehaviors (18)
A. The parents' tracking sheets of their child's misbehavior were reviewed.
B. The parents were asked to identify the child's motives for each misbehavior observed (i.e., attention-seeking, demand or escape, fun-seeking).
C. Feedback was provided to the parents as they identified the motives for each child misbehavior that they observed.
D. The parents were provided with tentative interpretations of the motives of each child misbehavior that they observed.
19. Teach Purposeful Ignoring (19)
A. The parents were taught about the use of purposeful ignoring a child's misbehavior through role-plays.
B. The parents were encouraged to use the purposeful ignoring technique to discourage the child's attention-seeking misbehavior.
C. The parents were warned that inconsistent use of the purposeful ignoring technique (e.g., ignoring misbehaviors sometimes but attending at other times) will only strengthen misbehavior.
20. Develop Function-Based Responses (20)
A. The parents were assisted in developing a plan for appropriate, function-based responses to child misbehavior.
B. The parents were reinforced for formulating plans to ignore attention misbehaviors, refrain from giving in to demand/escape behaviors, and making fun misbehavior less fun.
C. Feedback was provided to the parents regarding their appropriate, function-based responses to their child's misbehavior.
21. Practice Firm Responses (21)
A. The parents were taught about the use of firm, purposeful responses to a child's demanding/escape misbehavior.
B. The parents were assisted in practicing the use of firm, purposeful responses to the child's demanding/escape misbehavior.
C. The couple was provided with feedback to help troubleshoot the use of firm, purposeful responses to their child's demanding/escape misbehavior.
22. Teach Commands and Reprimands (22)
A. The parents were taught to use commands and reprimands for a child's fun-motivated misbehavior.
B. The parents were taught to keep commands and reprimands firm, immediate, and brief, with a clear statement of what behavior is expected from the child.
C. The partners were assisted in role-playing implementation of the commands and reprimands to their child.
D. The partners were assisted in trouble-shooting the use of commands and reprimands to their child.
23. Teach Logical and Natural Consequences (23)
A. The parents were taught about establishing logical and natural consequences to child misbehavior.
B. The parents were provided with specific examples about logical and natural consequences (e.g., refused to eat and therefore went hungry).
C. The couple was reinforced as they displayed a clear understanding of natural and logical consequences.
D. The partners had difficulty identifying natural and logical consequences and were provided with additional feedback in this area.
24. Identify and Brainstorm Interventions for Chronic Misbehavior (24)
A. The parents were asked to list the child's misbehavior situations that are consistently problematic.
B. The parents were assisted in identifying the motivators for the child's misbehavior, and brainstorming ways of preventing the misbehaviors (e.g., shorten duration of shopping trips, pack snacks for child).
C. The parents were provided with feedback about their plans for preventing chronic misbehavior by their child.
25. Teach the Time-Out Technique (25)
A. The parents were taught the time-out technique as consisting of a child sitting in the chair with no attention for one to two minutes per year of age.
B. The parents were assisted in responding to a child's serious misbehavior with the time-out technique.
C. The parents were assisted in troubleshooting the use of the time-out technique in disciplining their child.
D. The benefits of the use of the time-out technique were reviewed.
26. Teach Reinforcing Positive Behaviors (26)
A. The parents were taught to notice and reinforce the child's positive behaviors.
B. The parents were asked to practice child behavior reinforcement in the session.
C. The partners were provided with feedback about their use of the behavior reinforcement.
27. Teach about Good Behavior Charts (27)
A. The parents were instructed about the use of “good behavior charts” for their child.
B. Good behavior charts were provided to the parents where children can earn points/tokens for appropriate behavior and trade their points/tokens for things that they want.
C. The parents were provided with positive feedback for their use of good behavior charts for their child.
D. The parents have not regularly used good behavior charts and were redirected in this area.
28. Increase Conversation with Child (28)
A. Each parent was assigned to increase the number of parent-initiated, casual, positive conversations with the child experiencing difficulty.
B. The partners were asked to report on their use of casual, positive conversations with the child.
C. The partners were asked to provide feedback about each other's use of casual, positive conversations with the child.
D. The parents reported significant struggles in increasing the number of parent-initiated, casual, positive conversations with the child, and this pattern was analyzed and problem-solved.
29. Contract Change in Own Behavior (29)
A. The parents' modeling of the behavior that they would like to extinguish was reviewed.
B. The parents admitted their own modeling of the behaviors that they are trying to extinguish with the child (yelling, being sarcastic, smoking) and were urged to change their own behavior.
C. The partners were reinforced for contracting to change their own behavior before trying to change the same behavior in the child.
30. Assign Daily Communication (30)
A. The parents were assigned to confer with each other at least once a day regarding the child's behavior.
B. The partners were asked to log their review of their child's behavior each day.
C. The parents have regularly conferred with each other at least once a day regarding the child's behavior, and the benefits of this were reviewed.
D. The parents have not regularly checked in with each other about the child's behavior and were redirected to do so.
31. Identify Specific Time to Confer (31)
A. The parents were encouraged to plan a mutually acceptable time to confer about their child's behavior.
B. The partners were directed to confer during times when arguments are less likely to erupt (e.g., not immediately upon arriving home in the evening).
C. The partners have used a specific time to confer with each other about the child's behavior, and the benefits of this were reviewed.
D. The partners have not regularly used specific times to confer with each other and were redirected to do so.
32. Track Satisfaction with Check-Ins (32)
A. The partners were instructed to track their satisfaction with the daily conferring about the child's behavior.
B. The partners were directed to bring the tracking sheet to treatment sessions.
C. The partners were reinforced for regularly tracking their satisfaction with the daily conferring.
D. The partners have not been satisfied with the daily check-ins, and the reasons for this were problem-solved.
E. The partners have not been tracking their daily conferring and were redirected to do so.
33. Practice Argument-Control Techniques (33)
A. Modeling and behavioral rehearsal techniques were used to assist the partners in argument control (e.g., calling time-out, using “I” messages in place of “you” messages).
B. The partners practiced the argument control techniques within the session and were provided with feedback about their ability to use these techniques.
C. The partners were assigned to employ techniques to cool off during parenting discussions if either believes that the conversation is becoming unsupportive.
D. The partners were reinforced for regularly using argument-control techniques.
E. The partners reported that they have not used argument-control techniques and were redirected to do so.
34. Role-Play Discussions about Positive Child Behavior (34)
A. The partners were directed to role-play discussions that they will have when the child is well-behaved.
B. The supportive partner was prompted to ask the other partner what the child has been doing and was urged to support the other partner's parenting behaviors.
C. Feedback was provided to the partners about the role-play of discussions when the child is well-behaved.
35. Role-Play Discussions for Child's Negative Behavior (35)
A. The partners were directed to role-play discussions that they will have when the child displays negative behavior.
B. The supportive partner was prompted to ask in a supportive, nonthreatening manner about the specifics of the misbehavior.
C. Feedback was provided to the partners about the role-play of discussions that they would have when the child displays negative behavior.
36. Role-Play Support When Dealing with Child Misbehavior (36)
A. The partners were directed to role-play exercises for dealing with child misbehavior.
B. “Learning to Parent as a Team” from the Adult Psychotherapy Homework Planner, 2nd ed. (Jongsma) was assigned.
C. The homework assignment has been completed, and key concepts were reviewed.
D. The uncompleted homework assignment was reassigned, and the reasons for noncompletion were reviewed and problem-solved.
E. The supportive partner was prompted to ask, in a supportive, nonthreatening manner, how the other partner dealt with the misbehavior.
F. The supportive partner was prompted to ask about ways to help the other partner in the future.
G. The benefits of providing nonthreatening support regarding dealing with child misbehavior were reviewed.
37. Contract about Not Interfering (37)
A. The partners were asked to contract to support each other's parenting by not interfering during the other's parent-child interactions, and by not interfering with the other's decisions (i.e., avoiding splitting up the parents' unity).
B. The partners agreed to support each other by not interfering during parent-child interactions or with each other's decisions and were urged to maintain this contract.
C. The partners were provided with examples of how not interfering with the other's parent-child interactions can be supportive and helpful.
D. The couple was provided with examples of how interfering with parent-child interactions and decisions can be disruptive and split the parents' unity.
38. Identify Help in Challenging Situations (38)
A. The partners discussed what each could do to help the other in challenging situations (e.g., play with or supervise the children while the other partner is on the phone).
B. The partners were reinforced for identifying general guidelines for what each can do in challenging situations.
C. The partners failed to identify helpful guidelines for how to help each other in challenging situations and were provided with specific examples.
39. Contract on When to Discuss Disagreements (39)
A. The partners were asked to contract to put disagreements over parenting strategy on hold until a situation has ended and they can meet privately.
B. The partners were asked to contract about discussing disagreements over parenting strategies when they are calm and able to problem-solve without accusations or defensiveness.
C. The partners have contracted to put disagreements over parenting strategy on hold until an appropriate time, and the benefits of doing so were reviewed and processed.
D. The partners have not put discussions of disagreements off until a more appropriate time and were redirected to do so.
40. Schedule Problem-Solving Discussions (40)
A. The partners were assigned to schedule discussions for problem-solving parenting issues two or three times per week.
B. The partners were provided with positive feedback for the use of scheduled parenting problem-solving discussions.
C. The partners reported that they have not scheduled parenting problem-solving discussion times and were redirected to do so.
41. Practice Pinpointing (41)
A. The partners were directed to take turns pinpointing problems.
B. The partners were directed to make requests for change that are specific, observable, and ask for increases in positive behaviors rather than decreases in the other partner's negative behavior.
C. The partners were taught how pinpointing leads to an understandable, positive pattern of communication.
D. The partners have failed to master the skill of pinpointing and were provided with remedial assistance in this area.
42. Teach Paraphrasing (42)
A. While one partner was serving as the speaker, the other partner was directed to paraphrase by rephrasing the speaker's major point.
B. The speaking partner was asked to acknowledge whether the paraphrasing partner had accurately described the intended message.
C. The partners were provided with positive feedback as they displayed several examples of appropriately paraphrasing each other's comments.
43. Limit Problem Focus (43)
A. The partners were advised to limit themselves to solving one problem at a time.
B. The partners were reinforced for limiting themselves to solving one problem at a time.
C. The partners have not limited themselves to solving one problem at a time and were provided with additional discussion in this area.
44. Brainstorm Solutions (44)
A. Each partner was encouraged to brainstorm at least two possible solutions to each of the child's problem behaviors.
B. The partners were encouraged to share the brainstormed ideas of possible solutions to the child's problem behaviors without critiquing them.
C. Positive feedback was provided to the partners for creativity in brainstorming solutions to the child's problem behaviors.
45. Role-Play Choosing a Solution (45)
A. The partners were directed to role-play choosing a solution together by judging the advantages and disadvantages of each possible solution.
B. The partners were provided with positive feedback about their ability to judge the advantages and disadvantages of each possible solution.
46. Plan to Implement Solution (46)
A. The partners were assisted in jointly developing a specific plan about how to implement solutions.
B. As the partners developed a specific plan for implementing solutions, they were provided with feedback.
C. The partners have failed to identify a positive plan for implementing solutions and were provided with additional feedback.
47. Evaluate Effectiveness (47)
A. The partners were asked to establish a time to review the progress of the implemented solution.
B. The partners have reviewed the progress of the implemented solution, and this was summarized within the session.
C. The partners were assisted in troubleshooting the implemented solution as necessary.
D. The partners have not reviewed the effectiveness of the implemented solution and were redirected to do so.
48. Establish House Rules (48)
A. The parents were directed to discuss and establish consistent house rules.
B. “Using Reinforcement Principles in Parenting” from the Adult Psychotherapy Homework Planner, 2nd ed. (Jongsma) was assigned.
C. The homework assignment has been completed, and key concepts were reviewed.
D. The uncompleted homework assignment was reassigned, and the reasons for noncompletion were reviewed and problem-solved.
E. Positive feedback was provided to the partners for their discussion and establishment of consistent house rules.
F. The partners have not discussed and established consistent house rules and were redirected to do so.
* The numbers in parentheses on Client Presentation pages correlate to the number of the Behavioral Definition statement in the companion chapter with the same title in The Couples Psychotherapy Treatment Planner, 2nd Edition (O'Leary, Heyman, and Jongsma) by John Wiley & Sons, 2011. The numbers in parentheses on the Interventions Implemented page correspond to the number of the Therapeutic Intervention statement in the companion chapter in the same book.