Psychological Abuse
1. Insults Partner (1)*
A. The abusive partner insults the other partner when alone.
B. The abusive partner insults the other partner in front of others.
C. The abusive partner makes veiled insults to the other partner.
D. As treatment has progressed, the frequency and intensity of the insulting behavior has decreased.
E. There have been no reports of insults given to either partner recently.
2. Swears at Partner (2)
A. The abusive partner often swears at the other partner.
B. The abusive partner often uses crass, foul language in reference to the other partner.
C. As the abusive partner has gained insight into the psychological abuse, the frequency and intensity of swearing has decreased.
D. The abusive cursing has stopped.
3. Demeaning Names (3)
A. The abusive partner often refers to the other partner in demeaning, degrading ways.
B. The abusive partner calls the other partner demeaning, degrading names (e.g., lazy, sloppy).
C. As treatment has progressed, the abusive partner has become more positive and uplifting in reference to the other partner.
D. The demeaning, degrading references have stopped.
4. Critical of Physical Appearance (4)
A. The psychologically abusive partner often makes critical, demeaning comments about the other partner's body (e.g., fat, bald, ugly, skinny).
B. The abusive partner often focuses on physical traits to demean the other partner.
C. The abusive partner's comments now reflect a positive attitude toward the other partner's body.
5. Criticizes Job Performance (5)
A. The psychologically abusive partner often makes critical and demeaning comments about the other partner's work performance.
B. The abusive partner often brings up the other partner's previous employment defects or failures.
C. The abusive partner has decreased the critical and demeaning comments about the other partner's work performance.
D. Critical comments about work performance have ceased.
6. Critical of Home-Role Performance (6)
A. The critical partner often makes disparaging comments about how tasks are completed around the home (e.g., cooking, fixing things, cleaning, taking care of yard).
B. The psychologically abusive partner often makes critical comments about the other partner's ability to perform roles in the home (e.g., “You are a lousy cook” or “It takes you a year to fix little things”).
C. As treatment has progressed, the critical partner has become more evidence-based in the review of the other partner's home-role performance.
D. The critical partner has begun to verbalize valuing the other partner's positive home-role performance.
7. Unfounded Accusations of Promiscuity and Infidelity (7)
A. The psychologically abusive partner has, without cause, accused the other partner of sexual promiscuity and infidelity.
B. The psychologically abusive partner often responds to unrelated insecurities with accusations about the other partner's fidelity.
C. The psychologically abusive partner often uses information from the other partner's sexual history prior to the relationship to support accusations of promiscuity and infidelity.
D. As the psychologically abusive partner has gained greater stability, accusations of sexual promiscuity and infidelity have decreased in intensity and frequency.
8. Criticism about Sexuality (8)
A. The psychologically abusive partner often makes critical comments about the other partner's sexuality and sexual performance.
B. The abusive partner often attempts to humiliate the other partner regarding sexual issues by making negative comments in front of others.
C. As treatment has progressed, the abusive partner's negative comments related to sexuality and sexual performance have been discontinued.
9. Critical about Partner's Mental Health (9)
A. The abusive partner often makes critical comments about the other partner's mental health (e.g., “You are crazy,” “You need a psychiatrist” or “You are paranoid”).
B. The psychologically abusive partner often belittles the other partner for seeking mental health treatment.
C. The abusive partner has terminated comments about the other partner's mental health.
10. Threats to Harm (10)
A. The psychologically abusive partner makes vague threats about harming the other partner.
B. The psychologically abusive partner makes specific threats about harming the other partner.
C. As treatment has progressed, threats to do physical harm to the partner have decreased.
D. The psychologically abusive partner has discontinued the pattern of threatening the other partner with physical harm.
11. Threats to Leave (11)
A. The psychologically abusive partner makes vague threats about leaving the other partner.
B. The psychologically abusive partner makes specific threats about leaving the other partner.
C. As treatment has progressed, the threats to leave the other partner have decreased.
D. The psychologically abusive partner has discontinued the pattern of threatening to leave the other partner.
12. Threats to Have an Affair (12)
A. The psychologically abusive partner makes vague threats about having sex with someone else.
B. The psychologically abusive partner makes specific threats about having another sexual partner.
C. As treatment has progressed, the threats to seek another sexual partner have decreased.
D. The psychologically abusive partner has discontinued the pattern of threatening the other partner with affairs.
13. Blocks Contact with Friends and Family (13)
A. The psychologically abusive partner has forbidden the other partner to have contact with friends and family.
B. The psychologically abusive partner has prevented the other partner from having contact with friends and family.
C. The psychologically abusive partner has punished the other partner for having contact with friends and family.
D. The psychologically abusive partner has now endorsed the need for the other partner to have unrestricted access to friends and family.
14. Prohibits Partner from Leaving Home (14)
A. The psychologically abusive partner has forbidden the other partner to leave the home without supervision.
B. The psychologically abusive partner has prevented the other partner from leaving the home.
C. The psychologically abusive partner has punished the other partner for leaving home against the abusive partner's wishes.
D. The psychologically abusive partner has now endorsed the need for the other partner to have unrestricted freedom to leave the home.
15. Blocks Use of Car (15)
A. The psychologically abusive partner has denied the other partner the use of the couple's motor vehicle.
B. The abusive partner has made it physically impossible for the other partner to use the couple's motor vehicle (e.g., taking the keys away, removing spark plugs or wires).
C. The partners have agreed to unrestricted access to the motor vehicle for both partners.
16. Silent Treatment (16)
A. The psychologically abusive partner often uses the silent treatment when angry.
B. The psychologically abusive partner does not allow the other partner to engage in regular conversation for an extended period of time, due to some perceived slight.
C. As treatment has progressed, the partners have agreed to discuss issues rather than use manipulative tactics, such as the silent treatment.
17. Requires Accounting of Time (17)
A. The psychologically abusive partner makes the other partner account for time.
B. The psychologically abusive partner becomes extremely angry when the other partner does not meet strict expectations about timeliness.
C. When time is not specifically accounted for, the psychologically abusive partner makes accusations about the other partner.
D. As treatment has progressed, the psychologically abusive partner has become more trusting and less demanding of information regarding the other partner's time and whereabouts.
E. Time-accounting demands have ceased.
18. Jealous of Time with Others (18)
A. The psychologically abusive partner reports feelings of jealousy regarding time that the other partner spends with other individuals.
B. The jealous partner becomes especially upset when the other partner spends time with someone of the opposite sex.
C. The abusive partner often expressed feelings of jealously through intimidation, critical comments, or threats.
D. The jealous partner has become more at ease with the other partner spending time with other individuals.
19. Discourages Partner's Self-Improvement (19)
A. The psychologically abusive partner often discourages the other partner from opportunities for self-improvement that would increase self-esteem.
B. The psychologically abusive partner has refused the other partner such options as training or education that would create opportunities for career or personal advancement.
C. The psychologically abusive partner is critical of the other partner's opportunities for greater involvement in interests or areas in which that partner might receive greater recognition.
D. As treatment has progressed, the psychologically abusive partner has come to be supportive of the other partner's opportunities for increased self-esteem and advancement.
20. Ordering Around (20)
A. The psychologically abusive partner often orders the other partner around in a dominating, controlling, and belittling manner.
B. The partner being victimized often feels as though there is no other option but to comply with the psychologically abusive partner's pattern of domination, controlling, and belittling.
C. As treatment has progressed, the victimized partner has become less willing to acquiesce to the other partner's domination.
D. The psychologically abusive partner has become less dominating, controlling, and belittling toward the other partner.
1. Obtain Verbal Commitment (1)
A. The partners were asked to make a verbal commitment not to engage in name-calling or making hostile comments.
B. Positive feedback was provided as both partners agreed to make a commitment to stop hostile comments and name-calling.
2. Advise about Individual Therapy Option (2)
A. The partners were advised about the need for individual therapy if anger cannot be controlled in the conjoint therapy sessions.
B. The partners were advised that individual therapy sessions were necessary, due to the high level of anger within the conjoint sessions.
C. Anger levels have been adequately controlled to allow the use of conjoint therapy sessions to focus on the psychological abuse.
3. Discuss Readiness for Conjoint Therapy (3)
A. Both partners were advised that conjoint therapy will begin only when both partners feel secure and accepting of this approach.
B. Both partners were asked to minimize the probability that any major negative events occur during therapy.
C. The partners were supported for acknowledging that both partners must feel psychologically ready for conjoint sessions.
4. Describe Hurtful Comments (4)
A. Each client was asked to describe comments by the other partner that have been the most hurtful.
B. Support and encouragement were provided to each partner as they reviewed the painful comments that each has made to the other partner.
5. Describe Areas of Vulnerability (5)
A. Each partner was asked to describe their own personal areas of greatest vulnerability.
B. Support was provided as each partner described personal areas of vulnerability.
C. Gentle confrontation was provided to the partners when it was perceived that a partner was denying or minimizing personal vulnerability.
6. Reverse Roles to Increase Empathy (6)
A. The abusive partner was directed to use role-reversal techniques to assume the abused partner's identity, and then describe the emotional impact of the abusive behavior.
B. “Letter of Apology” from the Adult Psychotherapy Homework Planner, 2nd ed. (Jongsma) was assigned.
C. The homework assignment has been completed, and key concepts were reviewed.
D. The uncompleted homework assignment was reassigned, and the reasons for noncompletion were reviewed and problem-solved.
E. The abusive partner gained insight and empathy through the use of the role-reversal technique.
F. The abusive partner found it difficult to assume the abused partner's identity and describe the emotional impact of the abusive behavior and was provided with feedback about this area.
7. Confront Abusive Behavior (7)
A. Any displays of abusive behavior were confronted.
B. “Alternatives to Destructive Anger” from the Adult Psychotherapy Homework Planner, 2nd ed. (Jongsma) was assigned.
C. The homework assignment has been completed, and key concepts were reviewed.
D. The uncompleted homework assignment was reassigned, and the reasons for noncompletion were reviewed and problem-solved.
E. References to or threats of abusive behavior were confronted as though they were actual abuse behavior.
F. An emphasis was placed on teaching the clients about the consequences of abusive behavior.
8. Obtain Commitment against Coercive Sexual Interaction (8)
A. The partners were asked to commit not to use physical force to coerce sexual interaction.
B. The partners both agreed not to use physical force to coerce sexual interaction and were reinforced for this progress.
9. Educate about Positive Sexual Relationship (9)
A. The partners were taught that a positive sexual relationship dictates that the sexual activity must be acceptable to both partners.
B. The partners were urged to see the sexual relationship as a mirror of the rest of the relationship.
C. The partners were supported for agreeing that sexual activity must be acceptable to both partners for the sexual relationship to be a healthy one and were supported for this expectation.
10. Educate about Effects of Coercive Sexual Activity (10)
A. The clients were taught how the pressure by one partner to engage in sexual activity usually leads to sexual aversions and/or avoidance and dislike by the other partner.
B. The partners were encouraged to provide specific examples of how coercive sexual activity has led to sexual aversions, avoidance, and dislike.
C. The partners were reinforced for displaying understanding of how sexual activity leads to sexual aversions, avoidance, and dislike.
11. Elaborate on Sensitive Nature of Sexual Coercion (11)
A. The partners were taught how sexual behavior is one of the most sensitive of all human behaviors.
B. The partners were taught how aversive control by one partner can quickly lead to disinterest and sexual dysfunction in the other partner.
C. The partners were urged to identify how aversive control has led to sexual dysfunction and disinterest within their relationship.
D. Positive feedback was provided as the partners displayed an understanding of how aversive control leads to dysfunction and disinterest within the sexual relationship.
12. Obtain Commitment against Threats to Have an Affair (12)
A. The partners were asked to commit not to make threats to have sex with someone else.
B. The partners both agreed not to make threats to have sex with someone else and were reinforced for this progress.
13. Obtain Commitment to Maintain Relationship (13)
A. The partners were asked to verbally commit not to threaten to leave the relationship during the term of therapy.
B. The partners were reminded of the length of commitment to therapy developed at the beginning of treatment.
C. The partners were provided with positive reinforcement for giving verbal commitments not to threaten to leave the relationship during the term of therapy.
D. The partners were confronted when making comments about leaving the relationship.
14. Obtain Commitment against Physical Force (14)
A. The partners were asked to make a verbal commitment not to engage in any physical force against the partner for any reason.
B. The partners were informed that when verbal intimidation exists, the risk for physical aggression is also high.
C. The partners made a verbal commitment not to engage in any physical force against each other for any reason; the benefits of the commitment were enumerated.
D. Confrontation of one partner was provided when it was suspected that physical force was being used or threatened.
15. Inquire about Coercion and Violence (15)
A. The partners were asked to describe the extent to which psychological coercion and threats of violence are present in the relationship in general.
B. Each partner was asked individually to identify the extent to which coercion and violence is present in the relationship.
C. The level of coercion and violence in the relationship was reflected to the partners.
D. It was noted that there continues to be physical coercion and threats of violence within the relationship.
E. The partner was reinforced for the fact that no current physical coercion or threats of violence exist within the relationship currently.
16. Inquire about Consequences of Threatened Violence (16)
A. Each partner was asked to identify the perceived or experienced negative consequences of threatened violence.
B. The partners identified negative effects of perceived or threatened violence (e.g., distrust, fear, isolation, and anger) and were positively reinforced for this understanding.
C. The negative effects of threatened violence were reflected to the partners.
17. Refer to Safe Environment (17)
A. The abused partner's fear of violence was estimated to be quite intense, so a referral to a safe environment (e.g. battered women's shelter, abuse hot-line numbers) was provided.
B. The abused partner has followed up on the referral to a safe environment.
C. The abused partner has not followed up on the referral to a safe environment and was reminded about the use of this option.
18. Review Patriarchy (18)
A. The concept of patriarchy in the current society was reviewed.
B. A discussion was coordinated regarding the patriarchal nature of our society.
C. The partners were supported as they described their experience of patriarchy in current society.
19. Review Misuse of Power (19)
A. The partners were directed to discuss how the controlling partner misuses power within the relationship.
B. The abused partner was provided with support and encouragement while reviewing how the controlling partner misuses power within the relationship.
C. The controlling partner was provided with immediate, positive feedback for identification of the misuse of power within the relationship.
D. The abusive partner tended to deny the misuse of power within the relationship and was provided with tentative examples of the misuse of power within their relationship.
20. Educate about Control Leading to Dislike and Avoidance (20)
A. The partners were informed that controlling behaviors by one partner tend to lead to dislike and avoidance by the other partner.
B. The partners were asked to identify how controlling behaviors have led to dislike and avoidance in their own relationship.
C. The partners were provided with support and feedback as they described the pattern of controlling behaviors leading to dislike and avoidance within their relationship.
D. The abusive partner denied any pattern of controlling behaviors leading to dislike and avoidance within their own relationship and was provided with tentative examples in this area.
21. Review Aggression/Low Self-Esteem Connection (21)
A. The clients were provided with evidence regarding the association between psychological aggression, low self-esteem and depression.
B. The partners were asked to review how psychological aggression, low self-esteem, and depression are related within their relationship.
C. The partners were asked to identify specific ways to build self-esteem in each other.
D. “How Can We Meet Each Other's Needs and Desires” from the Adult Psychotherapy Homework Planner, 2nd ed. (Jongsma) was assigned.
E. The homework assignment has been completed, and key concepts were reviewed.
F. The uncompleted homework assignment was reassigned, and the reasons for noncompletion were reviewed and problem-solved.
G. Positive feedback was provided as the clients have focused on developing positive self-esteem within each other.
22. Educate about Relationship between Social Support and Relationship Satisfaction (22)
A. The partners were taught how external social support (e.g., contact with friends) and relationship satisfaction are positively related.
B. The partners were asked to identify how they have experienced the connection between external social support and relationship satisfaction.
23. Educate about Need for Support (23)
A. The clients were taught the need for each partner to be able to venture out from the relationship with the sense that the other will be supportive.
B. Specific examples of how it is necessary for each partner to venture out from the relationship were provided (i.e., bettering self through education, training, or job enhancement).
C. The partners were asked to identify how support from each other could assist in positive outcomes through venturing out from the relationship.
D. Positive feedback was provided as the partners have supported each other in venturing out from the relationship for self-enhancement.
E. The partners were confronted for continuing a pattern of nonsupport when one partner is attempting to venture out from the relationship for self-enhancement.
24. Identify Underlying Feelings (24)
A. The abusive partner was asked to identify the underlying feelings that motivate the need for controlling behavior.
B. The abusive partner identified the feelings that lead to controlling behavior, including jealousy and fears of inadequacy; strong support was provided for acknowledging these types of emotions.
C. The abusive partner tended to be in denial about the feelings that lead to controlling behavior and was provided with tentative feedback in this area.
25. List Negative Consequences (25)
A. Each partner was asked to list the negative consequences of controlling behavior on the abused partner.
B. The partners were assisted in developing a list of the negative consequences of controlling behavior on the abused partner.
C. Emphasis was placed on the negative consequences that the abused partner has identified (e.g., resentment, avoidance, waning of caring feelings).
D. Emphasis was placed on the negative consequences that the abusive partner was able to identify.
26. Prompt Listening and Paraphrasing (26)
A. Each partner was directed to listen to the other partner about a relationship problem without interrupting and then paraphrase what the other said.
B. Positive feedback was provided as the partners displayed an ability to listen and paraphrase each other's comments.
C. The partners were provided with remedial feedback about the inability to listen without interrupting and the inability to paraphrase.
27. Critique Communication Style (27)
A. Feedback and interpretation were provided to the partners about their communication styles.
B. The partners were provided with feedback about how their communication styles work together.
C. The partners were provided with feedback about how their communication styles may cause conflict with each other.
28. Evaluate Relationship Alternatives (28)
A. In an individual session with the psychologically abused client, the focus was on evaluating the available alternatives to the current relationship.
B. The psychologically abused client has indicated a desire to pursue available alternatives to the current relationship.
C. The psychologically abused partner does not see any alternatives to the current relationship and was provided with feedback about this assessment.
D. The psychologically abused client identified available alternatives to the current relationship, but has elected not to pursue these.
29. Refer to Shelter (29)
A. The psychologically abused partner was referred to a battered women's shelter.
B. The psychologically abused client was referred to an agency that assists women who have been battered.
C. The psychologically abused client has followed up on a referral to a battered women's program, and the benefits of this were reviewed.
D. The psychologically abused client has not followed up on a referral to a battered women's shelter, and her decision was processed.
30. Suggest Reading Materials (30)
A. Reading materials were suggested to the abused client.
B. The abused client was encouraged to read The Verbally Abusive Relationship (Evans).
C. The abused client was encouraged to read Surviving Domestic Violence (Weiss).
D. The abused client was encouraged to read The Dance of Anger (Lerner).
E. The abused client was encouraged to read Ten Days to Self-Esteem! (Burns).
F. The abused client has read the assigned materials, and the salient points were reviewed.
G. The abused client has not read the assigned materials and was redirected to do so.
31. Review Effects on Children (31)
A. Evidence regarding the significant link connecting open hostility between parents and psychopathology in children was reviewed.
B. The increased incidents of conduct problems and anxiety problems in the children were identified as a few of the evidence-based links between open hostility between parents and psychopathology in children.
C. The partners endorsed the connection between open hostility in their relationship, and the potential for psychopathology in their children.
32. Commit to Minimizing Negative Conduct in Front of Children (32)
A. Both partners were asked to minimize negative interactions in the presence of the children.
B. The partners were reinforced for agreeing to minimize the interactions in the presence of the children.
* The numbers in parentheses on Client Presentation pages correlate to the number of the Behavioral Definition statement in the companion chapter with the same title in The Couples Psychotherapy Treatment Planner, 2nd Edition (O'Leary, Heyman, and Jongsma) by John Wiley & Sons, 2011. The numbers in parentheses on the Interventions Implemented page correspond to the number of the Therapeutic Intervention statement in the companion chapter in the same book.