Recreational Activities Dispute
1. Conflict over Leisure Activity Choices (1)*
A. The partners reported frequent conflicts over the leisure activities choices shared.
B. One partner enjoys more physical leisure activities, and the other partner enjoys more sedentary leisure activities.
C. One partner enjoys socially-oriented leisure activities, and the other partner enjoys activities with just the partner.
D. Leisure activities tend to lead to arguments rather than producing relaxation.
E. As communication and compromise have improved, the partners have developed a more mutually satisfying pattern of leisure activities.
2. Conflict over Individual Recreational Time (2)
A. The partners reported a pattern of one or both partners engaging in individual recreational activities without the other partner.
B. The partners often have conflict about the amount of time spent by one partner in individual recreational activities.
C. One partner described feeling left out and unappreciated due to the time spent by the other partner in individual recreational activities.
D. As treatment has progressed, conflicts over time spent by one partner in individual recreational activities have decreased.
3. Feelings of Disconnectedness (3)
A. The partners described a pattern of one or both partners engaging extensively in separate, unshared recreational activities.
B. The partners described feelings of disconnectedness due to the lack of mutual involvement in recreational activities.
C. One partner reports feeling jealous toward the other partner's involvement in separate, unshared recreational activities.
D. The partners have developed a pattern of sharing activities and are feeling more connected with each other.
4. Vacation Disagreements (4)
A. The partners reported frequent disagreements over the manner in which vacation time is spent.
B. One partner favors spending most of the vacations at home, while the other partner enjoys traveling.
C. One partner enjoys very active vacations, while the other partner enjoys more relaxing vacations.
D. As communication and compromise have increased, the partners have decreased the frequency of disagreements over the manner in which vacation time is spent.
5. Erosion of Partner-Pleasing Activities (5)
A. The partners described a decrease in the amount of time that each partner spends in partner-pleasing activities.
B. The partners reported a decrease in the quality of time spent in partner-pleasing activities.
C. The partners describe a sense of being intimate strangers.
D. The partners describe an increase in the quality and quantity of time spent in partner-pleasing activities.
1. Identify Level of Satisfaction with Recreational Activities (1)
A. Each partner was asked about their level of satisfaction with recreational activities that are done individually.
B. Each partner was asked about their level of satisfaction with recreational activities that are done as a couple.
C. The partners' level of satisfaction with recreational activities was reflected to them.
2. Identify Areas for Improvement (2)
A. Each partner was asked to identify elements of recreational activities that are in need of improvement.
B. It was noted that both partners identify a need for a change in the frequency of recreational activities.
C. It was reflected to the partners that both partners see a need to increase the quality of recreational activities available.
D. Both partners were assisted in identifying particular activities that they would like the couple to engage in.
3. Generate a List of Desired Activities (3)
A. The partners were asked to generate a list of desired activities in the following categories: (a) to do alone, (b) to do with partner, (c) to do with partner and other family members, (d) to do with partner and nonfamily members, and (e) to do with nonfamily members.
B. The partners were asked to complete the Inventory of Rewarding Activities (Birchler and Weiss).
C. The partners' lists of desired activities were reviewed in-session.
D. The partners have not generated lists of desired activities and were redirected to do so.
4. Discuss List of Desired Activities (4)
A. The partners were directed to discuss the similarities of their lists of desired activities.
B. The partners were directed to discuss the differences between their lists of desired activities.
C. The similarities and differences of the partners' lists were summarized and reflected to them.
D. The partners were noted to have very few similarities, but many differences in desired activities.
E. The partners were noted to have many similarities and few differences in their lists of desired activities.
5. Discuss Important Activities (5)
A. The partners were asked to identify important activities about which they disagree and to discuss their points of view by taking turns as speakers.
B. The partners were provided with examples of how to describe their point of view about important recreational activities (i.e., “When I go hunting, I feel alive and part of nature”).
C. As the partners reviewed their points of view related to important recreational activities, feedback was provided about how they communicated this information.
6. Direct Paraphrasing of Other Partner's Preferences (6)
A. After one partner has stated preferences for leisure activities, and the reasons for these preferences, the other partner was asked to show respect for the other's point of view by paraphrasing it and refraining from criticism.
B. The original speaker was asked to verify the accuracy of how the other partner reflected the speaker's point of view.
C. Positive feedback was provided as the partners displayed the ability to listen attentively, paraphrase, and refrain from criticism.
D. The listener's ability to paraphrase and refrain from criticism was deficient and additional feedback was provided in this area.
7. Assign Individual Lists of Mutually Satisfying Activities (7)
A. Each client was asked to independently list 5 to 10 activities or behaviors that the other partner would also enjoy.
B. Feedback was provided to the partners as they discussed their lists of activities that the other partner would enjoy.
C. The partners have not completed independent lists of activities that the other partner would enjoy and were redirected to do so.
8. Classify Partner-Enjoyable Activities by Time (8)
A. Each partner was asked to classify the partner-enjoyable activities into those that can be done in 15 to 30 minutes, 1 to 2 hours, 4 to 6 hours, a full day, and a weekend.
B. The partners' lists of time classified partner-enjoyable activities were reviewed.
9. Schedule One Week's Activities (9)
A. The clients were asked to use their list of rewarding activities to schedule one week's activities.
B. The partners were reminded to include work responsibilities, chores, and leisure pursuits while scheduling one week's worth of activities.
C. The partners were reinforced for developing a realistic plan for one week's activities.
D. The partners' schedule of one week's activities seemed to be unrealistic, and they were provided with feedback in this area.
E. The partners have not developed a schedule of one week's activities and were redirected to do so.
10. Use “I” Statements to Discuss Pleasurable Activities (10)
A. Each partner was asked to discuss the week's pleasurable activity assignment, using “I” statements.
B. The following example was used to explain the use of “I” statements: “When we went for a walk at the beach this weekend (situation), I felt really peaceful and close to you (emotion). I'd like us to go for a walk at least once a weekend in the future (assertion).”
C. The listener was asked to respond to the speaker using paraphrasing and reflecting skills.
D. The partners were provided with feedback about their communication regarding the pleasurable activity assignment.
11. Review, Troubleshoot, and Reassign Scheduling (11)
A. The clients' use of his/her one-week schedule of activities was reviewed.
B. Problem areas regarding the use of his/her one-week schedule were reviewed and problem-solved.
C. The partners were asked to contract to continue to schedule their pleasurable activities on a weekly basis.
12. Teach About Self-Change Plan (12)
A. The partners were taught about the five components of a self-change plan: (1) describe the behaviors that would be changed; (2) examine the pros and cons of the current behaviors; (3) set a goal, describing as precisely as possible what is to happen; (4) create an action plan, pinpointing a specific plan for enacting the goal; and (5) evaluate enactment of the plan.
B. The partners were asked to practice the use of the self-change plan in-session.
C. Positive feedback was provided as the partners displayed a mastery of the self-change plan technique.
13. Rate Implementation of Self-Change Plan (13)
A. The partners were asked to make a global evaluation of how they did on implementing the self-change action plan before the next session.
B. The partners were asked to jot down short answers to questions such as “What did we actually do?”, “What positives resulted?”, “What negatives resulted?”, and “What do we need to do from here?”
C. The partners have rated themselves on the self-change action plans and the results were reviewed.
D. The partners have not rated themselves on the self-change action plan and were redirected to do so.
14. Assign Arrangement of Partner-Enjoyable Activities (14)
A. The clients were assigned to join in, or arrange for their partner, at least three activities that are enjoyable for the partner (scaled to fit their time demands) per week.
B. The clients were directed to record the activity and rate the quality of satisfaction for each activity.
C. The partners have joined in or arranged for at least three activities that are enjoyable for the other partner and recorded the satisfaction levels; the results of this involvement were processed.
D. The partners have not joined in or arranged for activities that are enjoyable for the other partner and were redirected to do so.
15. Encourage Displays of Interest (15)
A. Each partner was encouraged to commit to occasionally and sacrificially show an interest or participate in an activity that is pleasurable to the other partner, but not to self.
B. Each partner was reinforced for the occasional and sacrificial display of interest and participation in activities that are pleasurable to the other partner, but not to self.
C. It was noted that the partners experienced enjoyment when showing interest in or participating in activities pleasurable to the other partner.
D. The partners have not shown an interest in or participated in an activity that is pleasurable to the other partner but not to self and were redirected to do so.
16. Contract for Respect of Other's Interests/Hobbies (16)
A. The partners were asked to contract to respect each other's interests and hobbies by not criticizing the other's hobby or other enjoyable activity.
B. The partners reported a decrease in criticism of each other's hobbies or other enjoyable activity, and the positive benefit of this was reviewed.
C. The partners continued to be critical of each other's interests and hobbies and were redirected in this area.
17. Contract against One Hobby Dominating Time (17)
A. The partners were asked to contract to respect each other by not letting any one activity or hobby dominate their own free time.
B. The partners were reinforced for agreeing that one activity or hobby should not dominate one partner's free time.
C. The partners' pattern of not allowing one activity or hobby to dominate each partner's free time was noted and supported.
18. Schedule Both Types of Activities (18)
A. The partners were asked to contract to respect each other's interests and hobbies by scheduling time each week for both mutually enjoyable and individually enjoyable leisure activities.
B. The partners were given positive feedback for scheduling both mutually enjoyable and individually enjoyable leisure activities.
C. The partners' experience of increased respect for each other's interests and hobbies was reviewed and highlighted.
D. The partners have not scheduled both mutually enjoyable and individually enjoyable leisure activities and were redirected to do so.
19. Brainstorm Mutual Enjoyment of Vacation Destinations (19)
A. It was noted that the partners disagreed on vacation sites, and they were helped to brainstorm ways in which they can still enjoy mutual destinations.
B. The partners were provided with examples of mutual enjoyment of the same destination (e.g., since one likes the beach and the other does not, one goes to the beach while the other shops in a nearby town).
C. Positive feedback was provided as the partners brainstormed ways to mutually enjoy destinations despite disagreements.
D. The partners failed to brainstorm ways in which they can mutually enjoy vacation destinations and were provided with specific feedback in this area.
20. Include Others in Vacations (20)
A. The partners disagree on vacation sites, so they were assisted in brainstorming ways to include others and thereby increase the attractiveness of the partner's preferred site.
B. The partners developed specific ideas of ways to include others and thereby increase the attractiveness of the partner's preferred site; these were reviewed and feedback was provided.
21. Make Vacation Destination Choices Equitable (21)
A. As the partners disagree on vacation sites, they were assisted in brainstorming ways to make destination choices equitable (e.g., one summer go to the beach, the next to the mountains).
B. The partners have developed plans for making destination choices equitable and positive feedback was provided.
C. The partners were reminded to focus on enjoyment of the present vacation site, despite who made the choice.
D. The partners were urged to keep the reciprocal nature of selecting vacation sites in mind throughout each vacation.
22. Plan a Love Day (22)
A. The partners were directed to plan a Love Day on a periodic basis.
B. The partners were assisted in brainstorming ways in which one partner can provide as many beneficial activities to the other partner as is possible.
C. The partners were provided with the following example of a Love Day: a husband might give his wife a back rub, take care of the children while she exercises, and then prepare a romantic, candlelight dinner.
D. The partners have implemented a Love Day on a periodic basis, and the benefits of this were reviewed.
E. The partners have not implemented a Love Day on a regular basis and were redirected to do so.
23. Alternate Roles in Love Day (23)
A. The partners were asked to alternate who will be the recipient of the Love Day and who will be the giver.
B. The partners were supported for regularly alternating use of a Love Day.
C. The partners have drifted away from the use of the Love Day on a reciprocal basis and were redirected to this technique.
* The numbers in parentheses on Client Presentation pages correlate to the number of the Behavioral Definition statement in the companion chapter with the same title in The Couples Psychotherapy Treatment Planner, 2nd Edition (O'Leary, Heyman, and Jongsma) by John Wiley & Sons, 2011. The numbers in parentheses on the Interventions Implemented page correspond to the number of the Therapeutic Intervention statement in the companion chapter in the same book.