I WANT TO SAY THE WORDS

 

I wake to find a single white rose on my pillow, with a note attached.

Good morning beautiful.

Dress warm.

X

How is it that I’m never aware when he enters my room.

The smile on my face beams right across my cheeks as I enjoy a long stretch to iron out the kinks, then I haul myself up and pad into the bathroom. I’m relieved to see my bed hair isn’t too messy so I pin it up for my shower.

Pulling on a pair of jeans, a soft, long sleeved t-shirt, and a zip fleece for layered warmth, I brush my hair and pop a toggle on my wrist leaving my hair down and flowing. I have no idea where we’re going so I slip into my converse for comfort.

The smell of bacon and coffee coming from the kitchen makes my stomach grumble on my way downstairs. When I reach the kitchen doorway my eyes immediately land on Max, reading the paper.

He’s sitting at the island with only a towel around his neck, and a pair of board shorts sitting low on his hips. His feet are bare, and his unruly hair is damp from his shower. My eyes greedily browse his tanned and rippling torso as he moves to pour his coffee.

“Good morning, beautiful.”

His sexy purr and roguish smile causes my usual reaction, I’ll never get used to how handsome he is.

He pulls out the stool next to him. “Sit. Coffee?”

“Yes, please.” I take my seat still admiring the view of his amazing body.

“What would you like for breakfast?” Jan asks, from the other side of the kitchen, I hadn’t even noticed she was here.

“Good morning… I could murder a bacon sandwich, if it’s not too much trouble.”

“Of course.” She has a lovely smile, and if I’m not mistaken she has a glint in her eye. I wonder if that has anything to do with Vinnie.

Max drags my stool closer to his, placing his hand on my thigh. The heat of his big hand permeates into my skin, that familiar tingle making my groin contract. “Did you sleep well, baby?”

“Very. You?”

“Hardly,” he huffs with a crooked smile. “Knowing you were in the next room and not being able to touch you, kept me awake all night.”

I blush, knowing Jan must have heard him. Although, she doesn’t let on as she hands me my bacon sandwich.

“Will you be requiring luncheon today, Mr. Foxx?”

“No, thanks, Jan. We’ll eat out today, but we’ll be home before Monica and Charlie arrive. They’ll be here at four.”

Drinking the last of his coffee, he rises from his seat. “I’d better get dressed.” Bending over my shoulder, he plants a soft kiss on my temple.

I’d forgotten Monica was coming. I noticed Jan had stiffened slightly when Max mentioned Monica’s name, as did I. My bacon sandwich is now churning nicely in my stomach.

As Max leaves the kitchen, I glance up to see Jan shaking her head and pursing her lips.

“What’s the matter?”

She hesitates, looking nervously at the doorway then back to me. “I know it’s frightfully unprofessional of me to utter these words, Vivienne. But I can’t stand that woman.”

I shrug. “Me neither.” We both break into a laugh, a proper girlie giggle.

“Vivienne, I think you and I are going to get along splendidly.”

She’s right. Anyone who doesn’t like Monica is okay with me.

While I have Jan to myself, I decide to ask her about the locked room upstairs.

“Jan, why does Max keep his junk room locked?”

“Junk room?”

“Yeah, the room at the end of the corridor upstairs.” Jan’s expression hardens, then she busies herself turning away from me. I watch her, waiting for her response but she doesn’t turn to face me. “Jan?”

“I don’t know dear. Maybe he has some valuables in there.” She doesn’t elaborate any further and her behaviour surprises me, it seems out of character for her to be so dismissive.

After a few awkward moments, I leave the room baffled.

I brush my teeth then grab my bag and jacket and head back down to the living room. Max is on the phone, pacing. I watch him, drinking in his sexiness in jeans and a v-neck t-shirt. His morning stubble and his hair that’s just the right amount of ruffled, does wonders for my eyes.

“Call me when you get it….No. I’ll deal with him. Get back to me.” His tone is sharp, ending the call with an exasperated sigh.

As he turns to face me he looks edgy for a moment, then he hits me with that smile and begins his predatory walk.

“Problem?”

“No,” he says, grabbing my lapels and pulling me into his body. Resting my hands on his hips, I stare into his scorching eyes as they burn with a hungry desire. I’ve come to realise that I crave his eyes on me.

My knees buckle under the weight of his stare and my heart beats a little faster. If he threw me down on the rug right now, I’d be totally defenceless.

“Well, Miss Banks? We’ve finally made it to our first date.” His smile slowly disintegrates, replaced with a smouldering gaze igniting all my erogenous zones. “It’s not been easy for me to keep my hands off you, but I’ve kept my word. And today, Vivienne, I will kiss you.”

A hot wave of desire courses through me. The thought of his lips pressed to mine sends a throbbing thud to my sex. Dragging my lower lip through my teeth, I feel myself leaning into him, mesmerised by those hypnotic blues and seductive smile.

“Your eyes have already betrayed you, but you will tell me you love me before this day is out.”

As he moves me away from his body, releasing my lapels, I sway. He leaves me boneless. Everything about him draws me in. Everything about him turns me on.

“Come,” he commands softly, taking my hand. I follow, powerless to do anything else.

When we enter the lift I notice he punches in a different code and we go up.

When the doors glide open a cold rush of air hits me throwing my hair in all directions. We’re on the roof, directly in front of us is a red and white helicopter. A flurry of nerves stiffens my body as Max leads us toward it, where Benny is waiting to greet us.

“Hi, Benny.” Max has to shout above the noise of the rotor blades.

“Monsieur Foxx,” he replies, then he bows his head toward me. “Vivienne.” I just nod, trying in vain to control my hair in the wind.

I’ve never been in a helicopter before. I’m beginning to regret the bacon sandwich as I tremble from the cold and a fair amount of nerves.

As I watch Benny walk away from the helicopter, I stare up at Max with a stunned expression. He guides me into the passenger seat and fits the harness, pulling all the straps tight.

Settling into his own seat, he puts on a headset, then hands one to me. I continue to stare at him dubiously, acutely aware of the nausea building in my stomach.

“You can fly these too?” I shout, above the noise. He gestures for me to put on the headset, which I do with shaking hands.

“What did you say?”

I can hear him clearly now. “I said, you fly these too?”

“Nope,” he shrugs. “But it can’t be that difficult.”

My mouth drops open as I gape at him in horror, but then I realise he’s teasing me when his lips tip up at the corners so I throw him a moody scowl. “And you don’t want me to ride a motorbike.”

“Funny you should say that.”

I remain silent as he talks to someone on the radio, then we lift from the roof, hovering for a few moments before sweeping upward.

I’m gripping the harness with both hands, my whole body rigid, as my stomach knots around my bacon sandwich, which I’m praying stays where it is.

“You okay, baby?”

I know he’s looking at me, and I can sense he’s grinning, but my wide eyes are darting all over the place. Everything looks so far away from up here. The view is pretty amazing though. It’s almost like I could reach out and touch some of the roof tops we pass over.

After a while, I gradually unclench, and when I recognise landmarks down below, it becomes very enjoyable. It really doesn’t feel as bad as I’d expected it to.

Every now and then it gets a little bumpy. Sometimes it feels like we’re just going to drop out of the sky which makes me gasp, but as I watch Max, who looks perfectly at home at the controls, I begin to relax. I know I’m in safe hands so I will myself to enjoy the experience.

“I wish I’d brought my camera.”

“You can bring it next time.”

“Is there anything you’re not good at?” I ask, with an arched brow.

“Well, I think we’ve established that I’m hopeless at cheese on toast.”

I smile, then gasp as he takes a sideways turn, tilting us at an extreme angle. Grabbing hold of my harness, I can hear him chuckling through my earphones.

In the distance, I see what looks like a race track. And sure enough, that’s where we land.

As Max flicks a few switches and removes his harness and headset, he leans across unbuckling me from mine.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” Shaking my head, I smile back. Although in truth, I’m relieved to be back on the ground.

We’re greeted on the heli-pad by a young man in a buggy. “Welcome to Brands Hatch, Mr. Foxx.”

Excitement and adrenaline course through me and I know I’m grinning like an idiot. I’ve always wanted to come and watch a race.

The young man drives us to the pit. I’m surprised to see Vinnie leaning against the Range Rover drinking a cup of tea with his pinkie sticking out. His rugged face beams as we approach.

“Everything ready? Did they thoroughly check it over?” Max asks as we get out of the buggy.

“Yes, Guv. Thoroughly. No worries. It’s all tickety-boo,” he smiles. “Enjoy the flight, Miss?”

I sigh, smirking and rolling my eyes. “Yeah. Eventually.”

He turns to retrieve a large bag from the car then drops it at my feet. “There you go, Miss.”

I look inside and see my boots, crash helmet, a pair of heavy duty gloves, and some proper bike leathers. My eyes fly up to Max, who’s staring at me with a big grin.

“Thought we could have a Sunday drive together.”

What? My attention is drawn to the garages on my left where I see two men wheeling out two bikes, one of which is mine, the other is a huge beast of a machine. I’m gob-smacked.

“That’s my bike… How…?”

Max picks up the bag, curls his arm around my waist, and walks us over to the garage where he helps me into the leathers.

“Hmm. You look very sexy in leather,” he says, zipping me up.

“You too.” Dragging my greedy eyes all over him, I take my time to fully appreciate his body encased in leather, who knew he could look even sexier.

Once we’re kitted out, we walk back to our bikes. My adrenaline is going crazy, I’m so excited and we appear to be the only one’s here today. Max has obviously gone to a lot of trouble organising this.

“Okay,” he says sternly, drawing my attention. “Keep it slow. Keep it safe. No crazy stuff. Them’s the rules.”

Gazing up at him with an innocent smile, I nod before putting my crash helmet on and I’m already on my bike, kicking the stand away before he reaches his.

Starting her up, I rev my engine then pull away. Max’s shocked expression is the last thing I see as I speed off on my own shouting out a big “Woo-hoo!”

I’m the only one on the track. As I come out of the first bend, I push it as fast as I can. It feels great. Ed had taken me to a small track several times to practise, so the racing corners don’t scare me at all.

It’s not long before I hear the roar of Max approaching at speed. His bike is much more powerful than mine so I didn’t expect to be in front for long.

As he draws alongside me, gesturing for me to slow down, I speed up and floor it as fast as I can.

When he catches up to me, he flips his visor up. I know he’s yelling at me but I can’t hear a word he’s saying above the roar of the engines.

We sit side by side on the straight, then he falls back at the corners giving me all the space I need. I’m thoroughly enjoying myself and keep the pace up for several wonderful laps.

As I pull back into the pit lane, I stop near Vinnie, flipping my visor up. “That. Was. Amazing!”

Vinnie’s leaning against the car, his broad shoulders bouncing up and down with laughter. “Oh my gawd, you’ve gone and put the Governor’s boxers in a bunch now, Miss,”

I hear Max roaring into the pit behind us. Screeching to a halt, he rips his helmet off, scowling at me good and proper.

“What the fuck did I tell you?” I blanch. He’s furious. “What are you trying to do? Give me a fucking heart attack?”

Now, I feel utterly deflated. Looking down at my feet, I mumble a feeble response. “I was just having fun, I thought that’s why we were here.”

“Get off your bike!”

His sharp order makes me flinch. I look at Vinnie, who’s checking out his cuticles, obviously keeping his head down at this point.

Hesitating for a moment, I turn the engine off and kick my stand down with more force than necessary. Swinging my leg over, I reluctantly step away from my bike.

“Get on.” His soft voice has my eyes flipping up to his. He’s nodding behind him with a smirk building on his face. I quickly glance up at Vinnie who’s suppressing a smile while still pretending to check out his nails, then I turn back to Max to see him rolling his eyes.

“Baby? If we die? We die together. Them’s the rules. Now get on.”

A huge grin spreads across my face as I flip my visor down and climb on behind him. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I snuggle into his back.

“Ready baby?”

“Woo-hoo!” I yell back, tightening my grip. We roar out of the pit lane doing a wheelie then tear off at break-neck speed.

Max handles the corners like a racing professional, and I keep my body pressed tightly against his, following his every move around the corners. The rush is amazing. This has got to be the most thrilling experience of my life. I can’t stop grinning.

Max takes us on twelve exhilarating laps before pulling back into the pit lane.

Jumping off the bike, I remove my helmet and skip over to Vinnie who’s still leaning against the car reading the paper. “Oh my God. Did you see us? That was amazing,” I sing, bursting with delight and adrenaline.

“I can see that, Miss.”

I turn to see Max striding toward me with a smile to match my own. Running toward him, I launch myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck and my legs around his hips.

As he engulfs me in his strong arms, I rapidly kiss him on his forehead. “Thank you.” His cheek. “Thank you.” His nose. “Thank you.” His lips. “Thank you.” Then I stop and lean back, my eyes focusing on his beautiful blue eyes as they blaze with admiration causing my heart to swell in my chest. “Thank you.”

Leaning into his body, I crush my lips to his in a passionate kiss that unfurls all the feelings I hold for him deep inside. His arms tighten around me as he kisses me back, deep and hard with a possessive hunger.

Breaking the kiss, he leans his forehead into mine, closing his eyes. “I love you, baby.” His voice is low, raspy and full of emotion.

Pulling my head back, I search his beautiful, but saddened eyes. Have I made him feel sad? Breathing in, I open my mouth to respond, but hesitate at the last minute. Why can’t I say it?

He smiles, with sad, loving eyes. “You don’t have to say you love me, Vivienne. You just have to know that I love you.”

Lifting me from his body, he places me on my feet and reaches for my hand.

Once we’ve changed out of our leathers, we say goodbye to Vinnie and climb into the buggy back to the Heli-pad.

Taking his hand in mine, I smile up at him. “I had a really good time.”

He squeezes me, a concerned expression creasing his brow. “I don’t want you riding that bike on the streets, Vivienne. It’s too dangerous.”

The smile slides from my face, his comment irks me because he sounds just like Mike.

“But I just bought it.”

“You can ride it here, or with me, but not on the streets. Not on your own.” His voice holds an air of finality to it which pisses me off. He’s treating me like Mike did. Telling me what I can and cannot do. It’s annoying.

“But I bought it so I wouldn’t have to rely on public transport.”

“You don’t have to.”

“What does that mean? Are you going to drive me everywhere?”

“I will if you want me to. I also have shares in UPS, I can have you posted if you’d prefer?” He smirks, nudging my shoulder, trying to make me smile with his stupid joke, but I feel an argument coming on and I really don’t want to spoil today so I park my mood. For now.

Max tips the buggy driver and settles me into the helicopter. Once he’s carried out all his pre-flight checks, he turns to me with a cautious look on his face.

“You mad at me, baby?”

I melt and smile up at him. I know he’s just being over protective about the bike, but echoes of Mike make me uneasy.

“No. I’m not mad.” How could I be mad at him? He’s kept his promise and gone out of his way to make today very special.

Throwing me his dazzling smile, he gently lifts from the Heli-pad. This time, I don’t feel so nervous.

Max flies us a short distance to a beautiful country estate owned by his friends, Anne and Paul. We land in immaculately manicured gardens and enjoy a light lunch on the terrace of what can only be described as a mansion.

At first, I felt a bit self-conscious meeting these well to do strangers, but Max manoeuvres me in such a way that he never breaks contact with me. He always has my hand in his, or his arm around my waist, or his hand on my thigh as we sit at the table. It’s as if he can’t be near me without touching me and it’s a trait I relish. When I think about it, he’s done it since day one.

Anne and Paul are lovely, and make me feel very welcome. During lunch, we chatted about my job and their children. They have two boys, one girl, three cats, two dogs, and a goldfish called Collin. They’re very down to earth and we laughed so much my cheeks hurt.

As the men discuss past events and people I don’t know, I watch Max, drinking in his confidence, charm, and handsomeness.

Anne comes back to the table with a fresh pot of tea.

“Shall I be mother?” she smiles, pouring my tea and offering the milk and sugar. “So, how long have you two been dating?”

I blush. “Oh, not long.” Do I explain that this is our first-slash-fourth date? God no! It’s far too complicated.

She leans toward me with a big smile. “You must be very special, Vivienne. He’s never brought a girlfriend here before. Not since…” Trailing off, she suddenly looks embarrassed.

“Since Monica?”

“Sorry.”

She offers me an apologetic smile which I shrug off. I expect everyone Max knows will have known Monica.

“May she rot in hell,” she adds under her breath. It would appear Monica’s pissed off everyone she’s ever met.

Anne looks over at Max affectionately. “He hasn’t looked this happy in such a long, long time.”

I notice her expression slowly change, her smile sliding from her lips, concern now etched in her brow.

“He deserves a little happiness. God knows, losing both— ” Stopping abruptly, she laughs nervously. “Oh, here I go, waffling on as usual. More tea, Vivienne?”

She obviously hasn’t noticed my cup is still full. “Er. No, I’m okay thanks.” Losing both what?

The men’s heavy laughter, and Max’s hand squeezing my thigh draws my attention away from Anne, but she’s piqued my interest. I want her to finish that sentence.

As the laughter dies down, Max throws me an appreciative look.

“Vivienne’s moving in with me.”

Crimson flushes my cheeks. Anne knows we haven’t dated for long, she probably thinks I’m after his money, but as I glance up at her she looks delighted at the news. Almost tearful.

“You must come to ours for dinner,” Max says, beaming at his friends like an idiot. He turns his grinning gaze to me. My expression surely conveying my panic at this point. “Don’t worry, we’ll get Jan to cook.”

Anne seems thrilled at the idea. “We’d love to come.”

Max glances down at his watch. “I’m sorry guys, but we need to go.” Rising from his seat, he reaches down for my hand.

Even as Max tries to lead me away, I’m hugged and smiled at repeatedly before Anne finally lets me go. “It was so lovely to meet you, Vivienne.”

“You too. And thanks for a lovely lunch.”

They’ve been the perfect hosts. Anne especially made me feel very welcome in their home, but she’s triggered my inquisitive mind with her unfinished sentence and I wonder if I will ever get the opportunity to hear her finish it?

We take off from the mansion like movie stars, sweeping over the trees, parks, roads, and buildings on our way back to F1.

Anne’s comment has been playing on my mind, but as this afternoon is going to be challenging enough for both of us with Monica arriving, I decide not to ask any questions. Besides, I need to concentrate on keeping my lunch exactly where it is. Throwing up over the cockpit would be way too embarrassing.

The thought of meeting Monica again churns my stomach even more than the helicopter.

As we get closer to F1, I’m on the verge of telling Max that I would rather go back to my flat while Monica and Charlie are visiting. But as I toss it all over in my head, an unfamiliar pang of jealousy sets in and I begin to realise I’d hate it if I allowed Monica to be on her own with Max. He’s mine now.

My possessive feelings surprise me. Jealousy has never been an issue for me, not until I met Max.

As I glance up at his stunning profile, I wish with all my heart that I’d said the words earlier. What am I waiting for? I know how I feel. I want to say the words.