CHRISSIE AROSE TO a beautiful sunny morning, cooled by a soft southern breeze. Summer in Melbourne could often be hot and oppressive, forcing people to live behind closed curtains and blinds, praying for the hot winds from the north to abate and the stifling heatwave to come to an end. But this was a perfect day for the shopping expedition she had been planning for weeks, timed to coincide with her father’s absence in Sydney. As well as racing a mare, he had gone to check out a promising colt he was hoping to buy and wasn’t expected home for several days.
For his wife and daughter, life at home was less tense without his critical, often unnerving presence. When they were done with their shopping, Chrissie thought they might stay in town to see a movie or perhaps have dinner at a pub on the way home. A pair of confirmed shopaholics, they were known for encouraging each other’s impulse to buy.
‘It’s only money.’ Val would laugh recklessly. ‘Plenty more where that came from.’ But all too often it would end in tears when Robert caught sight of her bills. It suited him to forget that he owed much of the prosperity of his stables to the large sum of money Val had inherited from her father.
But this morning their expedition was justifiable and guilt free. Chrissie needed shoes and accessories for her wedding, due to take place in less than six weeks. She wanted Valerie, as the bride’s mother, to shine for once and wear something stunning. Her mother’s taste in clothing leaned towards the conservative, favouring neutral colours like navy and beige – as a rule she tried not to stand out from the crowd. But Chrissie intended her to wear something other than the dowdy little suits she wore to the races. And afterwards, if they had any energy left, she wanted to choose something glamorous to wear on her honeymoon in Paris. Paris! Her heart lifted at the thought of it.
The honeymoon in Paris had been Tony’s idea and she loved him for it, in spite of the fact that she would be paying for most of it herself. As he reminded her constantly, as a newly qualified lawyer, she earned far more than he did, so wasn’t it only fair that she should pick up their bills? All the same, this was a closely kept secret. She didn’t want her parents – her father particularly – to find out she would be paying for their visit to France. She could hear him now, making sarcastic remarks and saying Tony was marrying her because she was an easy meal ticket. She didn’t like to think that it might be true.
To gain the most amount of time at the shopping centre, they would have to leave home early. The fashionable boutiques they craved were a long way from the outskirts of Melbourne where they lived. The thought of a whole day to shop at their leisure stretched before them invitingly and they were fortifying themselves with a light breakfast of coffee and toast before leaving. Instead of the casual clothes they usually wore at home and around the stables, they were fully made up and dressed in their black city suits, complete with stockings and high heels. Tempting as it might be to face a long day at the shops wearing trainers, T-shirts and jeans, experience had taught them that shop assistants judged their customers by the cut of their clothes. They’d receive better attention if they looked businesslike and well dressed.
Just as they were about to leave, they heard someone burst into the house through the back door, slamming it hard enough to make the windows rattle. Chrissie looked up, meeting her mother’s startled gaze. It could only be her father. No one else would treat their home with so little respect. Damn, she swore silently. Trust him to come home two days early and in a foul mood. She watched her mother’s expression fade and all the pleasure and anticipation drain out of her as she sighed and slumped in her seat. Home early, Robert would take over, filling the room with his presence, demanding a meal and expecting Val to put her own plans on hold to attend to his needs.
They already knew the horse he had taken to Sydney with such high hopes had failed miserably in a listed race that she had been favoured to win. Now the disappointed owners wanted to sell her rather than pay the expense of transporting her back to Melbourne, leaving him with one less horse to train. But even that setback wasn’t enough to account for his evil mood.
Chrissie recovered more quickly than her mother when Robert came into the room.
‘Hi, Dad!’ she said, sounding a lot more enthusiastic than she felt. ‘You’re home early. That’s great.’
‘Is it?’ he said, not offering a greeting to either of them. ‘And where are you off to, all dressed up while my back is turned? I hope you’re not thinking of shopping again, Val, with that maxed-out credit card?’
Valerie blushed and flinched. It was Chrissie who came to stand between them, answering him.
‘And hello to you too, Dad. No good asking if you had a pleasant trip. Just don’t take it out on Mum. If things didn’t go so well for you in Sydney, it isn’t her fault.’
Robert scowled but she went on before he could speak. ‘And in case you’ve forgotten, I’m getting married to Tony in less than two months. I want Mum to have something decent to wear that’s not over ten years old.’
Robert grunted. ‘Waste of money, I call it – all that fuss for one day.’
‘You don’t have to call it anything because I’m paying.’
Robert’s expression cleared. ‘You mean it? For the whole day?’
‘No, Dad, of course not.’ Chrissie felt suddenly weary of his stingy attitude. ‘Just for the clothes.’
He nodded and sat at the table, leaning back and addressing his wife. ‘Rustle us up some bacon an’ eggs, luv. I’m starved.’
Obediently, Valerie stood up and went to open the fridge.
‘Leave it, Mum,’ Chrissie said, taking charge and reminding herself that she was, after all, a professional in her own right and capable of standing up for herself and her mother as well, if need be. ‘If Dad’s hungry, I’m sure he can make breakfast for himself. He’s probably already had one on the plane. I can’t put this off any longer. I’m going shopping for my wedding and I don’t want to do it alone. I need your opinion and you’re coming with me as we planned.’ She folded her arms and looked from one parent to the other, hoping her mother wouldn’t back down.
Valerie bit her lip. ‘Oh, Chrissie, now your dad’s home I’m not so sure. Maybe this time you should go on your own.’
‘Leaving you here with him in this mood? I don’t think so.’
‘What are you implying?’ Robert’s face reddened with rage. ‘I’ve never raised a hand to your mother and don’t you dare suggest it.’
‘Not that you haven’t come close.’ Once more Chrissie squared up to him. ‘Children aren’t deaf, you know. As a kid, I used to lie under the covers and cringe when I heard you raging at her when you were drunk.’
‘I can hold my liquor – I never get drunk.’
‘Haven’t been caught yet, you mean. I’ve seen you driving under the influence more than once.’
Robert sat back and smiled. It wasn’t pleasant but Chrissie held his gaze. ‘I hope young Tony knows what he’s let himself in for. You’re turning into a proper bully, my girl.’
‘Yeah, well. I’ve had a good teacher, haven’t I?’ This was Chrissie’s parting shot as she headed for the door. ‘Come along, Mum.’
‘But don’t you want to know why I’m home early?’ Robert was grasping at straws now, sounding almost plaintive.
‘I’m sure it’ll keep till tonight.’ Chrissie thrust her mother’s handbag into her hands and gave her a push towards the door. ‘Just hold the thought until then.’
As they drove towards town, Valerie had little to say, remaining lost in her thoughts. Chrissie couldn’t help thinking how different it would have been if they’d been able to get away before Robert came home. Her mother would have been chattering happily, looking forward to window-shopping as much as anything else. It was a long time since she’d seen anything resembling luxury or visited a boutique. Chrissie had been looking forward to giving her mother this treat and was silently cursing her father for ruining it.
She and Valerie were two of a kind, not exactly beautiful but also far from plain. The Welsh heritage they shared had given them small breasts and plump thighs. Chrissie had soft, brown curls, framing even features and a small but determined chin. Her greatest asset was a pair of soulful, dark-brown eyes, fringed with long lashes. It annoyed her when people assumed they were false. She tried to remember to smile, as she had been told often that she could look quite fierce and forbidding when her face was in repose. People were always making a joke of it, saying, ‘Cheer up – it might never happen’ and children in shopping centres would burst into tears when she glared at them for having tantrums and making a noise. Heads didn’t turn when she walked through a crowd and she knew herself to be unremarkable, forgettable even. But by some miracle Tony loved her and in less than two months now they’d be in Paris on their honeymoon. A warning voice at the back of her mind kept telling her it was all too good to be true but she did her best to ignore it.
With a jolt, she realized they had both been lost in their thoughts for some time, almost hypnotized by the motorway and the drone of the cars alongside them.
‘You OK, Mum?’ she said at last. ‘You’re awfully quiet.’
‘You never said.’ Valerie sounded choked. ‘You never told me you heard all those arguments – when you were small. I always tried to keep you from hearing those rows.’
Chrissie spoke softly, hardly daring to ask. ‘Did he ever lose his temper and hurt you, Mum?’
‘No, not really. Sometimes he came close but it was mostly all bluster and noise.’
‘Why did you put up with it?’
‘Chrissie, it was another era. People saw things differently. And he hasn’t really threatened me – not for years now.’
‘But he used to?’
‘Chrissie, I’m not comfortable talking about this. It’s all in the past, anyway.’
‘I’m sorry, Mum. I know he’s my dad but there’s precious little love lost between us. And I hate the way he treats you. Expecting you to shelve all your plans just to wait on him. You know damn well he’d be off to the stables as soon as he’d eaten and you wouldn’t see him for the rest of the day. He treats you like an unpaid servant or worse.’
‘Maybe. But he has old-fashioned expectations – “A woman’s place is in the home” and all that.’
‘It’s downright medieval. And in any case, you grew up with horses just as he did and you’re far more intuitive. You could be a much better trainer than he is, if you were allowed to be.’
‘But that wasn’t my choice. I took a back seat when I found I was pregnant with you. Robert isn’t to blame for everything.’
‘No. Just ninety per cent of it.’
‘You don’t understand. I wasn’t his first choice and I knew it. I’ve never told you this before, but he wanted to marry Joanne.’
‘Uncle Peter’s wife? You’re kidding me.’
‘Oh, no.’ Valerie sighed. ‘I suppose you can hardly remember her. You wouldn’t have been more than an infant when they took off and went to North Queensland. When the brothers fell out for the last time, Pete wanted to put as many miles between them as he could. He said he didn’t care if he never saw Robert again.’
‘I think I remember Joanne. Or I have an impression of her. A pretty woman with long fair hair who always wore floaty clothes. I thought she looked like a fairy.’
‘She was fey all right. Beautiful, artistic and with no practical skills at all. Poor old Pete. She won’t have improved with age. People don’t, you know. We were all kids of racing people, so we went around in a gang when we were young. Joanne was Robert’s girl to begin with but he came on too strong and frightened her off. It was Pete who picked up the pieces and comforted her. The rest you know. Feeling he’d somehow lost face, Rob took it out on Pete, making his life a misery. So Pete sold his share of the stables to him – for next to nothing, of course – and took Joanne to make a new life up north. It must have been a struggle for them, starting again from scratch. Not that Robert cared. I think he wanted Joanne to suffer for giving him up.’
‘But, Mum, if you knew how Dad felt about her, why did you take him on?’
‘Oh, I had my reasons at the time and I needed to be married – I was expecting you.’
‘Of course you were. Too much to expect Dad to wait until after the wedding.’
‘I persuaded myself that I was in love with him, too.’ Val giggled at her daughter’s incredulous expression. ‘Stop it – don’t look like that. He was quite something when he was young. Not always this grumpy, red-faced git with receding hair.’
‘Oh, Mum.’ Chrissie echoed her mother’s infectious giggle. ‘But he shouldn’t have treated you badly even if you were a second choice.’
‘Well, I disappointed him, didn’t I? You arrived easily enough but I couldn’t get pregnant again to give him the son he wanted. The boy he dreamed would succeed him and take over the stables.’
‘Why? There’s no guarantee a son would fit in with his plans. He might have been a desk jockey – a lawyer, like me.’
‘Either way, it just didn’t happen. And a year or so later, some busybody told him Joanne had given Peter a son – Ryan – making him more angry and resentful than ever. He was furious that his younger brother succeeded where he had failed. It was an awful time. He wanted sex every night, trying to get me pregnant; but I was miserable and he was tense, so it never happened. After a while he gave up altogether and blamed me for that as well. And then – after a long, lonely time—’ Valerie hesitated for a moment, unsure whether to go on with her story or not. Finally she sighed. ‘I had an affair. And was stupid enough to own up to it when Robert found out.’
Chrissie blinked, rendered speechless for the moment, forcing herself to concentrate on her driving. It was hard to believe that her mother, who never did anything worse that max out her credit card, should fall in love with someone and have an affair.
‘Who was it?’ she said at last.
‘Nobody in our immediate circle, thank God. A visiting trainer from England – here for the Spring Carnival. He kept urging me to leave Robert and go back to England with him. I wanted to, I really did, but I wasn’t quite brave enough to leave home and face an uncertain future with him.’
‘And you were scared of what Dad might do?’
‘That was part of it. But I couldn’t risk losing you. Your father might have taken you just to spite me.’
‘I doubt it. He’s never had much time for me.’
‘So we parted and that was the end of it.’
‘Do you still hear from him?’
‘Sometimes he sent me a Christmas card to tell me he hadn’t forgotten. He’d had an unhappy marriage for years but his wife wouldn’t divorce him. When she died unexpectedly, he asked me once again to join him in England.’
‘Oh, Mum, why didn’t you go?’
‘For the same reasons as before. And I wasn’t certain he would welcome you – he kept talking of boarding school.’
‘I wouldn’t have minded. I like the idea of an English boarding school.’
‘Hmm. Forget those old-fashioned, starry-eyed school stories. Some of those places are more like institutions where people dump their kids when they can’t be bothered to raise them.’
‘Oh.’
‘In the end he got tired of asking me to leave Robert and married somebody else. You should have heard your father crow about that.’
‘Oh, Mum. Why didn’t you leave him then?’
‘And go where? All the money I inherited from my father is tied up in the stables. Robert made certain of that. And I was the one who had the affair – I was never allowed to forget it.’ She glanced at Chrissie. ‘Don’t look so stricken – it’s OK. Over time we’ve learned to tolerate each other and rub along well enough.’
‘But it’s not really a life, is it?’ Chrissie thought for a moment. ‘Are you sure you’ll be all right, Mum? While I’m in Europe with Tony?’
‘Yes, of course.’ Valerie managed a hesitant smile. ‘Robert has better things to do these days than waste time tormenting me.’
They reached the shopping centre but, after all these revelations, neither of them could rekindle enthusiasm for the expedition. They looked around half-heartedly but nothing appealed so they decided to postpone the hunt for another day.
‘They won’t like it at work.’ Chrissie’s smile was rueful. ‘I’ll have to ask for another day off. As it is, I’m taking unpaid leave for the trip to Paris.’
‘It’s for your wedding. I’m sure they’ll understand.’ Valerie smiled.
Chrissie returned it, wishing she could feel as sure. She hadn’t told Val there had been rumours of downsizing the office and, as the newest recruit, she was closest to the door. Her employers didn’t need another excuse to be rid of her.
But they did stop for coffee to restore their spirits before returning home.
‘Courage, Mum.’ Chrissie grinned as she parked her nippy little Honda in the garage next to her father’s Range Rover. ‘He must be over his bad mood by now, even if his trip to Sydney didn’t go according to plan.’
On returning to the house, they found Robert speaking on the landline in the kitchen. Registering their arrival, he hunched away from them, lowering his voice and speaking quickly.
‘Thanks, Tom, I appreciate it. Tell the guy to call me the instant he makes contact. I have a job for him and I’ll make it well worth his time.’ Closing the conversation, he turned to look at them.
‘No parcels?’ he sneered. ‘Thought you were shopping for the big day?’
‘Who were you talking to?’ Valerie said. ‘I didn’t know we were hiring again. Thought we had enough staff.’
Robert ignored the query. ‘Hope you didn’t forget to bring something for dinner. I’m starved.’
‘You could afford to live off your tissues for once, Dad.’ Chrissie folded her arms and looked at his burgeoning stomach. ‘We’ll have you in caftans, soon.’
‘Watch your mouth, Chrissie. Good job you’re getting married. I’ll be happy to see the back of you.’
‘No more than I shall be happy to go.’
‘I suppose you’re all sweetness and light around Tony. Poor old chap. If only he knew. Maybe someone should put him wise.’
‘Now stop it, you two,’ Valerie broke in. ‘I don’t want to spend the evening listening to your sniping at each other.’
‘Sorry, Mum.’ Chrissie grinned. ‘I just can’t resist winding him up.’