Index
Aging
Bad Botox Bolognese
Caught Mom and Dad in the Act Tater Tot Casserole
Cereal Snack for Aging Potheads
Cinnamon-Spiced Apple Fritter for When Your Husband Ran Off with the Babysitter
Forty Years Old and Fired from Starbucks Chewy Fruit and Nut Cookie Stack
It’s Time to Settle Spaghetti Carbonara for Women in Their “Thirties”
Midlife Crisis Rib Eye
Stir-Fry for Stretch Marks
Twenty-nine and Still Can’t Pay Your Rent Veggie Sandwich
Valentine’s Day Party Ryes for Divorcées
You Were a Bully in Middle School Banana Bread
Your Decor Hasn’t Changed Since College Pizza Loaf
Alcoholism
Breakfast Sandwich for Morning-After Regret
Cocktail Nibbles for Alcoholics
Double-Detox Milk Shake
Drunk and Disorderly Donut Pudding
The Slammin’ Chick from the Club Was Not at All a Chick Chicken Club
You Got Drunk and Called Your Friend a Slut in Front of Her Father Cheeseburger Soup
Apples
Cinnamon-Spiced Apple Fritter for When Your Husband Ran Off with the Babysitter
Double Crust Apple Pie for Recreational Bulimics
Bananas
Moving to Russia to Look for Work Chocobanbutt Panini
Sky-High Banana Cream Pie Because You Are Dating a Married Guy
You Were a Bully in Middle School Banana Bread
Beef
Bad Botox Bolognese
Dumped on New Year’s Eve Meatball Sandwich
Found Out Your Birth Mother Was a Carney Hot Beef Sundae
Hamburger Casserole for When Nobody Loves You and Never Will
Midlife Crisis Rib Eye
Rejected by Skidmore and That Was Your Safety School Chicken Fried Steak
Single Mother Beef Stew
Three-Alarm Chili for Bad Mothers
You Got Drunk and Called Your Friend a Slut in Front of Her Father Cheeseburger Soup
Your Decor Hasn’t Changed Since College Pizza Loaf
Your Dreams Will Never Come True Hungarian Goulash
Your Marriage Is a Disaster Sicilian Lasagna
Betrayal
Breakfast Sandwich for Morning-After Regret
Cinnamon-Spiced Apple Fritter for When Your Husband Ran Off with the Babysitter
You Did Not Sign Up for This Crap Crêpes Suzette for Wives of Former Bankers
You Got Drunk and Called Your Friend a Slut in Front of Her Father Cheeseburger Soup,
Beverages
Double-Detox Milk Shake
Biology
Caught Mom and Dad in the Act Tater Tot Casserole
Found Out Your Birth Mother Was a Carney Hot Beef Sundae
Home Fries for the Uninsured
It’s Time to Settle Spaghetti Carbonara for Women in Their “Thirties”
Midlife Crisis Rib Eye
PMS Pot Stickers
Stir-Fry for Stretch Marks
Totally Bowlegged Double Deviled Egg(ed) Salad
Unwanted Pregnancy Kielbasa and Sauerkraut
You Farted Loudly in the Elevator Green Curry Chicken
Breads
Corn Cake for Indigenous Peoples
The Whole Office Read Your Journal Yummy Oatmeal Muffins
You Were a Bully in Middle School Banana Bread
Your Dad Is a Scumbag Monkey Bread
Breakfast
Admonished by Male Stripper for Inappropriate Behavior Tarragon Scrambled Eggs
Breakfast Sandwich for Morning-After Regret
Cereal Snack for Aging Potheads
Double-Detox Milk Shake
Gravy Cheese Fries for a Big Fat Fatty
Reluctant Breadwinner’s Quiche for Resentful Wives of Stay-at-Home Dads
The Whole Office Read Your Journal Yummy Oatmeal Muffins
Who’s the Daddy? Flapjacks
You Did Not Sign Up for This Crap Crêpes Suzette for Wives of Former Bankers
You Were a Bully in Middle School Banana Bread
Your Dad Is a Scumbag Monkey Bread
Cake
Your Birthday Is September 11 Chocolate Mud Cake
Candy
Evil Stepmother’s Rock Candy
Cannibalism
Emergency Food Source for Plane-Crash Survivors
Casserole
Caught Mom and Dad in the Act Tater Tot Casserole
Hamburger Casserole for When Nobody Loves You and Never Will
Cereal
Cereal Snack for Aging Potheads
Cheese
Alopecia Pizza
Cheese Fondue Because Your Therapist Fell Asleep on You
Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac ’n’ Cheese
Gravy Cheese Fries for a Big Fat Fatty
Little Sister Earns More than You Ham and Cheese Toastie
Slept with Your Professor and He Still Gave You a D Baked Brie
Ugly Baby Cheese Sandwich
Worst Date Ever Nutty Cheese Ball
You Got Drunk and Called Your Friend a Slut in Front of Her Father Cheeseburger Soup, You Stopped Sleeping with Your Husband Years Ago Provençal Tomato Tartlet
Cheese Ball
Worst Date Ever Nutty Cheese Ball
Chicken
Chicken Teriyaki for When Your Career in Advertising Has Destroyed Your Soul
He Only Married You for His Green Card Chicken Salad
Mom’s Old-Fashioned Chicken Noodle Soup for Closet Cases
Staying Together for the Children Chicken Tetrazzini
Stinking No Good Brokedown Car Buttermilk Fried Chicken
Stir-Fry for Stretch Marks
The Slammin’ Chick from the Club Was Not at All a Chick Chicken Club
You Farted Loudly in the Elevator Green Curry Chicken
You Walked All the Way to Your Office without Realizing Your Skirt Was Tucked into Your Underpants Sesame Chicken
Chimichanga
¡El Chupacabra Ate All the Chickens! Chimichanga
Chocolate
Cereal Snack for Aging Potheads
Lonely Christmas Pudding
Manic-Depressive Brownies, Two Ways!
Moving to Russia to Look for Work Chocobanbutt Panini
Your Birthday Is September 11 Chocolate Mud Cake
Cookies
Forty Years Old and Fired from Starbucks Chewy Fruit and Nut Cookie Stack
Not Even a Total Loser Would Sleep with You Oatmeal Cookies
Corn
Corn Cake for Indigenous Peoples
Crêpes
You Did Not Sign Up for This Crap Crêpes Suzette for Wives of Former Bankers
Dessert
Cinnamon-Spiced Apple Fritter for When Your Husband Ran Off with the Babysitter
Double Crust Apple Pie for Recreational Bulimics
Double-Detox Milk Shake
Drunk and Disorderly Donut Pudding
Evil Stepmother’s Rock Candy
Halloween Costume Proved Offensive to All Your Coworkers Chocolate Smorgasbord
He Likes Your Roommate Key Lime Pie
Left at the Altar Petits-Fours Log
Lonely Christmas Pudding
Manic-Depressive Brownies, Two Ways!
Post-traumatic Stress Disorder Sweet Potato Pie
Rainbow Sherbet ’Cause Your Boss Is a Pervert
Sky-High Banana Cream Pie Because You Are Dating a Married Guy
You Did Not Sign Up for This Crap Crêpes Suzette for Wives of Former Bankers, Your Birthday Is September 11 Chocolate Mud Cake
Your Brother Really Was Mom’s Favorite Peach Pie
Your Dad Is a Scumbag Monkey Bread
Disappointment
Failed the GED Creamed Spinach for Idiots
Found Out Your Birth Mother Was a Carney Hot Beef Sundae
He Likes Your Roommate Key Lime Pie
It’s Time to Settle Spaghetti Carbonara for Women in Their “Thirties,”
Not Even a Total Loser Would Sleep with You Oatmeal Cookies
Perfect Mashed Potatoes for Disappointed Parents
Reluctant Breadwinner’s Quiche for Resentful Wives of Stay-at-Home Dads
Ugly Baby Cheese Sandwich
Worst Date Ever Nutty Cheese Ball
You Stopped Sleeping with Your Husband Years Ago Provençal Tomato Tartlet, Your Dad Is a Scumbag Monkey Bread
Your Dreams Will Never Come True Hungarian Goulash
Disorders
ADHD Alphabet Soup
Alopecia Pizza
Double Crust Apple Pie for Recreational Bulimics
Manic-Depressive Brownies, Two Ways!
OCD BLT
Pepperoni Pizza for Agoraphobes
Postpartum Potato Pierogies
Post-traumatic Stress Disorder Sweet Potato Pie
Donuts,
Drunk and Disorderly Donut Pudding
Drugs
Bad Botox Bolognese
Cereal Snack for Aging Potheads
Double-Detox Milk Shake
Eggs
Admonished by Male Stripper for Inappropriate Behavior Tarragon Scrambled Eggs
Breakfast Sandwich for Morning-After Regret
Reluctant Breadwinner’s Quiche for Resentful Wives of Stay-at-Home Dads
Totally Bowlegged Double Deviled Egg(ed) Salad
Entrées
Accidentally Joined the PTA Perfect Potluck Baked Ziti
Alopecia Pizza
Bad Botox Bolognese
Caught Mom and Dad in the Act Tater Tot Casserole
Cereal Snack for Aging Potheads
Cheese Fondue Because Your Therapist Fell Asleep on You
Chicken Teriyaki for When Your Career in Advertising Has Destroyed Your Soul
Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac ’n’ Cheese
Found Out Your Birth Mother Was a Carney Hot Beef Sundae
Gravy Cheese Fries for a Big Fat Fatty
Hamburger Casserole for When Nobody Loves You and Never Will
He’s Better Off without You Linguini with Sun-Dried Tomato Cream Sauce
It’s Time to Settle Spaghetti Carbonara for Women in Their “Thirties”
Midlife Crisis Rib Eye
MIL from Hell Taco Bell
Mom’s Old-Fashioned Chicken Noodle Soup for Closet Cases
Nobody Thinks You Are Funny Orange-Glazed Pork Chops
Pepperoni Pizza for Agoraphobes
Postpartum Potato Pierogies
Rejected by Skidmore and That Was Your Safety School Chicken Fried Steak
Reluctant Breadwinner’s Quiche for Resentful Wives of Stay-at-Home Dads
Salmon Rushdie Fatwa Surprise
Single Mother Beef Stew
Staying Together for the Children Chicken Tetrazzini
Stinking No Good Brokedown Car Buttermilk Fried Chicken
Three-Alarm Chili for Bad Mothers
Unwanted Pregnancy Kielbasa and Sauerkraut
You Farted Loudly in the Elevator Green Curry Chicken
You Stopped Sleeping with Your Husband Years Ago Provençal Tomato Tartlet
You Walked All the Way to Your Office without Realizing Your Skirt Was Tucked into Your Underpants Sesame Chicken
Your Decor Hasn’t Changed Since College Pizza Loaf
Your Dreams Will Never Come True Hungarian Goulash
Your Marriage Is a Disaster Sicilian Lasagna
Family relations
Caught Mom and Dad in the Act Tater Tot Casserole
Evil Stepmother’s Rock Candy
Found Out Your Birth Mother Was a Carney Hot Beef Sundae
Little Sister Earns More than You Ham and Cheese Toastie
MIL from Hell Taco Bell
Staying Together for the Children Chicken Tetrazzini
Who’s the Daddy? Flapjacks
You Got Drunk and Called Your Friend a Slut in Front of Her Father Cheeseburger Soup
Your Brother Really Was Mom’s Favorite Peach Pie
Your Dad Is a Scumbag Monkey Bread
Fat people
Gravy Cheese Fries for a Big Fat Fatty
Stir-Fry for Stretch Marks
Unwanted Pregnancy Kielbasa and Sauerkraut
Flapjacks
Who’s the Daddy? Flapjacks
Fondue
Cheese Fondue Because Your Therapist Fell Asleep on You
Fried things
Gravy Cheese Fries for a Big Fat Fatty
Home Fries for the Uninsured
Jalapeño Poppers for When Your Only Friends Are People You Met in a Chat Room
MIL from Hell Taco Bell
PMS Pot Stickers
Postpartum Potato Pierogies
Rejected by Skidmore and That Was Your Safety School Chicken Fried Steak
Stinking No Good Brokedown Car Buttermilk Fried Chicken
Goulash
Your Dreams Will Never Come True Hungarian Goulash
Ham
Little Sister Earns More than You Ham and Cheese Toastie
Hamburger
Hamburger Casserole for When Nobody Loves You and Never Will
You Got Drunk and Called Your Friend a Slut in Front of Her Father Cheeseburger Soup
Hardtack
Hardtack for Lonely Seamen on Whaling Vessels
Holidays
Dumped on New Year’s Eve Meatball Sandwich
Halloween Costume Proved Offensive to All Your Coworkers Chocolate Smorgasbord
Lonely Christmas Pudding
Valentine’s Day Party Ryes for Divorcées
Your Birthday Is September 11 Chocolate Mud Cake
Hot Dogs
Valentine’s Day Party Ryes for Divorcées
You Are Overqualified for Your Job and They Make You Get the Donuts Super Veggie Dog
Human
Emergency Food Source for Plane-Crash Survivors
Humiliation
Admonished by Male Stripper for Inappropriate Behavior Tarragon Scrambled Eggs
Cheese Fondue Because Your Therapist Fell Asleep on You
Cinnamon-Spiced Apple Fritter for When Your Husband Ran Off with the Babysitter
Forty Years Old and Fired from Starbucks Chewy Fruit and Nut Cookie Stack
Gravy Cheese Fries for a Big Fat Fatty
Left at the Altar Petits-Fours Log
Nobody Thinks You Are Funny Orange-Glazed Pork Chops
Rejected by Skidmore and That Was Your Safety School Chicken Fried Steak
Slept with Your Professor and He Still Gave You a D Baked Brie
The Slammin’ Chick from the Club Was Not at All a Chick Chicken Club
The Whole Office Read Your Journal Yummy Oatmeal Muffins
Twenty-nine and Still Can’t Pay Your Rent Veggie Sandwich
You Are Overqualified for Your Job and They Make You Get the Donuts Super Veggie Dog
You Farted Loudly in the Elevator Green Curry Chicken
You Got Drunk and Called Your Friend a Slut in Front of Her Father Cheeseburger Soup
You Saw a Group of Girls You Went to High School with at a Restaurant and You Were Their Waitress Chipotle Beans and Rice
You Walked All the Way to Your Office without Realizing Your Skirt Was Tucked into Your Underpants Sesame Chicken
Hummus
Hummus for When You Have Killed Someone
Hummus for When You Want to Kill Someone
Injustice
Corn Cake for Indigenous Peoples
Dumped on New Year’s Eve Meatball Sandwich
Rainbow Sherbet ’Cause Your Boss Is a Pervert
Rejected by Skidmore and That Was Your Safety School Chicken Fried Steak
Salmon Rushdie Fatwa Surprise
Slept with Your Professor and He Still Gave You a D Baked Brie
You Are Overqualified for Your Job and They Make You Get the Donuts Super Veggie Dog
You Did Not Sign Up for This Crap Crêpes Suzette for Wives of Former Bankers
You Saw a Group of Girls You Went to High School with at a Restaurant and You Were Their Waitress Chipotle Beans and Rice
Your Birthday Is September 11 Chocolate Mud Cake
Your Dreams Will Never Come True Hungarian Goulash
Jalapeño
Jalapeño Poppers for When Your Only Friends Are People You Met in a Chat Room
Jealousy
Best Friend Is a Total Bitch Grilled Cheese Sandwich
Breakfast Sandwich for Morning-After Regret
Cinnamon-Spiced Apple Fritter for When Your Husband Ran Off with the Babysitter
Evil Stepmother’s Rock Candy
He Likes Your Roommate Key Lime Pie
Little Sister Earns More than You Ham and Cheese Toastie
Sky-High Banana Cream Pie Because You Are Dating a Married Guy
You Got Drunk and Called Your Friend a Slut in Front of Her Father Cheeseburger Soup
Your Brother Really Was Mom’s Favorite Peach Pie
Lasagna
Your Marriage Is a Disaster Sicilian Lasagna
Loneliness
Dumped on New Year’s Eve Meatball Sandwich
Hamburger Casserole for When Nobody Loves You and Never Will
Hardtack for Lonely Seamen on Whaling Vessels
He Likes Your Roommate Key Lime Pie
It’s Time to Settle Spaghetti Carbonara for Women in Their “Thirties”
Jalapeño Poppers for When Your Only Friends Are People You Met in a Chat Room
Lonely Christmas Pudding
Mom’s Old-Fashioned Chicken Noodle Soup for Closet Cases
Not Even a Total Loser Would Sleep with You Oatmeal Cookies
Valentine’s Day Party Ryes for Divorcées
Marriage
Cinnamon-Spiced Apple Fritter for When Your Husband Ran Off with the Babysitter
Evil Stepmother’s Rock Candy
He Only Married You for His Green Card Chicken Salad
It’s Time to Settle Spaghetti Carbonara for Women in Their “Thirtie,”
Left at the Altar Petits-Fours Log
Midlife Crisis Rib Eye
Reluctant Breadwinner’s Quiche for Resentful Wives of Stay-at-Home Dads
Spicy Nuts with Honey ’Cause You Married for Money
Staying Together for the Children Chicken Tetrazzini
You Did Not Sign Up for This Crap Crêpes Suzette for Wives of Former Bankers
You Stopped Sleeping with Your Husband Years Ago Provençal Tomato Tartlet
Your Marriage Is a Disaster Sicilian Lasagna
Money
Chicken Teriyaki for When Your Career in Advertising Has Destroyed Your Soul
Little Sister Earns More than You Ham and Cheese Toastie
Moving to Russia to Look for Work Chocobanbutt Panini
Reluctant Breadwinner’s Quiche for Resentful Wives of Stay-at-Home Dads
Spicy Nuts with Honey ’Cause You Married for Money
Stinking No Good Brokedown Car Buttermilk Fried Chicken
You Did Not Sign Up for This Crap Crêpes Suzette for Wives of Former Bankers
Muffins
The Whole Office Read Your Journal Yummy Oatmeal Muffins
Murder
Hummus for When You Have Killed Someone
You Are Going to [Verb] [Person] for [Adverb] [Verb] Your [Noun] Twice-Baked Potatoes
Your Marriage Is a Disaster Sicilian Lasagna
Mythical Creatures
¡El Chupacabra Ate All the Chickens! Chimichanga
Nuts
Spicy Nuts with Honey ’Cause You Married for Money
Worst Date Ever Nutty Cheese Ball
Oatmeal
Not Even a Total Loser Would Sleep with You Oatmeal Cookies
The Whole Office Read Your Journal Yummy Oatmeal Muffins
Parenting
Accidentally Joined the PTA Perfect Potluck Baked Ziti
Baby Won’t Stop Crying Nachos Supreme
Cinnamon-Spiced Apple Fritter for When Your Husband Ran Off with the Babysitter
Evil Stepmother’s Rock Candy
Perfect Mashed Potatoes for Disappointed Parents
Postpartum Potato Pierogies
Reluctant Breadwinner’s Quiche for Resentful Wives of Stay-at-Home Dads
Single Mother Beef Stew
Staying Together for the Children Chicken Tetrazzini
Stir-Fry for Stretch Marks
Three-Alarm Chili for Bad Mothers
Ugly Baby Cheese Sandwich
Unwanted Pregnancy Kielbasa and Sauerkraut
Who’s the Daddy? Flapjacks
Parties
Foreclosure Fiesta
Valentine’s Day Party Ryes for Divorcées
Your Birthday Is September 11 Chocolate Mud Cake
Pasta
Accidentally Joined the PTA Perfect Potluck Baked Ziti
Bad Botox Bolognese
Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac ’n’ Cheese
He’s Better Off without You Linguini with Sun-Dried Tomato Cream Sauce
It’s Time to Settle Spaghetti Carbonara for Women in Their “Thirtie,”
Staying Together for the Children Chicken Tetrazzini
Your Marriage Is a Disaster Sicilian Lasagna
Peaches
Your Brother Really Was Mom’s Favorite Peach Pie
Pies
Double Crust Apple Pie for Recreational Bulimics
He Likes Your Roommate Key Lime Pie
Post-traumatic Stress Disorder Sweet Potato Pie
Sky-High Banana Cream Pie Because You Are Dating a Married Guy
Your Brother Really Was Mom’s Favorite Peach Pie
Pizza
Alopecia Pizza
Pepperoni Pizza for Agoraphobes
Your Decor Hasn’t Changed Since College Pizza Loaf
Poppers
Jalapeño Poppers for When Your Only Friends Are People You Met in a Chat Room
Pork
Nobody Thinks You Are Funny Orange-Glazed Pork Chops
PMS Pot Stickers
Potatoes
Caught Mom and Dad in the Act Tater Tot Casserole
Found Out Your Birth Mother Was a Carney Hot Beef Sundae
Gravy Cheese Fries for a Big Fat Fatty
Home Fries for the Uninsured
Perfect Mashed Potatoes for Disappointed Parents
Postpartum Potato Pierogies
You Are Going to [Verb] [Person] for [Adverb] [Verb] Your [Noun] Twice-Baked Potatoes
Poverty
Dead Broke Dumplings
Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac ’n’ Cheese
Foreclosure Fiesta
Forty Years Old and Fired from Starbucks Chewy Fruit and Nut Cookie Stack
Home Fries for the Uninsured
Moving to Russia to Look for Work Chocobanbutt Panini
Stinking No Good Brokedown Car Buttermilk Fried Chicken
Twenty-nine and Still Can’t Pay Your Rent Veggie Sandwich
You Saw a Group of Girls You Went to High School with at a Restaurant and You Were Their Waitress Chipotle Beans and Rice
Pudding
Drunk and Disorderly Donut Pudding
Lonely Christmas Pudding
Quiche
Reluctant Breadwinner’s Quiche for Resentful Wives of Stay-at-Home Dads
Relationships
Best Friend Is a Total Bitch Grilled Cheese Sandwich
Breakfast Sandwich for Morning-After Regret
Dumped on New Year’s Eve Meatball Sandwich
Hamburger Casserole for When Nobody Loves You and Never Will
He Likes Your Roommate Key Lime Pie
He’s Better Off without You Linguini with Sun-Dried Tomato Cream Sauce
Hummus for When You Want to Kill Someone
Sky-High Banana Cream Pie Because You Are Dating a Married Guy
Spicy Nuts with Honey ’Cause You Married for Money
Staying Together for the Children Chicken Tetrazzini
Valentine’s Day Party Ryes for Divorcées
Who’s the Daddy? Flapjacks
Worst Date Ever Nutty Cheese Ball
You Got Drunk and Called Your Friend a Slut in Front of Her Father Cheeseburger Soup
You Were a Bully in Middle School Banana Bread
Salad
He Only Married You for His Green Card Chicken Salad
Totally Bowlegged Double Deviled Egg(ed) Salad
Salmon
Salmon Rushdie Fatwa Surprise
Sandwiches
Best Friend Is a Total Bitch Grilled Cheese Sandwich
Breakfast Sandwich for Morning-After Regret
Dumped on New Year’s Eve Meatball Sandwich
Little Sister Earns More than You Ham and Cheese Toastie
Moving to Russia to Look for Work Chocobanbutt Panini
OCD BLT
The Slammin’ Chick from the Club Was Not at All a Chick Chicken Club
Twenty-nine and Still Can’t Pay Your Rent Veggie Sandwich
Ugly Baby Cheese Sandwich
Sauerkraut
Unwanted Pregnancy Kielbasa and Sauerkraut, 163
Sausage
Unwanted Pregnancy Kielbasa and Sauerkraut
Seafood, 150
Salmon Rushdie Fatwa Surprise
Sex, 10
Admonished by Male Stripper for Inappropriate Behavior Tarragon Scrambled Eggs
Best Friend Is a Total Bitch Grilled Cheese Sandwich
Caught Mom and Dad in the Act Tater Tot Casserole
It’s Time to Settle Spaghetti Carbonara for Women in Their “Thirties”
Midlife Crisis Rib Eye
Mom’s Old-Fashioned Chicken Noodle Soup for Closet Cases
Not Even a Total Loser Would Sleep with You Oatmeal Cookies
Rainbow Sherbet ’Cause Your Boss Is a Pervert
Sky-High Banana Cream Pie Because You Are Dating a Married Guy
Slept with Your Professor and He Still Gave You a D Baked Brie
Staying Together for the Children Chicken Tetrazzini
The Slammin’ Chick from the Club Was Not at All a Chick Chicken Club
Unwanted Pregnancy Kielbasa and Sauerkraut
Valentine’s Day Party Ryes for Divorcées
Who’s the Daddy? Flapjacks
You Stopped Sleeping with Your Husband Years Ago Provençal Tomato Tartlet
Sherbet
Rainbow Sherbet ’Cause Your Boss Is a Pervert
Sides
Failed the GED Creamed Spinach for Idiots
Home Fries for the Uninsured
Little Sister Earns More than You Ham and Cheese Toastie
Perfect Mashed Potatoes for Disappointed Parents
Postpartum Potato Pierogies
You Are Going to [Verb] [Person] for [Adverb] [Verb] Your [Noun] Twice-Baked Potatoes
You Saw a Group of Girls You Went to High School with at a Restaurant and You Were Their Waitress Chipotle Beans and Rice
Snacks
Baby Won’t Stop Crying Nachos Supreme
Cereal Snack for Aging Potheads
Cocktail Nibbles for Alcoholics
Dead Broke Dumplings
¡El Chupacabra Ate All the Chickens! Chimichanga
Evil Stepmother’s Rock Candy
Foreclosure Fiesta
Forty Years Old and Fired from Starbucks Chewy Fruit and Nut Cookie Stack
Found Out Your Birth Mother Was a Carney Hot Beef Sundae
Gravy Cheese Fries for a Big Fat Fatty
Halloween Costume Proved Offensive to All Your Coworkers Chocolate Smorgasbord
Hardtack for Lonely Seamen on Whaling Vessels
Jalapeño Poppers for When Your Only Friends Are People You Met in a Chat Room
Left at the Altar Petits-Fours Log
MIL from Hell Taco Bell
PMS Pot Stickers
Postpartum Potato Pierogies
Slept with Your Professor and He Still Gave You a D Baked Brie
Spicy Nuts with Honey ’Cause You Married for Money
Totally Bowlegged Double Deviled Egg(ed) Salad
Valentine’s Day Party Ryes for Divorcées
Worst Date Ever Nutty Cheese Ball
You Saw a Group of Girls You Went to High School with at a Restaurant and You Were Their Waitress Chipotle Beans and Rice
You Stopped Sleeping with Your Husband Years Ago Provençal Tomato Tartlet
Soups and stews
ADHD Alphabet Soup
Mom’s Old-Fashioned Chicken Noodle Soup for Closet Cases
Single Mother Beef Stew
Three-Alarm Chili for Bad Mothers
You Got Drunk and Called Your Friend a Slut in Front of Her Father Cheeseburger Soup
Spinach
Failed the GED Creamed Spinach for Idiots
Stupidity
Failed the GED Creamed Spinach for Idiots
Rejected by Skidmore and That Was Your Safety School Chicken Fried Steak
Sky-High Banana Cream Pie Because You Are Dating a Married Guy
Slept with Your Professor and He Still Gave You a D Baked Brie
Sweet Potatoes
Post-traumatic Stress Disorder Sweet Potato Pie
Tartlet
You Stopped Sleeping with Your Husband Years Ago Provençal Tomato Tartlet
Vegetarian
Accidentally Joined the PTA Perfect Potluck Baked Ziti
Alopecia Pizza
Best Friend Is a Total Bitch Grilled Cheese Sandwich
Caught Mom and Dad in the Act Tater Tot Casserole
Cereal Snack for Aging Potheads
Cheese Fondue Because Your Therapist Fell Asleep on You
Corn Cake for Indigenous Peoples
Dead Broke Dumplings
¡El Chupacabra Ate All the Chickens! Chimichanga
Failed the GED Creamed Spinach for Idiots
Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac ’n’ Cheese
Foreclosure Fiesta
He’s Better Off without You Linguini with Sun-Dried Tomato Cream Sauce
Hummus for When You Have Killed Someone
Hummus for When You Want to Kill Someone
Perfect Mashed Potatoes for Disappointed Parents
Postpartum Potato Pierogies
Reluctant Breadwinner’s Quiche for Resentful Wives of Stay-at-Home Dads
Twenty-nine and Still Can’t Pay Your Rent Veggie Sandwich
Ugly Baby Cheese Sandwich
You Are Overqualified for Your Job and They Make You Get the Donuts Super Veggie Dog
You Saw a Group of Girls You Went to High School with at a Restaurant and You Were Their Waitress Chipotle Beans and Rice
You Stopped Sleeping with Your Husband Years Ago Provençal Tomato Tartlet
Workplace
Chicken Teriyaki for When Your Career in Advertising Has Destroyed Your Soul
Forty Years Old and Fired from Starbucks Chewy Fruit and Nut Cookie Stack
Hummus for When You Want to Kill Someone
Rainbow Sherbet ’Cause Your Boss Is a Pervert
Stinking No Good Brokedown Car Buttermilk Fried Chicken
The Whole Office Read Your Journal Yummy Oatmeal Muffins
You Are Overqualified for Your Job and They Make You Get the Donuts Super Veggie Dog
You Farted Loudly in the Elevator Green Curry Chicken
You Saw a Group of Girls You Went to High School with at a Restaurant and You Were Their Waitress Chipotle Beans and Rice
You Walked All the Way to Your Office without Realizing Your Skirt Was Tucked into Your Underpants Sesame Chicken