BABY WON’T STOP CRYING NACHOS SUPREME

You will need:

 

1 bag corn chips
1 container sour cream
1 Tbs. horseradish
1 jar salsa
½ lb. Monterey jack cheese,
shredded
½ lb. white cheddar cheese,
shredded
Chili powder

Put baby down gently, fighting urge to shake it. Preheat oven to 350°F. Using your most soothing voice, talk to baby, explaining that you are making nachos. Spread chips on baking sheet. Tell baby that nachos are a delicious treat that someday she will enjoy, particularly in college—if she makes it to college. Realize baby does not understand you—seems, in fact, to cry louder at the sound of your voice. Wonder if baby will always be ungrateful.

 

Top chips with shredded cheeses and sprinkle with chili powder. Put in oven. Mix horseradish with sour cream.

 

When cheese is melted, remove from oven. Pick baby up and begin to pace, rocking and bouncing her in intervals of four to ten minutes or until back gives out. Enjoy nachos with sides of sour cream and salsa. Curse generic condom manufacturer for its substandard product.