YOU SAW A GROUP OF GIRLS YOU WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH AT A RESTAURANT AND YOU WERE THEIR WAITRESS CHIPOTLE BEANS AND RICE

You will need:

 

½ cup pinto beans
1 X-Acto knife
3 cups chicken stock
½ cup rice
1 tsp. canned chipotle
chili in adobo sauce

Taking an old yearbook, carefully use X-Acto knife to slash photos of Lisa, Sophie, and Beth*. Leave Jeanne’s face alone, as she was at least nice enough to leave a big tip, but the others deserve to be removed from the yearbook altogether, especially Lisa for the way she kept talking about how you were her “server” and then complained about not only the food but also your attitude. After removal from yearbook, use match to burn Lisa’s photo.

 

Gently boil the beans in stock until almost soft. Add rice and chili and cook for 20-30 minutes until rice is tender. While cooking, consider working at a theme restaurant, like Planet Hollywood, because if someone you know shows up, it is an open question who should be more embarrassed. Enjoy beans with some hot sauce, if desired.

 

* Names have not been changed to protect now middle-age mean girls in humdrum lives.