MOVING TO RUSSIA TO LOOK FOR WORK CHOCOBANBUTT PANINI

You will need:

 

Sweaters
Toilet paper
Jeans
Parka
Russian-language dictionary
Furry hat
Peanut butter
Banana
Chocolate hazelnut spread
2 slices white bread

“здравствйте, я здесь для того, чтоБы цодать заявку на продаку пози ции,” which means, “Hello I am here to apply for the sales position!” or “What time does the duck tie his shoes?” Spread peanut butter on 1 slice of bread, chocolate on the other. Don’t worry about the prohibitive cost of the chocolate spread—pretty soon you are likely to be earning a whopping fifteen thousand rubles a month! Never mind that that translates roughly to $550, it’s still more than you’ve brought home in the year since you were laid off.

 

Slice bananas and place on peanut butter. Enjoy fresh fruit now, because it is hard to come by in the Russian winter that lasts from mid-August to late July. Layer slices on top of one another and place in a small nonstick pan over high heat. Press down on top slice to squish flavors together and toast the bottom. Flip and repeat on the other side.

 

When both sides of panini are toasted, turn onto a plate. Enjoy as you learn how to say, “значит пи зто раьота вклЮчает прокие и питание?” which means, “Does this position include room and board?” If the answer is nyet, proceed with the following: “могу ли я слать в вашей кар тоельный погреБ?” or “May I sleep in your potato cellar?”