Raye at David’s graduation from George Washington University in 1996.
My mother, Raye, is at peace after a long life of many challenges and many triumphs. After her death in October 2018, countless friends, family members, and former colleagues gathered in Little Rock, Arkansas, to celebrate her. It was a send-off filled with countless stories, glorious singing, amazing tributes, and, of course, laughter. She was a woman who touched a lot of lives, and we’ve been fortunate to draw on the recollections of people who knew her in some way to introduce you, the reader, to a formidable woman who fought all odds to accomplish a goal she had from the moment she saw her first submarine at the age of seven.
Anyone who knew my mother knew that she had a way that she wanted things done. She was emphatic about staying on task and keeping others on task—especially when it came to any goal she wanted to accomplish, no matter the size. She always did so with a smile on her face. Yet, many can attest to how that gentle smile could be replaced with an archangel’s stern visage when she dealt with people who did not want to do what was right. I think of her sitting in her hospital bed, telling me she was simply “tired and ready to go.” But despite the fatigue that heralded her passing, she told me that I’d be speaking at her memorial and exactly what my topic would be. She felt confident that I would carry out her message with only that guidance.
First, she’d want me to say, “Respect the sacrifices made for you.” The statement is not meant simply to honor the many who struggled to open doors for other people. It’s something you have to think about in a larger context. Mom dealt with so many obstacles, yet always found a way to achieve despite the odds against her. For Mom, respecting the sacrifices is about what you actually do once you understand the implications of what someone did so you could attain your dreams. Her goal was always to make people’s sacrifices for her more meaningful through her own actions and achievements.
My mother lived through the Jim Crow South. She lived through institutional and individual discriminatory practices that said—and, in many cases, still say—that a girl or woman should accept a reality of lower pay and lesser job opportunities. She lived through and overcame constant stereotypes about southern people. But she learned lessons from the people and places she encountered, always valuing education and training to constantly improve herself and accomplish her objectives.
As she had with so many others, my mother encouraged me to pay attention to her story and other people’s stories to understand the importance of using my opportunities wisely. She advised me to pay attention to what was happening around me, strategize, set goals, and always be prepared with a Plan B when people tried to get in my way. Most of all, she told me not to let the ill will of others prevent me from paying things forward. That was a personal code of hers and it never failed to baffle her adversaries. In the end, Mom knew she wanted a clear conscience about doing the right thing, no matter what others said and did.
What my mother did for me, she also did for countless others, many of them complete strangers. That is why so many people considered her their other mother. After she returned to Arkansas, many people only knew her as my mother. They had no idea what she had accomplished and no clue about how many organizations she was active in, from the Links Incorporated and Alpha Kappa Alpha sorority, to the American Association of University Women and LifeQuest. She was a popular motivational speaker, a cherished mentor, and a fierce bridge player. It seems incredible to me that as accomplished and involved as she was, through it all she also managed to attend my school functions, organize and facilitate community events, socialize with her friends, and travel the world.
She lived a full life, one of personal accomplishment but also one where she inspired others to live beyond the expectations they had for themselves or that others had for them. She saw herself as just one of many to do this work, and in her final years told everyone that despite her declining health, God kept her here for a reason: to inspire as many people as she could. This became more difficult for her as time wore on, but she once told me that she wanted to leave this world doing what made her happy. She found it a pleasure and an honor, and it gave her real purpose.
She was amazed that she had the opportunity to touch lives on such a grand scale. I can still hear her say, “Can you believe it? This is really happening.” Everything in her life had come together, and I’m glad that she took advantage of the opportunity to spread her message globally in her final years and that so many people made that possible for her. Now, her fight is done, and she literally gave it her all.
Yes, she was an internationally recognized engineer who revolutionized the way the US Navy designed ships. But she was also a little girl from Little Rock, and my mother, too. This is her story. May it plant a seed in your mind and heart.