Since Ryder, Jake, Asher and Aurora have never skied before, Uncle Alex, Aunty Ryleigh and I have been teaching them the basics for the last few days.
Ryder is normally so confident in what he does that it was hilarious watching him fumble his way through the whole process.
The kids also seemed to enjoy watching him fall over and it made them feel more confident in giving things a go.
Even Jake cracked a smile which absolutely astounded me. So far the only expression I have seen on his face is a stone cold, don’t approach me look so seeing him almost full on smile seemed like a bit of a miracle.
Aunty Ryleigh told me that he is sixteen so I figure he has that whole pent up teenage aggression thing happening.
Ryder said that it was his intention all along to make the kids smile but I don’t believe that for a second. He’s just really bad at skiing.
Not one to give up, he persevered and has picked it up reasonably well for someone who had never put on a pair of skis before.
Since Ryder is feeling more confident today or just wanting to redeem himself, I have picked a beginner slope for us to try.
It’s just the two of us today and although I haven’t minded hanging out with my family, it will be good to have some time alone with Ryder.
Other than when we are alone in our room that is.
That kind of alone time takes on a whole new meaning that it’s basically in a category all of its own.
When we hop off the chairlift, I can’t help but take a dig at Ryder. “You still planning on falling down now that there’s no one around to make laugh?”
He takes my banter in his stride. “Not sure yet. You’re still around and I happen to like making you laugh.”
“Is that so?” We gently start off on the slope and Ryder seems pretty cocky today.
I’ll have to rectify that.
“Yeah,” he grins at me, “It’s kind of the best sound in the world.”
“Really?” He basically laid this one out for me on a silver platter. “Because I thought your favorite sound was when I screamed your name and orgasmed all over your dick.”
Ryder turns his face so quickly towards mine that he must have forgotten where we are as his skis cross over and that causes him to trip and start tumbling down the mountain.
I try to chase after him and his failing limbs but I’m laughing so hard that I end up falling over myself.
My laughter continues until I’m hit square in the face with a bunch of icy cold snow.
Complete shock washes over my body and I stop laughing almost instantly.
Looking up at the culprit who threw freezing cold snow inside my jacket, I see Ryder with his ski’s off, looking pretty impressed with himself. “You’re lucky you’re hot otherwise you would be on the first plane back to Boston.”
He chuckles and walks over to me, carrying his skis under his arm. “Please, like you would ever get rid of me.”
He’s right, I would never get rid of him, especially not over something as stupid as a snowball but I like to keep him guessing. “You just threw a snowball at me and now I have cold water running down my skin.”
He winks, “How about I make it up to you by squirting you with some warm liquid later.”
I burst out laughing and get to my feet, “I’ll make you a deal. You complete three runs with me without falling over and I’ll let you squirt your warm liquid on any body part you want.”
“Hmm,” Ryder stares straight at my breasts, “Challenge accepted.”
“I’m not going to make it easy for you.”
“I didn’t think you would.”
“Alright you wise ass, let’s see what you’ve got.”
Smiling like idiots we start heading down the mountain again and Ryder manages to complete the rest of the run without falling over.
He seems slightly impressed with himself and to be honest, I’m pretty surprised by how much he’s improved over the last couple days.
Even though I would let him come all over my breasts if he asked, I don’t like to lose and I’m determined to win this bet.
I decide to take it pretty easy with him over the next two runs and only resort to some light heckling.
My tactic has worked and he thinks he has this bet in the bag.
When we hop off the chairlift for our third run, I let Ryder get a head start before I race down beside him and cut him off.
He starts to stumble but manages to right himself at the last second. “Hey! That’s cheating.”
“How is it cheating?” I pretend I’m stopping to turn back and talk to him but really I’m just letting him get ahead again. “I’m just skiing.”
“I know your tricks Liv and I’m ready for you,” he calls out with his eyes focused on the snow in front of him.
Cutting him off twice more, I decide to ski down backwards with the fronts of our skis nearly touching.
“Liv,” he says shakily.
“Ryder,” I reply.
“I can’t concentrate with you right there.” His confidence starts to wane and he becomes shaky on his skis.
“Where do you want to squirt your warm liquid?”
“I’m concentrating Liv, stop talking.”
“My breasts.”
“Get out of the way Liv.”
“My mouth.”
“Move.”
“My stomach.”
“I’m nearly there Liv, I’m going to win.”
“How about you squirt your hot seed all over my ass.”
His eyes flick up to meet mine as they heat with desire and that’s all I need to break his concentration.
Spinning around, I take off in front of him and grin in delight when I hear muffled curse words.
Stopping at the end of the run, I take great pleasure in turning around and calling out, “Why Ryder, I do believe you have fallen down.”
He waves me off while taking his skis off, then stands and starts patting down the snow that has gathered in his clothes.
While I’m watching him with great amusement, I see Asher and Aurora finish their run and make a beeline for Ryder.
Jake skis down behind them a few minutes later but carries on past, only giving them a cursory smirk.
Taking off his ski’s, he starts to walk past me like he hasn’t seen me so I say, “Did you have a good day on the slopes Jake?”
He glances at me briefly and nods, grunting something unintelligible.
Trying not to feel offended, I watch Ryder with Asher and Aurora until Uncle Alex skis up to me. “Hey Olivia, how did Ryder do today?”
“Hey Uncle Alex. He actually did really good, I’m proud of him.”
He nods, “The kids all did great too, I think they’re naturals, especially Jake, he really seems to have taken to skiing.”
“Speaking of Jake.” How do I put this nicely? “What’s his deal?”
Like I thought he would, he gets on the defensive. He’s very protective of his foster kids. “What do you mean?” he asks darkly.
“Well, Asher and Aurora have really seemed to warm up to everyone this week but Jake still seems like he wants to bolt.” Apart from his siblings, Ryder seems like the only person here that he has time for but every time I try to join in on a conversation, Jake just grunts and walks off or stops talking altogether.
Understanding comes across Uncle Alex’s face, “This transition has been really hard on him, more so than the others. He practically raised Asher and Aurora himself. Their mom was always running off with her latest boyfriend and he was left behind to take care of everyone. Their mom had been gone three months this time before they were reported and put in the system. Jake kept lashing out at all of the families they were put with because he thought his mom was going to turn up and things would go back to normal.”
“Wow, that’s rough.” He’s still a kid himself, it’s not fair of their mom to put that kind of responsibility onto his shoulders.
“Yeah, it is.” Uncle Alex looks over to the lodge fondly, where I see Jake making his way inside. “That’s why when he gave me a black eye on their first day with us, I gave him a free pass.”
I’m sorry, what? “He punched you?”
I get that their situation is shit but why the hell would he punch Uncle Alex?
He’s one of the most patient and kindest men I know.
He shrugs, “It happens from time to time.”
It happens?
Is he for real right now?
Tripping up a set of stairs just happens, intentionally punching someone in the face doesn’t tend to just happen. “Are you joking?”
“Nah but I’ve had worse from your dad and Kyle.” Winking at me, he pats me on the shoulder then walks away towards Aunty Ryleigh and I’m left staring after him with my mouth wide open.
A few seconds later, I hear a familiar voice say, “Are you okay sweetie?”
Startling at the sound of my mom’s voice, I look around to see if anyone will be able to hear us. “I think I’m only now just realizing how self-absorbed I’ve been my entire life.”
Her eyebrows crease in concern, “Why would you say something like that Olivia?”
“Because it’s true. Uncle Alex just told me that Jake punched him in the face the first time they met and that it’s happened with other kids they’ve had too.” I mean, I know they’ve had a pretty hard time getting a lot of their kids settled but I never would have thought violence would have played a part in that process.
The way he said it was like it was no big deal.
She shakes her head, “That doesn’t make you self-absorbed.”
“What does it make me then?” I’ve never even bothered to ask how they’ve going. I mean sure, I play nice with all of the kids when I meet them but I’ve never cared enough to ask them if they’re doing okay.
“It makes you an adult,” she states patiently. “Olivia sweetheart, as parents we choose to withhold certain facts about people or situations when we feel like you either don’t need to know or won’t understand something. If Alex is choosing to open up to you about certain aspects of his life, then he believes you are mature enough to handle hearing the truth.”
“So, what? You guys just go around lying to us all the time. Have you not learnt anything about what happened with Maddy?” I get omitting certain details can seem harmless but lies never end well.
Maddy could have been sold off as a sex slave in Italy by her grandfather and we never would have had a clue what happened to her.
It doesn’t do us any favors in the long run, it only makes us live a sheltered life.
Ignoring me completely, Mom asks, “Do you remember one of the first foster children Alex and Ryleigh had? A girl named Britta that was twelve years old.”
“Vaguely, but I was like five or six at the time.” What the hell does Britta have to do with anything?
Like she’s reading from an instruction manual, she states, “She was repeatedly raped by her own brother and tried to commit suicide. It was only when she confessed to a nurse in the hospital that action was taken and she was put in Alex and Ryleigh’s care.”
“Holy fuck, I had no idea.” That’s so hard core.
Britta was such a nice girl but now I understand why she was so hesitant to hang out with Tyler.
She was a lot older than us but I could never understand why she was happy to play with me but would take off to sit next to Aunty Ryleigh whenever Tyler came along to join in.
That poor fucking girl.
What I wouldn’t give to run into her piece of shit brother.
It would be a pretty good feeling to bash his head in with one of my high heels.
Mom breaks me out of my dark thought pattern when she says, “Exactly, you were too young to understand. We didn’t and still don’t want to burden you with some aspects of our lives.”
Seriously?
I’m twenty-two, I’m not a little girl anymore, I can handle a few truth bombs.
Deciding to change the subject onto something that’s been bothering me, I ask, “Do you think that’s why Ryder hasn’t opened up to me about his past?”
Having Jake, Asher and Aurora around has given me the opportunity I need to start asking questions but he still seems reluctant to delve into his past with me.
She shrugs, “Could be, or it simply could be because he isn’t ready or doesn’t want to see pity in your eyes.”
I’m quick to say, “I don’t pity him.”
I actually think it’s inspiring how well he has turned out in the face of such tragedy.
Mom eyes me critically, “Every time he mentions something about being a foster kid, your eyes well up with tears.”
“How am I not supposed to feel something about that?” And that’s not exactly the same as pitying someone.
“There’s a difference between feeling something and having sympathy for someone than showing pity. Ryder seems like a strong person and I imagine that he doesn’t want you to look down on him for the things he’s done or for the things that have happened to him.”
Why does she always have to be so rational? “I could never look down on him, I think he’s an incredible person for enduring what he has.”
Mom smiles and rubs my upper arm with her hand, “Then show him that and with time he will feel comfortable to open up to you.”
“Thanks Mom.”
“You’re welcome and if you want my opinion, I think Ryder’s a keeper.”
“I think he’s a keeper too,” I say shyly.
I’ve never had a problem talking to Mom about boys before but that’s because I’ve never really liked any of them that much.
It’s scary to think how much I already like Ryder.
Mom starts to walk towards the lodge so I follow her. “Mason won’t admit it but I think even he likes Ryder a little bit.”
My eyes light up, “Really?”
“Yes, but don’t say anything or you’ll ruin it.” We stow our gear away in the racks outside but I gently grab Mom’s arm before she walks inside. “What is it, Olivia?”
“Who was the nurse that helped Britta?”
Mom smiles at me gently, “It was Ryleigh.”
“Wow,” I breathe out. “I always knew that Aunty Ryleigh and Uncle Alex were special people but I guess I had no idea just how special they really are.”
“If you would like I can tell you a bit more about the kids they’ve had in their care or more about our family.”
“Yeah, I’d like that but maybe little bits and pieces at a time. If all the stories are like Britta’s, then I can only handle so many truth bombs at a time.” I’m still picturing little Britta’s innocent face in my mind.
No one deserves such cruelty, especially a child.
“Of course.” We both walk inside and audibly sigh from the warm air that wraps around us. “Don’t tell your father I’ve told you any of this either, he still views you as that cute little six year old girl with pigtails.”
I roll my eyes, “Don’t I know it. I remember when he found tampons in my school bag junior year and he nearly had a heart attack over the thought that I could get pregnant.”
Mom chuckles, “He also stopped doing any laundry when you got your first bra. The idea of you and Emily growing up scared the shit out of him…it still does actually.”
“He’s like a caveman.”
“Yes, he is,” she gets a wistful look over her face, “But he’s my caveman and I love that man more than anything.”
“Yuck, you’ve got that look in your eye that you get before you run off and have sex with him,” and I hate the fact that I know what the look means.
Mom grins at me, “Careful Olivia because you get that same look with Ryder and if your dad catches one glimpse of that look then you can say goodbye to sharing a room with him.”
What the hell is she talking about? “I don’t get that look.”
“Yes you do sweetheart and I think it’s wonderful you have finally fallen in love.”
“What’s with the love thing? I’m not in love, you and Emily must have taken some crazy pills before flying to Aspen.”
“It’s alright dear, it’s hard to recognize that feeling inside your chest when you’ve never felt something so strong before but believe me when I say that once you figure out that you’re in love, you will do and forgive just about anything to keep it.”
“Are you talking about you and Dad?” I ask carefully. “Tyler told me what Uncle Jayden said about you guys, that dad only found out you were pregnant by running into you on accident and that he was engaged to Maddy’s biological mom at the time.”
That story still blows my mind and I keep thinking that I’m going to wake up and it all be a dream or part of some soap opera that I’ve been watching.
She nods, “Yes and I’ve actually been waiting for you to bring it up.”
“I guess I’ve just been waiting for the right time.” That and I’ve been kind of distracted lately having Ryder around.
It’s hard to think of anything else when I’m wrapped up in his arms.
“Well, when you’re ready, I’ll tell you everything you want to know.”
“Thanks Mom.”
She turns to leave but at the last minute, points her finger at me, “But remember, don’t tell your father.”
“Roger that.” I’m not that stupid, Mom should know by now that she doesn’t need to say stuff like that to me anymore.
I have kept so many secrets from my dad over the years that I could write an entire book about them.
Searching the room for Ryder, I find him talking to Jake and after a moment of staring at him, I realize that Mom’s right and I do have a stupid wistful look on my face.
Fuck.
I am not in love.
I am not in love with Ryder.
At least, I’m pretty sure that I’m not.