Chapter 7Strategies For How To
Pick Up Girls In Fetish Clubs
Chapter 7
O
K, now we get down to the nitty gritty of it, to the heart of the matter: What are the best strategies available for picking up girls in fetish clubs?
The first point I would make is that overall there is no huge difference between what you might do in Torture Garden and what you would do in any other nightclub the world over. Attraction is attraction, game is game—it doesn’t matter so much where you are, who you are and what age you are, the fundamentals are always the same.
You will need to approach the girl you are interested in and introduce yourself. You will need to spark some kind of attraction, getting her interested in you. You will have to qualify her to show that you are the chooser and that she has to live up to your standards. You will need to get some alone time with her and escalate verbally and physically. And you will need to close the deal.
Just because she is wearing lingerie and heels and she’s in a fetish club doesn’t mean she has intrinsically changed as a person. And one thing that all students of seduction know is that there are certain stages to courtship. These remain a constant every time.
So the first thing you must do before you hit the scene is ensure that you are up to speed with your game. If there’s one thing I can guarantee it’s this: if you strike out with girls continuously in ‘normal’ clubs then you sure as hell will within the fetish environment. Because as I’ve explained, if anything these places are even more challenging than ordinary nightspots.
How best to sharpen up your game? Well, don’t worry—I will take you through how I operate on a night out in a moment. But for more general advice there literally thousands of resources online in the form of blogs, YouTube videos, books, courses and so on.
My advice, of course, is to visit my website—realtroyfrancis.com—and check out the hundreds of free articles there. You should also, if you haven’t already, grab a copy of my first book The 7 Laws of Seduction . It’s my pickup bible and explains in detailed, but easy-to-follow steps my whole seduction process. If you read that then you will be in a good place to throw yourself into game.
The other thing is that, as I hope I’ve made clear, if you really want to get in with the hottest girls on the BDSM circuit then you owe it to yourself, and them, to learn as much about BDSM as you possibly can. Again, there is a long process of education here and it is up to you to do your own research depending on the type of activity that you are drawn to. For example, if you get into tying Japanese knots then this is a huge subject area in itself, and you can watch videos and attend seminars on the subject to your heart’s content. I personally have found Domination & Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook by Michael Makai to be useful. There are many more and I encourage you to do your research and dive in. If you are really interested then there are also frequent BDSM conferences in cities across Europe and the rest of the world where different techniques and tips are taught. These can be hugely beneficial.
In today’s world, thanks in the main to the internet, there is no shortage of information, only a shortage of time or willingness to take it all in. As such it is really up to you how far down the rabbit hole you want to go. You choose.
I would recommend, though, that you spend a little time looking into the various elements of the lifestyle. Forewarned is forearmed, and the more you know beforehand the less intimidated you will be by the new environment. Also, you will be putting yourself in a better position to attract BDSM-enthused girls. And finally, as we will go on to discuss, you will find that there are elements of BDSM that will inform and improve your ‘vanilla’ dating life too.
If I go to a fetish club alone or with a wing, my primary aim in each case will be to meet and have sex with a new girl within the venue itself. This is because the clubs I go to either allow, or actually encourage, sex on the premises. The disclaimer here is that you must check what the rules are at whatever party you visit and abide by them. But given the nature of this situation, many parties will be fine about people getting naughty there, or they will, at the very least, turn a blind eye to it.
This being the case, you should always try for sex at the event itself. Not to do so is a categorical error. Not only is it true that if you take a girl’s phone number and arrange to call her another time you’ve just made it far less likely you’ll ever see her again (she’ll lose interest, forget who you are, remember that other guy she’s actually ‘dating’ or whatever) but you’re also letting her down. Why? Because a great many girls at these parties are hoping for the same thing you are—exciting, sleazy, semi-anonymous sex.
I am quite sure that a good proportion of the girls I’ve slept with at fetish events have done so in part because they were in love with the idea of being a ‘bad girl’ for the night—romanticizing the thought of stepping into a different world and doing something they wouldn’t normally do. Once a girl meets me, and she is attracted to me and comfortable, then by having sex with her I am actually granting her fantasy. Not to do so would be a disappointment.
Here, then, is my seven-point plan for meeting and seducing girls at fetish events.
The first thing that I need to do it to find an girl who is up for some fun. Typically I will spend the first couple of hours relentlessly ‘prospecting’—that is, looking for girls—and screening their levels of interest. What this generally means is approaching a large number of women with short ‘in-out’ sets to introduce myself and gauge their warmth.
In game, as is always the case, you lose more than you win. The majority of approaches you make will lead to nothing, and the majority of sets you open will be fruitless. Only the weak despair at this. Proficient players recognize that you simply have to take the good with the bad. After all, when you finally do hook up with that beautiful girl then the blowouts and rejections you received earlier in the night will all fade into nothingness.
I will usually set myself a target of ten cold approaches to girls in a night. What generally happens, though, is that this is not enough, but once I’ve got that first ten out of the way I am warmed up and ready to do another ten. At some point during these later approaches I will normally (with the stars all aligned) click with a girl who hooks, and who I can progress with.
Guys generally want the nitty-gritty on what to say. This has shifted over the years as I’ve veered from ‘indirect game’ back in the day to much more direct approaches today. So as much as I would love to be able to give that one perfect opener that will open her heart (and legs) to you, the reality is that: It just doesn’t work like that. Many ‘lines’ have worked for me over the years including ‘Hey’, ‘I’m Troy’, ‘You’re Beautiful’ and ‘You’re the second cutest girl I’ve seen here tonight’.
Recently I’ve gone with ‘Hey, I couldn’t help noticing you’re looking very pretty tonight, but blah blah blah ’ Blah blah blah will be some little diss that I’ve made up on the spur of the moment depending on her outfit, expression, way of walking, talking or standing or whatever. I personally like using the word ‘pretty’ since it indicates attraction while remaining essentially unsexual. It comes across as slightly cheeky, which is a good note to strike. But of course, all of this depends very much on your delivery. While saying ‘pretty’ suits me, it may not suit you so well. So you will need to use trial and error, and to experiment with different compliments, until you find one that works well in your voice.
Some guys will object that you are acknowledging her value upfront without her having to do anything first, which arguably puts you in a submissive position. I would say in response that my whole raison d’etre here is to save time and cut to the chase. I would also say that this is why you use a cheeky diss (not ‘ neg’) straight afterwards. You are undercutting the compliment, and putting her in a position where she feels an impulse to qualify herself. So for example, I might say something as simple as ‘Hey, I couldn’t help noticing you’re looking very pretty tonight … but you do look a little like a very angry / strict / unreliable / stressed-out fairy princess / vampire / bad angel’ (or whatever is appropriate).
At this point she should hopefully giggle and attempt to correct you. ‘No I’m not [blushes]! How can you say that you naughty cad!’
Well, you might get that reaction about once every ten opens. More often than not you’ll get indifference, or she’ll ask you why you said what you did. If you get the former then plow for a little while before moving on. If you get the latter then great—the set is now open. It is now for you to continue to build attraction and move things forward on your terms.
When I am at Torture Garden or a party that has a couple’s area or ‘playroom’ then my goal is always to get the girl to come with me to the playroom as quickly as possible. This means that I go in for the kiss early. If she’s interested then nine times out of ten she will kiss back, since we’re both here for the same thing. If she deflects or hangs back I persist a little, but if still no dice then I make my excuses and leave. I have to be ruthless about this. I am not here for polite conversations that will lead nowhere. I’m here for the sex.
As always, when I do get into a conversation with a girl that has the necessary spark and energy, I go directly to the tried-and-tested technique of ‘flipping the script’—that is, accusing her of hitting on me rather than the other way around.
I will say things like ‘I am an English gentleman and now I’m a little bit worried because I can see that you’re going to lead me astray.’ If she demurs I will simply indicate her outfit—since it will be kinky—and raise my eyebrows. I may then find out where she’s from and go into the classic routine about my mother having told me that girls from that particular part of the world are incredibly naughty and therefore a predatory danger to one as innocent and charming as me.
Of course, this is all nonsense, and unashamedly, overtly so. The idea is to make it very clear while you are talking to her that you are playing a role. Really the predator is you. The way you undress her with your eyes will tell her that. It will be unequivocal. She will know what is up and she will delight in it, even as she delights in playing along with the game of naivety that you have initiated.
If you do this well—and doing it well demands that you practice many, many times on different women before it finally becomes second nature to you—then, by this time, you should have generated a nice degree of flirtatious electricity between the two of you. This is where you want to be: this is the sweet spot. It is at this point that you must escalate.
Depending on whether she has been to the party before, I will normally offer to take her for a walk, or I’ll say there is this private room that we should really both check out, and does she want to come with me? If she is game then she’ll agree readily enough. And again, be under no illusion at this point that she doesn’t know what’s up. You are making out in a sex club. She knows what the deal is.
Lead her in the direction of the couple’s room, or playroom. If you are new to this particular venue and don’t know where it is (but you know that there is one) then lead her confidently as if you do until you find it anyway.
(And if there isn’t a couple’s room? Then find a dark corner somewhere. Or a bathroom. There will be a place for you somewhere).
At the entrance to the couple’s room at Torture Garden there will always be an attendant waiting to check whether you really are a couple before letting you in. In order to prove the point it will be necessary for you to make out in front of this person. This can actually work well as a method of initiating the makeout if it hasn’t happened yet. This is how it went with me and Liliana. She hadn’t yet agreed to the kiss but I took her to the couple’s room and with the attendant there she was happy to do so.
Once you go into the couple’s room, or play space, then it is as though you have entered a different world, for here—if it’s anything like Torture Garden—you will suddenly encounter a mass of heaving, thrusting, sweaty, sexually-engaged bodies. This is not a sight for the fainthearted. At the same time if you’ve ever watched porn it shouldn’t really phase you. It’s just like looking at real life porn happening right in front of your eyes.
Once you are in the room you should kiss her and sex should begin to happen of its own accord. In this environment of social and physical abandon the human animal seems quickly to find its equilibrium and from there things tend to run along a very smooth and natural course. I am going to emphasize here, though, that of course everything that happens must be consensual, and no one should feel made to do anything that they are not comfortable with. It is often the case, for example, that girls are not prepared to have full sex in such an environment and that is absolutely fine and understandable. There are still plenty of other ways to have fun, and some kind of orgasm is still a likely outcome in this situation.
Once you’ve had fun then it is time for you to either return to your friends, or, if you wish, you might take the girl home, or go back home with her. If you’re interested in making this an all-night thing, just seed the idea, saying ‘Well, it’s getting late. You should probably come back with me. I want to make sure you get home with me OK after all’.
Again, this is jokey—you are affecting gentlemanliness when in reality it is clear that you have something opposite to that on your mind. But you both know it and you have already been to the couple’s room together, so that’s OK.
If she says thanks but no thanks, she really has to go back to her friends now, then take her number if you want to stay in touch and say goodnight. If she’s keen to go home with you, then take charge and get the logistics—the saying goodbye to friends, getting coats from the cloakroom, booking an Uber and so on—handled with the minimum of fuss. Ideally you want to be in a taxi as quickly as possible. Any lingering will spoil the mood and break the spell that all of this is happening quickly and seamlessly.
Once you are back at your place, or hers, then there should be little delay before you are both naked. After all, you will already have been physical together in the club and the likelihood is that neither of you will want to waste any time in taking things further in private.
I use this exact seven-point plan each time I go to a fetish club and it has never let me down. Of course, that is not to say that it always goes smoothly and that I always achieve each element. That would scarcely be possible since there are so many varied, moving parts. Nevertheless, in outline the steps you have just read work for me and they’ll work for you too.
Remember, the main reason that this differs from conventional night game is that you are aiming to ‘close’—that is, be sexual with your girl—on the premises of the club. Yes, that happens in normal clubs too, but not always, and it’s not such an integral part of the experience as it is at a fetish club. In these environments, since sex—or sex with a kink at any rate—is the key selling point you must take account of this in your game.
You’ll notice that I haven’t said a great deal about kink in relation to game. That is because, in my experience, it is not always necessary to bring it into the equation if you don’t want to, or are not comfortable doing so. Look, you are already both in a fetish club and you are standing before her wearing your PVC jeans or whatever costume you have concocted. The context is clear—in her imagination you are already Christian Grey. And if you are inexperienced or unsure about how to behave in a kink setting then you are better off just treating this like a normal pickup. That is essentially what it is anyway.
If, however, you want to show a little of your BDSM credentials, then do so. For me, this is all about displaying my dominant side, since, as I’ve explained, the ‘dom’ role is the one that I am most comfortable with and the one that chimes the most with my normal ‘pickup’ persona. Fortunately, it is relatively easy to present ‘dom’ signifiers since it’s all about … well, being dominant.
Although it is contrary to PC notions of equality, we know from the popularity of 50 Shades of Grey, if nothing else, that a great many girls are turned on by taking a submissive role in sex. You’ll note my use of the word ‘role’—this is not reality. In real life, of course, girls are rocking it, taking on top jobs, crushing it and being bosses in their own right. But in the sexual realm many find it erotic to be dominated by a masculine male. This is neither good nor bad, and it doesn’t prejudice gender equality one bit. It simply means that, in BDSM terms, domination is hot for a lot of girls
Now of course, this depends entirely on the girl you approached. As I’ve said, there are also a some girls who are dominant themselves, or who have different tastes. I would maintain that you should have a pretty good idea of what she’s into before you approach. For example, since I am attracted to submissive girls I will approach those who give off that vibe and nine times out of ten I am correct (apart from with the ball-torturer I mentioned earlier, of course!) But you have to sound her out a little first: test the waters to try to determine what her actual tastes are.
If you are confident that she is the submissive type and that she is keen for you to act the dom, now you can begin to bring little elements of dom behavior into your seduction. These will be verbal and physical.
This all about telling her who’s boss—literally. A key element of BDSM domination the use of language as a medium of control and even humiliation (and again, I should emphasize that this is playacting and that it doesn’t reflect realities outside of the ‘scene’ you are playing).
The types of things you might consider saying are as follows:
And so on. You get the idea. You can improvise your own lines, but the aim is always to position her as the bad girl who is now ‘in trouble’ and about to receive punishment for her misdeeds from you, the dominant one.
The important thing is that you say these things confidently. It can take a bit of doing, particularly if you’re new at it, but it has to be believable . She has buy into you in that role so that she can eroticize the situation in her imagination. If you sound weak or unsure of yourself then you will lose the frame and she will lose attraction for you.
Remember: the whole point of being a dominant male is that you dominate. If you fail to do so then you set yourself up for your own humiliation.
Again, it goes without saying that any physical touch you initiate must be entirely consensual—she must be enthusiastic about what you are doing—and if at any point she indicates that she is not happy with what’s going on then you must stop.
Many couples agree on a ‘safe word’ between them before playing. When your partner says the word, you know to stop what you are doing immediately.
That out of the way, there are various ways you can demonstrate dominance physically in a club situation. These include:
You don’t have to go full throttle with any of these things. Just peppering them in to spice up the dish will do a lot of work for you. I will use these things sparingly to show that I can dominate her and that I am not afraid to do so, but I don’t overdo it. Better to give little hints of what is to come, rather than giving away the ending of the play in the first act.
As you get to know her more over the course of the night, and beyond that, depending on how long your relationship endures, you can of course extend your activities as you each find out together what the other enjoys and desires. If you end up in a longer-term relationship, or with fuck-buddy status, then you can have a lot of fun exploring together. To expand your sexual repertoire you can watch YouTube videos and go to clubs and parties together. Believe me, while it is a lot of fun going to a fetish event solo in order to meet women, it can also be a lot of fun going with a girl you are already sleeping with— the club atmosphere will add a huge erotic charge and you will have a great time.
There is also of course the opportunity to involve other people—preferably girls—in your play. If the girl you are with has any bisexual tendencies at all then she may well be happy to work with you in recruiting other hot girls to enjoy fun times with you.