15

Dear Everett,

When I was a kid, I loved riding my bike as fast as it could go, until I broke my arm, ended my parents’ marriage, and became the outcast of my middle school.

Scratch that. Too pathetic.

Dear Everett,

When I was a kid, I loved watching gory movies because it was fun to be scared. But then I realized that life itself is terrifying, and why should I voluntarily put myself into a scary situation?

Nope. Way too honest.

Dear Everett,

Sometimes when I watch your show, I feel like you would truly understand me, if we knew each other in real life. Like you would let me be myself, or find myself, instead of pushing me to be the person you think I should be. Also, you have extremely attractive hands and they’ve been the subject of several erotic daydreams.

Wow, no. Too “Call the authorities. This woman’s going to appear outside your front door.”

“Are you okay, dear?”

Teddy blinked a few times and stood up straight. “What’s that?”

Josie peered at her over her glasses. “You were staring into space and muttering to yourself.”

Teddy shook her head a few times, like a dog shaking off water. “Sorry. I’m . . .”

Well, she’d been mentally composing an email to Everett St. James, which wasn’t something she could explain to Josie right now. Not without a lot of backstory, anyway.

Josie patted her on the shoulder. “Scares the customers, you know. The muttering.”

Teddy smiled. “Right.”

Carlos was in the back corner talking about LEGO with a customer. Josie and Teddy watched him as he smiled, gestured wildly, and nodded in agreement at something the customer said.

“Why doesn’t Carlos talk to me like that?” Teddy asked, frowning. “I’m always asking him how his weekend went and all I get are monosyllabic responses. I think he hates me.”

Or maybe, she wondered, Carlos was just like her. Maybe he had someone telling him that his life was small, someone who made him feel like what he had to say didn’t matter. Maybe, Teddy thought, she should try to be Carlos’s friend.

Josie waved her off. “I think you’d have to take an original Darth Vader action figure out of the packaging to make Carlos hate you. Carlos and I talk all the time. He just takes a little time to warm up to people, and he mostly likes to talk about toys—no one knows about this stuff like him.”

“Hey,” Teddy said, mock-offended, “I know quite a bit about the world of vintage toys, thank you very much.”

Josie lightly swatted her on the arm. “Yeah, but you’re here for the paycheck and the sparkling conversation with yours truly. Carlos lives and breathes this stuff. Look at him over there, convincing that customer that they simply have to buy a LEGO pirate ship.”

Teddy knew this was meant to be a compliment to Carlos, not a dig at her, but it still smarted. Of course it wasn’t her passion. She didn’t even have a passion. Not vintage toys or metalworking or Jazzercise or . . .

“Josie,” Teddy said, turning to face Josie with such intensity that Josie stumbled backward and bumped into the register. “Can I come with you to Jazzercise some time?”

Josie stared at her, confused. “But I’ve been asking you to come to Jazzercise for years.”

“I know,” Teddy acknowledged.

“And you always say no, on account of you ‘don’t like to move your body in front of people.’”

Teddy nodded.

“That was a direct quote,” Josie reminded her.

“True.”

“You also said, ‘I have the coordination of a college girl wearing one high heel at one a.m. on High Street.’”

Teddy frowned. She didn’t remember saying that, but she must have, because that was the description of a real girl she’d seen once, years ago, leaning on her girlfriends. She often wondered about her. Did she ever find her other shoe, or was it still missing, waiting for its owner to sober up and come back for it? It made her feel sad to think about, like when she saw a lonely, waterlogged stuffed animal on the side of the street.

“Okay, okay, okay, I said a lot of things about Jazzercise and my disinterest in it,” Teddy said with a wave of her hands, wiping the chalkboard clean. “But I may have reacted too hastily. Because now I would very much like to try it.”

Teddy didn’t really want to try Jazzercise. In fact, she was terrified of entering a room full of women in workout gear and dancing to popular music. It all sounded horrifying and embarrassing and a situation in which there might be a hidden camera recording her for the express purpose of putting the video on Twitter, after which it would go viral and spawn a bunch of news stories and Halloween costumes (“Jazzercise Girl,” they’d call her).

“I would love nothing more than to bring you to Jazzercise,” Josie said. “But what’s gotten into you? Did your doctor tell you to get more physical activity? Because you’re quite sedentary. And your posture. Yeesh.” Josie grimaced.

Teddy hesitated. She wasn’t planning on telling anyone about Teddy Time. She could only imagine telling her family about this and what her mother would say. Teddy, it’s not that difficult. Just follow each step of my ten-step plan, the one I concocted without any input from you.

But this wasn’t her mother. This was Josie, and Josie wouldn’t pressure her.

“I’m trying to do one thing every day that scares me,” Teddy explained. “It’s something we all came up with together, Eleanor and Kirsten and me. It’s because I spent so much time not doing what I wanted, or not even knowing what I wanted, because of . . . well . . .”

“Rick the Dick,” Josie said, shaking her head as if she’d gotten a surprise taste of something rotten.

Teddy couldn’t help but let out a tiny laugh. “Okay, I get it. You don’t like Richard.”

Josie widened her eyes. “It’s not that I don’t like him. It’s that I want to drop him into a volcano.”

Teddy lowered her head into her hands.

Josie waved a hand. “Teddy, the man was the pits. He was a looker, sure, but you can’t coast on looks forever, believe me.”

“Oh, now, Josie, you’re still beautiful—” Teddy said, but Josie cut her off.

“I wasn’t talking about myself. But most men? Well, no matter how cute they are in their twenties, you’d better mentally prepare yourself for the day they’re red-faced and alcohol bloated and wearing stained clothing.”

“Thank you for the advice,” Teddy said with a nod. “I’ll file it away for future use.”

“All I’m saying is that Richard didn’t treat you right, but I never said anything because what’s the point? People have to make their own decisions, even if their slightly older but much wiser boss tells them the truth. But now that you two are for sure done . . .” She trailed off, raising her eyebrows.

“We’re done.”

“Then, okay, he was the human embodiment of spoiled milk,” Josie said, throwing her hands in the air.

Teddy sighed. “Well, as terrible as you think he was, I was happy to follow him around, because I had no idea what I should actually do. But now he’s not here, and I am. So I’m trying things myself.”

Josie’s face exploded into one of her giant Josie Smiles—Teddy often thought that someone should bottle and sell that joy. You could make millions.

“You and your friends are smart girls,” she said. “This is exactly what you need. The best way to get over a terrible man is by getting into bed with a new one, but this sounds like the second best way.”

Teddy’s mouth fell open in shock. “Josie! What are you talking about? You haven’t been with anyone since John died!”

“Ah.” Josie patted Teddy’s hands. “But John wasn’t a terrible man. He was a fantastic one. And besides, who says I haven’t been with a man? You meet a lot of men with a hobby like metalworking.”

“Josie McNealy,” Teddy said in wonder, “you’re full of surprises.”

“So are you, my dear,” Josie said, turning to look at her again. “Jazzercise is tonight at seven p.m. Think you can make it?”

Teddy grimaced. “Carlos is closing, so I guess so.”

She started to panic. It was finally starting to hit her that she was going to an exercise class. Most of her experience with exercise involved (a) kids in elementary school gym class making fun of her for her terrible kickball performance, (b) passing out while running a mile in high school, and (c) doing a yoga video on YouTube when Richard walked in and laughed at her “terrible form.” In retrospect, what did he know about yoga? He was a dermatologist, not a fitness instructor. But still, it had left a mark.

“What do I wear?” asked Teddy, because sometimes the best way to manage anxiety was by making sure one had the right outfit.

Josie waved her off. “Whatever you want. Find some fun leggings. We’re not too serious over at Jazzercise.”

“Fun leggings,” Teddy said, nodding, as if that was a thing she owned. Maybe she had time to run by a store after work. She made a mental note to google “fun leggings store.” “Sure.”

“Teddy,” Josie said, squeezing her shoulder, “we’re all a big family at Jazzercise. One big happy, sweaty family. Everyone’s gonna be glad to see you, and no one’s gonna judge you.”

Teddy nodded, but she wasn’t so sure.

The customer left, and Carlos came back up to the counter. He didn’t make eye contact with Teddy or Josie as he unlocked the display case behind the counter and put the pirate ship back in.

“See you tonight at seven,” Josie said, and then to Carlos, “You wanna join us for Jazzercise tonight, sweet pea?”

Carlos smiled at Josie. Carlos never smiles at me, Teddy thought jealously. “I’m good. Thanks,” he said, then opened a comic book and started reading as he leaned on the counter.

“Your loss!” Josie called as she walked to the back room.

“Carlos,” Teddy said so loudly that Carlos actually jumped, “how was your weekend?”

Carlos looked back at his comic book. “Mmmm,” he said noncommittally.

Teddy frowned. She was going to befriend Carlos if it was the last thing she did. “I brought in some pumpkin muffins. Would you like one?”

Carlos shook his head without looking up. “No, thank you.”

The bell above the door rang and the Mysterious Bathroom Bandit came stomping in, newspaper under his arm.

“Hello!” Teddy said with a smile, and he grunted as he walked past her. Carlos kept reading.

As the bathroom door slammed, Teddy turned to Carlos. “Are you familiar with the Mysterious Bathroom Bandit? He comes in here most mornings to use the bathroom. He’s borderline rude and I don’t know what his deal is, but he doesn’t make a mess, so I don’t stop him.”

Carlos stopped reading and looked up, meeting Teddy’s eyes for the first time that day. This is it, Teddy thought. Finally, a real conversation, one where Carlos and I will become actual friends who have a fun inside joke about a regular, and I’ll be assured that he doesn’t hate me.

“Can’t say that I’ve noticed,” Carlos said, then returned to his comic book.

Teddy slumped over the counter, deflated. After a few minutes had passed, the Mysterious Bathroom Bandit opened the bathroom door and stalked back through the shop.

“Thanks for stopping in! Great to catch up!” Teddy called after him, and he gave his typical grunt in response.

Teddy sighed. She was starting to take all this rejection a bit personally.