45

Typically, dinner at her mother’s house filled Teddy with a cocktail shaker’s worth of contradictory feelings: love, resentment, shame, guilt. But tonight, as she climbed the wooden stairs of the porch, she hummed “Almost like Being in Love” to herself. Today, she was a straight shot of one feeling and one feeling only: she was completely and utterly smitten.

Just thinking about Everett now made Teddy want to swoon, literally. She wanted to pretend her mom’s porch swing was a fainting couch and flop onto it, holding a hand to her forehead, and then ask someone to bring her a glass of water and gently fan her face. But she knew she couldn’t share the details of her newfound romantic relationship with her family. It probably wasn’t in her mother’s detailed plans for her.

Instead, she knocked and walked on in.

“Why are you whistling?” asked Emma, who was walking down the stairs.

“Am I?” Teddy grinned. “I didn’t know. Because I’m happy, I guess.”

Emma studied her. “When I’m happy,” she said, “I like to scream.”

Teddy nodded. “That’s certainly one way to handle it.”

Emma sighed the heavy sigh of a small child. “Mom says don’t. She said the neighbors will worry.”

“Your mom might have a point,” Teddy agreed. “Screaming does tend to upset people.”

Emma hopped down the last few stairs. “Grandma made enchiladas. I don’t like enchiladas. Once Liam ate too much of them and then he threw up on the rug in the hallway and Daddy had to clean it up. Also once I threw up after I ate too many Popsicles and the throw-up was bright blue.”

“Wow,” Teddy said. “I can see why that might put you off enchiladas for a while.”

Teddy was learning, through her niece and nephew, that the best way to talk to children was often to step back and let them steer, while occasionally asking a question or two.

“Come on,” Emma said, grabbing Teddy’s hand. “I got a new pony.”

“Okay!” Teddy let Emma drag her into the living room, where, true to her word, there was a glittery pink pony next to all of Emma’s other ponies.

Teddy sat down on the floor, tucking her feet underneath her. “Is this a unicorn?”

“No,” Emma said, squinting at her. “It doesn’t have a horn. See? Unicorns have horns.”

“Ah, right,” Teddy said. “I don’t know how I forgot that. I’m pretty silly, I guess.”

“You are silly,” Emma muttered, now focused on combing her horse’s hair.

“You’re here!” Teddy’s mother emerged from the kitchen, drying her hands on a dish towel. “I like your dress. You hungry?”

“Literally always,” Teddy said.

When all of them were seated around the table, Teddy noticed that her sister kept staring at her. After her fifth time looking up and meeting her eyes, Teddy asked, “What?”

“Something’s different about you,” Sophia said, eyes narrowed.

“I have a new lipstick,” Teddy said, taking a bite. “Berry Crush.”

“You look nice in berry shades,” her mother said. “Not me. They make the veins in my face visible. I put on a berry lipstick, and boom, my face looks all blue. How are the enchiladas?”

“They’re great, and I don’t think that’s true,” Teddy said.

“Craig,” Sophia said, “don’t you think there’s something different about Teddy?”

“Make sure you take some with you,” her mother said. “I’ll never eat all these enchiladas by myself.”

Craig stopped shoveling enchiladas in his mouth long enough to peer over at Teddy. “The, uh . . . the, um . . . Is your hair a different color?”

“No, Craig,” Teddy said, suppressing a smile. “My hair is the same color it’s been since I was born.”

“I mean, like”—Sophia waved her hand, frustrated—“your attitude. You’re sitting up straight and smiling.”

“She’s whistling,” Emma said. “I wish I could whistle. I can only scream.”

“No screaming at the table,” Craig and Sophia said at the same time.

“Are you on a new supplement or something?” Sophia asked once it was clear that Emma wasn’t about to start screaming. “Vitamin D? I hear it’s great for you.”

“Um . . .” Teddy looked around the table. Her mother and Sophia were staring at her. Liam was picking his nose. Emma was hiding tomatoes under a napkin. Craig was eating as if someone might pull his plate away at any moment.

Of course she was different. She felt different. She’d kissed Everett St. James multiple times, once near dangerous reptiles, and now all she could think about was kissing him again.

But she didn’t want to tell her family that. It all felt too private. So instead, she found unexpected words coming out of her mouth.

“Well, actually . . . I’m taking over Colossal Toys. Josie’s retiring and she wants me to be the new owner.”

Her mother put down her fork and stared, openmouthed. “Teddy! This is great news!”

“Wow,” Sophia said, but she didn’t sound excited. She stared at Teddy as if she could read her thoughts.

“It is great news,” Teddy said, looking at Sophia.

“This is amazing,” her mother said, looking at Teddy as if she’d just announced she was the recipient of a MacArthur Fellowship. “Teddy, I’m so proud of you for stepping up and taking over.”

“Yeah, well.” Teddy twirled her fork in the air and lightly said, “I guess I am pretty amazing.”

Her mother shook her head in wonder. “Look at my girls. All grown-up and taking over the world. A lawyer and a business owner. You know, when you’re a single parent, sometimes you worry . . .”

Teddy’s mom paused, dabbing at her eyes with her napkin. Oh, no, Teddy thought. Her mother was one of those people who rarely slowed down, but if she ever had the opportunity to think for a moment and get in her feelings (like if, for example, she heard a Mariah Carey song on the local easy-listening radio station), she could have a weepy sob fest with the best of them. And Teddy was afraid one of them was coming on right now.

“You worry that you can’t help your kids all on your own. And it’s hard to do it alone. I hope the two of you never have to find out.”

Teddy’s mother shot a glance at Sophia, who frowned. “I’m pretty sure Craig’s not going anywhere. Craig, are you planning on leaving the family?”

“Nope!” Craig said cheerfully through a mouthful of rice. Honestly, Teddy admired Craig’s ability to take her family’s conversations in stride. Perhaps she should strive to be so unbothered.

Teddy’s mom turned to look back at her, and Teddy waited a moment before realizing what her mother was asking. “No, Mom, I don’t have immediate plans to become a single parent. I’m not pregnant. Look at me. I’m drinking wine.”

“You’ve had, like, two sips,” Craig said. “Pretty sure pregnant people can have that much.”

“How would you know, Craig?” Teddy asked.

He shrugged. “I read a headline. I don’t know. Don’t quote me on it.”

“I won’t,” Teddy muttered, then tipped her glass back to take a dramatic swig while staring at him.

“All I’m saying,” her mother continued, “is that there are a lot of people in the world who will make a single mom feel like she’s doing something wrong or like she’s already screwed up before she’s even begun. But you two are proof that I did an okay job. My two girls, taking over the world.”

Teddy smiled with her lips closed. It was hard to muster a real smile when what she’d told her mother was a lie. Well, not necessarily a lie. She might take over the shop; after all, she loved Josie, and she wanted to make her happy. But did she really want to run a vintage toy store for the foreseeable future?

She wasn’t so sure.

But it had taken only one sentence to make her mother happy, so she was glad she’d said it. And she could still do it! Maybe. Probably. She’d talk to Josie about it soon.

“A toast,” Teddy’s mother said. “To my two beautiful, amazing, successful daughters. Don’t forget to take some food home with you.”

They all raised their wineglasses (except for the kids, who raised their juice cups), and Teddy smiled as she tried to ignore the feeling in the pit of her stomach that something was deeply, deeply wrong.