10.02 pm: Mr Elephant Ears and his son make their way along a dark track. We stay as close as we dare. Of course we could stay a whole lot closer if Ben wasn’t dancing the conga and lighting up the bush.

‘Da-da ... da-da ... da ... hey!’

Ben’s singing is also making it difficult for me to get the facts straight in my mind. But as far as I can make out, this is what we know for certain (I think):

1. Mr Elephant Ears is a bad driver.

2. He has a very mean son with green hair (Toilet Brush Head).

3. Mr Elephant Ears has something to do with a mine.

4. Rare ghost bats live in the mine.

5. Ghost bats wee on boys’ heads.

The things we need to know (I’m certain):

1. Are ghost bats related to Master Yoda?

2. If so, have they thought about becoming movie stars?

3. Can Lachlan drive a car better than Mr Elephant Ears?

4. Has Mr Elephant Ears thought about getting driving lessons?

5. What does Mr Elephant Ears want with a mine full of bats?

I have to admit, that’s a lot to find out before midnight – when the fireworks go off and I have to go home.

But as we walk on, I get the feeling that our questions could soon be answered. Just ahead is the Private Property sign and the old house that we’d visited earlier.

‘Look, there’s a light on,’ Mimi says. ‘Looks like someone’s already at home.’

The ute that almost ran over me this morning is parked in front of the house. Mr Elephant Ears and Toilet Brush Head walk past it and through the front door of what was going to be my best-ever secret base.

‘I’m going to see what they’re doing,’ Lachlan says.

I watch as he creeps up to the house and stands silently beside one of the windows. Then I turn my attention to the ute. There’s a tarpaulin pulled over the back.

I pull a corner of the cover back as quietly as I can. Ben comes to investigate.

‘That’s a lot of dog food in there,’ he says, shining his headlamp onto a stack of boxes.

‘It’s not dog food,’ I reply, reading the wording on the side of one of the boxes. ‘It’s explosives. Something is about to be blown sky high.’

I fold the tarpaulin cover back over the explosives, but I’m not as quiet as I should be. It lands on the back of the ute with a bang.

From out of the grass, a dog with fierce red eyes jumps to its feet. It’s snarling and barking like it’s ready to bite someone’s leg off. And I think it’s going to be mine.

‘Stand your ground. Stand your ground’, I think. The only way to beat an angry dog is to show no fear.

‘Run for your life. Run for your life’, my body tells me. The only way to beat an angry dog is to get out of there fast.

My body wins the argument. I dive into the ute through the driver’s window, pulling Ben and Mimi along behind me. The dog bounds after us. He jumps up at the door and scratches at the side of the ute.

‘The kangaroo bones!’ I shout at Ben. I’m struggling to get the words out fast enough.

‘Quick! Throw one to the dog!’

Ben tosses a bone out of the window. It’s not a big one, but it’s big enough for the dog to spot. The dog catches it in midair, gives Ben a big doggy-type grin and trots off into the grass to enjoy his prize.

‘I think you’ve made a friend,’ I say.

Three cheers for the Stink Collector. But make them quick.

The front door of the house squeaks open.

‘Someone’s coming!’ I whisper.

I peek through the back window as Mr Elephant Ears walks out of the house. He squints into the darkness.

‘Kangaroos,’ he shouts back towards the house. ‘Must be a couple of roos out here.’

Mr Elephant Ears paces up and down in front of the house. He stops to give the dog a pat and then starts walking towards the bush.

Flying custard pies! He’s coming this way!

I duck down out of sight. Dry sticks snap outside the ute as he gets closer. I wonder what he’s going to say when he opens the ute door and sees three children lying on the seat.

‘Oh, how nice to see you. Would you like a packet of marshmallows’? I don’t think so.

‘Get out of my car or I’ll feed you to the dog’, is probably more likely.

Everything goes quiet for a moment. Then I hear the sound of water running onto the grass. Why would anyone be watering the lawn at this time of the night? Does he think he can break water restrictions just because it’s the middle of the night and he’s in the bush? Well, I’ve got news for him. I’m going to report him to the local council. He’s going to get a fine for this. I peek out through the window. He’s hosing the grass all right, but he’s not using water.

Yuk. It’s coming from his pants.

Mr Elephant Ears zips up his jeans and returns to the house.

Mimi, Ben and I are still in the ute, when a figure sprints out of the shadows. I lean out of the ute window and wave my arms. Lachlan scurries towards us. He looks like he’s just been told he’s having jellyfish with chilli sauce for dinner. He doesn’t look good.

‘Listen,’ Lachlan whispers clambering into the ute. ‘I heard Mr Elephant Ears and his mate talking in there. You won’t believe what they’re about to do.’