Saturday morning they went for a ride. She hadn’t been on horseback in years and wasn’t looking forward to the soreness, but she wanted to see the parts of the ranch she hadn’t had the chance to explore.
They saddled up and headed out after breakfast. Ryne expertly maneuvered them along the trails. She’d brought her camera and clicked away as they rode through the tall grasses and flowers. In the distance, she was able to frame a cow standing amidst the grasses that were swaying in the gentle breeze. She took frame after frame as they rode along.
They came upon a copse of trees and saw a hawk hanging precariously from one of its upper branches. She zoomed in and caught what appeared to be a mouse clasped in its beak. Clicking away, she caught the eye of the bird as though it were looking directly at her through the lens of the camera.
The sky was bluer than blue with cirrocumulus clouds swirling above. She knew the clouds alone would greatly impact the depth of her shots. Ryne stopped and she clicked a picture of his back, tall grasses surrounded him and his horse with the blue skies above, adding to the element of the photo. She thought she’d title it: A cowboy making the rounds.
They rode for almost an hour before he stopped at a nearby stream. He jumped off his horse and helped her down. “I think the horses need a break.” He led them to the stream so they could drink the cool waters.
She made her way to a large rock that sat along the bank. She eased herself down as her muscles began to stiffen up. “Sore?”
“A little. It’s been a long time since I’ve ridden.”
“When we get back, I’ll fix you up. My mom’s got some ointment you can apply.” He joined her on the rock and stretched his arm behind her. “Lean on my arm.” She leaned against him as they watched the water swirl around the larger stones in the stream.
“It’s an absolutely gorgeous day out here. I hate to go home tomorrow.”
“I know, but you need to get back, and I have to ramp up my training.”
“Speaking of training, and please be honest with me, how is your hip? I’ve noticed you flinch on occasion, and I can’t believe riding a horse is helping much.”
“Actually, it’s improved since we’ve been here. Don’t ask me why, but it has.” He leaned over her shoulder, looking her in the eyes, “I promise to have it checked out if it keeps acting up. I don’t want to lose my career over something stupid like this.”
“You took a hard hit. It wasn’t a stupid injury.”
“Yeah, well I probably could have prevented it somehow.” He kissed her cheek and moved. He straddled her from behind so she could lean against his chest. “Better?”
“Much.”
She seemed relaxed as he ran his hand up and down her arm trying to find the words that he wanted to say. He’d thought about her career often since they’d been traveling and believed now was the time to discuss it. “Did you get many photos today? I heard you clicking away.”
“I got a few. Actually, some good ones, I think.”
“I’ll have to bring you out here during the winter. If you think it’s beautiful now, wait until you see the ranch covered in snow.”
“Maybe one day I’ll see it.”
“Not maybe, I’m sure you will.” He pulled her closer and nuzzled her cheek. “Honey, you know how much I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“Then please listen to what I have to say, okay? Don’t judge me. I want you to know that I’m looking out for your best interests.”
She tentatively uttered, “Okay.”
He wasn’t sure where to begin so he stated the obvious. “What I’ve noticed is the smile on your face, the gleam of your eyes, and the sense of calm you exude when you have your camera in hand. You’re happy, at peace. You’re in a world all of your own, in a zone where no one and nothing seems to bother you. You’re at your happiest.” She nodded as she listened.
“Then, when I see you at school, you’re tense, unsettled. You don’t seem to smile, and when you do it doesn’t show through to your eyes. You seem unhappy— like you’re just going through the motions to make it through the day. I know you’re one hell of a teacher, but in all honesty, I don’t think you’re happy teaching. I know you love the children, but where I see you the happiest is behind the lens of a camera. I’ve seen such a change in you in the little time I’ve known you. I think you should consider returning full time to photography. Open that studio and reclaim the dreams you had before your dad died. I believe it’s where your heart is.”
The entire time he spoke she never said a word. He wasn’t sure if she was still listening. He leaned up and noticed the stream of tears falling from her eyes.
“Hey, I didn’t mean for you to cry. I just wanted you to know what I saw. I want you happy and not sad. So please stop crying.”
She turned in his arms and placed her hands on either side of his face. Smiling at him through her tears, she told him what she’d been contemplating.
“Did you speak with your mom?”
“No, why? Should I have?”
“No, forget about it.” She brushed aside her tears, “You know me too well. I’ve been having those same thoughts of late myself. Since Johnston asked me to have a showing, I’ve felt renewed and more at peace. I can’t deny that I’ve had my days, more so of late, thinking about my parents, what my life may have looked like if they hadn’t died. Then, I contemplate what my future could be. You? Your family? Photography? My life seems more enriched with you in it. I love your family; they’ve made me feel so at home— like I’m already one of them. And, yes, photography has been a big part of my life— a life I don’t know how I lived without for so long.
“I’ve decided to see how the gallery showing goes. If I do well and my photographs are accepted, then I’ve decided that I’m going to take that chance. I’m going to resign my position at Lakeview at the end of the school year and open a studio.”
“Oh honey, that’s fabulous news. I’m so proud of you.” He leaned in and kissed her. “Now, one more thing.”
“What’s that,” she said dejectedly.
“I think you should add sports photography to your arsenal. The images you’ve taken of the players on the ice are remarkable. I still can’t get over the picture of Derrick and the ice spraying up all around him. That’ll catch a huge price, I’m sure of it.”
“Glad you liked it.”
“No, seriously, you need to think about it. Whatever you decide, I’ll support you one hundred and ten percent. You’ve got the talent, now all you need to do is showcase it.”
He felt her relax. She rested her head against his chest as they sat watching the stream flow in front of them. In the distance they heard the mooing of the cattle and the whinnying of their horses. Life was good and he was ever thankful that he got through that conversation. He hadn’t been sure how she’d take his remarks and instead was pleasantly surprised. He wasn’t sure what to make of the comment she made about his mother. He made a mental note to speak with her when they returned to the house.
When his stomach began to rumble, he noticed the time. “Hungry?”
“I am.”
“Let’s head back. I’m starved.” He slid off the rock and reached for her. Hand-in-hand they returned to the horses and in what seemed a much shorter trip, reached home. Jacklynne met them on the porch.
“I’ve been waiting on you to serve lunch.”
“Sorry about that,” Jen shyly said. “Ryne was showing me the parts of the ranch I hadn’t seen yet. It’s so beautiful out there. I can see where one could easily get lost in thought.”
“Is that what happened?” She chuckled.
“In fact, it is, Mother.” He watched as Jen hobbled into the house. “She’s definitely going to be sore.”
“I’ll fix her up.”
“I’m sure you will. Hey, Mom, I need to ask you a question.”
“Sure, Son.”
“Have you and Jen had a chat since she’s been here?”
“We did. She told me about her parents. Poor dear, my heart went out to her. She was so young to have gone through that.”
“Did you discuss anything else?” He watched as she contemplated his question. “Mom?”
“In fact, we did. We discussed her career. She told me what she’d given up, and I encouraged her to reclaim her dream. Something wrong with that?”
“No.” He ran his hand across his jaw. “That’s why we were running late. I was talking to her about the same thing, more or less.”
“What did she say?”
“If the showing goes well, she’s going to give it a shot.” Sighing he said, “I’m glad she made that decision without my influence. I’ve wanted to talk to her about her career for weeks. I was waiting for the right time.”
His mother approached, placing her hand on his forearm. “Honey, what did you see?”
“As soon as she picked up her camera, I saw a happy Jen. I told her how happy she seems with her camera in hand. She’s more relaxed and comfortable with everything. I’ve seen her in the classroom and she’s tense and doesn’t smile. Like she doesn’t want to be there and doesn’t know how to leave. I realize she needed to take the time and grieve her parents. The memories may have been too close to her, and she probably did need to distance herself from it for a while, but now I see she needs it to survive. I feel she was living just to live. She wasn’t enjoying her life. I’ve seen a huge difference in her since we came here. With camera in hand, she seems alive, and that’s where I want her to be. Happy and loving life.”
“Could you possibly be a part of why she’s happy now?”
“Maybe, I don’t know.” He paused and smirked at his mother. “What I do know is I love her with every breath I take. I want to see her happy, and I’m going to do everything in my power to ensure that she is.” His mom leaned in and kissed his cheek.
“Come on, everyone’s waiting to eat.”
He walked beside his mother and realized how lucky he was to have her in his life. She’d quickly recognized Jen’s unhappiness, as that’s what he liked to call it, and spoke to her about it. Just as a mother would. He was ever-thankful that their stay had gone as well as it had.
After they ate, Jacklynne checked on Jen who had gone to lie down for a bit. She knocked on her bedroom door and heard a whisper of a response. She cracked open the door and found her sprawled across the bed. “How are you honey?”
“I’m okay.”
“Sore?”
“Yeah, I am. I haven’t used those muscles in forever. Guess I’ll have to work on strengthening my core for my next visit.”
She approached her and sat down on the edge of the bed. “I brought you some ointment for the pain. I’ll leave it here and you can apply it.”
“Thanks.”
She reached for her hand and patted it lightly. “Honey, I’m so glad we’ve had this time. I’d like to invite you for the holidays. I know this is a little premature, but I’d love it if you could return with or without Ryne. As far as I’m concerned, you’re now a part of this family.”
“I appreciate the offer, but I wouldn’t feel right not coming with Ryne.”
“Let’s play it by ear. Maybe he’ll have some time off and you can come together. I’d love to share the holidays with you.”
Jacklynne watched the emotions cross her face. She smiled at first and then she saw the pain and the tears form. “Don’t cry. Oh my, I didn’t want to upset you with my invitation. I did it because I love you, sweetie, and I know you love my son. I’d hoped to convey our acceptance of you into the family.”
“You did. I apologize for being a tad bit emotional. I seem to have been that way all day.” She played with the comforter, straightening it and patting her hand along the edges. She rolled her lips as she tried to contain her emotions. Looking back up at Jacklynne, “I’ve really enjoyed my stay. I love you and Jacques and everyone. From the moment I got out of the car, I felt like I was accepted into your family. I have to admit, I was a tad bit nervous meeting everyone. I didn’t think I’d remember everyone’s names— I mean, I knew the names but I wasn’t sure I’d get the name with the face.” She laughed at her statement.
“But then, I felt like I’d known you forever. I feel so comfortable here. I can be myself and not worry about saying or doing something wrong. And Ryne, he’s been wonderful. When we first met, it wasn’t under the best of circumstances, but he forgave me for almost running him down, and we’ve been together pretty much ever since.”
“I heard about your first meeting. That will definitely be something your children will get a kick out of. Mom almost ran Dad down.” She noticed the look on her face. “I’m sorry, honey. I don’t want to imply anything.”
“I understand but it is a pretty funny story.” Jen sat up and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. Jacklynne slipped her arm around her. “I love him.”
“Oh, honey, I know you do. I took one look at you when you got out of the car and I knew. He can’t take his eyes off of you and vice versa.”
“Sometimes I get this overwhelming feeling like it can’t be. How can I be this lucky to have found him?”
“Sweetheart, I don’t understand.”
“Nothing good happens to me.”
“Oh, honey,” she pulled her into her arms. “Don’t think like that.”
“I can’t help it. My parents died and I lost my way.” She took a deep breath. “But now, I think I’ve found it. You and Ryne have seen something in me that I didn’t. You both knew how photography impacted my life and how much I need it.” She pulled away from her. “Jacklynne, you’ve filled my heart. I can’t replace my mom, but…”
Jacklynne’s eye rounded in alarm. “Oh, honey, no, I wouldn’t expect you to.”
“I just want to say that you are important to me. I know I can’t see the future, and I definitely can’t see whether Ryne and I will make it or not, but what I do know is you’ve become very important to me, and I hope we can stay in touch.”
Jacklynne tucked a wisp of hair behind Jen’s ear and patted her shoulder. “Sweetheart, of course.”
They were interrupted by the ringing of the phone. “I should get that as we’re the only ones in the house, and I always worry about the boys when they’re on the range.”
Jacklynne hurried from the room. Jen knew she could never replace her mother, but if she could, this woman would be the perfect choice. She groaned as she stood.
Instead of applying the ointment, Jen decided instead to take a walk. She wanted to visit the pond one more time before leaving. She wasn’t exactly sure where Ryne was but that was okay. She felt at home and comfortable enough taking a stroll.
Her back seemed tight as she threw on her shoes and headed out the door. She hoped her walk loosened up her sore muscles. She wasn’t sure where Jacklynne was, so she left her a note telling her she was heading out to the pond. Camera in hand she strolled down the trail. She stopped when she saw a rabbit nibbling on the grass. Next, she caught a butterfly as it fluttered through the flowers. So beautiful. I’m going to miss it out here.
She neared the pond and sat down on the bench that sat along the edge. She was lost in thought when a shadow crossed her path. Before she could react, a hand grasped her shoulder. “Hey, you okay?”
She turned her head and was surprised to see Philippe standing beside her. “Hi.”
“Are you okay? I called your name several times and you didn’t answer. I didn’t want to frighten you.”
“You didn’t. I was daydreaming. I’ve fallen in love with the ranch. I don’t want to go home.”
“Then stay.”
“I wish I could, but I can’t. Ryne can’t either.”
“Yeah, I know, but I could hope.”
She patted the seat next to her which he took. “I know how close you and Ryne are.”
“He’s my brother.”
“I realize but it’s more than that.”
He hung his head low over his bent knees and shook it. He glanced at her out of the corner of his left eye. “You’re right it is.” He sat up and leaned his head back, closing his eyes. She reached for his hand. She could tell he fought his emotions; the muscle in his cheek throbbed as he clenched his teeth.
Except for the sound of a chirping bird, they sat in silence. She didn’t know how to approach the subject. And then, she started. “Ryne told me about Annabelle. I’m sorry for your loss.” As her words registered, his eyes flew open.
“He did?”
“Yeah, he did.”
“It’s been five years. Five long years. I don’t know how I’ve survived without her. She was my life. I loved her since high school.” She saw the flood of emotions as he warded off his tears. “I never imagined my life without her. I still can’t.”
“I understand.”
“How can you? You’re not married. You didn’t lose someone close to you.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. I did. I lost both of my parents in one senseless car accident the evening of my high school graduation. One which I didn’t attend since my grandparents informed me of their deaths shortly before I was to enter the auditorium. So yes, I do know a loss. A huge loss— one that’s affected me every day for eight years.”
She turned slightly so she could see his face. His eyes were clenched shut, and his muscles had tensed. “Philippe, or can I call you Phil?”
“Phil works.”
“Great! Phil it is then.” She caught the glimmer of a smile from him. “Phil, I know what you’re going through. Granted, I didn’t lose the love of my life, but where you’re wrong is they were my life. I’m an only child. I grew up in a world where they took care of my every need. They provided for me. I was going to take over my dad’s business when he retired. But in a blink of an eye, everything was taken from me. I had to learn how to care for myself. Yes, my parents had provided for me in their deaths, but I still had to learn how to manage my money. Manage a household that I’d never had to before. I had my grandparents to support me but that was it. When I went home, I was alone. No one was there to hold me. No one was there to comfort me when I couldn’t see my way.
“I had many sleepless nights wondering how I would go on. How I would survive. Was it hard for me? Damn right it was and it still is to this day. Do I have good days? Yes, I have good days, but I also have bad ones. Ones where I can’t breathe and wonder how I can go on. And then I look at their picture and know that they’d want me to carry on with my life. They’d want me to enjoy it and go on in their absence, and they’d want me to be happy.
“Only recently did I realize that I wasn’t as happy as I could be. Ryne and I are involved with a fundraiser at the school where I teach. My boss knew my father and knew that I was once a photographer. That was what I was going to be when I got through school. Anyway, he asked me to have a showing of my work and use it as a fundraiser for the school. I hadn’t picked up a camera in almost eight years. The feeling I had when I opened my camera case overwhelmed me. I cried for hours. And then I realized I needed to do this for the school but also for me. I thought it would maybe help me heal.”
“And has it?”
“Yeah, but your brother has also helped. Ryne came along and changed my life. He made me see that I’d given up on my career way too soon. He helped me realize that I needed it to survive. And the funny thing is I thought I’d survived and moved on. But I was wrong. Your brother—and, I have to say, your mom too—have helped me see that I can’t turn my back on what was supposed to be my life. I need it. It helps me breathe, and your brother helped me see that I wasn’t breathing and that I hadn’t been happy in a long, long time.”
Phil seemed to relax as he listened. With a half-smile he said, “He loves you, you know.”
“Yeah, I know and I love him too. And I also love you and your family. Your mom and I had a discussion right before I took my walk today. She has such insight into things. She knew I wasn’t happy and talked to me about it.” She smiled at him. “Have you shared your grief with her?” He shook his head. “I think you should talk to her. I know that you already speak with Ryne, but maybe her perspective will help guide you as well. I know she loved Annabelle too. In fact, I’m sure she was loved by your entire family. Don’t push them aside. Listen to what they have to say and maybe their one word, one phrase, may help you through the day. I know how easy it is to bury your feelings. During hockey season that’s it for you. Train, practice, play a game, travel. It’s all too consuming and leaves you little time to think about what you’re feeling and what you’ve gone through.”
He leaned back against the bench and crossed his arms. “It’s times like this— the off season when the memories all come rushing back,” she urged. “Use your family and if you need to, seek a grief counselor.” He nodded. “For me, I was enmeshed in school. I took as many credit hours as I could. I thought if I kept busy studying, I could bury my grief and forget about the accident. Except, I couldn’t. At the oddest of times, my grief would overcome me, and I’d be so affected by it I’d miss days of school.”
She turned toward him. “After a while, my grandparents knew what set me off: birthdays, anniversaries, and my birthday. They did their best to keep me busy and my mind off it, but it didn’t work. Just know that you are going to have those days but don’t wallow in your grief. Seek someone. Let them help you. When I started to do that, things improved.” She squeezed his hands.
“Let your family in. Don’t try and bury her. Let her live on, keep the memories but also go on with your life. I’m sure Annabelle would want you to find someone. She would want you to have a family.”
He threw his head back and breathed deeply. A tear escaped his eye and trickled down his cheek. He looked into her eyes. “Thank you, Jen. I appreciate your talking to me. I am so sorry for what you’ve gone through. I’m just happy that you found my brother and he’s making you happy.”
“He is and I know he wants to see you happy too.” She reached over and pulled him into her arms. She’d done what she set out to do; now it was up to Philippe.
“Uh huh, what’s going on here?” She released her hold on Philippe and turned towards the voice.
“Ryne, what are you doing here?”
“I came to find you.”
“How did you know where to find me?”
He pulled her note from his pocket.
“Oh yeah, I did leave your mother a note.”
“Everything okay here?” He looked at his brother.
“Yeah. All’s good.” Philippe leaned over and kissed her cheek. “You’ve got a special lady here. Don’t mess up a good thing.” He stood and started back towards the house. Turning back added, “Thanks, Jen, and welcome to the family.”
Ryne joined her on the bench as they watched his brother amble down the path towards the house. “You okay?” She nodded. “I gather you spoke with him about Annabelle.” She nodded again. “And?”
“And I think he’s going to be okay, at least I hope so. He doesn’t want to move on and leave her. I told him he needs to talk to your mom. She has such an insight on things. And I also suggested a grief counselor. I hope he listened to what I had to say. At least, I think he did.”
He pulled her into his arms. “You’re a special person, Jennifer Steele. The luckiest day in my life was the day you almost took me out with your car. I love you so much. Thank you for seeking him out.”
“Actually, I didn’t. He found me.” He raised his eyebrow at her. “I was sitting here daydreaming, and he found me. I’m glad it happened this way, that I didn’t proactively seek him out. I wonder if Annabelle sent him my way. Whatever, it all worked out, and I think I gave him something to think about.”
They spent another half hour enjoying their view and then returned to the house. They had another early morning flight the next day, and she wanted to pack and get some sleep before heading home.