WES WAS PROFOUNDLY EMBARRASSED. By the time he reached Astin Boulevard, he was gasping for breath and the red in his face was from exertion. He slowed down to a fast walk. His heels hitting the sidewalk shifted something inside him; his embarrassment became more akin to anger. Why had she come driving up the street, surprising him like that? Why had he gotten into the car with her? Just when he was getting things straight in his head, when he was ready to go back to school and just do the work and avoid getting all snarled up, Aqua Girl, Fish Girl … no, Spider Girl shows up to get him all tangled in her web. And then she made him act like a crazy person, running off like a scared little kid. And now he was going to get home late and his mom would probably be there, and there’d be a whole scene about him supposedly being grounded and irresponsible and God knows what all else. And Jerry, it was his fault too. And the whole school thing, having to go back on Monday and face everybody. He wished he could strap a bomb to his chest. An atomic bomb, to vaporize his every last molecule. That would take care of it.
The thought of being vaporized calmed him. His breathing eased, and he could feel his heart slowing. Fish Girl. Maple syrup girl. Girl with the black eye — and blue eyes, two different blues. He didn’t even know her, not really. For all he knew, she might be a drug addict, a toenail biter, a polka music fan. He was sure that if he got to know her better, there would be something, because there always was — like with Izzy, there had been lots of things.
For the next few blocks, he thought of all the things that had been wrong with Izzy. Her embarrassing laugh. Her obsessive gum chewing. Calling him goofy names that made no sense, like Winky and Weebles. Always making him explain why he did things. None of that was why he’d broken up with her — no, that had been more about making space for himself because he was suffocating. And now there was Aqua Fish Spider Girl stirring up feelings that his time with Izzy had only hinted at. He had never been in love with Izzy. It had never been as if he couldn’t stop thinking about her. Was that the test? The true test of love? What was the test? Would he have taken a bullet for Izzy? Maybe. But not because he couldn’t live without her, but because otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to live with himself. That wasn’t love. He didn’t know what love was, not really. But he was sure that what happened inside him when he was around June was something he’d never felt before.
June sat in the car for a long time thinking. She did not need another head case in her life, and Wes … clearly, there was something wrong with him. She’d noticed that before with other guys. The really intense ones — the ones that were interesting — were all unstable. But she’d never met one quite like Wes, who seemed so ordinary from a distance, but then when you got closer, it was like he was burning up inside, and that made her feel as if she was burning up inside too, and she didn’t need that. She really didn’t need it.
Later, at home, she called Jerry back and talked to him for almost an hour. He made her laugh, and he had his own intensity. It was all about politics, but it was intense. A more comfortable, less invasive brand of intensity.
They made plans to go out Saturday night. June decided it would be okay for Jerry to see her with her black eye. It wasn’t all that black anymore. More grayish yellow. But it was okay because he believed her story about hitting the doorknob with her face. Besides, Jerry did not look at her the way Wes did. When Wes looked at her she knew — she knew — that he was absorbing every detail. With Jerry it was more like he was seeing the idea of her. She could leave out one of her contacts and he would never notice. Wes had noticed right away. Those eyes of his. So hungry.
She thought she understood why he had run, but she couldn’t put it into words. He ran because he had to, and —
“June?”
For half a second, June didn’t know where she was. Then her bedroom came into focus and she realized that the voice had come from the phone pressed against her ear.
“Jerry,” she said.
“I thought we got disconnected,” he said.
“Sorry. I was just thinking about something.”
“What?”
“Just stuff. What do you want to do tomorrow?”
“I don’t know. A movie?”
“That would be nice.” It would be easy. They would sit in the dark and watch the movie and not talk or even touch each other. She could do that. With Jerry.